Hello
I have a 4 yr old daughter who I know has some problems. I have researched on the web some about autism and read the threads here and on other message boards and it makes me think she may be autistic.But I'm not sure
My daughter is a very bright little girl she has no problems with speech or even learning things when she wants to but thats part of the problem.If I try to show her or tell her something and she isn't in the mood she will drop her head and refuse to look or talk she then begins to growl at me.If I tell her no or don't give her her way she will start screaming at the top of her lungs then go into the growling and it can last for hours even if you eventually give into her demands.She will go into her room when mad at me or my husband and slam the door then continually slam her fist into the door and throw her toys.Recently I started letting her play games on the internet and when she doesn't win the game or it doesn't go exactly like she thinks it should she will slam the mouse and slam her fist into the desk .She does this stuff all the time eating with her is a joke she only eats about 5-6 different foods and that is all she will eat she will not try anything new says she doesn't like it.She is very arguemenative we have tried about all forms of discipline from spanking which does not work she acts like it really doesn't faze her she crys and all but keeps coming back for more time outs are impossible if I want her to be in time out I have to physicaly hold her there if you tell her to sit down on the couch she will stand in front of it instead .When we have company and she starts one of her fits I take her to her room but I have to stand in front of her door to keep her in there she keeps :confused: screaming and growling at me she will get behind my leg and try to push me out of her way if that doesn't work she will start hitting me repeattly and keep getting harder until I can't take the pain anymore or she runs out of steam.
Well there is so much more but this is getting really long sorry.I have talked to her doctor about some of these problems and she set up appointment with a phsycrist but she is several towns away and I haven't been able to get her there.Her doctor talked like it was us and we needed parenting classes could it just be we are bad parents or should I go with my gut and my families advise that something is wrong.
If someone could please give me some advise I don't know what to do this is my first child and I am at my wits end.

hi, i must admit your daughter is showing some red flags, ask yourself if she has problems in these areas - communication, socialisation, and a lack of imagination, communication could be one sided, or she only talks about what SHES interested in, does she shout at you rather than talk to you, the list of impairments in communication goes on and on, socialisation - does she play with her peers, can she communicate with them, is her social behaviour abnormal ie inappropriately touch strangers (my daughter touches them whilst saying their name she doesn't appear to know social boundaries and she'll approach people but she only says their name and then laughs at them, which again for a 4 yr old is inappropriate) again the list goes on and on, lack of imagination - playing with toys inappropriately ie stacking cups and saucers rather than drinking from them, playing the same game over and over (my daughter will do the same play with her toys, to the untrained eye she looks like shes playing appropriately, but shes really playing how we've taught her to, inflexibility of thinking), again the list goes on and on, for a child to be diagnosed autistic they must have problems in these three areas, i remember having a conversation with a specialist, they asked if my daughter had problems in these areas when she was around 24 months old, i knew then she was autistic as she ticked all three boxs yet we had to wait another seven months before they would diagnose, aspergers sydrome is under the umbrella of autism again there has to be problems in the three areas i've listed but there are subtle differences in their behaviour ie they develop speech as other NT children do, however their speech is different ie "they talk like little adults". if you are worried get your daughter evaluated asap, good luck and remember all children are different the things i've listed are only examples my daughters behaviour is different to other childrens, i know many parents with autistic children and each one has problems in the areas i've listed, yet they are all different none showing the same behaviours.

Communication skills with my daughter is iffy she talks alot so much so I wish I could tell her stop some times but it is only about what she wants to talk about instead of what we are talking about .My hisband can very seldom have a conversation in front of her she will tell us to shut up or stop talking over and over again even after we stop talking the car is the worst she can be in the best of moods and you put her in a car and she non stop screams and she really doesn't like it when we talk in the car.
Last year I went back to work full time for awhile and we put her in daycare the first one she was in she cried from the time I dropped her off to the time one of us picked her up that's 8 straight hours of screaming my name so I that she just didn't like that daycare so I changed daycares in the new one she didn't cry but she didn't play with the other kids she stayed by the teachers all day when I dropped her off she stood by the adult and when I picked her up she was right there by one of them I think there was only one time that I found her playing and that was by herself.There is a neighbor who has a little boy that she likes to play with and she does really well but she runs back home about every 5 minutes to tell me she misses and loves me.When playing with him I noticed that he will be talking to her about something and she comes back with something totally unrelated about some where she has gone or done.
My daughter shouts alot when you ask her a question she shouts the reply rather than telling you.My daughter really never has played with toys much until recently but she know plays pretty much with the some ones all the time.She loves to color and draw but no matter how I try to get her draw or write a number or letter or shape she wont it is just a ongoing spiral she has a magna dooodle that she will only totally color it in and that is it.
Social if a person comes up to her she drops her head and refuses to say anything.
She has to have my non stop attention 24-7 also.
She is very impatient and repeats the same sentence over and over and over again .
When mad she will stand by me and continually repeat or growl something over and over and like scratch at me repeatly .
I have made the appointment with the phsycirist and she what she says I was just hoping some one could give me advise on what to do and how t handle some of these problems I try to be patient with her but it is really hard sometimes.

i can totally empathise with you, the only thing you can do is to try to get her evaluated asap, she has lots of red flags, trust your instincts, you've answered the question, it sounds like she has alot of repetitive behaviours and i know it's hard going, you do need the patience of a saint and coming here is a good first step, it sounds like she has some similar behaviours as my daughter, try to get as much info on autism as possible, the best thing i did was to go on a course about autism, it really helped me to understand, i had my suspicions that my daughter was autistic from an early age, yet when she was diagnosed it still knocked me for six, and 18 months after diagnosis i've come to terms with her autism, its been a long hard road and my heart goes out to you, talking to other parents of autistic children helps, its easier to deal with our children as a group rather than on our own, my daughter has a restricted diet also, she eats bland sloppy foods. this is a fantastic message board, with lots of support and ideas, sometimes when our children shout, its because they can't control the volume of their voice, they have to be taught literally everything, i would definitely advise reading up on autism just to get an insight into why they do some of the things they do. ;)

the best advice i've gotten off this message board is to ignore the bad behaviour (easier said than done, i myself have had many a meltdown with my daughter because i felt i couldn't cope, i've found myself screaming at my daughter, then i wonder why she screams at me! when my daughter has shouting episodes i shout to her "no shouting" . . . pot calling kettle and all that!) i've learnt to ignore her and walk away when shes having a tantrum (which now aren't many) when she displays good behaviour i give lots of attention, its difficult to do, when i found i was getting into a confrontation with her i walked away and counted to 50, it worked for me.

As others have posted, ALWAYS trust your instincts. You know something is wrong and it can never hurt to have your child evaluated by a specialist. I had the same uninformed, but not quite so rude, response from our family doctor (who we no longer see, thank goodness.) At 12 months, Judy was not crawling, not talking, screamed incessantly, was always constipated, never slept, weighed all of 16 pounds, wouldn't eat anything (literally) and drank nothing but juice. According to my doctor, "She'll catch up when you put some weight on her." By age 18 months, I went around my doctor to the public health nurse who was monitoring Judy's growth and asked for suggestions. In Michigan we have Early On. It took a few months for them to be able to see Judy, but after an hour observing her, I was told there was a definite problem. Judy started school that fall (She was 2 1/2) after a thorough psychological, developmental and neurological evaluation. All paid for by our school district. Her initial diagnosis was Pervasive Developmental Delay. She didn't get her autism DX until she was 4, although none of her symptoms had changed between age 2 and 4.

My point is, I guess, that you realize something is wrong and you do not have to follow a diagnosis you don't agree with. Your local Autism Society chapter can set you up with evaluation resources.

Good luck!

Thank you all so much.
You have made me feel much better that maybe it's not all my fault as a parent.