Hi All. been reading through these posts and finding it helpful and also sad that I'm not the only one with a rageful spouse. My DH is in his early 40's and has an extreme reaction of rage/anger/violence to almost any setback or problem. Other than that, he is lovely. Very helpful, creative and caring. But as soon as anything goes wrong from a computer malfunction to a car problem that needs repairing....well, there are holes in the wall, screaming rage episodes and I'm just at my wit's end.

I am not sure I could even suggest seeing a doctor and was hoping anyone could suggest any nutritional things to try. He did stop drinking 4 years ago and I am wondering if maybe a supplement of B vitamins would help or if I am just overly hopeful.

He always ends up apologizing but it's gotten to the point where the things he screams at me are utterly horrid and terrible. The holes in the walls and the dents in the car from his kicks....

It can't just be midlife can it? I am pretty sure there is something off balance with him as these 'episodes' as I call them definitely occur more when he is either tired or hungry or god forbid........BOTH!

I am so tired of the verbal abuse and seeing my DH go off the rails.

any help is appreciated.

HI,
Wow, no one deserves emotional abuse. Does he blow up in front of family and friends and embrass you? You mentioned he stopped drinking 4 yrs ago. Did he every go for therapy to find out why he drank? Sounds like he's dealing with the same ghosts. Best of luck..

My hubby is the same way but he has always been that way. He is 46 and we have been married 14 years....I have just learned to let him throw his tantrum and then we discuss it later. If I know he is doing a project I leave the house....he feels better and so do I! I have also learned it is less stressfull for the both of us to hire somebody to fix whatever.....

Anybody that does physical damage on things with their anger routinely needs help. Unfortunately they are a hair's breath from hurting someone either directly or indirectly on a really bad day.

But Hey -- tell him not to worry --- He's in good company with some of the best men of our country! Only difference is that he hasn't done the "walk" through therapy, self education and commitment to change.

I know successful doctors surgeons lawyers and ministers with the same problem. Their lives all took a better turn when they learned about what they had in themselves and what they could do about it ...

One of them changed lifestyle so that he and family go off to somewhat primitive camp on most weekends where he feels comfortable to relax and go about in thsirts and cutoffs, no shoes, run in the woods and water with his boys, and not feel the social tensions of the highly paid society he and his wife are in ..... Someone tends the camp house and grounds for them and stocks the fridge before they arrive ...... and a nanny/cook comes most Saturday afternnon late and takes over cooking and tending to the younger children so the relaxation can continue. But they don't go into town ...they don't make reserations ... they don't dress up.... and they keep entertaining to very simple at home affairs ...

You see ..... he just needed to make space in his life for lower stress time .... while continuing therapy about anger... anger management ... and learning to watch the signals inside himself when things are stressed.

He says one thing he cannot do anymore ....... is have coffee when under pressure.... he says it tends to make him react before he's able to notice that he's angry. He says he feels a lot more tired while working under stress ..... but he does a lot less damage with his anger ...which makes it worth it ...

Physical demonstration of anger is usually learned in childhood from our parents and peers. And they learn it from their generation, and on back. In this generation we have to work very very hard to overcome the natural instinct to destroy something when we are angry ... because some day ... any day ... we could cause serious regrattable harm ...

Example ... Angry father driving daughter (strapped in back seat) ... stamps out his cigarette on the side of his car while driving the freeway so he can fly a "finger" at someone, and then he let's go the butt ........ The wind catches the hot smoldering butt ..throws it back in the back seat window and burns baby daughter .......
(This man has had no physical anger attacks for 5 years now, and is a successful movie actor, whom I cannot name)

Angry brother has a bad day learning fishing, gets line tangled, jerks it out very hard and slings it back behind him in one stroke ... it lands in sister's eyelid and upon the next move of the angry brother, her eyelid is torn off ..... (This man is a leading scientist in our country coming up with very clever anti-terrorsit devices to save us all... but first ... decades ago ... he had to learn to manage his anger... he's been physical anger free for 16 years including 5 when he nearly went broke trying to get his inventions to market! )

So get these guys some exercise and education and let'em get a move'on in life ... Tell them you don't want them to feel so bad when things are tough ... there's a better way!

There's a lot energy in that anger that could be put to making some very good changes around their lives ... could be very proud of those changes INSTEAD!

Tell'em GO FOR IT! It's worth it. Very worth it!