Hello,
I am brand new to this board and dont know too much about ALzheimers. I will try to keep my story as brief a possible becasue I really need some advice from someone who ha gone thru this.
First off: My Grama has been showing symptoms of Alzheimers for about the past year or so. It used to be just asking the same questions over and over, but now its going to having the same conversations right after each other (the EXACT same), being a little bit mean to her 3 daughters and saying stuff to them that is completely out of character, last month at my Bday party she forgot what she was there for and whos Bday party it was, shes forgotten where shes driving to once, is spending TONS of money on who knows what, drinking alot of wine (not like her normal self at all), she left me 4 phone messages in the span of 10 minutes saying the exact same thing 3 times and the last just saying my name and then breathing and hanging up, and is getting worse almost daily. The problem is, my Mom and 2 Aunts, are in serious denial and dont seem to see things getting worse. They just say she is having a "bad day". The problem is also that My Grams lives alone. She has a boyfriend of a few years that she stays with occasionally but he is 83 and in and out of the hospital for other health reasons so he obviously cannot take care of her. I dont know what to do in this inbetween stage because she can pretty much take care of herself in some ways but I really think she shouldnt be driving and needs someone to help her mist days with daily things like groceries etc. Last time I was there she was drinking milk that had gone reallly bad.
I guess what Im asking is:
1. Is there something or some kind of home care that you can get that is daily or what should we really do in this weird time where shes 75% capable of taking care of herself but nopt completely?
2. How do I get my Mom and Aunts out of denial? I am having a meeting with them next week about Grams because I am really worried about her. We are all realllly close and love her alot and dont want her to hurt herself or someone else. Grams right now wont really listen to My Mom or aunts she thinks there just being mean to her, but she still listens to me and tells me Im the only one she trusts right now so I really dont want to let her down. I really done know what to do and desperatly need some help and and advice before I meet with them.

Thanks in advance for any help or advice you all have. I really appreciate it. I am sorry for anyone else having to go thru this. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Hi Emily,

Sorry your Grams is having to endure Alzheimer's and those of you who love her are having to deal with the concerns and fallout.

If you haven't already done so, please read the sticky about the stages of Alzhemier's (and maybe copy/print for your mother and aunts as an unhappy reality check for them) and see what seems all too familiar. Tell the daughters that it's all about keeping Grams safe, well fed, and clean - not about wishing the problems would go away so they'd each feel better. Don't be surprised that it is difficult - bad news is always unwelcome.

You're right, Grams should probably not be driving as she probably cannot remember the rules of the road so she'd be a safe driver. There are 2 recent posts here about taking the car keys away. Not easy, but essential to Gram's safety and the safety of others on the road.

There are home aides who can come into your home and help when it's needed, do the driving, and whatever. What I did for my mother was to move her into an nice assisted living facility (ALF) where she had a sunny 1 bedroom apartment (her own furniture), great closets, a kitchenette, and 3 meals daily in a lovely dining room. I lived across the country and could not take her home for reasons you can read if you read back far enough!

It is essential that someone have her Durable Power of Attorney as that is the only legal way to conduct her business, pay her bills from her account, and ask her doctor for her medical information. You can tell her that this is the way that taxes won't take away all of her savings. An eldercare lawyer can help with this if it hasb't already been done. I was blessed in that my little mother had already given me DPOA 10 years before I needed it to take care of her. Believe me, the time will come when the Alzheimer's will have taken enough away that your Grams will not know how to write a check, operate her washing machine, or know her daughters or you. She will have forgotten so much more, too. So sad, but true.

I lost my sweet mother almost exactly a year ago - on September 2. 1004 - and she had not known me, her only child and daughter, for over a year. She was glad to see me and smiled, but did not have a clue how we were related. In her mind, she was too young to have a child, and at one point, she was concerned that her mother didn't know where she was. That was before she mostly quit talking and after she forgot how to walk. I still miss her.

This awful disease is a thief of memory, health, laughter, personality, and vitality. You are not alone on this most unwelcome road. Come here as often as you need to - we understand.

Blessings - Barbara

The legal paperwork is top priority. Have you looked in her area for an Adult Daycare? This would be a program she would attend during the day (not the same as a senior citizens center). She would be kept busy with activities, have lunch, make friends and be safe. I'm not sure of the cost but it isn't cheap. A call to your local hospital Social Services department should provide you with a wealth of information as far as options. They will hopefully have a print out of services available in her area. Getting people to let go of their denial is one of the toughest part of this. It doesn't sound like she should be living alone. Her safety is priority one. She shouldn't be cooking in the home (she may forget she has the stove on). She is in danger of wandering away from the house. Are those who are in denial spending time with her? Unless they are with her for several days they may go for months without really understanding the depth of this problem. My dad had Alzheimer's disease and we did all we could as a family to take turns and keep him safe. After several months my mother had to place him in a nursing home. He was safe and content there. My husband's grandmother had Alzheimer's. She stayed in her little house and family looked in on her several times a day. In the middle of the night on night she wandered away from her house and onto the highway. Her life ended tragically. I wish you the best as you try to keep her safe.

Deb