My grandma is in the early stages of dementia. The doctor, and others have agreed that it isnt safe for her to drive, but she insists on doing it anyway. She has gotten into a few minor accidents, but it is clear that when you drive with her she shouldnt be on the road. When you try to bring it up with her she becomes very defensive, and angry. How can we get her off the road before she injures herself or others.

Oh been there, done that, scared the beegeebees out of me. My moms doctor had called the DMV and revolked her license 6 months before it was due for renewal. Then when she got into her second of three accidents she played the alzheimers card. Oh was I pissed off, when she had told me what she had done. I tried hiding the keys, well the third accident with no license and no insurance pushed me over the edge. So I yanked a few wires under the hood of the car, had it towed to the shop my parents always took the car to, and told them under no circumstances were they to fix it. Then when the time came for her to renew her license and she failed the written, oral, and vision parts of the test, she finally agreed. I got copies of the failed test so I could show her if she forgot (she did a few times).

It was so scary. She was lucky and no one was ever seriously hurt in any of her accidents. A friends mom killed a 2 year old when she drove after her doctors told her not to. It is the only thing that my friend was thankful she had alzheimers for.

Good Luck,
Casey

You have to realise this person - once a smart , even brilliant role model for generations- is now the equvalent of a 2 year old child.

What can I do? My 2 year old inissts on driving my car!

Think about it. Do what you have to do. Take the keys away and remember how the AD patient becomes very sneaky in the early stages .. she may have 4 copies hidden away. Move the car to where she can't see it. Have her licencse revoked, cancel the insurance, sell the car. Hide YOUR car keys!!!!

You have to be strong. Very strong and very determined. before SHE kills a small child, or herself, or drives into a school bus.

This is a horrible disease and therefore harsh measures have to be taken!


You are in my prayers.

love,

Martha

Oh........That dreaded CAR!

Yes, you have to physically take it away or make it impossible for her to drive it. My brother and I finally decided that we just couldn't live with ourselves if my mom injured herself, or someone else. It is literally a deadly weapon.

My Mom has still not recovered from losing her car. Everyday I wish for that memory to be gone. It has been the most traumatic thing we've had to do.

Months ago, we took her car away. And she has a crying binge at least 4/5 times a week about that car. Sometimes 4/5 times a day. We sat her down, explained the dangers, and she was totally agreeable at the time.

Of course, she doesn't remember any of that. So every time she cries for it, we give any explanation that we think might placate her; she lost her license, the doctor recommended it, the car is broken. We've tried it all. Nothing works and she never remembers any of it anyway. Two hours later, she'll say, "Where's my car?" We've had this conversation a million times now.

Her missing car is the only thing that has driven Mom to curse and scream at us.

Very very sad, but has to be done.

Does anyone in your family have her power of attorney? If so, that person can just take the car and dispose of it. I had to threaten my mother with that. She was hooked on valium and halcyon and refused to give them up. I finally told her that she could have the drugs or the car...but not both because I wasn't going to have a busload of dead school kids on my conscience. She gave up the drugs and kept the car.

This is what happened when I got my MIL's licence taken away this is after she had taken off in the car and DISAPPEARED for 6 hours: (from my old thread: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=230114 )

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I went down to the Police Station and asked them for their opinion in this driving issue .. and they asked me to bring her down to them. I had a pow-wow with DH and Michael and since nobody would take responsibility, I did.

So I came home, and said "how was Church ?" and she said "lovely" and I said "The Police rang me today" and she said "oh?" and I said "yes, they want me to bring you down so they can talk to you" and she said "that's nice" so I said "finish your cuppa, and we'll go down together" and she said "fine then". I trotted downstairs after making a phone call to BIL, and said "let's go" and after she got in the car she said "where?" and I said again, The Police Station .. it was a silent trip but I did get her there. When we walked in the Policeman I had spoken to earlier greeted us, and asked MIL to stay in the interview room while he got some details off me. She didn't want to stay in the interview room, and hovered nearby! Then the Policeman came and sat with us both and explained she's not allowed to drive. She argued with him! LOL ... "yes I am", "no your not", "See?"she says, showing him her licence .. "yes perhaps you have the picture but you don't have the licence to drive" ... it was touchy to say the least... and he even had to threaten the magistrate to her .. she WOULDN'T hand over the licence! She finally did though when I said "This is a real policeman MIL, don't argue with him".

Oh NOT a happy camper .... and she stomped out of the station, and stomped over to the car, and THE LOOKS !!! It was an even silenter trip home, but I kept telling MIL there are ways for her to get out, she just has to listen .... I don't think it sunk in, she was in shock.

BIL came over and spent some time with her. He's feeling guilty .. I keep saying but she's safer now (along with the rest of the town LOL)

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Yes, it was difficult, and yes, she made my life hell for a few weeks. We couldn't do anything about the POA, because ultimately FIL has it with DH and BIL as backup if he's incapacitated or dead. We don't have rights, we just do damage control constantly.

It's not easy, but stick to your guns and be firm.

Hugs
Sally

Oh, boy! Daddy was diagnosed in February; he was still allowed to drive as long as someone was with him. This worked for a couple of times, and then he suffered the delusion that 'the man' had come and told him that he'd made a mistake, that he could drive by himself....my husband tried to stop him, which resulted in my father screaming at my husband and scaring all the neighborhood kids, and then actually threatening to run over my husband if he didn't stand clear. Braindead bro and sis would NOT ask him for the keys-they didn't want him mad at THEM....so I had to call the hospital and a nurse came to help. Because hubby and I had and held the keys to the car in the garage, that made us the root of all evils. Daddy would phone threatening me with the police and violence, even death, if I didn't bring those keys to him...I finally had to sell the car behind his back which was the hardest thing I had ever done.
I have heard so many suggestions for this problem; disabling the car, removing it and telling her it's out for repair, etc. Luckily, once I sold it, my Daddy stopped worrying about it, and began referring to his walker as his car.
What I'm trying to say is that my father was so stubborn and mindset on driving that I had to remove it from his reach, so I decided to sell it. If he had asked-which he didn't-I would've told one of those little white lies, the kind that are okay, the caregivers lies....you know, "Daddy, you sold it before you went to the hospital...."
Hope this in some way gives you some help and ressurance. My thoughts and prayers are with you, 90% of us have been through this...and LIVED!
love,
imwarbaby

I guess you could say I got lucky on the car thing ... my mom ended up in the hospital in April then in the nursing for two weeks following an infection. My son was using her car to go back and forth to work and was in an accident and the insurance totaled her car out and just barely paid off the note so she has no car to argue about lol