When I was looking for web boards dealing with anger issues, I was amazed that I found twice as many forums dealing with the MOVIE "Anger Management" than I found dealing with the subject.

As a guy who has anger issues, and really needs like-afflicted people to connect with, this was kind of a depressing thing to discover. I think, all too often, people who are angry are encouraged to keep it buried. I understand that a nut screaming and punching the wall is frightening to people who have never felt so motivated, but it does no one any good to keep an issue like rage bottled up (figuratively or literally). To me, the most important thing for an angry person to achieve is enough self-understanding and acceptance to feel their anger, and learn to deal with it (and not just spew it out in huge thermonuclear bursts). A culture of intolerance to anger doesn't facilitate this, so the problem persists.

Anyway, that's my little rant. If you feel angry, and feel misunderstood, chime in here. I got your back. I hope you have mine.

:jester:

The Rev

I agree keeping anger buried is unhealthy, I b**** to let my anger out or send sarcastic emails, it all helps. Although I think me and most peeps in general probably need to be more assertive and talk their problems out instead of arguing. Arguing can be helpful but it can also cause tension between people. I agree anger can be a helpful emotion if used productively i.e. it allows us to assess what is wrong in our life we can then talk it out and/or go about changing it.

I am usually raging about something silently all day long. It only bursts out if I stub my toe, then you'd think a wildcat was being attacked. I wasn't allowed to BE angry as a child; funny thing, that just made me angrier. I was allowed to be the brunt of my mother's anger, however. A lot of people have been through that and worse as children, and are considered bit***s and bas****s when they talk their parents down. How ungrateful! Yet it happens all the time.

I am usually raging about something silently all day long. It only bursts out if I stub my toe, then you'd think a wildcat was being attacked. I wasn't allowed to BE angry as a child; funny thing, that just made me angrier. I was allowed to be the brunt of my mother's anger, however. A lot of people have been through that and worse as children, and are considered bit***s and bas****s when they talk their parents down. How ungrateful! Yet it happens all the time.

Same here. Anger made mom anxious, so she lashed out at us kids for it, leaving us with the lifelong lesson that "certain feelings are unacceptable." The thing is, she was beaten for being angry when she was small (I can't imagine what happened to grandma :eek: ). And I've been fighting with that lesson all my life, trying to live with the anxiety that NOT burying that anger leaves me feeling.

It's good to be able to talk about this stuff with people who've been there. Thanks for posting in my thread, everyone.

:jester:

The Rev

Buried anger is like a cancer. It spreads to ever aspect of your life. Anger is another word for the 'fear of the unknown'. I don't doubt it stems from our childhood. Like a domino effect, one generation after another. The good news is we're breaking the cycle when we confront why we're angry. No use blaming the parents they learned their behaviors in their own upbringings. One way that helped me was when I got angry, I would find a quiet place to go and ask myself why I got angry. What triggered that episode of anger. I then started digging into my gut, way down deep into my childhood to try to figure out what happened that I carried this anger inside of me all these yrs. Sometimes it worked the first time and I would remember, sometimes it was buried too deep. The memories start flowing once you open the gate. Until you realize and deal with the whys of the anger, you'll only get angier. Best of peace...

Some people can channel their anger into a mighty force of nature, and make big changes - for the good. Like people who lose a parent to cancer and become cancer researchers. Or work against child abuse, or domestic violence. I testified against a dangerous child abuser last year who wanted full custody of his former stepchildren. I knew stuff about him and came forward. Other women came forward too. Some others were too terrified of him to speak out. Things didn't work out exactly the way I'd hoped (they never do), but he didn't get full custody, and he lost his job as a schoolteacher! I risked my life, my job, my sanity, and I'd do it all over again! It felt so good. He didn't try to kill me (as I thought he might) but I did get very stressed, lost my job, and got extremely ill, partly because of the stress. It was my anger that propelled me. When I was a kid I always thought "I'm a kid; I have no rights. Why aren't there any grownups helping me? Standing up for me? When I'm grown up I'll be different....."

Some people can channel their anger into a mighty force of nature, and make big changes - for the good. Like people who lose a parent to cancer and become cancer researchers. Or work against child abuse, or domestic violence. I testified against a dangerous child abuser last year who wanted full custody of his former stepchildren. I knew stuff about him and came forward. Other women came forward too. Some others were too terrified of him to speak out. Things didn't work out exactly the way I'd hoped (they never do), but he didn't get full custody, and he lost his job as a schoolteacher! I risked my life, my job, my sanity, and I'd do it all over again! It felt so good. He didn't try to kill me (as I thought he might) but I did get very stressed, lost my job, and got extremely ill, partly because of the stress. It was my anger that propelled me. When I was a kid I always thought "I'm a kid; I have no rights. Why aren't there any grownups helping me? Standing up for me? When I'm grown up I'll be different....."

I used to feel that way too. When I was a kid, I was treated like something less than a fully valid person, and it always enraged me. Today, I have real difficulty with not being taken seriously. Haven't punched anyone out yet, but I've come close.

My congratulations in overcoming your fear to do what no one would do for you. It must have been incredibly empowering. I'm just sorry the stress cost you so much. I stress out bad, too. I know how much that hurts.

The Rev :jester:

How do we figure out WHY we're angry? If that's the way to handle it, what happens when there's really NOTHING that could make us angry? I know for me, I'm constantly angry, but I can't ever put a true reason on it. Sometimes, things that would make a normal person just shrug and laugh make me go into a tantrum. It's unbelievable and I hate myself for it, but I feel so helpless.

How do we figure out WHY we're angry? If that's the way to handle it, what happens when there's really NOTHING that could make us angry? I know for me, I'm constantly angry, but I can't ever put a true reason on it. Sometimes, things that would make a normal person just shrug and laugh make me go into a tantrum. It's unbelievable and I hate myself for it, but I feel so helpless.

I think we hide from alot of what makes us angry. I know that, for myself, I've only recently been able to recognize that I'm angry at all (I mean, besides when I blow up). I was taught (by example) that anger was unacceptable, so as time has gone along, I have acquired mental habits of shoving the anger by, ignoring it, pushing it right down there into the murky pile of "stuff I try not to see." It's taken a long time to learn to stop and just feel the feeling, before it gets too overwhelming.

Does that make sense?

The Rev :jester:

LVangl5,

I think anger is very natural and is your mind's way of saying, "Heck No, That's Not Right"

When I see some one who is wronged, rejected, picked on, bullied, or aliegnated for an example, that will automatically set me off.......and it should because it is not right.....but that is just me. I could get pissed off if I thought about my past but I do not get angry at things I cannot change, that is wasted energy. I get upset if I could possibly change things or someone's bad behavior.

I am smart enough to keep my mouth closed most of the time and I don't always let my anger get the best of me by verbally venting and saying something I might regret....I have done this before...not advisable. Best to keep quiet and reflect on why I got so angry and what could I possibly do about the situation, if anything.

Sometimes, just talking about what you did not like to others, especially the ones who are empowered to take action will not only validate your anger, but may prompt them to take action.

Now, you mind works the same way if it is somewhat healthy.....I did not say normal....What is normal really?

If you are angry about something, anxious, or really adjatated, the best thing to do is to seperate yourself from everyone, find a quiet place where you can be alone and just think about what may be bothering you....until you quiet yourself....use your mind to figure it out.... Your brain is a powerful defensive tool and it can and will help you especially if you are a spiritual person and you ask for help and don't expect it right away....it will come in it's own time....just have faith.....things often get worse before they get better, but keep doing the right thing and it will pay off in time.

Sometimes we get "pissy" about things someone has done and we cannot control it so we just blow it off when it really bothers us and we don't acknowledge it. Then when something else comes along and we go through the same reaction and supress our true feelings and mentally blow it off to find instant relief when maybe a better way is to talk it over with the person. Explain to him/her how you really feel about his/her's actions/or maybe lack of action and how it is just not acceptable behavior. You cannot make people do anything, but you can talk about it, express your opinion, (calmly, quietly, and positively as you can muster) and hope they think about what you have said at some point in their day. Maybe some anger is caused by unexpressed feelings or concerns......maybe. Lord knows I have gotten upset a time or two in my life and failed to tell someone why because I did not believe I could do it without really pissing them off.....which would have gotten me in some hot water because I tend to set my anger on the leaders who are responsible for people and their wellfare. I am in a large organization and I see abuse of power, harassment, etc and things like that quite often....it never fails to upset me.

We can even get pissed off at ourselves for doing something or saying something that got us into some hot water. When we do not take responsibility for what we have done, because we don't realize it was our own doing that caused the situation, we might get angry.


The bottom line for me is I have a huge temper and I am glad I do. It is my minds way of letting me know, hey, don't blow this off....it is impoertant.....figure it out. Most of the time I take a mandatory reflection time to intensely analyise all aspects of what the real problem is and what is a real win-win solution for all involved.

I did speak to a Psychiatrist about this when I first discovered my intense anger and he told me that I had several major changes in my life in a short time, (moving several times, changing jobs, and a divorce from an long term abusive spouse, unresolved medical issues, etc).

He told me the problem was when I come to see him and I have the anger and absolutely nothing in my past or present that has changed and no reason to be angry.....that would be a major cause of an alarm and a Psych should be consulted for help.

Anger away folks, just be think deeply about he source of the anger and be responsible and don't use it as an excuse to hurt yourself or people.

Take Care,

Carla

What does your name the Rev mean?

Anger is natural, but so is forgiveness and control