I called R today and here's what I got.

Dad's worse these past few days. He's got the impression that because my dh bought a new pickup truck (he did) and paid cash for it (he did not), my husband has sold dad's house right out from under him (of course he didn't). Why the #^&* does she have to tell me these things? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!!! I LIVE IT WHEN HE'S HERE!!!!

R says dad's getting worse. I can't help but think that's because of his tooth being pulled a few days ago. That plus the fact that B is down there and dad can't stand him. Dad always feels like he has to be on guard 24/7 because of B's past stealing from dad and anyone else he could.

B (my brother who is visiting my sister) has taken it upon himself to rearrange all of dad's doctor's appointments that I set up. And the MRI that I had scheduled for two weeks prior to the neurologist because the neurologist needs to see the results of the MRI? Dear brother B scheduled it for two hours AFTER the neurologist appt. What an A$$!!! This jerk never even cares to call dad on his birthday or Christmas. He lived no more than 40 miles from dad for 7 years and never ONCE attempted to see him! Oh except for when he got kicked out of where he was mooching! RRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If B thinks he can do better than I can with dad, then he damn well better step up and DO IT!!!! I'll gladly weldome the help he doesn't intend to give....

Like I said before-I know the world has to have some idiots. But do I always have to be surrounded by them???? SHEEEESH!!!!

I'll be better (I hope!) once I get some sleep.

Love, Barb

Yes, Barb, get some sleep. When your sister calls make it really short ..sorry, I
am halfway out the door, I'll call you back - and then don't. She has some nerve telling all this to you ..by now she very well knows that her dad has AD and is not able to remember anything ...

let her and brother B take care of him. Don't get upset if they bungle his appointments. Just let them do it. Their way. Sooner or later it will all work out ..it's not as if he has an acute and curable problem (in my opinion there is nothing at all to be accomplished by MRI and other exams ... unless the person has something ELSE..something fixable. AD isn't.and it will get worse, not better.

Try to relax and enjoy your time before they dump him back on your doorstep!

Love,

Martha

I agree with Bosmom, and if you are worried about the ramifications of the doctor not having the correct test results, maybe a phone call to that office with an explantion of what is happening will help. My brothers did kind of the same thing but I called the doctors office expalin the situation to the appt lady and she in turn called my brother under the pretense of reminding him to bring the test results to the appointment. That really helped me alot. My dads doctor was already well aware of some of the issues my brothers were causing and knew I was doing my best.

Barb, I am sure from the sound of your posts that Dad is going to back with you after they figure out that a AD patient is a difficult challenge that most are not capable of handling.

Casey

Hi Barb,

Who has the DPOA for your father? If it's you (and I hope so), then your brother cannot legally change beans if it has to do with your Dad. As Carat said, enlist the aid of the doctor's office so time and money isn't wasted. Make sure all the doctors and such have the clear understanding that others in the family are not the caregivers and (if you have DPOA) have no legal standing.

I do agree with Martha that the MRI will be of no help if it's Alzheimers as it seems to be.

Do consider that if your father is really worse, he may not remember he dislikes your brother and why. My mother was never nicer to my DH than after she forgot she didn't like him! :rolleyes:

So sorry that your family is causing more problems than they're helping. Hope you can sleep well.

Hugs - Barbara

The MRI is very important because dad has a meningioma on his brain. The doctor says it's important that we watch it closely. So far it's staying the same size which is good. He wants an MRI every six months. Dealing with the VA isn't easy as far as appointments go. That's why I'm so ticked at B. He knows the VA inside and out. He keeps asking my sister about dad's will which she has never seen. He even comes out and asks how much his share is. :blob_fire

I have POA over dad's medical affairs as well as financial. The problem is I don't know what dad did with the papers that prove it and I don't know what lawyer he used. All I know is the lawyer is in Chicago. I didn't go with him but I signed the papers and they were mailed back to her.

The papers are either in his safe deposit box or his file cabinet which is locked and I don't have a key.

Whatever they do down there, I'll have to rectify when he gets home. That coupled with the fact that he always comes home worse than when he left is going to drive me INSANE!

Calm down, Barb. Calm down........ (idiots they are!!!)

Love, Barb

Barb, have the POA papers ever been used??? Did you have to show them to the VA before and did they by chance take a copy of them. If so, a phone call is all you need to make to point this out. Most states require that POA's are recorded documents. If your name is on the papers you have full right to a copy of them from the county office that recorded them. Call or search online. If Dad used the same lawyer for all his legal affairs you will then have the name of the lawyer when the time comes that you need him for the will.

Good luck,
Casey

Hi all,

That is a good idea Carat414, that is if it has been shown to the VA or someone else. But maybe it could be followed by searching the county records or some other way. This really makes me think - and to be careful - about what my sister and I are trying to do now (get my parents to do their POAs). Everything needs to be done just so and all the copies put in the correct places.

Good luck to you Barb, on this search, if you do it. I think your brother (or is it your nephew?) is a rat! I do not know if I would trust him being in the same house with your father. He might could convince him to hand over some $ right now. Or something as equally disastrous!! I just do not trust him, from what you have told us. I am afraid that sometime when my father is left alone, that someone will come over or call and he will give them some $. All he has to do is write a check and hand it over to them, if they have a good enuf story! He can still write a check, just not always, and not too well. I keep trying to keep their balance low in their checkbooks, but they insist on having extra $ in there, just in case. Does your father keep his checkbook? Or a credit card? If not you/him may be somewhat safer, money wise.

I hope you do not worry too much about this. Just see if you can change his dr. appt. somehow. Like you said, you can fix what they mess up, when he comes back home.

Take care of yourself, first. Wannabe

Sorry I javen't replied sooner. I have two jobs now and that's keeping me very busy and my MIL is in the hospital. She has diabetes and has an open wound on her leg. She was treating it at home with steroid creme she got for exema. :nono: Now her ankle is turning black and her lower leg is yellow and red from infection. I think they may have to amputate. All because she didn't want to go to the doctor. That woman is stubborn as a barnyard mule!

The doctor should be looking at her other leg today because I tattled on her. She has a lump there that she says hurts. She wouldn't go to the doctor about it so I asked the nurse to make a note on her chart for the doctor.

Oops! All this talk about medical stuff reminded me I forgot to take my thyroid medicine. I'm hungry and now I have to wait an hour before I eat. Oh well... ;)

Thanks for the suggestioms about the POA papers. I've called the VA before about this and they won't release the papers without his consent. :confused: What a weird bunch they are!

I'm more worried about my sister stealing from dad than my brother. It's the combination of the two that worries me. My sister has stolen from my dad in many secretive ways before. Brother B is too stupid to figure out plans like that much less execute them.

I don't care about inheritence. All I care about is that there be enough money to care for my dad. Brother B and sister R only want to talk about who's getting what. B would never take dad in because he's never known how to take care of himself much less anybody else. R would take him in. She's always been daddy's little girl. And R's husband M is a good man. He cares a lot about my dad, more so than my brother does. I'm confident that he would make sure dad had everything he needed.

I'm more calm today. Can ya tell??? :D

Love, Barb

Dear Barb,

Maybe they will keep your Dad? How would that work out for you? If he sold his house and moved in with them, what would you do next? I am glad you are calmer.

Sorry about MIL. One of my sisters in law had a diabetec mother who refused to eat correctly .. this goes back to the 1960s to 1980s: she was on a strict diet but didn't follow it, Every afternoon whe went to the town cafe for coffee and cake.

She shrugged off the possible consequences.

Sad to say, she died in 1987 after having both legs amputated, a sorry mess.

Diabetes is nothing to fool around with. I hope she gets well again, how old is she? My SIL's Mom lived to be about 84, old for the circumstances.

Love

Martha

Hi Martha! Ma's 74 now. She weighs over 400lbs. Much of that is fluid buildup. She recently had a holter monitor to check her heart but she hasn't disgussed the results with any of us yet. I'm going to talk to her today about it. I was going to ask her yesterday but she was pretty tired and if I'd have brought up the subject and it wasn't good, she might not have got much sleep.

Dad wants us to buy his house but I don't know if I want to do that.

Choices, choices......

Love, Barb

Bosmom,

VA may not be allowed to release a copy of the POA to you, but they all had better be adbidding by it. Who is changing the appointments. If you are on that POA then only you can do that, my parents was written in a way that I assumed POA under the facts of my fathers lack to make decisions, there for even he couldn't change them and the VA had to call me to verify any changes.

Just a thought.

f you have access to your dads banking account you can also place a watch on it. So if a large amount of money or something that is out of the ordinary comes up they call you and verify the information.
This is how I discovered that my brothers were trying to take a second out on my parents home through his bank......


Good Luck,
Casey

Hi Barb,

The VA should also let you know if they have a DPOA with your name in it in the records they have for your father. If there's a social worker there, you might have better luck with that office. You're not asking for any information that would be a confidentiality or privacy issue. "Is the DPOA there? Is my name on it? (if yes) Please make me a copy. Dad's records should show he has Alzheimer's. I cannot find these records at home and Dad cannot remember where they are or the lawyer's name either."

Do you have your father's car keys? Perhaps the lock box key is on that key ring? My father kept his key in the box with his cuff links in a dresser drawer. You'd have to be on the list to be allowed into the box by bank personnel even if you have the key. If you know the bank manager, perhaps they'd look in the box for the DPOA, but maybe not. Aren't you already on his bank accounts? That may help.

Glad you're more calm about this. Being upset only hurts you.

Hope it all works out the best it can.

(((((((hugs)))))))) Barbara

The safe deposit box is actually in my name and his but I gave the keys to him before he started forgetting things (or so I thought). The reason it was in my name and his is because he kept forgetting to pay for it every year. I didn't want anyone to thnk I was doing anything. That's why I gave him the keys.

Carat, thank you! I didn't think of putting a watch on his checking account. I'll do that. I am on his checking account as well as my sister R. I think that's how she's been manipulating the bank. She can talk anyone into anything.

Barbara, I know dad doesn't keep the keys to the safe deposit box on his key ring. I think it's in his file cabinet. The key to that is on his key ring I believe. I will try to speak with a social worker tomorrow. Good thinking! Thank you!

Love, Barb

Barb,

My Mom's great-grandson stayed with her for awhile. He's only 17 years old. But during a 3 month stay, he stole $9500 from her checking, $4500 from one credit card (cash advances) and $1,000 from another credit card. Plus, he took her to the bank and had her sign for a $7,000 car. No one in the family has seen the car but he told the bank he wrecked it. The payments are auto-withdrawn from my Mom's checking.

A lot of damage can be done in a very short time. I noticed that we hadn't gotten a bank statement for one month. Went to the bank, and they said nothing. Wouldn't allow me to be a signer because she wasn't coherent enough to ask them for permission. (She was coherent enough to sign for a $7,000 car with a 17 year-old 2 weeks previously though. Mom has no memory of ever doing that.)

The second month with no statement, I demanded to see her account on their computer. I nearly fell over when I saw all the debit card cash advances. My mom has never had a debit card.

They immediately gave me a POA and added me to her account.

They also set it up online and I check it first thing every morning! Even after we kicked this kid out, he would come back and have my Mom write him checks.

No More.

It's very easy to set it up online, then you can check it as often as you like.

A lot of money can go really quickly. I was naive and didn't think anyone would actually do such a thing. There are some real bums out there! It's pretty sad to have a restraining order against her own great-grandchild.

Barb,

The bank has an extra key to your box, so since it's in your name, they'll work with you about the lost keys. Lots of people who don't have Alzheimers lose keys! Call the bank!

Cheers! Barbara :)