I have not posted in a while and wanted to check in. Not much to tell, just living moment by moment. I’m struggling with if I can or cannot drink alcohol again. I went into OP for abusing painkillers and they taught me that I’m actually addicted to any mind-altering substance and should stay away from EVERYTHING mind altering. I have abused alcohol in the past and when I drink I like to get drunk so I do see a problem. I guess I just didn’t think that I would NEVER be able to do it again. The pills I understand and committed to. I’m not fully committed to not drinking.

There are five stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sorrow, and Acceptance. It is possible I’m just in the Bargaining stage of my grief over this. I’m loosing a life I was used to. I realize I’m gaining a more meaningful life yet it is a struggle in me. I want to be whole and live my purpose and addiction prevents me from that. Such a struggle when I also really want is a nice cold beer. I am committed to AT LEAST finishing my first twelve steps without my mind altered. I pray that I will have my answer at the end of that. Thanks for listening.

Step-by-Step we’ll make it through! Hope you are Smilin’ today!

I think your best thing is to take it one day at a time. Maybe by the time you finish your 12th step, the not drinking ever again won't seem as bad. I think it all has to do with how truly committed you are. You said you abused alcohol in the past and you drink to get drunk, so chances are you will not be able to drink if that is your past history. I have 2 good friends who are recovering cocaine addicts. They never abused alcohol and have been clean from cocaine for many many years, but they are able to drink sociably without abusing it, so what works for one does not necesarrily work for another. I guess it's just something you will need to choose for yourself in the end. This is a total change in your life from everything you know.

Hey Molly, still smiling! :D
Your going to go through a lot. An album title once stated 'you gotta go there to come back' & thats what your doing, you going through the stages step by step day by day, but as hard as it may be your going to 'come back'. I've made a conscious decision that once this is over i'm clean from everything, i drank socially but have not touched a drop in months now. I suppose the addiction has shown me depths i hope i wll never see again & there is so much more out there when your clean & straight, we live in a beautiful world & have so much to give, let's not waste it on the what if's, let's give life the chance it deserves, to be free we owe it to ourselves & most importantly our children. Another corny line from a song that i always thought was a really bad line was 'i believe children are our future...' & you know what Molly they are & we have to give it our all to make sure they have evry chance at success & do not follow the paths that were chosen for us, we have to give them the strength to choose their own paths & make their own way. After all they will be choosing the old persons home we end up in :eek:
Keep on keeping on Molly & sorry for the corny references but i'm getting to good at them.
Keep smiling :D With you all the way!

oh Monkey - sometimes I wish I could give you a hug. You made me feel much better and empowered! I do want to "give life the chance it deserves, to be free we owe it to ourselves & most importantly our children". Thank you for reminding me why we are doing this. The Lies in my head are so strong sometimes!!! Love ya man!