dolores129
08-23-2005, 10:42 AM
good morning! It's been a few months since I have posted. My mom has vascular dementia and is worsening. This week was the first time she "wandered" off while unsupervised. I have a provider who comes 2 hrs in am and 2 hrs in pm (during our sundowner time) and this had been working out but this week she left the house in search of my sister (who is down's syndrome and attends a workshop 5 days/week during the day). My mom forgot where my sister was and was looking for her. Anyway, I hired the provider for an additional 4 hours so I have all day supervision (9-5pm). She does okay in the evening as I check on them after work and they (sister who is able to function and calls me in case of problems) usually call it a night by 8:30 or 9p. I do know this arrangement can't last too much longer.
A new residential house for elderly opened recently in town. It is run by individuals who were neighbors of our family when we were growing up. They currently have 2 women and have room for up to 6. It is private pay but it is a nice home with all the amenities of a house and 24 hr supervision, meals, etc. I considered placing both my mom and sister together but I cannot afford it. I can swing my moms placement and realistically I think it would be better for my sister (she deals with my mom non stop) to come live with me (I think I can handle this ). Change is so hard!!!!
I writer for advise on how to move her. She will not move willingly. I plan to take her to visit the place today but I know she will refuse to leave her house and of course separate from my sister ....so that is not a viable option. I am just not sure how to do this....any ideas? suggestions?
Thanks,
A new residential house for elderly opened recently in town. It is run by individuals who were neighbors of our family when we were growing up. They currently have 2 women and have room for up to 6. It is private pay but it is a nice home with all the amenities of a house and 24 hr supervision, meals, etc. I considered placing both my mom and sister together but I cannot afford it. I can swing my moms placement and realistically I think it would be better for my sister (she deals with my mom non stop) to come live with me (I think I can handle this ). Change is so hard!!!!
I writer for advise on how to move her. She will not move willingly. I plan to take her to visit the place today but I know she will refuse to leave her house and of course separate from my sister ....so that is not a viable option. I am just not sure how to do this....any ideas? suggestions?
Thanks,
Sponsor
BarbaraH
08-23-2005, 03:35 PM
Hi -
This is a difficult situation. It does seem ideal that your mother and sister have the chance to be cared for in a new residential facility that is run by your former neighbors. I wonder if it could be worked out?
I know you said that you could not afford for both your mother and your sister to move, but if they both left their current home, could it be sold to pay their expenses? Do you think your mother would be more agreeable to the move if your sister was moving with her?
My widowed mother lived across the country from me and had Alzheimer's for the last ~4 years of her life. I had to move her into an assisted living facility and take away her car for her safety. At that time in her decline, she'd tried to leave her home at 11pm one night, refused to believe it was night, and the clock and black night sky were meaningless to her. She was confused by the mail, had forgotten how most of the appliances worked, and the contents of her refrigerator were science experiments. I could not let her remain in her house. Her older sister (age 89) didn't want Mom to move to my home because it was too far away. Mom cried, I cried, but it had to be. Had Mom been her social butterfly self, she'd have loved it. Just 7 months later I had to move her again because she'd wandered away at night. I moved her to a locked unit and she didn't even notice. 6 months later, she forgot how to walk. Sad, but true.
There comes a time when it's all about keeping them safe, warm enough, cool enough, clean enough, and well fed. They cannot be independent anymore and that's sad, too.
I hope you find the perfect solution and your mother can understand well enough.
Wishing you well - Barbara
This is a difficult situation. It does seem ideal that your mother and sister have the chance to be cared for in a new residential facility that is run by your former neighbors. I wonder if it could be worked out?
I know you said that you could not afford for both your mother and your sister to move, but if they both left their current home, could it be sold to pay their expenses? Do you think your mother would be more agreeable to the move if your sister was moving with her?
My widowed mother lived across the country from me and had Alzheimer's for the last ~4 years of her life. I had to move her into an assisted living facility and take away her car for her safety. At that time in her decline, she'd tried to leave her home at 11pm one night, refused to believe it was night, and the clock and black night sky were meaningless to her. She was confused by the mail, had forgotten how most of the appliances worked, and the contents of her refrigerator were science experiments. I could not let her remain in her house. Her older sister (age 89) didn't want Mom to move to my home because it was too far away. Mom cried, I cried, but it had to be. Had Mom been her social butterfly self, she'd have loved it. Just 7 months later I had to move her again because she'd wandered away at night. I moved her to a locked unit and she didn't even notice. 6 months later, she forgot how to walk. Sad, but true.
There comes a time when it's all about keeping them safe, warm enough, cool enough, clean enough, and well fed. They cannot be independent anymore and that's sad, too.
I hope you find the perfect solution and your mother can understand well enough.
Wishing you well - Barbara
Shays mom
08-27-2005, 11:27 AM
Hi,
I know that it is so hard to wade through all of the financial issues when trying to find a good solution. The home sounds so perfect. Is there a Geriatric care planner or Elder Attorney who could advise you of your options?
I know that it is so hard to wade through all of the financial issues when trying to find a good solution. The home sounds so perfect. Is there a Geriatric care planner or Elder Attorney who could advise you of your options?