Well .... first of all .. I have to gloat.

I did my first Aid exams today and got 100% !!!!!!!!

Yay me!! Woo hoo!! :bouncing:

And .......... MIL was unsettled yesterday . . . well, we had 2 'settled' days, and now it looks like she's unsettling again. She refused to go to Day Care on Monday (Yesterday) .. why? Because because! How did I find out?

Well, our car was in for repairs (more sobs) and we were using her car (or FIL's .. depends how you look at it) and Cameron took some soup down to her yesterday afternoon. He came trotting upstairs to tell me Nanna is standing at the front door with her handbag and another bag with Pa's Pyjamas in it. Now .. DH wasn't here, he was with FIL, so there was no vehicle to take her. And then .. I looked at her eye. All red, and receded, and horrible. I managed to get her sitting down in her lounge chair with a wet washer on the eye, then discovered she hadn't taken her tablets, so managed to get her to take them (and she dropped one, and didn't notice) and then I went to find her a glass of wine to a) ensure she understood it's too late to go out and b) settle her down, and lo and behold .. no wine.

There was 1.5 bottles the night before, but *poof* all gone ....

So I ring DH and inform him his mother is restless and wants to go out, and that shes run out of wine. He came and got her, and she bought some. She wasn't worried about FIL. I think she was using that as an excuse ! LOL

I manged to put the loungeroom back to rights AGAIN, but I haven't been downstairs to see if she's messed it up again .. but I can tell you all you can smell is urine. She's even put a fluffy bathmat on her loungechair!!!

Smelly, yucky and icky.

Ok .. time to get dinner ready .. Crumbed Chicken for us, Tuna Casserole for MIL (soft, no chewing).

Hugs
Sally

Sally, do you mind answering something for a sympathetic reader/lurker on your and these other Alz. threads?
(I don't jump in here much as I am just learning and don't have much to offer on this subject)...

I don't quite see how your MIL could have gotten along very well in life even BEFORE Alzheimer's entered the picture and took its toll...I have the impression she is a fairly out-of-control alcoholic and maybe has always been, at least has always drank a lot of wine, from what I think I recall you saying, and so I couldn't help wondering if that may have as much to do with her mental incapacity, bad behaviors and problem-causing as the Alz. Did she ever used to be a nice, reasonable, capable person? Why do you think she drank so much? Do you think it caused damage? Could her brain have been destroyed as much by alcohol already, and the disease is just a johnny-come-lately kind of contributing factor, not even the main cause of the terrible damage you are now dealing with?

I do understand she has a speech problem too or a brain problem that affects her ability to speak, so I'm sure it's not a simple matter to explain her present state...

Sorry you are faced with such a demanding challenge...as I've said before, my hat's off to you and the others here who are teaching us all so much by your examples...

I don't mind answering questions .. the only silly question is one that isn't asked!

In my humble, non-professional opinion, my mother in law has always drunk too much. On that basis, I do believe a lot of her dementia is alcohol induced (there is a dementia created by too much alcohol over many many years).

Although an intellegent woman, I do believe her way of life led her to drink. FIL pretty much kept to himself until his boys were 'of age' which meant drinking age. She raised 3 boys and a friends daughter pretty much by herself while FIL worked in a cushy job and went to the club every night. And yes, I mean EVERY night. When he WAS home, he sat and watched "the news" and didn't seem to be a very hands on Dad. Then again, back in that era, they weren't anyway.

MIL was the most empathetic woman I have ever meant. I truly mean I adored the socks off her (that's a good thing LOL) .. I lost count the number of times my mother would make me cry, and she would be my shoulder to cry on. How I wished SHE could be my mother (somewhat illegal since I married her son .. but you get the idea LOL) ... she was always full of words of wisdom, comfort and support. She never bailed anybody out, but would empower you to do it yourself. She was even a life-line counsellor and saved many potential suicides (Life-Line is a telephone counselling service).

I do admit, however, that FIL was the breadwinner. He controlled finances. She had an allowance. Any money she earnt was hers to do with what she wanted. She's never been in control of the MAJOR household bills. She knows they are there, even now, but she doesn't know what to do with them. Perhaps 10 years ago, she could have figured it out, but now, with the cognitive decline, it's not going to happen.

Her speech problem isn't related to her alcohol consumption, however it is related to some dementia's. I remember numerous times she would stop drinking to 'sleep better' but that wouldn't last long at all. She enjoyed her 1 glass of sherry, her 2 glasses of wine and her 1 glass of red (with dinner) then would have coffee. It was her routine. Now? She just drinks. Exacerbates the dementia? I have no doubt.

Of course, if I put this scenario to the rest of the family, I would be poo-pooh'ed ... but yeah .. I think you pinned it.

Hugs
Sally

Congratulations on your 100% WOWEEE!!

I'm so sorry about your mother in law. I knew you were very close to her and attached to her from your earliest posts, and how hard it was for you to 'give up' when everyone but you just ignored her problems.

This is a horrible disease.

I wonder what would happen in a NH ..no alcolhol would be allowed in. I wonder if there would be a miraculous improvement in her behavior and lucidity if she were "detoxed'. I know it is useless to ask, but DON'T HER SONS SEE THAT SHE IS MAKING HER SICKNESS WORSE BY DRINKING? How can they not see it?

Love,

Martha

Congratulations on the perfect score!!!

I'm so happy for you! And proud too!

Love, Barb

Hi Sally -

A belated WOO HOO!! on your perfect score!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We always knew you'd be aces at this. Good for you!!

My Mom was a tee totaler and she went completely downhill in less than 4 years. I'm not sure if MIL's alcohol use makes her worse except for temporarily sloppy and careless if awake and a sounder sleeper when asleep. Does she drink enough to harm her liver? Maybe she needs a liver function test. That would tell if detox is medically needed. Perhaps the wine and such help her endure what has happened to her. Not being able to talk and be understood must be frustrating to the point of being almost intolerable. Losing her mind slowly in addition must have been awful before she forgot about it.

Because of my experiences with Mom, I've formed the opinion that whatever helps you endure Alzheimer's should be allowed and legal. Humm ... maybe that should go for the caregivers, too!

Hugs to all - Barbara :)

Hi there Sally,

Bravo for the Lady with 100!!!!! So that is where you have been. Studying and going to school and being a mom and watching after MIL!!! I forget, that some of you guys have a great big giant full plate, every day!

If you do not mind me asking, how old are you? I am 54 and could just not hold up under that kind of pressure and schedule!

You are so right alcohol does make you forget and also makes you not hurt! Will MIL not wear depends? My dad does sometimes. He does not mind - except thinks they might show throught his clothes sometimes. I think maybe FIL should come home and stay the night with her and smell the smell?! Then some more - better things might happen. He might get on BIL again?!

Oh it is a crying shame that such a nice woman has changed so. I guess it is like loosing a mother right in front of you. Or as yall say - a complete different person.

Take care and do not wear yourself out Sally. Wannabe

Evening all .. (well, here anyway)

Ok Wannabe .. I'll admit my age .. I'm 44 .. sometimes feel 74, thinking wise I'm probably 24 .. LOL LOL (and sometimes 14 but shhhh ...)

I'm going to try and find some 'pull-up's' for grown ups and see if I can replace her panties with them. She wears 'step-ins' as underwear, so with a bit of luck, she'll use these .. that's if I can find them. I don't want to fork out too much $ if she's not going to wear them y'know?

Downstairs just plain stinks. If anybody walks in and says they can't smell it needs medical help themselves. :confused: (Oh .. that would be BIL !!!)

I can't bring FIL home, because a) he wouldn't go back and b) she would be on her best behaviour and would behave .. she could keep that up indefinately when it comes to having an audience in the same room.

It is a shame losing her this way, this is something BIL isn't aware of .. his blinkers are made of cast iron and are inpenetrable. Watching her hurts me just as much as it hurts him, thing is I am disassociating from it, he won't/can't and remains in his denial.

And yeah .. I haven't been around, my plate has been VERY full. Next up is my Anatomy and Physiology exams (next Tueday) and I have to do a 10 minute presentation on Cultural Diversity. I've been at the computer, but not able to catch up with lots of things.

Barb: Our family doctor said to let her drink what she wants, and whenever she wants to .. at this late stage in her disease, she's better off drinking lots and being happy. So what if it affects her liver ... that's the least of our problems. Yes, Alz. victims should be able to eat/drink/smoke whatever they can to remain calm and happy. Wouldn't mind some of that myself sometimes ........... OH !! Did I say that? Tsk tsk Sally ... the urge to pick up a cigarette has been strong these past few days, but that was exam nerves LOL .. I didn't .. I'm proud.

BosMom: Thankyou :-) .. I'm still pretty happy with myself ~ I had so many doubts to start with .. but we had a brilliant teacher who made it fun, PLUS the whole thing has been made easier. They don't CARE what kind of bandage you put on, as long as you put one on ('cept for a pressure immobilisation bandage, THAT we had to know) they don't CARE about what kind of knot holds a sling together, as long as it's knotted .. that made it MUCH simpler!!

Martha: I don't think it would be very pretty if MIL didn't have her wine .. the nursing home would NOT like the resulting behaviour .. that I can promise you! The whole thing of moving MIL to a nursing home is scary. She's going to hate it. She's GOING to walk out, she's GOING to be nasty, she's started bucking Day Care this week ... it's always only a matter of time before she get's wise to the diversional therapy that's organised.

Anyway .. BIL popped in tonight to see MIL .. it's wednesday, he came home from his flying job on Tuesday morning and took her to see FIL thankfully. He said to MIL "So your battling ok then?" and she said "Yes". He spent about 15-20 minutes with her, standing in the foyer, chatting to her about his day,

And then he left.

Yep .. that's long enough to do .. oh .. pretty much nothing really. He didn't see the mess she's made in the dining room, he didn't see she hadn't taken her tablets today .. he didn't see the parcel of food in the cupboard (I checked but didn't have time to grab) .. he DID see her trying to bring the big garbage bin back in (the garbage men haven't turned up yet, that's tomorrow morning) and he DID get her to stop, but I had to bring the bin back to the kerb .... (cause he was leaving .. he didn't bother bringing the bin back to the kerb for anybody)

but .. I'm sounding like a cat again, so I shall stop .. it's too easy to start ranting LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!

OK .. Today at school we're doing PAPERWORK .. B*O*R*I*N*G ~~ but necessary .. admission forms, incident reports, nursing reports, OH&S, Policies and Protocols of different establshments ... B*O*R*I*N*G and tomorrow is the same, as is next Thursday .. but then it's OVER AND DONE WITH. It's been a big week this week, with 4 days straight!

Next Monday is our BIG practical day where we should get ALOT of stuff signed off ... checking Blood glucose levels, Urinalysis, blood pressure, manual handling, patient transfer .. and lots lots more .. it's going to be an EXHAUSTING DAY ..Tuesday is Anatomy & Physiology exam and Cultural Diversity presentation (I've done Aborigines living in the city vs country and Cultural differences in food ... that's a funny one) then Wednesday at the nursing home, Thursday PAPERWORK ... big week again next week.

Ok .. outta here .. need to cook potato's

Hugs
Sally

Ah, paperwork ... the backbone of medical care and the king of all rules: NOT DOCUMENTED IS NOT DONE.

You'll do well! Perhaps you should take time off from your volunteer job during the busiest of school weeks?? You need time for yourself, remember.

A pox on BIL!!

Hugs - Barbara :wave:

Hi Sally,

You ARE one busy gal! I do wish I could go back to college. Not to do anything in the medical field, tho. Sounds, like it suits you to a tee!!

Your talking about MIL drinking, being ok, reminds me of my FIL. He is 90 and has no alzheimers - I do not think! He has prostate cancer (slow growing), dehydration (a lot of the time, will not drink water!), and the biggie - Bad, Bad heart disease. His heart doctor, said that he could eat or drink anything he wanted. Of course not hardly any alcohol, because of all his medicines! We never expected him to still be alive. Has had colon cancer 3 or 4 times in his life. He is a walking miracle and a sweetie. We see him at least 1x week. When doctors are dealing with old and sick people, they will let them do anything they want, within reason.

We are sorry that you have such a blind, deaf, and non smelling BIL! And that MIL has such a incompetent son!! Incompetent meaning, that he does not always do what is best for her - I think he is also trying to look good in some peoples eyes!

Take care and unwind sometimes. Wannabe

Thank you, Sally. Now I see why you are moved to behave so generously towards such a difficult lady and her, if I may say bluntly, also difficult family. (not your husband specifically) sounds like they mostly take the "ignore a problem long enough and maybe it will go away" approach (such as ignoring for years MIL's heavy drinking rather than confront it directly, and now denying her very obvious bizarre behaviors and inability to care for herself).

So sad, sounds like she was an exceptional person with a very kind heart. Sorry you have experienced such a loss.

OH trust me, I'm no saint .. I DETEST with a passion what I have to do the woman downstairs .. but a big part of me still loves what she WAS. I don't think I've actually DEALT with the loss .. I've lost so much in such a short time, this is just 'another' thing . . . I'll probably fall apart when I stop.

Yes, the family has always been a 'get around to it' family. Although if it comes to money, things get done IMMEDIATELY. Because MIL could cost so much MORE money (if she goes into a nursing home) THAT'S why the brakes are on ..

I feel quite defeated really ... I can't do anything else now ..

And we're PRETTY SURE FIL is going to ask us to start helping him pay his way at the nursing home (or let him come home) .. THAT'S gonna be the tough bit, because he will think it's FINE to eat into our limited resources, but he won't touch his OWN money (and he does have plenty, believe me). We're waiting for that brick to fall.

And ......... I would just like to let you know that it was "L" that took MIL to see FIL on Tuesday (not BIL like I thought, but he was imminently due home) AND, she actually went and got some oxygen for FIL today (after I didn't answer his 12 calls to me whilst I was at college .. hmmmm) ........ amazing what she'll do when BIL is in town isn't it? Do I see a pattern here????

I am SO tired tonight .. 4 days straight at College (usually it's 2 days one week and 3 days the next) ... and I still have some homework to do (I'm almost keeping up with it) ... I would like a chance to do some laundry and find the floor in the house .. there isn't much at the best of times, there's even less now!!!

Mince Chow Mein for dinner tonight .. !!!!!

Hugs
Sally

Hi there Sally,

If you guys give FIL ANY $, you should be beaten with lots of wet noodles!!! If he has his own money, let him dig it out! Does anyone in your immediate family help you with all the cooking, housework and laundry? If not, yall need to set up some new family rules (about chores).

Sally, you should not feel defeated! You have done and are doing the best of the whole bunch, in caring for MIL!! You are doing all you can do under the crummy circumstances (and they are many!). I know how you feel - I felt defeated when my mother flatly refused to do the POA & Living Will a week or so ago!!! My sister has taken up the cause with some "undercover work" from me. I may be the problem, and maybe she will be able to help them do this legal work. But, if you are like me, try to sit back and see it from many different angles. And try to dis-associate a little. I know it is hard for you, because yall live in the same house! But I do have a better perspective on the issue and feel, not quite so "defeated" or used up!

We had taco salad for dinner. Not hard to make at all!

Take care of you first. Wannabe