Hey guys, just need some advice here Ill start off with history first then leave it open to u guys to help me, ill make it short and sweet. I got 2 stories 2 different ones so if you cant help with the first one id appreciate it if you would consider the second :p

My mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in May. I came home from College in June with no idea but a small inkling that something has happened. The day I arrived back from college and that night I sat down and talked 1 to 1 with my mom. She informed me she has gone thru 2 chemo's and she has 4 more left she has a port in her arm she has to get unilateral breast surgery and her hair was not real. This all hit me real hard but made sure she couldnt see the emotions on my face to keep her strong. That night I cried my self to sleep, whats wierd is it actually made me feel better. Anyways my mom has always been a real nagger and she stresses out alot, when she is really busy she takes her anger and frustrations out on others its quite evident. It really gets me angry and sometimes I cant hold it in, I get real frustrated and start yelling at her and even start to swear. She has always been one sided she has always thought that she is right and finds it very hard to admit fault. I have always had a problem with her attitude and find it very hard to get along with her. Im the only son in my family so there is alot of pressure on me to succeed and to do prettymuch all the grunt work and get little praise. I feel really hard done by when i see my little sister (19) im 21 btw) gets off alot easier and my mom favors here. Its very obvious. My little sister makes alot more mistakes and she lets her off quite easily. Im going back to school in 2 weeks and wondering what I should do, her last chemo is next week, I feel like a complete rude abnoxious son, and I dont know what to do when i get into confrontations with her. My little sister says "choose your battles" some are not worth the effort. I mean im constantly yelled at nagged and frowned upon daily for teh last 2 months, how should one feel? I think im being really selfish but then think again and feel like i should stand up for my self. its really hard to swallow my pride in this situation. When someone makes you feel so small all the time. My mom also after she sort of frames me with an argument she started and tells a one sided storey to say my father my sister or relatives she gets a huge pity party from everyone portraying me as a rebel without a cause. but honestly i have no motive to be an instigator of an argument. im uterly confused upset and distraught, i dont know what to do, my father feels the same he also gets picked on by her, what he does is he keeps his emotions inside and bottles them up, which i guess cant be good. I forgot to add maybe the most important part of this, over this summer ive lost 10,000 dollars on a gambelling binge, i got sucked into a real bad position and honestly have never gambelled this til summer, which sucked really bad as I always frowned upon such people and thought it was such a stupid waste of money and time and only suckers do it. My dad always told me money isnt free you gotta work for it and nobody wins in gambelling. Most likely meaning if you gamble alot and win alot ur still left with the addiction. Either way my mother has recently found out about this loss (1 month back) and I guess this could be part of the reason (or teh whole thing) she has always been hostile towards me but im noticing more now. what should i do? i mean i feel like a waste of human flesh sometimes I feel like getting in a car driving mexico and cutting my self off from all of human life. am i a selffish human being? what is wrong with me?

my second story

a childhood friend (back to 8th grade) was diagnosed with cancer around xmas time last year. I found out maybe april or may b4 i found out about mom, he has testicular cancer chemo isnt working and neither did stem cell transplant. i havent hung out with him much since 8th grade and maybe a bit in 10th grade. last summer b4 he realized he had cancer we would see each other thru mutual friends and i always wanted to get to know the guy better but just never found a time or the motivation to give him a call and get him to hang out. i sent him an email like 2 months back and he totally blew me off. i mean i wrote a long message and he just wrote like okay or yes or no or whatever answering indirectly to some question in my email. anyways recently i found out thru our mutual friend that he has 1 month left. well 3 weeks now. i saw him at the cancer clinic maybe 1 1/2 months back getting treatment and we had a nice short talk about gambelling (and our loses lol but his were much smaller :p ) and everything was normal. now i wrote him a message saying we should get toegether and hang out one day and he said "okay" that was the total contents of his email. i wrote him back picked a date to hang out and told him what my plans were and if he wanetd to join. Thats the end of this haps. I mean should I leave the guy alone should does he not want to hang out or spend his last days with me? I havent been there for him as much as id like (i study abroad) i personally always wanted to get to know the guy better. I just dont want to be intrusive or I really honestly dont know how to act. Ive never been put in this situation before. can you give me some insight on how to act. I mean if I do end up hanging out with him, any pointers on what not to say or what not to do or what might be offensive. Also do you think its right for me to even intrude on his life in such a critical stage? Am I again the selfish one?

Sorry didnt want to make this that long, this is the first real public message ive ever posted in my life of this ordeal. I really have no one to talk to.....


Thanks in advance and thanks for the read I know this stuff can get strenuos on the eyes and u dont want to finish but I think the ones that did and took the time to hear my story as it means the world to me.

Thanks

Ps i didnt proof read this, if u need clarifcation on anything and u think my english skills suck u can tell me i wont get offended and i can clarify anything u dont understand

sorry to hear about your situation - I have worn those shoes before-- I lost both my mom and dad from Lung Cancer (mom smoked - dad did not). I lost mom after she battled her LC for 18 months with chemo off and on - I lost my dad after only 11 weeks after he was diagnosed but here is the kicker.... Dad died first on May 3 and my mom died 16 days later on May 19th.

First about your friend--please, please, don't take this personal but if your friend only has 1 month to live he is probably trying to spend as much quality time with his loved ones as he can - in addition to maybe not feeling much like talking or typing.

Now about your mom, I could not have had a more patient, loving mom in all of my life; however, when she began chemo she was VERY short fused and picked at me constantly - and my dad. I did everything-- I literally put my life on hold and moved in with my parents to care for them for nearly 2 years (I commuted back and forth 4 days with Mom and Dad and 3 days with my husband and 3 sons - 2 teenagers) - and DAILY we butted heads and then I cried myself to sleep wondering how I could be so selfish as to fight with my mom who I knew would never be "herself" again.

My point is hon, this isn't at all about you - you need to be on your best behavior and give her the least amount of ammo as possible - your sis is right "pick your battles" even when you know the story she is telling someone is not true - bite your tongue- most of it is probably the cancer and chemo making her the way she is.

Hope this helps a bit and you are in my prayers - it is hard hon.

Hugs and Prayers from Memphis.