bluelakelady
08-17-2005, 11:08 AM
i wanted to start this thread for those of us in poor relationships. some of us have come out the other side and there is much learning to be gifted over.
as most of you already know i have come out the other side of hades. after 16+ years i ended a co-dependant, very unhealthy relationship.
what i want to share here at the beginning is how good i feel now. i am empowered with choice. the energy i expended protecting myself is now free to help me heal both mind and body. will i get suddenly well just because i finally dumped the trash out of my life? probably not. my reward, if you will, is i am no longer afraid. that is a very big deal as fear caused enormous stress to our bodies. holding our breath, waiting for the next ax to fall on us.
having fibromyalgia brings about a vulnerability we must be ever watchfull over. protecting ourselves is the only answer i know of. counting on someone else to do that is setting us up for a fall if we are in an unhealthy relationship with a person who is as needy or needier that we are.
i would like this thread to be a sharing of life and choices.
i can breath and i want to share that breath with any person who cannot yet do it for lack of whatever. for myself it was lack of courage. i am wonder woman now.
peace,
bluelakelady
as most of you already know i have come out the other side of hades. after 16+ years i ended a co-dependant, very unhealthy relationship.
what i want to share here at the beginning is how good i feel now. i am empowered with choice. the energy i expended protecting myself is now free to help me heal both mind and body. will i get suddenly well just because i finally dumped the trash out of my life? probably not. my reward, if you will, is i am no longer afraid. that is a very big deal as fear caused enormous stress to our bodies. holding our breath, waiting for the next ax to fall on us.
having fibromyalgia brings about a vulnerability we must be ever watchfull over. protecting ourselves is the only answer i know of. counting on someone else to do that is setting us up for a fall if we are in an unhealthy relationship with a person who is as needy or needier that we are.
i would like this thread to be a sharing of life and choices.
i can breath and i want to share that breath with any person who cannot yet do it for lack of whatever. for myself it was lack of courage. i am wonder woman now.
peace,
bluelakelady
Sponsor
Glojer
08-17-2005, 12:04 PM
Well said blue, you know how happy I am for you. I can't offer much in the way of experience with bad relationships, but I can offer encouragement and friendship to anyone who needs it.
This was a wonderful idea blue and I will be keeping up and offering energy to anyone who needs it.
Glojer
This was a wonderful idea blue and I will be keeping up and offering energy to anyone who needs it.
Glojer
bluelakelady
08-17-2005, 12:21 PM
dearest glojer,
what you offer is proof that good relationships do exist. for all of us who have never had that experience you and your good man are living proof that unconditional love is real. you, golden and bilij just to name a few of the humans here in a loving caring enviornment are inspiration to us all.
some of us may move on and try again. not me. for those who do your lives are a validation of what we feel can happen in life when we make healthy choices.
i am delighted you are part of this conversation.
peace,
bluelakelady
what you offer is proof that good relationships do exist. for all of us who have never had that experience you and your good man are living proof that unconditional love is real. you, golden and bilij just to name a few of the humans here in a loving caring enviornment are inspiration to us all.
some of us may move on and try again. not me. for those who do your lives are a validation of what we feel can happen in life when we make healthy choices.
i am delighted you are part of this conversation.
peace,
bluelakelady
goldenwings
08-17-2005, 01:47 PM
Dear Blue,
Thank you for starting this thread. If it can help only one of our family here, then I personally will be so happy.
Hello My Friends,
I too think this is a wonderful idea to explore where we were, and where we are now, and what has made us who we are. We are blessed if we can learn from the badness that once invaded our lives. Some of us unfortunately don't seem able to do this. I hope this thread will now enable those of us who need to look in from the "other" side to have hope that it can be done.
I came out of the darkness of a horrid, hurtful, down in the depths of despair relationship. There are more words I could use but I am a lady. I hesitate really to use the term relationship because to me that word conjures up partnerships, and being and pulling together, and it also has a warm and fuzzy feeling to it. What I had wasn't. Oh yes, at first it was wonderful, then as time went the other half in the relationship got darker and darker. I was so lucky I feel in a way because I didn't have children, who I have yearned for all of my life, and they didn't have to come to any physical or mental harm because of this person. I wasn't married to the person either, but the trauma was still as strong. I will tell more of that when I feel I can share of myself more. Anyway, I don't want to put a dampner on this whole thread, so I will say what I want to share with you all.
What I came here to say was that, yes, I am in such a warm, loving, wonderful supportive relationship now, and I for one am thankful that I have found such a beautiful person as my darling compassionman. I am extremely lucky, and I know without the horrid hurtful way I had gone before, that I wouldn't have the insight into my emotions and knowing what makes others tick. I met this wondeful man I now have with me through thick and thin. I didn't go looking for another partner, it happened without warning. I am not a religious person, but I truly believe this was so meant to be and someone, somewhere arranged it for me.
I am waffling somewhat, forgive me, I just want to let anyone who is in doubt about what to do with their lives at the moment because it isn't really their life they are living, take a good, long hard look and act. Don't let something bad destroy who you are. You are so much better than that. It is time for you to "go forward and never look back". You deserve it so much.
Take care my friends
goldenwings :angel:
Thank you for starting this thread. If it can help only one of our family here, then I personally will be so happy.
Hello My Friends,
I too think this is a wonderful idea to explore where we were, and where we are now, and what has made us who we are. We are blessed if we can learn from the badness that once invaded our lives. Some of us unfortunately don't seem able to do this. I hope this thread will now enable those of us who need to look in from the "other" side to have hope that it can be done.
I came out of the darkness of a horrid, hurtful, down in the depths of despair relationship. There are more words I could use but I am a lady. I hesitate really to use the term relationship because to me that word conjures up partnerships, and being and pulling together, and it also has a warm and fuzzy feeling to it. What I had wasn't. Oh yes, at first it was wonderful, then as time went the other half in the relationship got darker and darker. I was so lucky I feel in a way because I didn't have children, who I have yearned for all of my life, and they didn't have to come to any physical or mental harm because of this person. I wasn't married to the person either, but the trauma was still as strong. I will tell more of that when I feel I can share of myself more. Anyway, I don't want to put a dampner on this whole thread, so I will say what I want to share with you all.
What I came here to say was that, yes, I am in such a warm, loving, wonderful supportive relationship now, and I for one am thankful that I have found such a beautiful person as my darling compassionman. I am extremely lucky, and I know without the horrid hurtful way I had gone before, that I wouldn't have the insight into my emotions and knowing what makes others tick. I met this wondeful man I now have with me through thick and thin. I didn't go looking for another partner, it happened without warning. I am not a religious person, but I truly believe this was so meant to be and someone, somewhere arranged it for me.
I am waffling somewhat, forgive me, I just want to let anyone who is in doubt about what to do with their lives at the moment because it isn't really their life they are living, take a good, long hard look and act. Don't let something bad destroy who you are. You are so much better than that. It is time for you to "go forward and never look back". You deserve it so much.
Take care my friends
goldenwings :angel:
hangin
08-17-2005, 02:20 PM
Dear Blue,
This subject is such an important issue in our journey through life. I am so glad you started this, there are so many voices that need to be heard and given compassion and strength.
I am a very lucky woman, however, recently I put my relationship in jeopardy. It was the most destructive action I have ever done in my life. I am married to the most wonderful, compassionate, loving and tender man.
It will be a long time before this man will be able to put this aside and I understand that. I was not unfaithful nor anything in that areana. I said something that I would give anything to take back. We have to be so careful with our words.
I know that my actions have caused so much stress to my body that at the moment I cannot walk without a cane since my back went out. Our situations are in relationship so much with our bodies. Especially with Fibro since our bodies are so vulnerable.
I know this thread was started for those who are in a sad place with relationships and I have to admit that I am being a little selfish here by venting since I have no other outlet but to share with my loving friends here.
I came to the conclusion that sometimes we take something good in our lifes and test it. When it comes out hurtful and damaging you realize that there is no reason in the world to do such a thing, unconditional love does exist.
No matter where I am in life, a good or bad time in a relationship, the number one thing for me is that I am ok the way I am. If someone loves you they do not judge you or doubt what is going on with you physically and mentally. I am lucky to not have lost this man and I will never, ever, doubt that which I know to be true.
Again, I know that this is a little off topic from this thread, however, it opened a door for me to share. Thank you Blue, you cannot know how much I needed this. I am so grateful. I am also grateful for what I have in life.
I am here to listen and give love and compassion to anyone who needs it. I learned a tremendous lesson.
I send out my voice of love and understanding. It helps to know that there are others out there who hear your voice and are listening.
Peace and love, Hangin
"Compassion can help heal our World"
This subject is such an important issue in our journey through life. I am so glad you started this, there are so many voices that need to be heard and given compassion and strength.
I am a very lucky woman, however, recently I put my relationship in jeopardy. It was the most destructive action I have ever done in my life. I am married to the most wonderful, compassionate, loving and tender man.
It will be a long time before this man will be able to put this aside and I understand that. I was not unfaithful nor anything in that areana. I said something that I would give anything to take back. We have to be so careful with our words.
I know that my actions have caused so much stress to my body that at the moment I cannot walk without a cane since my back went out. Our situations are in relationship so much with our bodies. Especially with Fibro since our bodies are so vulnerable.
I know this thread was started for those who are in a sad place with relationships and I have to admit that I am being a little selfish here by venting since I have no other outlet but to share with my loving friends here.
I came to the conclusion that sometimes we take something good in our lifes and test it. When it comes out hurtful and damaging you realize that there is no reason in the world to do such a thing, unconditional love does exist.
No matter where I am in life, a good or bad time in a relationship, the number one thing for me is that I am ok the way I am. If someone loves you they do not judge you or doubt what is going on with you physically and mentally. I am lucky to not have lost this man and I will never, ever, doubt that which I know to be true.
Again, I know that this is a little off topic from this thread, however, it opened a door for me to share. Thank you Blue, you cannot know how much I needed this. I am so grateful. I am also grateful for what I have in life.
I am here to listen and give love and compassion to anyone who needs it. I learned a tremendous lesson.
I send out my voice of love and understanding. It helps to know that there are others out there who hear your voice and are listening.
Peace and love, Hangin
"Compassion can help heal our World"
Glojer
08-17-2005, 03:18 PM
Already blue such wonderful responses. I have been married to my hubby for 34 yrs. The first for us both and we went through our ups and downs just like everyone else. It is the commitment to work through those ups and downs that makes it all worthwhile. You don't remember the up or down, you just remember that he/she was always there and when the years go by and you get through the struggle and stress you get to enjoy the love, the peace and the contentment.
Making a commitment and agreeing on the important issues and standing side by side through the rough times is what I think it is all about. In the early days, there is a way to argue that does not make the deep wounds and this everyone should learn. If not it is a hard way to go.
I am so blessed to have a man like my husband, we sometimes discuss what we would do without each other. Right now we just enjoy the laughter and the time together and let the future take care of itself.
He is my strength thru this journey we call fibro, I always feel bad for him cause he always says "I wish I could do something for you". I tell him he already has, just getting through the stress of everyday with someone to count on is a big help.
I hope those who need to will come here and vent and try to put the pieces of there lives together with your support and advice blue and the help of golden and hangin and help to heal themselves.
Glojer
Making a commitment and agreeing on the important issues and standing side by side through the rough times is what I think it is all about. In the early days, there is a way to argue that does not make the deep wounds and this everyone should learn. If not it is a hard way to go.
I am so blessed to have a man like my husband, we sometimes discuss what we would do without each other. Right now we just enjoy the laughter and the time together and let the future take care of itself.
He is my strength thru this journey we call fibro, I always feel bad for him cause he always says "I wish I could do something for you". I tell him he already has, just getting through the stress of everyday with someone to count on is a big help.
I hope those who need to will come here and vent and try to put the pieces of there lives together with your support and advice blue and the help of golden and hangin and help to heal themselves.
Glojer
goldenwings
08-17-2005, 04:36 PM
Hello again,
Sorry I realised that this was a duplicated post from me. Something close to my heart has made me hyper I think.
goldenwings :angel:
Sorry I realised that this was a duplicated post from me. Something close to my heart has made me hyper I think.
goldenwings :angel:
goldenwings
08-17-2005, 04:37 PM
Hello again,
Just another thought on this wonderful thread. When anyone - male or female - is in a relationship that is totally bad for them, it takes such courage to leave that life. The life they are existing in could be because of physical or mental cruelty, partners who use drugs or drinking to get them through the day, whatever is going wrong in the relationship it isn't easy to walk away.
Great planning is needed, but I think the best thing would be - I say "I think" because I didn't have this at the time - talking to someone about the situation. Shame stops so many partners from walking away. Shame because this "always happens to someone else who is not as rich, or educated or in the same social class as I am, etc". Believe me, this just isn't so.
There is one old saying that I always remember being uttered by an elderly relative of mine "house devil, street angel" . The meaning was explained to me and it is something that I feel encompasses the whole of this type of situation. If anyone here is identifying with all that is being talked about on this thread, then please think long and hard and come and talk. Just knowing that you can say what you need to and not be worried that you will be told you are wrong, or stupid, or crazy, or mad, is a safe place to be. Nobody but you can make the ultimate decision of staying or leaving, but to know others here will be supportive is I feel a tremendous thing.
Take care everyone.
goldenwings :angel:
Just another thought on this wonderful thread. When anyone - male or female - is in a relationship that is totally bad for them, it takes such courage to leave that life. The life they are existing in could be because of physical or mental cruelty, partners who use drugs or drinking to get them through the day, whatever is going wrong in the relationship it isn't easy to walk away.
Great planning is needed, but I think the best thing would be - I say "I think" because I didn't have this at the time - talking to someone about the situation. Shame stops so many partners from walking away. Shame because this "always happens to someone else who is not as rich, or educated or in the same social class as I am, etc". Believe me, this just isn't so.
There is one old saying that I always remember being uttered by an elderly relative of mine "house devil, street angel" . The meaning was explained to me and it is something that I feel encompasses the whole of this type of situation. If anyone here is identifying with all that is being talked about on this thread, then please think long and hard and come and talk. Just knowing that you can say what you need to and not be worried that you will be told you are wrong, or stupid, or crazy, or mad, is a safe place to be. Nobody but you can make the ultimate decision of staying or leaving, but to know others here will be supportive is I feel a tremendous thing.
Take care everyone.
goldenwings :angel:
Glojer
08-17-2005, 04:57 PM
Golden I have heard that expression before,"house devil,street angel". You are so right, the courage it takes to get out of a bad situation is something to be proud of.
bluelakelady
08-17-2005, 07:37 PM
often what we see as our own failure to keep the relationship afloat is really just a bad choice we made, and we forget we can change our minds.
getting out was much easier than staying in. and i thought getting out was going to be harder. how wrong i was. how delighted i am to be wrong!
thank you my friends, for sharing. may we all share, and in that sharing find healing, courage, and freedom.
peace,
bluelakelady
getting out was much easier than staying in. and i thought getting out was going to be harder. how wrong i was. how delighted i am to be wrong!
thank you my friends, for sharing. may we all share, and in that sharing find healing, courage, and freedom.
peace,
bluelakelady
ksp
08-17-2005, 07:59 PM
Hey Ladies, I have so much to type but my wrist is killing me from typing all day today and I am VERY exhaused! My body says it's time to go to bed now, but I will be back!Blue thanks so much for starting this post and thanks to everyone else who has posted thus far!!!! Take care.
KSP
KSP
hangin
08-17-2005, 09:21 PM
"House Devil, Street Angel", sent shivers down my spine. Very Powerful words.
Peace and Love, Hangin
Peace and Love, Hangin
bluelakelady
08-18-2005, 12:02 PM
my IT was a street angel, home devil. in time tho these devils destroy their friendships and keep people at a distance so they will not see the poison within. only those very close can feel the poison of their personality. why is it then, that those closest will continue in a relationship with someone so toxic? insecurity? fear of being alone? how about being blamed for everything that goes wrong and feeling like you are the failure in the equation? that was mine. yea, i was pretty dumb. self inflicted stupidity.
let's go back, way back to my ex husband. when i left him a friend, female, said i was out of my blanking mind if i left such a good man. know what i told her? i said, if he is so grand, i gift him to you. she took him and less than a year later dumped him because he was cheating on her.
from the outside looking in is not a true perception of what goes on. it is only those of us inside the chaos that see the true nature of the person we chose to link our lives to. and it is so hard to see clearly while in the chaos. it is only after setting yourself free that you see the reality of your situation and the person. and oh, what an eye opener that is!
now it took me 13 years to realize i was crazy and to get out. this time around it took 16 years. i would not say i am learning my lessons more quickly. what i learned is i am a magnet for messed up men. so i turned me off. turned off the neon sign that says, come abuse me. i am too "whatever" to realize i can do better.
i am kind and gentle, loving and supportive, strong and adaptable. with setting healthy boundaries i have found my way to sanity, peace, honesty about self, and most important of all, freedom. living in fear is the worst misuse of life. believing what someone else tells you when your heart says otherwise is allowing them to win. they cannot do their disfuntion without our participation.
i am helping my daughter with her ex husband now that he is out of prision for beating a woman almost to death. she is learning not to explain herself or her actions to this man. he accuses, she sits silently. he then says, you don't want to hear this do you? she says, no. they hang up the phone. yesterday she told me she felt so good when she did not go into the insanity with him and she loved the confused tone of his voice when she chose not to play her part in the disfunction.
remember, without our participation the insanity cannot thrive. it can only skulk off and find a new playmate. suddenly you are not fun anymore. silence is a powerful tool. we can always choose to remain silent.
peace,
bluelakelady
let's go back, way back to my ex husband. when i left him a friend, female, said i was out of my blanking mind if i left such a good man. know what i told her? i said, if he is so grand, i gift him to you. she took him and less than a year later dumped him because he was cheating on her.
from the outside looking in is not a true perception of what goes on. it is only those of us inside the chaos that see the true nature of the person we chose to link our lives to. and it is so hard to see clearly while in the chaos. it is only after setting yourself free that you see the reality of your situation and the person. and oh, what an eye opener that is!
now it took me 13 years to realize i was crazy and to get out. this time around it took 16 years. i would not say i am learning my lessons more quickly. what i learned is i am a magnet for messed up men. so i turned me off. turned off the neon sign that says, come abuse me. i am too "whatever" to realize i can do better.
i am kind and gentle, loving and supportive, strong and adaptable. with setting healthy boundaries i have found my way to sanity, peace, honesty about self, and most important of all, freedom. living in fear is the worst misuse of life. believing what someone else tells you when your heart says otherwise is allowing them to win. they cannot do their disfuntion without our participation.
i am helping my daughter with her ex husband now that he is out of prision for beating a woman almost to death. she is learning not to explain herself or her actions to this man. he accuses, she sits silently. he then says, you don't want to hear this do you? she says, no. they hang up the phone. yesterday she told me she felt so good when she did not go into the insanity with him and she loved the confused tone of his voice when she chose not to play her part in the disfunction.
remember, without our participation the insanity cannot thrive. it can only skulk off and find a new playmate. suddenly you are not fun anymore. silence is a powerful tool. we can always choose to remain silent.
peace,
bluelakelady
goldenwings
08-18-2005, 03:06 PM
Hello - again,
A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I think is so very, very true especially in a situation of self doubt.
"No one can make you inferior without your consent".
Think about it, it so fits with what we are discussing on this thread.
goldenwings :angel:
A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I think is so very, very true especially in a situation of self doubt.
"No one can make you inferior without your consent".
Think about it, it so fits with what we are discussing on this thread.
goldenwings :angel:
ksp
08-18-2005, 03:23 PM
O.K. I'm back, are ya ready, here we go, all of it in a nutshell......
I was a child raised in a "sheltered" home up until I was about 13. At 13 I was raped by a man I met in a bar with my dad who said he had puppies and he only lived 1 block away (you know how this story goes). Then at age 16 I was raped by my S&M boyfriend who is now on house arrest for molesting his 6 yr old neice. Then when I was 18 I was raped by a family friend. After all this I met a man from Louisiana who was working in my state and he was going to sweep me off my feet and take me away from all this, so we got married 2 weeks later, 9 months later he was cheating on me and we got divorced. My parents got divorced and remarried when I was 15, my mom was out having an affair with a guy the same age as my sister and I was living with dad who tried to kill himself by running a car in a closed garage. Thankfully the phone rang and I had to go get him which I believe, is the only reason he is alive today. My mom and dad are doing as well as can be expected now. So now the story continues, my current relationship......
I met my husband about 6 years ago and we were married within a time frame of about 8 months. He was a wonderful man, loved to cuddle, buy flowers, diamonds etc. I never pictured myself with a man like him because I was a tall skinny young girl 22 years old and he was a tall 240lb man 34 years old but my parents said give him a chance, so I did. Now there are 2 sides to every relationship so I will be honest later in this story and tell you my biggest fault. First I want to give you a description of my husband. Before I met him, from what I've heard, he was a depressed man, his father died of a heart attack at the age of 50 so he ate and drank himself almost to death. He got up to 505lbs and his kidneys, liver, and heart shut down. They shot NitroGlycerine into him to "jump start" his heart and keep him alive. After this he had a gastric bypass and lost a bunch of weight, now he's back up to 296lbs because he doesn't eat right. I call him buhlemic since he eats and throws up several times a day. He has still not gotten over his dads death and I don't know how to help him. After all this you'd think he would have respect for obese people but no, he makes fun of them just like he was made fun of, you'd think he would appreciate life more from almost dying, but no. About 4 years ago I had surgery on my wrist (work comp) and to make a long story short I ended up doing permanent damage to my opposite shoulder, all this put me out of work for a year. I was going crazy!!! I started smoking pot when I was 16 and when I was at home all this time my use got really bad (about an ounce a week for those of you who know about this) this is when our relationship got really really bad. My husband smokes with me every once in a while but he would get so mad when he'd come home and I was "lit" so the screaming began. He has always had the last word, it's his way or the highway. It came time to go back to work and I new I needed help for my problem and our problems so I went to a psychiatrist, and we went to marriage counseling. The marriage counsler said we both have so many issues that we need to work out individually that she could not help us at this point. It ended with us declaring bacruptcy and getting seperated. While we were seperated I moved in with my boss and started seeing my ex-boyfriend (smart move it was the one who's on house arrest now) and he started sleeping with some woman, after a while of my husband and I talking I went back. Thinks were good for about 4 months and it started again. I'll say now that I do still smoke pot but I only do it at night when I know that I have nothing else to do, it helps me relax and not think about things and he's sort of o.k. with this. Here's what were facing now, we are in serious debt (well of 100,000.00 even after the bankruptcy) (my parents loaned us 50,000.00 to pay off my husbands debt that he had before we got married so we could have a clean slate and he thinks we don't have to repay them because of the bankruptcy, truth is we can't afford to) we have sex maybe once every 3 or 4 months and it's not me it's him, and when we do he has to take viagra then its wham bam you know the rest. He has no sex drive (he's not cheating) I think this is from his depression and being overweight. I could run around naked and nothing........ We never cuddle, it's just not him anymore. When we are working on a project together he treats me like I am another guy, like I know how to measure out the schematics of a deck and like I know what a joist hanger is and how to put it on. He gets so frustrated and mad at me which makes me depressed so I get quiet and go elswhere until he yells at me because I'm not helping him. (he has medical issues too from being overweight) He always wants me to be in his back pocket, he says it's because he likes having me around, but he has such a negative additude and an anger issue it's hard for me to do that. He lives for money, if he doesn't have it to go play, he's not happy. I have talked to him about all of this several times and it changes for a while and it's back to the SOS. I don't think this relationship is at it's end I just think we both need help to work these issues out. I have not given many examples of the things he does but I think you'll get the picture. He has never hit me........
You say Fibro makes you vulnerable, how so? I've been naieve my whole life because I was so "sheltered." I have come to the conclusion that I can not do this fibro thing anymore without being on some kind of meds, I feel like a walking zombie of pain etc. so I will be going to the doc in a few minutes to see how he can help, if he can help. Sorry this is so long but I just got to vent and it feels great. I hope some of you can help and give advice. I do still love this man deep down but with all these issues it's hard to keep my chin up. I'll check back later, have a good afternoon!
KSP
I was a child raised in a "sheltered" home up until I was about 13. At 13 I was raped by a man I met in a bar with my dad who said he had puppies and he only lived 1 block away (you know how this story goes). Then at age 16 I was raped by my S&M boyfriend who is now on house arrest for molesting his 6 yr old neice. Then when I was 18 I was raped by a family friend. After all this I met a man from Louisiana who was working in my state and he was going to sweep me off my feet and take me away from all this, so we got married 2 weeks later, 9 months later he was cheating on me and we got divorced. My parents got divorced and remarried when I was 15, my mom was out having an affair with a guy the same age as my sister and I was living with dad who tried to kill himself by running a car in a closed garage. Thankfully the phone rang and I had to go get him which I believe, is the only reason he is alive today. My mom and dad are doing as well as can be expected now. So now the story continues, my current relationship......
I met my husband about 6 years ago and we were married within a time frame of about 8 months. He was a wonderful man, loved to cuddle, buy flowers, diamonds etc. I never pictured myself with a man like him because I was a tall skinny young girl 22 years old and he was a tall 240lb man 34 years old but my parents said give him a chance, so I did. Now there are 2 sides to every relationship so I will be honest later in this story and tell you my biggest fault. First I want to give you a description of my husband. Before I met him, from what I've heard, he was a depressed man, his father died of a heart attack at the age of 50 so he ate and drank himself almost to death. He got up to 505lbs and his kidneys, liver, and heart shut down. They shot NitroGlycerine into him to "jump start" his heart and keep him alive. After this he had a gastric bypass and lost a bunch of weight, now he's back up to 296lbs because he doesn't eat right. I call him buhlemic since he eats and throws up several times a day. He has still not gotten over his dads death and I don't know how to help him. After all this you'd think he would have respect for obese people but no, he makes fun of them just like he was made fun of, you'd think he would appreciate life more from almost dying, but no. About 4 years ago I had surgery on my wrist (work comp) and to make a long story short I ended up doing permanent damage to my opposite shoulder, all this put me out of work for a year. I was going crazy!!! I started smoking pot when I was 16 and when I was at home all this time my use got really bad (about an ounce a week for those of you who know about this) this is when our relationship got really really bad. My husband smokes with me every once in a while but he would get so mad when he'd come home and I was "lit" so the screaming began. He has always had the last word, it's his way or the highway. It came time to go back to work and I new I needed help for my problem and our problems so I went to a psychiatrist, and we went to marriage counseling. The marriage counsler said we both have so many issues that we need to work out individually that she could not help us at this point. It ended with us declaring bacruptcy and getting seperated. While we were seperated I moved in with my boss and started seeing my ex-boyfriend (smart move it was the one who's on house arrest now) and he started sleeping with some woman, after a while of my husband and I talking I went back. Thinks were good for about 4 months and it started again. I'll say now that I do still smoke pot but I only do it at night when I know that I have nothing else to do, it helps me relax and not think about things and he's sort of o.k. with this. Here's what were facing now, we are in serious debt (well of 100,000.00 even after the bankruptcy) (my parents loaned us 50,000.00 to pay off my husbands debt that he had before we got married so we could have a clean slate and he thinks we don't have to repay them because of the bankruptcy, truth is we can't afford to) we have sex maybe once every 3 or 4 months and it's not me it's him, and when we do he has to take viagra then its wham bam you know the rest. He has no sex drive (he's not cheating) I think this is from his depression and being overweight. I could run around naked and nothing........ We never cuddle, it's just not him anymore. When we are working on a project together he treats me like I am another guy, like I know how to measure out the schematics of a deck and like I know what a joist hanger is and how to put it on. He gets so frustrated and mad at me which makes me depressed so I get quiet and go elswhere until he yells at me because I'm not helping him. (he has medical issues too from being overweight) He always wants me to be in his back pocket, he says it's because he likes having me around, but he has such a negative additude and an anger issue it's hard for me to do that. He lives for money, if he doesn't have it to go play, he's not happy. I have talked to him about all of this several times and it changes for a while and it's back to the SOS. I don't think this relationship is at it's end I just think we both need help to work these issues out. I have not given many examples of the things he does but I think you'll get the picture. He has never hit me........
You say Fibro makes you vulnerable, how so? I've been naieve my whole life because I was so "sheltered." I have come to the conclusion that I can not do this fibro thing anymore without being on some kind of meds, I feel like a walking zombie of pain etc. so I will be going to the doc in a few minutes to see how he can help, if he can help. Sorry this is so long but I just got to vent and it feels great. I hope some of you can help and give advice. I do still love this man deep down but with all these issues it's hard to keep my chin up. I'll check back later, have a good afternoon!
KSP
bluelakelady
08-18-2005, 06:49 PM
hi ksp,
i brought the mountain to you. glad you wrote. there will never be anything you can say or do that will cause your husbands depression or self hatred to evaporate. only he can do that, with alot of personal work within. are you both in personal therapy? obesity can be a form of self mutilation. is your husband close to the age his dad was when he died? eating and vomiting are self mutilation.
we may need to go deeper. here is what i am thinking. you, like me, married a man alot like your dad. weak and needy emotionally. fragil mind, easily broken. a fixer upper if you will.
when i asked IT why it stayed around me it said, you make me feel safe. now at first i found this, well, flatering. then i saw the trap. once again a sucker for a sob story.
i lost my virginity to rape at 13. i spent years picking rotten apples and trying to make pie. no, not all men are bad. do you and i know how to pick a good one? not me. so instead of apple pie i will learn to make pumpkin and let the rest go.
i know there is more for you to say. this thread is your bullhorn so you holler it up.
peace,
bluelakelady
ps. i am proud of you. an ounce a week is heavy use. it is as self destructive as your husbands behavior, only in a more spiritual way. medicinal use is one thing. using instead of living wastes your life and the herbs life. herbs have their place and time in healing.
we cannot run away from ourselves. believe me i tried for years. every time i looked in a mirror there she was, a bit more used up and battered than the last time.
verbal abuse is worse to me than being hit. you hit me and i can knock you away and run. words slip in when our guard is down and eat at our sense of self worth. words can make you feel stupid, inadequate, ugly, useless, the list goes on and on. words gently spoken heal.
like golden quotes, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. you decide who you are, nobody else. same for hubby. you did not make him the mess he is. he did and continues to do so.
did you know that for years i blamed myself each time i survived another rape. yea, it was my fault for being too pretty or too sexy. hello? got my head out of my fanny on that one. marital rape is the worst in my experience.
i brought the mountain to you. glad you wrote. there will never be anything you can say or do that will cause your husbands depression or self hatred to evaporate. only he can do that, with alot of personal work within. are you both in personal therapy? obesity can be a form of self mutilation. is your husband close to the age his dad was when he died? eating and vomiting are self mutilation.
we may need to go deeper. here is what i am thinking. you, like me, married a man alot like your dad. weak and needy emotionally. fragil mind, easily broken. a fixer upper if you will.
when i asked IT why it stayed around me it said, you make me feel safe. now at first i found this, well, flatering. then i saw the trap. once again a sucker for a sob story.
i lost my virginity to rape at 13. i spent years picking rotten apples and trying to make pie. no, not all men are bad. do you and i know how to pick a good one? not me. so instead of apple pie i will learn to make pumpkin and let the rest go.
i know there is more for you to say. this thread is your bullhorn so you holler it up.
peace,
bluelakelady
ps. i am proud of you. an ounce a week is heavy use. it is as self destructive as your husbands behavior, only in a more spiritual way. medicinal use is one thing. using instead of living wastes your life and the herbs life. herbs have their place and time in healing.
we cannot run away from ourselves. believe me i tried for years. every time i looked in a mirror there she was, a bit more used up and battered than the last time.
verbal abuse is worse to me than being hit. you hit me and i can knock you away and run. words slip in when our guard is down and eat at our sense of self worth. words can make you feel stupid, inadequate, ugly, useless, the list goes on and on. words gently spoken heal.
like golden quotes, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. you decide who you are, nobody else. same for hubby. you did not make him the mess he is. he did and continues to do so.
did you know that for years i blamed myself each time i survived another rape. yea, it was my fault for being too pretty or too sexy. hello? got my head out of my fanny on that one. marital rape is the worst in my experience.
ksp
08-18-2005, 09:46 PM
HI there, I'm back from the doc and the first thing I wanted to tell you is that my doctor actually said Fibromyalgia is a DISEASE, I about fell off my chair. This is a new doc to me and I asked him If he has FMS and CMP patients and he said he has 20 FMS and 1 CMP so I told him now you have one with both things, lucky him! So any way, after some discussion, he put me on Prozac, Topamax, and he refilled my Morophine which I only take if i'm in severe pain. Have any of you been on Topamax? He also said he wants me to do a sleep study (oh joy).
Blue, to answer your question, no neither one of us are in therapy. My husband doesn't really believe in them and I was diagnosed as having Bopolar 2 about 8 years ago and I was seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds, also seeing a psychologist for cognative behavioral therapy but we moved and now the closest therapist is an hour away. I and my husband have full time demanding jobs. I'm not sure if your farmiliar with gastric bypass but with the surgery, comes the vomiting. If he ate less, and didn't eat breads, rice, and red meats, he MIGHT not throw up but he does. I think it's just second nature for him now. He was supposed to have counseling after the surgery, but he didn't go. My father is very much an introvert and always has been. He doesn't really talk unless he has something valid to say. He is a big teddy bear and always has been, I love him very much. He was an an alcoholic for several years but he was a happy drunk. He didn't act stupid or anything, it was just his way of life, "it takes away my pain" is what he said. He had ruptured disc surgery 15+ years ago and has gotten more since, now he suffers with degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis, diabetes (agent orange), emphasema (smoking/ I'm a smoker too), high blood pressure, high cholesterol, gall bladder disease, and cirrosis of the liver (drinking). Happy to say he quit drinking when he found out he had cirrosis. I would say no there not even close to the same person. My hubby likes to yell and get angry, I don't think he actually likes it but he sure does it enough and he's LOUD. You speak such kind and gentle words, I really appreciate all that all of you do for me. I must go now since my hubby will be home soon, it will be Monday before I return so I will type more then. Until then I will miss all of you. Think of me while I'm out helping to build my deck.......
KSP
Blue, to answer your question, no neither one of us are in therapy. My husband doesn't really believe in them and I was diagnosed as having Bopolar 2 about 8 years ago and I was seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds, also seeing a psychologist for cognative behavioral therapy but we moved and now the closest therapist is an hour away. I and my husband have full time demanding jobs. I'm not sure if your farmiliar with gastric bypass but with the surgery, comes the vomiting. If he ate less, and didn't eat breads, rice, and red meats, he MIGHT not throw up but he does. I think it's just second nature for him now. He was supposed to have counseling after the surgery, but he didn't go. My father is very much an introvert and always has been. He doesn't really talk unless he has something valid to say. He is a big teddy bear and always has been, I love him very much. He was an an alcoholic for several years but he was a happy drunk. He didn't act stupid or anything, it was just his way of life, "it takes away my pain" is what he said. He had ruptured disc surgery 15+ years ago and has gotten more since, now he suffers with degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis, diabetes (agent orange), emphasema (smoking/ I'm a smoker too), high blood pressure, high cholesterol, gall bladder disease, and cirrosis of the liver (drinking). Happy to say he quit drinking when he found out he had cirrosis. I would say no there not even close to the same person. My hubby likes to yell and get angry, I don't think he actually likes it but he sure does it enough and he's LOUD. You speak such kind and gentle words, I really appreciate all that all of you do for me. I must go now since my hubby will be home soon, it will be Monday before I return so I will type more then. Until then I will miss all of you. Think of me while I'm out helping to build my deck.......
KSP
seaturtle
08-19-2005, 12:14 AM
Hello,
I just wanted to replyto the relationship/fms topic. Finally, a six months ago, I ended a long relationship. I took a lot of emotional, verbal, some physical and sexual bad treatment. I kept on trying to end it, and the person would not let go, chased me, stalked me, pleaded, cried...I had to "end" it many times before they finally stopped
(Ihope the chasing doesn't happen again, still am afraid of it).
What happened to me in this relationship? It was good for a while,until I realized I was doing all the giving, even materially (never paid back money lent, either). My health went down, down, I lost a lot of weight, was an emotional mess, and my symptoms went nutz.
I fiind that any kind of stress makes me worse, and that I have to be vigilant and stop the stress whenever I can.
And I, too, have chosen not to try again, at least for a very long time. IT is such a relief not to have that there to me, too.
Congratulations for taking care of yourself, bluelake.
Fondly,
Seaturle
I just wanted to replyto the relationship/fms topic. Finally, a six months ago, I ended a long relationship. I took a lot of emotional, verbal, some physical and sexual bad treatment. I kept on trying to end it, and the person would not let go, chased me, stalked me, pleaded, cried...I had to "end" it many times before they finally stopped
(Ihope the chasing doesn't happen again, still am afraid of it).
What happened to me in this relationship? It was good for a while,until I realized I was doing all the giving, even materially (never paid back money lent, either). My health went down, down, I lost a lot of weight, was an emotional mess, and my symptoms went nutz.
I fiind that any kind of stress makes me worse, and that I have to be vigilant and stop the stress whenever I can.
And I, too, have chosen not to try again, at least for a very long time. IT is such a relief not to have that there to me, too.
Congratulations for taking care of yourself, bluelake.
Fondly,
Seaturle
bluelakelady
08-19-2005, 12:49 AM
ksp, tell your hubby shrinks are not a religion. you don't have to believe in them to go. you just have to want to be more than you are.
way to go seaturtle. swim freely now my friends, swim free.
peace,
bluelakelady
way to go seaturtle. swim freely now my friends, swim free.
peace,
bluelakelady
Glojer
08-19-2005, 12:52 PM
The first move is always the decision to do something about what is wrong or bothering you. Seaturtle you seem to have made that decision, congratulations. Ksp you and your hubby haven't gotten there yet, things will not get better until you want them to. It is always a choice to seek help, make things better, or stay where you are. When you are ready you will make a choice.
ksp
08-22-2005, 10:31 PM
Hey Ladies,
Back from my weekend deck building escapade and happy to say WE DID IT! I will not get sand in my house anymore!!! I hurt but it was worth it. Just wanted to tell you about Topamax (my experience) I took it on Thursday night at about 9:00pm and at 10:13 I opened my eyes because it hit me. It felt as if my insides were shaking, I could feel my organs, and my brain spasming inside my body. I had a loud whistling in my ear, then I got thie tick, tick, tick, that you get before you pass out and I got really dizzy. I fixed my eyes on the clock trying to tell myself "your not going to pass out" and as i'm watching the clock, the rest of the room starts waving, then I must have passed out because I woke up to my alarm the next morning. I got out of bed and was so dizzy and out of it, i could barely walk. I had to call in sick and couldn't get the doc to call me back. The pharmacist said that it could last 24 hours, well it did and then some. I'm still getting dizzy spells off and on then the really wierd thing..... any kind of pop I try to drink tastes like crud, and I LOVE pop. Needless to say I personally will NEVER take this again.....
Glojer, how right you are. I know I'm beating my head up against a brick wall but I'm not ready to leave, I still think we have a chance. Besides, I can't afford the move and I am not physically capable, nor do I have any family that lives nearby. Is it wrong for me to love the man that I see inside of him? That is what I cling to.
KSP
Back from my weekend deck building escapade and happy to say WE DID IT! I will not get sand in my house anymore!!! I hurt but it was worth it. Just wanted to tell you about Topamax (my experience) I took it on Thursday night at about 9:00pm and at 10:13 I opened my eyes because it hit me. It felt as if my insides were shaking, I could feel my organs, and my brain spasming inside my body. I had a loud whistling in my ear, then I got thie tick, tick, tick, that you get before you pass out and I got really dizzy. I fixed my eyes on the clock trying to tell myself "your not going to pass out" and as i'm watching the clock, the rest of the room starts waving, then I must have passed out because I woke up to my alarm the next morning. I got out of bed and was so dizzy and out of it, i could barely walk. I had to call in sick and couldn't get the doc to call me back. The pharmacist said that it could last 24 hours, well it did and then some. I'm still getting dizzy spells off and on then the really wierd thing..... any kind of pop I try to drink tastes like crud, and I LOVE pop. Needless to say I personally will NEVER take this again.....
Glojer, how right you are. I know I'm beating my head up against a brick wall but I'm not ready to leave, I still think we have a chance. Besides, I can't afford the move and I am not physically capable, nor do I have any family that lives nearby. Is it wrong for me to love the man that I see inside of him? That is what I cling to.
KSP
seaturtle
08-22-2005, 11:25 PM
Hello,
Just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. It took me a long time to leave my relationship, and my reasons were more or less the same: practical considerations and saw that person inside him, too, whom I did love dearly.
I still have that love. But for me, I found that indeed, love is not enough. IT's certainly not wrong of you to love him. IT may just not be good you to be with him.
Any other resources to help you move, if you decide to do that? YOu might call the governor's hotline in your state and just ask. It wouldn't hurt to know what your options are.
As for Topomax, I had the same awful reaction. It got flushed, pronto.
Prayer coming your way,
Seaturtle
Just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. It took me a long time to leave my relationship, and my reasons were more or less the same: practical considerations and saw that person inside him, too, whom I did love dearly.
I still have that love. But for me, I found that indeed, love is not enough. IT's certainly not wrong of you to love him. IT may just not be good you to be with him.
Any other resources to help you move, if you decide to do that? YOu might call the governor's hotline in your state and just ask. It wouldn't hurt to know what your options are.
As for Topomax, I had the same awful reaction. It got flushed, pronto.
Prayer coming your way,
Seaturtle
ksp
08-22-2005, 11:57 PM
Seaturtle, Thanks for your kind thoughts and words. Thanks for the Idea on the hotline too. I have a difficult time with every aspect of leaving, I know in the long run it would be better for me but thats not the way I was raised. When your married, unless he is beating you, or cheating on you, you stay and work on things. I figure it this way, he is 12 years older than me,(he will be 40 next month I will be 28 next month also) his dad died at 50 of a heart attack, his dads dad died at 54 of a heart attack so the way he's living and cursing life, and smoking etc. he'll live to be about hhhhhmmmm 45, 48?? And I'll still be young. Horrible way of thinking, am I evil or what? Well I've got to get to bed now, good night all :yawn:
KSP
KSP
Glojer
08-23-2005, 12:02 PM
Ksp, your not evil your just thinking on the practical side. Life everyday is all about choices!!! I have two children, one who makes choices that makes his life sail by and one who makes choices that slams her into walls all the time. They were raised by the same parents, taught the same things etc. The important thing is to keep moving forward and making better choices each day.
bluelakelady
08-23-2005, 12:28 PM
dear ksp,
there is no right or wrong to love. only choices. we all decide what we will allow in our lives in order to feel loved.
how well i remember calculating the death of my ex husband. he was 18 years older than i, with a bad ticker. my thinking, warped as it was, was that if he died i would have an easy out. love had died a slow ugly death in my marriage. one day i realized my easy out was a joke. there is no easy out when love is abused. there are only tough choices and hard living till the change takes hold and peace comes. i had no family close by to turn to, a job that paid minimum wage at a fast food joint, and a great deal of fear about my future.
staying or going is something only you can decide. you have my support either way.
peace and love, patience and compassion, gentle words and kind looks,
bluelakelady
there is no right or wrong to love. only choices. we all decide what we will allow in our lives in order to feel loved.
how well i remember calculating the death of my ex husband. he was 18 years older than i, with a bad ticker. my thinking, warped as it was, was that if he died i would have an easy out. love had died a slow ugly death in my marriage. one day i realized my easy out was a joke. there is no easy out when love is abused. there are only tough choices and hard living till the change takes hold and peace comes. i had no family close by to turn to, a job that paid minimum wage at a fast food joint, and a great deal of fear about my future.
staying or going is something only you can decide. you have my support either way.
peace and love, patience and compassion, gentle words and kind looks,
bluelakelady
goldenwings
08-23-2005, 02:47 PM
Hiya ksp,
I just hope that whatever decision you come to, it is the best for you. We all have our own unqiue ways of doing things, and you have a strong spirit and mind.
I do so wish you well in everything. Take care my friend.
goldenwings :angel:
I just hope that whatever decision you come to, it is the best for you. We all have our own unqiue ways of doing things, and you have a strong spirit and mind.
I do so wish you well in everything. Take care my friend.
goldenwings :angel:
aaronon
08-23-2005, 04:01 PM
Hi all,
I've been in a sorta decent, but unemotional relationship for many years. I've been married for 18 years this year....and I know, that we have grown in other directions, etc. I just can NOT make up my mind to make that big break. I'm worried about money, where to live, the kids, what will I do if he fights me for custody....there are so many issues. Where does that strength and courage come from?
Any advice?
a :)
I've been in a sorta decent, but unemotional relationship for many years. I've been married for 18 years this year....and I know, that we have grown in other directions, etc. I just can NOT make up my mind to make that big break. I'm worried about money, where to live, the kids, what will I do if he fights me for custody....there are so many issues. Where does that strength and courage come from?
Any advice?
a :)
bluelakelady
08-23-2005, 06:14 PM
for myself it came in realizing i could be saner than i was. it came in really listening to the relationship and hearing the death cries of love left uncared for. it takes two. i take my half of the responsibility. once i knew i was short changing myself and my partner i stopped. wrong is wrong and i was doing wrong to stay when i no longer felt love or respect for the person.
the courage comes. it just does. if you can birth a child you already have the courage you speak of. you wake up one day and you know you can, no matter what.
i vote for sharing children. they still need both parents, even if they are not in the same house anymore. children and their feelings must be a part of the negotiating parting parents consider. it ought to be the first and most important. sadly that is not often true.
i would rather be alone than be lonely in a relationship. time does change us at a different rate. it is in not sharing those changes that the friendship get's lost. often after the embers of desire fade the foundation, friendship, is not there.
peace,
bluelakelady
the courage comes. it just does. if you can birth a child you already have the courage you speak of. you wake up one day and you know you can, no matter what.
i vote for sharing children. they still need both parents, even if they are not in the same house anymore. children and their feelings must be a part of the negotiating parting parents consider. it ought to be the first and most important. sadly that is not often true.
i would rather be alone than be lonely in a relationship. time does change us at a different rate. it is in not sharing those changes that the friendship get's lost. often after the embers of desire fade the foundation, friendship, is not there.
peace,
bluelakelady
ksp
08-23-2005, 11:15 PM
Thanks Blue, You always make me feel good at the end of a hard day. I'm sure I will stay here until I can't stand it anymore or until he spends so much of our money that we lose our house and I have nothing more to stay for. I guess right now I look at it like this... He works in the cities 3 or 4 days a week so I get a vacation every week, it's not so bad. I don't want to be alone and I haven't been without a man since I was 16. I know if I were to leave I'd just find another person right away, another dirtball that is, because thats what I do best.
I thank all of you for all of your support, I hope your not disgusted with me, and I hope that I will be able to share my issues with you along the way. You ladies are great and I thank, and love every one of you.
KSP
I thank all of you for all of your support, I hope your not disgusted with me, and I hope that I will be able to share my issues with you along the way. You ladies are great and I thank, and love every one of you.
KSP
bluelakelady
08-24-2005, 12:50 AM
we love you too. why on earth would i be disgusted with you? this is the first time in my life i am choosing not to find another dirt ball to mess my life up with. i am just too old to start all that garbage again. besides my kids say if i do they are moving to mexico and not telling me where. giggle. smart kids!
sweet dreams my friend,
bluelakelady
sweet dreams my friend,
bluelakelady
goldenwings
08-24-2005, 11:32 AM
Hiya ksp and all of my family here,
You know when I read of some of the things that happen now, and did happen in the past to members of our family here, I am honoured to say that I am proud to know all of you. The trials that some of you here go through and come out the other side are tremendous tributes to your fighting spirit. Our bodies are battered through illness of one sort or another, and a lot of us have had our spritits battered too. We are at a place here where we can talk about all of this, without fear of rejection but with all of the understanding that we deserve.
Nobody will make any one of us feel here that we are wrong, disgusting, weak or anything else. We share so much apart from fibro, we share our thoughts, our ideas. Most of all what I feel the most is that we share love for each other and of each other. We are a formidable team here, and we will stick together throught thick and thin.
I personally have been made strong by coming here. I have spoken about things that I have never spoken of before in my life. I know I will speak of lots more things that I never thought would come out of the darkness of my mind. I have been given the acceptance and love of a group of friends who don't treat me any differently for being disabled and speaking of it, something I have never talked about before, because I never had anyone who wanted to know. A group of friends who will let me cry for myself and laugh at myself. A group of friends who will let me cry for them and laugh with them.
I haven't had a family for a number of years. I have that family here now. A truly tremendous family. Thank you all.
goldenwings :angel:
You know when I read of some of the things that happen now, and did happen in the past to members of our family here, I am honoured to say that I am proud to know all of you. The trials that some of you here go through and come out the other side are tremendous tributes to your fighting spirit. Our bodies are battered through illness of one sort or another, and a lot of us have had our spritits battered too. We are at a place here where we can talk about all of this, without fear of rejection but with all of the understanding that we deserve.
Nobody will make any one of us feel here that we are wrong, disgusting, weak or anything else. We share so much apart from fibro, we share our thoughts, our ideas. Most of all what I feel the most is that we share love for each other and of each other. We are a formidable team here, and we will stick together throught thick and thin.
I personally have been made strong by coming here. I have spoken about things that I have never spoken of before in my life. I know I will speak of lots more things that I never thought would come out of the darkness of my mind. I have been given the acceptance and love of a group of friends who don't treat me any differently for being disabled and speaking of it, something I have never talked about before, because I never had anyone who wanted to know. A group of friends who will let me cry for myself and laugh at myself. A group of friends who will let me cry for them and laugh with them.
I haven't had a family for a number of years. I have that family here now. A truly tremendous family. Thank you all.
goldenwings :angel:
bluelakelady
08-24-2005, 12:27 PM
dearest golden,
your words brought tears to my eyes. knowing you deeply is an honor. knowing you are here gifts me with joy. we all speak of our lives in terms we cannot use with our friends we can see. there is such peace in knowing your friends are just a click away.
never in my wildest imaginings did i think i would form such bonds with you all. yet, here i am. supporting and being supported by all our family here. free to speak, free to think, free to be me.
how does one thank the creator of healthboards? thru the mutual love and support i see here every day.
i just got off the phone with a girlfriend i have not spoken to in over a year. she is proud of me. like the rest of us she has been battered by life and poor choices. she and i have come out the other side to freedom. we laughed, we got caught up on our lives, and it was as if the year had never passed. that is how i feel here. love and compassion are timeless.
i am so glad you are speaking out. there is much healing in truth telling.
peace,
bluelakelady
your words brought tears to my eyes. knowing you deeply is an honor. knowing you are here gifts me with joy. we all speak of our lives in terms we cannot use with our friends we can see. there is such peace in knowing your friends are just a click away.
never in my wildest imaginings did i think i would form such bonds with you all. yet, here i am. supporting and being supported by all our family here. free to speak, free to think, free to be me.
how does one thank the creator of healthboards? thru the mutual love and support i see here every day.
i just got off the phone with a girlfriend i have not spoken to in over a year. she is proud of me. like the rest of us she has been battered by life and poor choices. she and i have come out the other side to freedom. we laughed, we got caught up on our lives, and it was as if the year had never passed. that is how i feel here. love and compassion are timeless.
i am so glad you are speaking out. there is much healing in truth telling.
peace,
bluelakelady
ksp
08-24-2005, 09:31 PM
Golden and Blue, Thank you so much for your kind words, I truely do consider you my friends, my friends from far away, yet really close. I live out in the boonies as you know and I have no friends that I "hang out" with on a regular basis. I work with people and the public so that keeps my sanity, but the only person I could really talk to is my mom, and you just can't talk to your mom about everything, and sometimes she drives you crazy. :D Then I found health boards, and I found all of you WONDERFUL people, and I care so much about all of you and you feelings, and fellow aches and pains. I wanted you all to know that I have had to contact the moderators twice, and both times I thanked them tremendously for providing this website on behalf of everyone that uses them. Now on to the topic of the day..........
I am suffering with an issue and seeking an opinion, my hubby loves money but whenever he gets a job (he will work very hard so don't get me wrong) he either thinks that people don't like him, or that he's gonna get fired, orthat he doesn't like the hour drive to work, or he can't handle it and he wants to quit. About 2 months ago (he's been at this company almost a year) he got a promotion, his promotion was a nice raise, a company vehicle, (gas paid) paid motel room for him being in the cities Monday-Wednesday or Thursday, and paid lunches. He is now working as the only project manager for 3 branches of this company. When he's in the cities he works literally from 7am to anywhere from 8:30pm to midnight every day M-W then Wednesday or Thursday night he drives 2 1/2 hours home and has to work the next morning 1 hour north of here. The company says they are going to get him an assistant or fellow project manager because they know he can't be working this many hours but he wants to go back to work at the location he was at before the promotion and loose the 13000.00 a year raise he just got, and the vehicle, and the gas..... I understand that he can't keep going like this and I feel bad for him but I don't want him to just give up again, I am pretty confident that they will find a "helper for him" but on the flipside I don't work there and have never met his boss. What do you think, am I wrong, should I let him demote himself? He is severly depressed and has been for several years, he has very little self-esteem and he cries alot yet he will not get help. It's really hard for me to deal with this, not only because I don't know the answer, but because I hurt and he hurts, both in the same and different ways. Any advice would be great. Again, I love you all.
KSP
I am suffering with an issue and seeking an opinion, my hubby loves money but whenever he gets a job (he will work very hard so don't get me wrong) he either thinks that people don't like him, or that he's gonna get fired, orthat he doesn't like the hour drive to work, or he can't handle it and he wants to quit. About 2 months ago (he's been at this company almost a year) he got a promotion, his promotion was a nice raise, a company vehicle, (gas paid) paid motel room for him being in the cities Monday-Wednesday or Thursday, and paid lunches. He is now working as the only project manager for 3 branches of this company. When he's in the cities he works literally from 7am to anywhere from 8:30pm to midnight every day M-W then Wednesday or Thursday night he drives 2 1/2 hours home and has to work the next morning 1 hour north of here. The company says they are going to get him an assistant or fellow project manager because they know he can't be working this many hours but he wants to go back to work at the location he was at before the promotion and loose the 13000.00 a year raise he just got, and the vehicle, and the gas..... I understand that he can't keep going like this and I feel bad for him but I don't want him to just give up again, I am pretty confident that they will find a "helper for him" but on the flipside I don't work there and have never met his boss. What do you think, am I wrong, should I let him demote himself? He is severly depressed and has been for several years, he has very little self-esteem and he cries alot yet he will not get help. It's really hard for me to deal with this, not only because I don't know the answer, but because I hurt and he hurts, both in the same and different ways. Any advice would be great. Again, I love you all.
KSP
bluelakelady
08-25-2005, 01:28 AM
i know this may sound funny but have you asked your husband if he is afraid of success? reason i ask is many men are so they drift in and out of jobs with some strange reasons why they are not happy there.
i think what they fear the most is the responsibility that goes with success.
if he suffers with depression there is no answer except for him to get to a doctor, get the right meds going and find a good shrink to help him help himself. misery loves company and usually not the company of a good doctor or shrink.
some men work harder at staying a loser than they would have to work at doing a good job. i am in the dark as to why this happens. i just know that i married one and just dumped the other. the sympathy they seek as the downtrodden loser fills them with validation. see, they say, i can't do anything.
now i don't know if your hubby is in this catagory. only you know that.
best advise i can offer is let him make his own mess. you will get stuck with the fallout of his choices. i have a feeling you already have before.
tough call. let me know what you decide.
peace,
bluelakelady
i think what they fear the most is the responsibility that goes with success.
if he suffers with depression there is no answer except for him to get to a doctor, get the right meds going and find a good shrink to help him help himself. misery loves company and usually not the company of a good doctor or shrink.
some men work harder at staying a loser than they would have to work at doing a good job. i am in the dark as to why this happens. i just know that i married one and just dumped the other. the sympathy they seek as the downtrodden loser fills them with validation. see, they say, i can't do anything.
now i don't know if your hubby is in this catagory. only you know that.
best advise i can offer is let him make his own mess. you will get stuck with the fallout of his choices. i have a feeling you already have before.
tough call. let me know what you decide.
peace,
bluelakelady
AnnabelleLee777
08-25-2005, 02:16 AM
Hi Blue,
I am glad you have goten out of a bad relationship even though I hardly know you! I hope you are over this person too.
I say that, cause when I went to college, I got into a bad relationship with a guy. He used me, verbally abused me, drank all the time, spent my money, but I was just too in love with him to notice how much he made me feel like crap. There is so many things I didn't see that were bad until I got over him completely which took a long time, but eventually did happen.
Please stay strong!
I am glad you have goten out of a bad relationship even though I hardly know you! I hope you are over this person too.
I say that, cause when I went to college, I got into a bad relationship with a guy. He used me, verbally abused me, drank all the time, spent my money, but I was just too in love with him to notice how much he made me feel like crap. There is so many things I didn't see that were bad until I got over him completely which took a long time, but eventually did happen.
Please stay strong!
bluelakelady
08-25-2005, 10:15 AM
hi,
i was over him way before he left the house. i don't waste my time on men when they step over my line. i do not spend long sad moments wondering what went wrong. i know what went wrong. i picked another loser.
i have no hard feelings. actually i have no feelings at all concerning IT. done is done, and girlfriend i am so done.
i am past 50 now so i scratched the need for men off my list of must do's before i die. no more relationships for this hard headed woman who simply cannot tell the difference between a toad and a prince. my brother and i will grow old together.
you bet i am strong. i am the most powerful force in our universe. i am a woman!
peace,
bluelakelady
i was over him way before he left the house. i don't waste my time on men when they step over my line. i do not spend long sad moments wondering what went wrong. i know what went wrong. i picked another loser.
i have no hard feelings. actually i have no feelings at all concerning IT. done is done, and girlfriend i am so done.
i am past 50 now so i scratched the need for men off my list of must do's before i die. no more relationships for this hard headed woman who simply cannot tell the difference between a toad and a prince. my brother and i will grow old together.
you bet i am strong. i am the most powerful force in our universe. i am a woman!
peace,
bluelakelady
bluelakelady
08-26-2005, 09:04 PM
i am so mad i could rip the head right off IT. IT has a daughter, j. IT is on it's way to visit her. IT asked a couple of days ago if IT could bring it's new friend, linda with it. poor j did not know what to do so she said i guess so.
today, j recieved a call from a woman crying saying she was linda, dear dads friend, and how sorry she is she cannot come meet j.
j called me shortly after the call. j has been my daughter since she was 10, when i met her dad. IT does not know we are still close and plan on staying that way. anyway, my dear j is 8 months pregnant with her first child. she is 26 now.
so she get's off the phone after maybe 3 minutes with this woman and she is now a basket case of worry. which of her fathers will show up? the happy one, the self pity one, the angry one, who will it be?
i told her to act as tho she never spoke to me and straight out ask her dear dad who the heck is linda and how did she get my phone number? then tell him she called acting all crazy and upset j.
poor kid, she has two parents who are nut cases of self absorbed immaturity. and a brother who is so much like IT that he will never have my phone number. we know who he would give it to. then i would have both IT senior and IT junior attempting to mess with me. wouldn't work, i would just change my phone number again!
but my poor j. here when her life ought to be filled with images of her coming son she is still acting as parent to her parents. i told her if she raises her son and teaches him never to compromise the uncompromisable, he will be a good human. she has to set the example, not just speak the words. i told her now is as good a day as any to start. she did call her brother and ask him if dear ole dad could stay with him. he is delighted to say yes and have dad all to himself.
i could just kick him right in the ego. creationous creep. one thing my daughter j said that really made me feel good is that she is glad i am free from her dad. now she feels free to establish her own relationship with me and not have to concern herself with how her dad plays in. she says she doubts she will hear or see her dad again after this visit. i have a feeling she is wrong. unless of course, she let's him have it right between the ears. this mommy can hope she stands her ground.
oh, i feel so much better already. had to get it out. felt like poison inside me. yuck!
thank you for listening. if you have a moment to send gentle, loving thoughts to my j, please do. she asked me to. i ask you to help me help her help herself. that's a mouthfull, or a finger full.
giggle,
it is so easy to let it out and let it go when IT is not my ball and chain.
peace,
bluelakelady
today, j recieved a call from a woman crying saying she was linda, dear dads friend, and how sorry she is she cannot come meet j.
j called me shortly after the call. j has been my daughter since she was 10, when i met her dad. IT does not know we are still close and plan on staying that way. anyway, my dear j is 8 months pregnant with her first child. she is 26 now.
so she get's off the phone after maybe 3 minutes with this woman and she is now a basket case of worry. which of her fathers will show up? the happy one, the self pity one, the angry one, who will it be?
i told her to act as tho she never spoke to me and straight out ask her dear dad who the heck is linda and how did she get my phone number? then tell him she called acting all crazy and upset j.
poor kid, she has two parents who are nut cases of self absorbed immaturity. and a brother who is so much like IT that he will never have my phone number. we know who he would give it to. then i would have both IT senior and IT junior attempting to mess with me. wouldn't work, i would just change my phone number again!
but my poor j. here when her life ought to be filled with images of her coming son she is still acting as parent to her parents. i told her if she raises her son and teaches him never to compromise the uncompromisable, he will be a good human. she has to set the example, not just speak the words. i told her now is as good a day as any to start. she did call her brother and ask him if dear ole dad could stay with him. he is delighted to say yes and have dad all to himself.
i could just kick him right in the ego. creationous creep. one thing my daughter j said that really made me feel good is that she is glad i am free from her dad. now she feels free to establish her own relationship with me and not have to concern herself with how her dad plays in. she says she doubts she will hear or see her dad again after this visit. i have a feeling she is wrong. unless of course, she let's him have it right between the ears. this mommy can hope she stands her ground.
oh, i feel so much better already. had to get it out. felt like poison inside me. yuck!
thank you for listening. if you have a moment to send gentle, loving thoughts to my j, please do. she asked me to. i ask you to help me help her help herself. that's a mouthfull, or a finger full.
giggle,
it is so easy to let it out and let it go when IT is not my ball and chain.
peace,
bluelakelady
Glojer
08-26-2005, 09:45 PM
blue so glad you could let it out. How wonderful that you can have such a great relationship with j. since you have known her since she was 10. That is a tender young age and I am sure you had some very good influences on her. I had a 'crappy father' (actually more of a sperm donor) and I guess I was lucky he was never really in my life. I was very close to his family though, they always wanted my brother and I around. Kind of strange for people to figure that out but it was wonderful for me.
So glad j. had you to come to, I will think wonderful peaceful thoughts for her and her son. You know with the examples she has had, she will do a terrific job of raising her son to be a great human being.
Breath deep blue....breath....breath....breath.
So glad j. had you to come to, I will think wonderful peaceful thoughts for her and her son. You know with the examples she has had, she will do a terrific job of raising her son to be a great human being.
Breath deep blue....breath....breath....breath.
bluelakelady
08-27-2005, 01:20 AM
thanks girlfriend,
i had a sperm donor too. creep gave me a weak chin. thankfully my mom gave me a strong will and a really big mouth! i spoke at my donors memorial. bizarre since i barely knew him. did it for his family. them i have always enjoyed. my grandma made up for her son.
tee hee. nighty night.
peace,
bluelakelady breathing just fine!!
i had a sperm donor too. creep gave me a weak chin. thankfully my mom gave me a strong will and a really big mouth! i spoke at my donors memorial. bizarre since i barely knew him. did it for his family. them i have always enjoyed. my grandma made up for her son.
tee hee. nighty night.
peace,
bluelakelady breathing just fine!!
bilij
08-27-2005, 01:35 PM
Bluelakelady, what a colorful life you have! all these people in your
life have only made you stronger and more giving to others. You have
lived more in your 50 years than many folks who live to be 100.
People like ''IT'' is like a parisite that has it's existence from sapping
the life from others. I'm so glad you shook him off before it happened
to you.
We on this board love your post and your approach to life. You've taken
some giant steps this summer and can still turn a few cart wheels! I hope
and pray this autumn brings us all a peaceful time.
Your Alabama friend,
Bilij
life have only made you stronger and more giving to others. You have
lived more in your 50 years than many folks who live to be 100.
People like ''IT'' is like a parisite that has it's existence from sapping
the life from others. I'm so glad you shook him off before it happened
to you.
We on this board love your post and your approach to life. You've taken
some giant steps this summer and can still turn a few cart wheels! I hope
and pray this autumn brings us all a peaceful time.
Your Alabama friend,
Bilij
dpaz
08-27-2005, 07:49 PM
Hello to all,
I, like so many of you have gotten so much out of this thread. It has just taken this long to take the time to post along with the rest of you. I too have been in a destructive relationship, I've just been too proud to admit it to myself or anyone else. Once I was able to admit it to myself and make the decision to leave, and I actually talked with the rest of my family (mother, father, sisters, brothers), I realized that they had seen this coming for a long time. I didn't think I would have my family's support. I can't believe the difference in how I feel since even just the realization and making the decision. My husband has never hit me or been physically abusive in any way, but there have been times I wish that he would have hit me instead of throwing the words and attitudes at me. I didn't realize how deep they cut. I thought he said he was sorry and I forgave and forgot. I do believe I forgave (forgive) him, but now I know that I haven't forgotten the times he's said hateful things. The last straw was recently when I got in a fender bender and hurt my neck--I came home thinking he would take me to the hospital. He was in a chatroom on the computer. He told me I could go if I needed to. I didn't go. Later I told him I really needed to go. He told me if I hurt bad enough I would go by myself. I told him I couldn't even turn my neck to drive. He was still only sitting at the computer. That only scratches the surface of our 15 years together. It's not been all bad, we've had good times, but finally I found my voice and I won't be treated like that by the person who's supposed to love me. I'm tired of being told how gorgeous other women are, and compared to old girlfriends, etc. Anyway--I feel like I can breathe freely again, I feel released from some kind of bondage, and I feel pretty good. I do know that relationship stress does play such a big part in how our bodies feel, especially in something like fibro. I certainly would prefer for marriages to work out, especially as a Christian, but no one should put up with abuse of any kind.
Y'all take care. With lots of love from South Georgia
I, like so many of you have gotten so much out of this thread. It has just taken this long to take the time to post along with the rest of you. I too have been in a destructive relationship, I've just been too proud to admit it to myself or anyone else. Once I was able to admit it to myself and make the decision to leave, and I actually talked with the rest of my family (mother, father, sisters, brothers), I realized that they had seen this coming for a long time. I didn't think I would have my family's support. I can't believe the difference in how I feel since even just the realization and making the decision. My husband has never hit me or been physically abusive in any way, but there have been times I wish that he would have hit me instead of throwing the words and attitudes at me. I didn't realize how deep they cut. I thought he said he was sorry and I forgave and forgot. I do believe I forgave (forgive) him, but now I know that I haven't forgotten the times he's said hateful things. The last straw was recently when I got in a fender bender and hurt my neck--I came home thinking he would take me to the hospital. He was in a chatroom on the computer. He told me I could go if I needed to. I didn't go. Later I told him I really needed to go. He told me if I hurt bad enough I would go by myself. I told him I couldn't even turn my neck to drive. He was still only sitting at the computer. That only scratches the surface of our 15 years together. It's not been all bad, we've had good times, but finally I found my voice and I won't be treated like that by the person who's supposed to love me. I'm tired of being told how gorgeous other women are, and compared to old girlfriends, etc. Anyway--I feel like I can breathe freely again, I feel released from some kind of bondage, and I feel pretty good. I do know that relationship stress does play such a big part in how our bodies feel, especially in something like fibro. I certainly would prefer for marriages to work out, especially as a Christian, but no one should put up with abuse of any kind.
Y'all take care. With lots of love from South Georgia
goldenwings
08-28-2005, 01:09 PM
Hiya dpaz,
Good to hear from you. You know what I personally feel is so good running through this thread is the unburdening of everyone's innmermost thoughts. Even if by saying what you need to doesn't result in the parting of the ways in an uneasy relationship, at least it has given each and every one who has contributed to it the opportunity to talk and express their true feelings.
The best thing is knowing that you are not alone, and that others will come and help and hold you in their hearts. This will give all who have come here the chance to decide what is best for them, and the strength to make the break if this is what is needed.
Take care.
bgoldenwings :angel:
Good to hear from you. You know what I personally feel is so good running through this thread is the unburdening of everyone's innmermost thoughts. Even if by saying what you need to doesn't result in the parting of the ways in an uneasy relationship, at least it has given each and every one who has contributed to it the opportunity to talk and express their true feelings.
The best thing is knowing that you are not alone, and that others will come and help and hold you in their hearts. This will give all who have come here the chance to decide what is best for them, and the strength to make the break if this is what is needed.
Take care.
bgoldenwings :angel:
aaronon
08-29-2005, 03:05 PM
Hello everyone,
I think stress is a major cause of my problems. Relationships, suck at best right now, and that hurts so much more. I have finally come to realize that my SO doesn't want me around his group of friends as I never get invited out when they go. One of his friends, a previous coworker, planned a get together for his birthday this past week, and I was not invited. His two brothers were invited, but their wives weren't either. They went to a local watering hole and then to a friends house, to end the evening. It was a large group of people not just my husband and friend. This is not the first time this happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. His mother was even upset, and she let him know it.
Anyway, I'm beyond consolable at this point. I just want out. But, Lord knows, I don't have the energy nor do I have whatever it takes to go that route. What makes me so stupid that I won't even take up for me? I do believe this is killing me.
a :)
I think stress is a major cause of my problems. Relationships, suck at best right now, and that hurts so much more. I have finally come to realize that my SO doesn't want me around his group of friends as I never get invited out when they go. One of his friends, a previous coworker, planned a get together for his birthday this past week, and I was not invited. His two brothers were invited, but their wives weren't either. They went to a local watering hole and then to a friends house, to end the evening. It was a large group of people not just my husband and friend. This is not the first time this happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. His mother was even upset, and she let him know it.
Anyway, I'm beyond consolable at this point. I just want out. But, Lord knows, I don't have the energy nor do I have whatever it takes to go that route. What makes me so stupid that I won't even take up for me? I do believe this is killing me.
a :)
ksp
08-29-2005, 09:22 PM
Hey evryone,
Long time no talk, it seems like forever, and so much to catch up on when I can't be with you, my family.
Golden, thank you for the reassurance that no one will abandon me or think poorly of me here reguardless of my choices. I give all of you the same respect. I may tell you my true opinions but I will still resepect every one of you. YOu have all helped me out so much already!
Blue, my husband comes from a family of hard workers, his parents worked 3 jobs at times just so they could go out and have fun, and spend money. The mistake they made is that they didn't teach him responsibility about money. Everything was handed to him on a silver platter, and still is to a point. I have talked to his mother several times and told her to quit helping us out, i need him to learn, even after a bankruptcy he still doesn't learn. He works very hard and I tell him so, but his self-esteem and self-respect are not there. He always feels someone is out to get him, and yet he thinks everything is about him and what he wants. It seems that he fills his voids with food, material things, and drinking (on occation). I don't see him going to the doctor or getting help when he's working so much, his priority, over the doc, is work.I will be the fallout girl weather I leave now or 20 years from now cause we are in debt up past our eyeballs and he's not making it get any better, he is trying, but not hard enough. I did make him go to anger-management classeswhen we got back together in 2002 but they told him he didn't have an anger problem (he sure fooled them) He's on of those people that is so kind and helpful to other people then it's like a light switch with me. He only shows the real him to people very close to him, like his mother, brother, and me. His own mother told me that she would never blame me for leaving him, she doesn't know how I put up with it this long. The anger and abuse is not an every day thing, however, when it happens it hurts me bad. I am kind of afraid of him, when he screams and gets mad you can see the fire in his eyes. He usually cools down within about 20 minutes and comes to me to say he's sorry, and I accept, but that doesn't make it go away. Well, thats enough for tonight, I still have a whole bunch of cath-up to do since I've been gone so long. C-ya later!
KSP
Long time no talk, it seems like forever, and so much to catch up on when I can't be with you, my family.
Golden, thank you for the reassurance that no one will abandon me or think poorly of me here reguardless of my choices. I give all of you the same respect. I may tell you my true opinions but I will still resepect every one of you. YOu have all helped me out so much already!
Blue, my husband comes from a family of hard workers, his parents worked 3 jobs at times just so they could go out and have fun, and spend money. The mistake they made is that they didn't teach him responsibility about money. Everything was handed to him on a silver platter, and still is to a point. I have talked to his mother several times and told her to quit helping us out, i need him to learn, even after a bankruptcy he still doesn't learn. He works very hard and I tell him so, but his self-esteem and self-respect are not there. He always feels someone is out to get him, and yet he thinks everything is about him and what he wants. It seems that he fills his voids with food, material things, and drinking (on occation). I don't see him going to the doctor or getting help when he's working so much, his priority, over the doc, is work.I will be the fallout girl weather I leave now or 20 years from now cause we are in debt up past our eyeballs and he's not making it get any better, he is trying, but not hard enough. I did make him go to anger-management classeswhen we got back together in 2002 but they told him he didn't have an anger problem (he sure fooled them) He's on of those people that is so kind and helpful to other people then it's like a light switch with me. He only shows the real him to people very close to him, like his mother, brother, and me. His own mother told me that she would never blame me for leaving him, she doesn't know how I put up with it this long. The anger and abuse is not an every day thing, however, when it happens it hurts me bad. I am kind of afraid of him, when he screams and gets mad you can see the fire in his eyes. He usually cools down within about 20 minutes and comes to me to say he's sorry, and I accept, but that doesn't make it go away. Well, thats enough for tonight, I still have a whole bunch of cath-up to do since I've been gone so long. C-ya later!
KSP
bluelakelady
08-30-2005, 12:31 AM
when does the moment occur that we decide we are not worth a decent man. when do we turn our back on our own hearts and stab ourselves to insanity. i don't remember when i made those choices. i sure do remember when i decided to stop. i will never forget the moment i had had enough of other people and their nasty mouths.
insecure men who beat up women, be it verbally or physically, are beneath me. how did i ever come to see myself as worthless. i have no idea. i only know sanity and self respect return once you stop taking their garbage. does not necessarily mean you dump them. your choice. just means you quit acting like a punching bag and speak up. not whine. a voice that makes mountains fall down and you never need to raise your voice or use foul language. it is a tone that scares men. the tone says, yes i can live without your love or approval.
my mom once asked me where men get the idea they can treat women so crummy. i told her they get the idea from the women who let them! without our participation the "game" simply is not fun.
stand tall and proud. you are women. the most powerful force on our planet.
peace,
bluelakelady
insecure men who beat up women, be it verbally or physically, are beneath me. how did i ever come to see myself as worthless. i have no idea. i only know sanity and self respect return once you stop taking their garbage. does not necessarily mean you dump them. your choice. just means you quit acting like a punching bag and speak up. not whine. a voice that makes mountains fall down and you never need to raise your voice or use foul language. it is a tone that scares men. the tone says, yes i can live without your love or approval.
my mom once asked me where men get the idea they can treat women so crummy. i told her they get the idea from the women who let them! without our participation the "game" simply is not fun.
stand tall and proud. you are women. the most powerful force on our planet.
peace,
bluelakelady
ceerose67
10-16-2005, 11:36 PM
Hello,
And I, too, have chosen not to try again, at least for a very long time. IT is such a relief not to have that there to me, too.
Congratulations for taking care of yourself, bluelake.
Fondly,
Seaturle
Dear Seaturtle and Blue Lake Lady, :wave:
You both are such wonderful people and deserve the very best. After 14 years I finally got my abuser out of my home. I waited for him to remarry after I divorced him which was a year later so I did not have to deal with a upset man because I had a new partner.
I was dertermined there was someone out there for me, I could feel it in my heart and soul. A year after my ex remarried, two years after the divorce, I met and remarried, on the rebound so to speak since I found out I hardly knew him. When we started living togeather he was not at all like he had put on to be and I sent him away twice because he was making my life much harder than it was and upsetting me so much. He was a nice enough man and not abusive at all, but he could not help me at all with an ongoing custody battle I found myself into after my ex initated one after he remarried....a nice blow to my me and my girls. He was very very lazy and I had a hard time getting him to help me although he was a healthy man and the relationship ended up being very "high maintence". He did help me to sort out a lot of things but in the end, I was still in love with my ex and I knew I was not in love with him so for both of our sakes I finally sent him away for good and divorced him, having been married for a short 1.5 years.
I was even more depressed at two failed marriages but I still had a yearning in my heart for a real husband who I jived with and a companion man as I heard him affectionally referred too.
I decided that I did not care if I become someone like Elizabeth Taylor, I was going to give myself permission to go into a marriage whole heartedly and open minded with the heart and simplicity of a like a child, although I am somewhat complex and if HE is not the one for me, I was going to give myself permission to end it and move on to find my heart's desire.
I joined a few dating sites and read hunderds of profiles to see what Men are looking for and I learned WE are all looking for the same thing. Since I had already sorted out most of my issues and I was very happy and knowledgeable with "who I am" I felt I had someting to offer a man and I learned I already was the type of person most men wanted in their hearts. Sure I knew that I have many medical problems, but I decided that they were trivial when it comes to "the big picture".
It took awhile to get up enough nerve to actually post a profile of myself on the dating sites and I was a bit negative at first when I read my profile since my fears and skepticism were showing through a bit. I finally opened up and beared my soul.
On Thanksgiving day, I met the man who was going to understand me, allow me to love and be loved, help me open up more, and grow older with me. I know now and I knew at the time, I was not really living a full life without him. I am and I have always been very independent, however, I have always wanted to share my life with a Man that I love and who loves me. I am sure some would say I am codependent, my ex thought so, but that is my desire to be in a very deep, commited, monogomus, passionate relationship...not so much as sex, but passionate about each other and the things around us. I can honestly say he is my "soul mate" and I never knew such thing existed.
This Thanksgiving will be our 2 year anniversary and I thing I would have starved to death fromt he cold but he fed my soul and brought me back to life. He is a testimate of how really loving God is. I yearned for this man for almost 20 years and I went through HELL before we found each other.
I think that the Hell I wentthrough was custom made for me to make me a much better, stronger, wiser, compassionate, even more protective, open hearted, and well as open minded person and I can actually feel a person in pain and it grieves me to see a person in pain. Even if it is made up on TV, I still cry just thinking that it might have really happened tosomeone and it still hurts me to think about the pain.
The truth is, I do not think I would have truely have appreciated my Husband as much as I do if I had met him before the abuse and we started off the Fairytale life. I firmly believe, "All things, the good and the bad, work for the good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose".
It sucks going through it and as long as I am breathing, someone is going to try to bring me down, of that I am sure of, but it feels good to know that when the madness comes as it always does in some form or fashion, it is somehow for my own good or the good of someone else in the long run. This eases my anxiety and causes me to use my head and not be so quick to react.
Blue Lake Lady and Seaturtle, you can believe you both have so much to offer someone. I found companionman on Match dot com.
His mother having seen her son happy for the first time in years, and who has lived alone for the past 20 years refusing to let anothe rman in her life has reecently allowed me to post a profile of her on match dot com. She has found out that there are eligible bachlors out there within 50 miles of her who want to meet a nice Lady.
Even if you are far from moving on, it is GREAT therapy to read the profiles that eligible of bachleors have posted. It feels good to know that you are not alone and there are Men who have been through it too and would love to have a warm hearted wise Lady such as yourselves.
I did not ask a lot of questions with husband # 1 and 2 but Husband # 3 was grilled severely and he had all of the right answers and they were not rehersed, but honest feedback.
Please take my advice and "NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU TRUELY WANT", whether it is your favorite ice cream or the man that you may fall in love with. Be picky and willing to not persue any love interest that do not appeal 100% to your wants and desires....ok, maybe 75% is closer OK. I believe it will feel right if it is right and if something does not feel right, stop right there mentally and start asking questions to find out what your mind and heart are trying to show you but you just cannot putyour finger on it.
Please do not look at my age and say I am too young to be giving a lot of advice, I have been through it and I believe I am an old soul who has always been an adult if that makes any sense to you. I am very protective of my family and those I love. I have embraced you all because of our common plight and it feels good to know other people who have some of the same struggles in live. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but it is a real good feeling to know that I am not alone now since Ihave a new Fibro family that no one cantake from me. I will probably only post on theweekend as I still work full time and I may miss a weekend or two, but I will not stary long. I just need my space sometimes to deal wiht other issues so do not think I have wondered too far, I will always come back in time.
I really want both of you to feel good about havning the courage to end what you knew in your hearts were hurting you and bringing you down. Please be optomistic about your futures and be open to positive changes.
You may never have a desire to find a good man for you and that is very ok. My mother never remarried or even dated once after she divorced my father. She stated that "She had served her sentence" and she laughed everytime she repeated that. You may be like her and that is OK if that is what you want, but if you want more, "You can and will have it". :)
God Bless,
Carla
And I, too, have chosen not to try again, at least for a very long time. IT is such a relief not to have that there to me, too.
Congratulations for taking care of yourself, bluelake.
Fondly,
Seaturle
Dear Seaturtle and Blue Lake Lady, :wave:
You both are such wonderful people and deserve the very best. After 14 years I finally got my abuser out of my home. I waited for him to remarry after I divorced him which was a year later so I did not have to deal with a upset man because I had a new partner.
I was dertermined there was someone out there for me, I could feel it in my heart and soul. A year after my ex remarried, two years after the divorce, I met and remarried, on the rebound so to speak since I found out I hardly knew him. When we started living togeather he was not at all like he had put on to be and I sent him away twice because he was making my life much harder than it was and upsetting me so much. He was a nice enough man and not abusive at all, but he could not help me at all with an ongoing custody battle I found myself into after my ex initated one after he remarried....a nice blow to my me and my girls. He was very very lazy and I had a hard time getting him to help me although he was a healthy man and the relationship ended up being very "high maintence". He did help me to sort out a lot of things but in the end, I was still in love with my ex and I knew I was not in love with him so for both of our sakes I finally sent him away for good and divorced him, having been married for a short 1.5 years.
I was even more depressed at two failed marriages but I still had a yearning in my heart for a real husband who I jived with and a companion man as I heard him affectionally referred too.
I decided that I did not care if I become someone like Elizabeth Taylor, I was going to give myself permission to go into a marriage whole heartedly and open minded with the heart and simplicity of a like a child, although I am somewhat complex and if HE is not the one for me, I was going to give myself permission to end it and move on to find my heart's desire.
I joined a few dating sites and read hunderds of profiles to see what Men are looking for and I learned WE are all looking for the same thing. Since I had already sorted out most of my issues and I was very happy and knowledgeable with "who I am" I felt I had someting to offer a man and I learned I already was the type of person most men wanted in their hearts. Sure I knew that I have many medical problems, but I decided that they were trivial when it comes to "the big picture".
It took awhile to get up enough nerve to actually post a profile of myself on the dating sites and I was a bit negative at first when I read my profile since my fears and skepticism were showing through a bit. I finally opened up and beared my soul.
On Thanksgiving day, I met the man who was going to understand me, allow me to love and be loved, help me open up more, and grow older with me. I know now and I knew at the time, I was not really living a full life without him. I am and I have always been very independent, however, I have always wanted to share my life with a Man that I love and who loves me. I am sure some would say I am codependent, my ex thought so, but that is my desire to be in a very deep, commited, monogomus, passionate relationship...not so much as sex, but passionate about each other and the things around us. I can honestly say he is my "soul mate" and I never knew such thing existed.
This Thanksgiving will be our 2 year anniversary and I thing I would have starved to death fromt he cold but he fed my soul and brought me back to life. He is a testimate of how really loving God is. I yearned for this man for almost 20 years and I went through HELL before we found each other.
I think that the Hell I wentthrough was custom made for me to make me a much better, stronger, wiser, compassionate, even more protective, open hearted, and well as open minded person and I can actually feel a person in pain and it grieves me to see a person in pain. Even if it is made up on TV, I still cry just thinking that it might have really happened tosomeone and it still hurts me to think about the pain.
The truth is, I do not think I would have truely have appreciated my Husband as much as I do if I had met him before the abuse and we started off the Fairytale life. I firmly believe, "All things, the good and the bad, work for the good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose".
It sucks going through it and as long as I am breathing, someone is going to try to bring me down, of that I am sure of, but it feels good to know that when the madness comes as it always does in some form or fashion, it is somehow for my own good or the good of someone else in the long run. This eases my anxiety and causes me to use my head and not be so quick to react.
Blue Lake Lady and Seaturtle, you can believe you both have so much to offer someone. I found companionman on Match dot com.
His mother having seen her son happy for the first time in years, and who has lived alone for the past 20 years refusing to let anothe rman in her life has reecently allowed me to post a profile of her on match dot com. She has found out that there are eligible bachlors out there within 50 miles of her who want to meet a nice Lady.
Even if you are far from moving on, it is GREAT therapy to read the profiles that eligible of bachleors have posted. It feels good to know that you are not alone and there are Men who have been through it too and would love to have a warm hearted wise Lady such as yourselves.
I did not ask a lot of questions with husband # 1 and 2 but Husband # 3 was grilled severely and he had all of the right answers and they were not rehersed, but honest feedback.
Please take my advice and "NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU TRUELY WANT", whether it is your favorite ice cream or the man that you may fall in love with. Be picky and willing to not persue any love interest that do not appeal 100% to your wants and desires....ok, maybe 75% is closer OK. I believe it will feel right if it is right and if something does not feel right, stop right there mentally and start asking questions to find out what your mind and heart are trying to show you but you just cannot putyour finger on it.
Please do not look at my age and say I am too young to be giving a lot of advice, I have been through it and I believe I am an old soul who has always been an adult if that makes any sense to you. I am very protective of my family and those I love. I have embraced you all because of our common plight and it feels good to know other people who have some of the same struggles in live. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but it is a real good feeling to know that I am not alone now since Ihave a new Fibro family that no one cantake from me. I will probably only post on theweekend as I still work full time and I may miss a weekend or two, but I will not stary long. I just need my space sometimes to deal wiht other issues so do not think I have wondered too far, I will always come back in time.
I really want both of you to feel good about havning the courage to end what you knew in your hearts were hurting you and bringing you down. Please be optomistic about your futures and be open to positive changes.
You may never have a desire to find a good man for you and that is very ok. My mother never remarried or even dated once after she divorced my father. She stated that "She had served her sentence" and she laughed everytime she repeated that. You may be like her and that is OK if that is what you want, but if you want more, "You can and will have it". :)
God Bless,
Carla
bluelakelady
10-17-2005, 01:19 AM
hi carla,
i am happy for you. for myself the single life is the one that brings me the most joy and peace. like your mom, i have done my time. i am 50. friends i want. someone to sleep with? my cat.
you enjoy the special moments of your relationship. be friends first and forever.
by the way, welcome to our family.
peace,
bluelakelady
i am happy for you. for myself the single life is the one that brings me the most joy and peace. like your mom, i have done my time. i am 50. friends i want. someone to sleep with? my cat.
you enjoy the special moments of your relationship. be friends first and forever.
by the way, welcome to our family.
peace,
bluelakelady
ceerose67
10-17-2005, 06:22 PM
Fair enough Blue lake Lady,
My Mom would not have it any other way, but then she never did realize how special she really was.
I am learning how to be a friend to him and my step son and manage FM too. That is a hard thing to do with all of the not so good days and not so good moments in good days. I think I made my poor Hubby sick as well when I came back from Iraq.
Thanks for the advice, I am always willing and eager to learn something new.
I have to admit after struggeling for years and never meeting anyone else who had FM, it sure feels good to read the post and be able to relate. It takes away the lonliness of struggeling with this mess alone.
I feel like a kid in a candy store now, and I am sure the newness will wear off but I hope and pray it never does since I have met such a wonderful group of souls.
Peace and thanks for the welcome,
Carla
My Mom would not have it any other way, but then she never did realize how special she really was.
I am learning how to be a friend to him and my step son and manage FM too. That is a hard thing to do with all of the not so good days and not so good moments in good days. I think I made my poor Hubby sick as well when I came back from Iraq.
Thanks for the advice, I am always willing and eager to learn something new.
I have to admit after struggeling for years and never meeting anyone else who had FM, it sure feels good to read the post and be able to relate. It takes away the lonliness of struggeling with this mess alone.
I feel like a kid in a candy store now, and I am sure the newness will wear off but I hope and pray it never does since I have met such a wonderful group of souls.
Peace and thanks for the welcome,
Carla
bilij
10-17-2005, 07:40 PM
Hello Carla, we're all very glad you found this board. Sometimes we just need
to know someone understands how we feel.
Carla, the greatest peace and happiness we will ever find, is the kind we
find deep within ourselves. Having someone to share our lives with is an
extra blessing and one that should be cherished. I have had that special
person for 55 years and we've had a fulfilling life together, but many, many
years ago I found that the joy in living must come from within ourselves.
I think you are on the right path and my prayers are with you.
Bilij
to know someone understands how we feel.
Carla, the greatest peace and happiness we will ever find, is the kind we
find deep within ourselves. Having someone to share our lives with is an
extra blessing and one that should be cherished. I have had that special
person for 55 years and we've had a fulfilling life together, but many, many
years ago I found that the joy in living must come from within ourselves.
I think you are on the right path and my prayers are with you.
Bilij
bluelakelady
10-17-2005, 08:21 PM
hi carla,
thanks girlfriend. you are a kid in a candy store. know what? the newness does not wear off. you will develope friendships you value so deeply you had no idea you could come to love someone you will never meet face to face. i know this to be true. i have found it for myself. within these typed words are the deepest wells of compassion you will find. we know because we walk it every day, just like you do.
to have a mate to walk thru life with is to be cherished. bilij and a couple of others here i hold up as my proof that true, deep, abiding love is real and does happen.
peace,
bluelakelady
thanks girlfriend. you are a kid in a candy store. know what? the newness does not wear off. you will develope friendships you value so deeply you had no idea you could come to love someone you will never meet face to face. i know this to be true. i have found it for myself. within these typed words are the deepest wells of compassion you will find. we know because we walk it every day, just like you do.
to have a mate to walk thru life with is to be cherished. bilij and a couple of others here i hold up as my proof that true, deep, abiding love is real and does happen.
peace,
bluelakelady
ceerose67
10-20-2005, 08:30 PM
Bilij and Blue Lake Lady,
Thank you for your kind words. I love being able to come to this board when I feel well enough too and hearing all about you guys and how you are living your life.
Bilij You are right about deep peace and happiness within and I do not want to brag but for years I have been the best person I know because I have chosen to forgive, be responsible for my choices, etc and still love me unconditonal. It feels good to be human and not so judgemental of others who are struggeling.
I really do think FM has helped me be a better person and what a huge cross to bear, but I see people as so very fragile now and I really really care so deeply for their well being even if they are a stranger and I will never see them again. I loved people unconditionally before I got sick, but I did not realize how strong and how fragile humans are from experience.
I enjoy your wisdom and I feel blessed to be on this board and I am sure it was no coincidence I found it when I did. I really need the support and experience from other FM survivors now more than ever.
Forgive me for writing so much. The abuse made me so sick mentally emotionally that I came down with FM and I shut down from the world and totally quit commnicating with people about deep issues except a weekly phone call to my Mom. After I divorced him in 2000 thanks to email, I was able to begain to write to express some of my thoughts since I was not talking to people. I started talking again slowly about my feelings to husband #2 who was a wonderful British man who was not the least bit abusive and he helped me tremendously start down the road of healing fromt he hammering I took.
Randy my soul mate, bless his heart, has really helped me to open up a lot more. So I just want to say, it is sometimes hard for me to not fully express my thoughts when they do not necessarily need to be expressed when I get around people I feel I can trust. Although you guys are vertually strangers, I have lived your lives in at least one aspect, (FM) and I know you could never really be strangers.
I have no problem being business like with a uncompassionate close minded person so I have done well in the military in that respect. These things we talk about on the board are very personal and they open up a different side of my brain and it feels good to not have to be so formal and rigid or inhibited. I don't have anything bad in my closet to hide. I am not a Saint, but I am not an axe murderor either so I am comfortable "airing out my dirty laundry" so to speak if it helps someone else to know they are not alone.
Take Care and thanks for the warm advice and welcome....
Thank you for your kind words. I love being able to come to this board when I feel well enough too and hearing all about you guys and how you are living your life.
Bilij You are right about deep peace and happiness within and I do not want to brag but for years I have been the best person I know because I have chosen to forgive, be responsible for my choices, etc and still love me unconditonal. It feels good to be human and not so judgemental of others who are struggeling.
I really do think FM has helped me be a better person and what a huge cross to bear, but I see people as so very fragile now and I really really care so deeply for their well being even if they are a stranger and I will never see them again. I loved people unconditionally before I got sick, but I did not realize how strong and how fragile humans are from experience.
I enjoy your wisdom and I feel blessed to be on this board and I am sure it was no coincidence I found it when I did. I really need the support and experience from other FM survivors now more than ever.
Forgive me for writing so much. The abuse made me so sick mentally emotionally that I came down with FM and I shut down from the world and totally quit commnicating with people about deep issues except a weekly phone call to my Mom. After I divorced him in 2000 thanks to email, I was able to begain to write to express some of my thoughts since I was not talking to people. I started talking again slowly about my feelings to husband #2 who was a wonderful British man who was not the least bit abusive and he helped me tremendously start down the road of healing fromt he hammering I took.
Randy my soul mate, bless his heart, has really helped me to open up a lot more. So I just want to say, it is sometimes hard for me to not fully express my thoughts when they do not necessarily need to be expressed when I get around people I feel I can trust. Although you guys are vertually strangers, I have lived your lives in at least one aspect, (FM) and I know you could never really be strangers.
I have no problem being business like with a uncompassionate close minded person so I have done well in the military in that respect. These things we talk about on the board are very personal and they open up a different side of my brain and it feels good to not have to be so formal and rigid or inhibited. I don't have anything bad in my closet to hide. I am not a Saint, but I am not an axe murderor either so I am comfortable "airing out my dirty laundry" so to speak if it helps someone else to know they are not alone.
Take Care and thanks for the warm advice and welcome....
bilij
10-20-2005, 09:17 PM
Hello Carla, I'm so glad you are a forgiving person. I know so many folks
who have become bitter and old before their time because of an unforgiving spirit.
From the moment of conception our journey began. None of us were ''accidents''
in God's eyes. Just as His eye is on the sparrow, you can be assured His eye
is always on you! Randy sounds like a wonderful man and I hope you have many
years together.
On this board we can feel free to express whatever we feel. We don't judge one
another or make light of problems. We have more in common than fibromyalgia and
little by little personalities begin to emerge. I can picture Blue doing a cart-wheel
under her peach trees, Golden on her Island sipping a cup of tea, Glojer walking
with her husband on a crisp fall afternoon.....and Hangin wishing she had the
energy to shop without getting tired. Then I picture the young ones; The ones
still in school, struggling to live a normal life. I guess you could say we've bonded
in a special way and now YOU are a part of us. My prayers are with you.
Bilij
who have become bitter and old before their time because of an unforgiving spirit.
From the moment of conception our journey began. None of us were ''accidents''
in God's eyes. Just as His eye is on the sparrow, you can be assured His eye
is always on you! Randy sounds like a wonderful man and I hope you have many
years together.
On this board we can feel free to express whatever we feel. We don't judge one
another or make light of problems. We have more in common than fibromyalgia and
little by little personalities begin to emerge. I can picture Blue doing a cart-wheel
under her peach trees, Golden on her Island sipping a cup of tea, Glojer walking
with her husband on a crisp fall afternoon.....and Hangin wishing she had the
energy to shop without getting tired. Then I picture the young ones; The ones
still in school, struggling to live a normal life. I guess you could say we've bonded
in a special way and now YOU are a part of us. My prayers are with you.
Bilij
bluelakelady
10-21-2005, 11:12 AM
i like the way you think little sister!
peace,
bluelakelady
hey bilij! how are you my dear friend?
peace,
bluelakelady
hey bilij! how are you my dear friend?
ceerose67
11-08-2005, 11:27 PM
Hello Carla, I'm so glad you are a forgiving person. I know so many folks
who have become bitter and old before their time because of an unforgiving spirit.
From the moment of conception our journey began. None of us were ''accidents''
in God's eyes. Just as His eye is on the sparrow, you can be assured His eye
is always on you! Randy sounds like a wonderful man and I hope you have many
years together.
On this board we can feel free to express whatever we feel. We don't judge one
another or make light of problems. We have more in common than fibromyalgia and
little by little personalities begin to emerge. I can picture Blue doing a cart-wheel under her peach trees, Golden on her Island sipping a cup of tea, Glojer walking
with her husband on a crisp fall afternoon.....and Hangin wishing she had the
energy to shop without getting tired. Then I picture the young ones; The ones
still in school, struggling to live a normal life. I guess you could say we've bonded
in a special way and now YOU are a part of us. My prayers are with you.
Bilij
Thanks Bilij,
I have been away for awhile struggling with real life (issues I would rather not deal with). I cannot wait for the day when deciding what I will wear will be the biggest issue for me. Will that day ever come?
Seriously, I really appreciate your insight and yes, I could see a family dynamic developing on this board and I do believe it is God's way of letting us share our experiences. That is what I found really attractive....the fact that we could all relate and really feel each other's experiences from across the miles.... and really offer REAL support to each others and not be strangers nice.
Take Care,
Carla
Thanks for your support and understanding.
who have become bitter and old before their time because of an unforgiving spirit.
From the moment of conception our journey began. None of us were ''accidents''
in God's eyes. Just as His eye is on the sparrow, you can be assured His eye
is always on you! Randy sounds like a wonderful man and I hope you have many
years together.
On this board we can feel free to express whatever we feel. We don't judge one
another or make light of problems. We have more in common than fibromyalgia and
little by little personalities begin to emerge. I can picture Blue doing a cart-wheel under her peach trees, Golden on her Island sipping a cup of tea, Glojer walking
with her husband on a crisp fall afternoon.....and Hangin wishing she had the
energy to shop without getting tired. Then I picture the young ones; The ones
still in school, struggling to live a normal life. I guess you could say we've bonded
in a special way and now YOU are a part of us. My prayers are with you.
Bilij
Thanks Bilij,
I have been away for awhile struggling with real life (issues I would rather not deal with). I cannot wait for the day when deciding what I will wear will be the biggest issue for me. Will that day ever come?
Seriously, I really appreciate your insight and yes, I could see a family dynamic developing on this board and I do believe it is God's way of letting us share our experiences. That is what I found really attractive....the fact that we could all relate and really feel each other's experiences from across the miles.... and really offer REAL support to each others and not be strangers nice.
Take Care,
Carla
Thanks for your support and understanding.
ceerose67
11-08-2005, 11:31 PM
i like the way you think little sister!
peace,
bluelakelady
hey bilij! how are you my dear friend?
Thanks Blue Lake Lady,
I definately respect and admire you as well. Especially when you talk about how many Doctors you had to fire to find your Laura. That was so funny to me. Do you know how wonderful it would be to me if I had that option. No, I am the Guinea Pig and I am expected to "shut up and color"....like that is ever really going to happen.....I like how you think as well.
Take Care,
Carla
peace,
bluelakelady
hey bilij! how are you my dear friend?
Thanks Blue Lake Lady,
I definately respect and admire you as well. Especially when you talk about how many Doctors you had to fire to find your Laura. That was so funny to me. Do you know how wonderful it would be to me if I had that option. No, I am the Guinea Pig and I am expected to "shut up and color"....like that is ever really going to happen.....I like how you think as well.
Take Care,
Carla
bluelakelady
11-09-2005, 11:27 AM
dear carla,
i have never done what i was expected to. always followed my own drummer and my own conceince. shut up and color? never! don't you do it either. who expects you to do this?
my hackles go up when someone tells me what i "have" to do. now if they suggest it i listen. i used up alot of years trying to please everyone else. waste of time. when i focused on finding joy from within i discovered it radiated out to everyone around me and suddenly i was no longer surrounded by blood sucking emotional rapists. instead i found myself attracting kind and gentle souls. i found that if i am pleased with who i am others follow my lead.
question, why is the option of firing your doctor unavailable to you?
peace,
bluelakelady
i have never done what i was expected to. always followed my own drummer and my own conceince. shut up and color? never! don't you do it either. who expects you to do this?
my hackles go up when someone tells me what i "have" to do. now if they suggest it i listen. i used up alot of years trying to please everyone else. waste of time. when i focused on finding joy from within i discovered it radiated out to everyone around me and suddenly i was no longer surrounded by blood sucking emotional rapists. instead i found myself attracting kind and gentle souls. i found that if i am pleased with who i am others follow my lead.
question, why is the option of firing your doctor unavailable to you?
peace,
bluelakelady