My father died 7/5 after 3 months of starving himself to death. He had heart surgery in Jan. Then in April he had colon resection for a blockage and found to have a tumor in the colong connected to the bladder and small intestine. So, he decided that he was not going to get any better and did not want to go through chemo as he had 18 years earlier for lung cancer. At 67 years old he stopped eating and drinking. Eventually, he was in a nursing home with Hospice. But, for 2 of those 3 months dad was in horrible pain yet Hospice never managed to give him the meds to stop his pain. Several times he looked at me and asked me to kill him. These visions haunt me to this day. I am so hurt by his choice to kill himself, watching him suffer and not being able to get him relief from the pain as I had promised.

Then 2 weeks ago my daughter moves off to college. I am very happy for her and excited too. Yet, I still feel a loss. Plus, she was such a huge help around the house with my youngest (10 years old). Now, I have all of it too. A co-worker has been off all August on medical leave. She is not expected back until Sept. So, I have both jobs to do. Needless to say I am depressed. Very depressed. My husband told me Sunday that I should not be depressed. He gives me this "speach" just before he heads out the door for a 2 day golf trip with his buddies. How can he know how completely depressed I am. Not to mention that just 10 months earlier I found out that he had been helping another woman with her ailing mother and lying to me about what he was doing. I am already on Zoloft 200 mg. per day. Have been for a while now. So, what do I do now. Why can't I have happiness.

I am sorry that you're going through so much right now. You do have a right to your feelings. You've been through a lot and you're entitled to have some hurt right now. There are things we can do to help ourselves. We can see a therapist, we can read self-help material, we can exercise and treat ourselves properly. But these are things that take place over time, when we're ready.

I am not sure what to say about your husband. It doesn't seem right for him to go out for a weekend when you're at home, depressed and in need of support. The fact that your relationship has come under problems with honesty doesn't help either. Have you thought about couples therapy? Have you discussed these issues with him?

I hope you're able to remain strong and get the help you need.
Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear of your fathers death.The death of a parent who is close to your heart, is especially hard to come to terms with.Add to the equation that your maturing daughter has moved out of home for college, is another blow at such a fragile time.I really do feel for you.

No human being can tell you, you do not have the right to feel depressed.Unfortunately this illness does not work like that, and can effect anyone at any time.I think you would benefit greatly from bereavement counselling as this would hopefully lay your father to rest in your mind, however keeping your fond and happy memories always close to your heart.
I
too have just lost someone close to my heart, three weeks ago.My situation is different to yours, as i lost a very dear friend of mine who was like an older brother to me and my sisters, however is not my flesh and blood.However his sudden death couldn't have come at a more fragile time in my life as i'm suffering from clinical depression and am too on Zoloft. People have told me to move on and carry on with life, however picking yourself up and dusting yourself off after a hard blow when depressed, is so very hard to do.Therefore I really do think councelling would be a good way to release your pent up emotions from your fathers death, therefore leaving a slightly clearer path for you to then embark on, towards self recovery from depression.

Good luck and god bless.My prayers are with you.Holly.