I have been just so depressed/angry/confused/crazy/sick/everything lately. Yesterday I finally went to the gyn to get the pain in my side checked out. He said it felt like there was something there (that's not supposed to be there). So I'm praying it is just a cyst that will go away, but he had a look of concern on his face...and now I'm concerned.

Plus, the pain is making me really frustrating. I hurt so bad sometimes that I just have to lay down and curl up in a ball and cry. I got so mad about it yesterday that I cut up and down my leg and kicked the wall a few times screaming f*** the whole time. I get really scared of myself when I get angry. But anyway, I'm just really going through a rough time right now.

DarkAngel

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad!! Pain, whether emotional or physical, can make us act quite irrationally sometimes. Did your doctor give you anything for the pain? Are you on anything to control your moods? Is he giving you meds to try to shrink the cyst or are you having to wait for more tests? Hopefully something will get resolved quickly. I remember having a cyst on my ovary that was fairly small and it was extremely painful - if yours is large enough to feel upon palpation then I can imagine that it must be pretty bad!

Take care of yourself!

BEB :angel:

Heya, am so glad you went to the gyn. Don't worry until you hear bad news though, any doctor would look worried if there was something causing their patient pain (at least any good one). Crossing fingers it will be something that will be easy to treat and clear up and let you go back on with life very soon.
I wish I could be there in person to help with this, I wish I could offer just more than words on a screen. Have you found your book? Are there any ways you have to help calm anger when you feel it rising?
I was at the studios with just a friend of mine and she was as angry as I've seen her, I've rarely been so scared. I eventually hid in one room and I could just hear lots of shouting and things being flung at walls - I didn't dare go out in case she flung me! Still, next time try some flinging arround rather than taking it out on yourself - NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
Lots of love and hugs, here's praying for you.
xxxxxxxxxx
Flinch

thanks again for all of the support. I go for an ultrasound tomorrow, so we'll see what's going on. It is progressively getting more and more painful though, so I hope it is something they can do something about. I did find my book....it was right in front of my face....I just need to open my eyes a little more I guess.

I do fling things around, and I actually broke a chair the other day. I really am afraid to be around people. because lately I've been lashing out at others...even when I don't realize it. It is so scary for me. I don't trust myself around anyone when I'm mad. I have to isolate myself for safety of others. I'm hanging in there, but barely.

I read once that to get a clear picture of the world you need to go to the top of a hill, close your eyes, sping round and round, then open your eyes and finally open your eyes again. Am glad you found you book.
Good luck with the ultrasound, i pray it turns out to be clear-upable. Am sorry you're in pain, let's hope it goes very very soon, in the mean time i will send you virtual hugs and virtual painkillers (not too sure how well the latter work).
I guess knowing when your behaviour arround people is unreasonable is the first step towards dealing with it. How long before you're back with your councillor? And how's it going back at school?
xxxxxxxxx

hi there,
sounds like a lot of pain there, pain takes over everything, it becomes first priority, the frustration felt going thru pain can be manifested in many ways, anger and frustration being perfectly normal. Then as the anger subsides guilt kicks in, anger can be overwhelming and we feel out of control, the response is guilt.

It sounds like you are doing all you can and trying to deal with it all the best you can - nobody can critisize you for that. I hope things work out ok.

all the best

I had my ultrasound today. They found a small cyst on my left ovary, but she said it is nothing that can cause the pain I'm having. My blood results also showed that I have some sort of infection, and my uric acid levels are high, which means my kidneys aren't functioning properly. I meet with my regular doctor on Monday to discuss the results.

I had a really bad last night...I was angry and sad off and on for like three hours. Going from bawling my eyes out to screaming and swearing. It was alltogether a bad night. I met with my RD and she had me call crisis. They kept discussing sending me back to the institution because I was so dangerous to myself, but I told them I wouldn't go...so they didn't make me go....thank goodness. Anyway, right now I am royally pissed of at God and the rest of the world down here, so I just feel pretty crappy. If I don't start feeling better soon, I'm not going to be able to go on....I can't handle this...

Heya, firstly the ggod, am glad it's a cyst that will clear up, and I'm glad you were strong enough to call crisis and get help.
I'm sorry to hear there are more problems, I hope they turn out treatable so you can finally be in less pain. It must be so hard for you at the moment and I never cease to be amazed at how strong you are. To be angry at it means you're fighting it, don't let yourself go under. A friend of mine went into hospital after a scuicide attempt at christmas and they kept delaying and delaying letting her out which of course made her feel worse which of course made them delay more.. she's finally coming out on friday (although she has been out for short periods for a while) and if they try and delay again we've told her we're going to go and kidnap her because the hospital is not the place for her - don't go in if you feel the same way!
You can handle this, you will handle this, and I will be here as long as that takes and beyond I promise. Just keep posting, take all the help you can and take care of yourself first ok.
All my love
xxx