Last night, just as DH and I were getting ready to snuggle into our bed and sleep, I heard this Godalmight CRASH downstairs.

*sigh*

Downstairs we trot, to find all the lights on again in every room except the loungeroom in which was in darkness. I checked the bedroom. No MIL. I checked the other bedroom. No MIL, I crept into the loungeroom, whilst DH peeked into the dining room.

"Mum, what's happened?" I heard him say, and backtracked to the dining room. There I found her, flat on her back, moaning and making 'Ouchie" faces, with the rocking chair on it's side. I slipped in a huge puddle of urine, and almost collected the doorframe.

I took one look at her, and her unresponsiveness, and called the ambulance. I then went and sat with her, and comforted her. Checked her pulse (72bpm) and respirations (18) (good thing I've learnt that eh?) which was all happily within normal limites. But she was muttering, and obviously uncomfortable (and cold, she was on wet tiles!) I put a blanket over her, because she had no clothes on the lower half of her body, and we waited for the ambulance. She held my hand/s, quite tightly, fearing to let go. She had split her lip, and had a laceration over her right eye.

Ambulance turned up, and took my ob's nicely, got MIL onto a spinal board, and loaded her in the ambulance. By that stage, I had her holding her own hands ;) . We went and got in the car and met her up at the hospital.

Her blood pressure was 220/110, and 15 minutes later was 199/101. 3 hours later it was still 199/95 .. still high ~ !!

We waited from 11pm to 1.30am to see a doctor, who finally turned up (I think because DH and I said we had to go home ...) and took down our information of the nights events and MIL's health. THEN they sent us home, because they were going to wake her up and check her out. She may yet have to have a CT scan this morning.

Now .. her behaviour whilst on the hospital bed : She was compliant and happy when awake'ish, then promptly started climbing out of the bed, quite agitated. The nurses got to her, and they managed to get her to the toilet, but with a puddle of urine trailing along. She soaked the few clothes she had on her. They cleaned her up, put a gown on her, and put her back to bed. She was giggling at this stage. They put a warm blanket on her that she LOVED ... and was happy happy!! DH sat next to her, and she grabbed his arm and dragged it over her to her shoulder. He wasn't comfortable, but she had started to doze, so he just put up with it. (with a few pleading looks to me, but I stood my ground away from the bed .......) well, then she started to get agitated again, and fussed over the blanket (too heavy, not hot anymore) then settled, then fussed again, and started to climb out of bed. At this stage, the nurses were busy with their own run-away patient (young girl kept escaping from her bed to have a shower ... psych consult on his way) and they asked me to take her to the toilet and get a urine sample.

I did !!! Not without numerous puddles, cause MIL didn't make it again, soaked her gown, so I got her into a dry one (with DH's help, he was hovering outside the bathroom) and we got her back to bed. New hot blanket again .. she liked that one even more!!

So .. we got home at 2am .. finally fell asleep, it's now 7.43am and we're getting the kids ready for school so we can take them and then dash up to the hospital.

In between that, I'm going to try and get onto ACAT and tell them of the nights events. I'm HOPING that they'll admit MIL for proper assessment ...but it depends, of course, if they have a bed available.

Fingers crossed. I'll keep you updated.

I hate this disease, I really do.

Hugs
Sally

Please keep us informed Sally.

As horrible as the night was, it may be the final link in the chain that gets Mum into some kind of serious care and not home alone much of the time .. and also lets YOU off the hook. The BP was much too high .. did she forget some of her tablets (or all of them) or take 2 or 3 days' worth???

The only answer to the constant urine driblbling is adult diapers (nappies) called 'Depends' here, but there are many store brands much cheaper .. and just as good ... this is a necessity now that she slipped and fell because of one of her own puddles ..

Best wishes for a quick resolution to these issues...

love and a big fat hug,

Martha

Oh dear!!!

Sally, it's so scary to imagine this and worse if MIL is on her own. I know that awful certainly is something you and Alan are trying to prevent. Bless your hearts!

That BP is through the roof! She should certainly be in hospital until the reason for it being so high is found. It's amazing that MIL didn't have a stroke. BIL cannot pretend this is imaginary or an overreaction.

As Martha said, hope this is the ticket that gets MIL the 24/7 care she needs so badly. She needs a cook, a minder, and someone to give her medicines to her (and watch as each is swallowed!). By the time my mother was showing these behaviors, she was in the ALF and soon headed to the locked unit.

You did so well in monitering MIL's vital signs as best you could and by keeping her warm and comforted. The ambulance attendants surely appreciated a coherent and helpful report on the patient!! Goodonya!

Did you have to go to class? Staying tuned for the outcome.

((((((((((((Hugs!)))))))))))) Barbara :)

Fortunately, today was a day off classes .. PHEW !!

oK .. We went back to the hospital this morning to find MIL alot more alert, but still very subdued. That didn't last long. She started getting feisty. She wanted to go to the toilet and could barely stand, they had to use a bathchair, but an hour later, she leapt out of bed, tried to hit me and took off down the corridors .. one nurse walked past me and I said "She's gone ......." so they found her and brought her back. She had been up through the night after we left to go to the toilet by herself as well.

ACAT sent a lovely lady around to talk to us. They have MIL EXACTLY where they want her .. things can progress from here .............

however .................

BIL and "L" turned up and 'took over' Duty of Care. MIL had a CT scan, but only a quick one, only random slices taken, BIL went with her for that. MIL was cranky, and fed up with sitting in the bed, and was getting quite agitated. The hospital staff finally gave her some food (around 10am) and her medication. She started to settle after that.

Her BP is still 165/95 and fluctuating, lower than last night, but still too high. We didn't get the result of her BGL (Blood glucose level).

Needless to say, she's not a happy camper. We came home this afternoon and left them all to it, Alan just mopped all the floors, I found dead meat in her WARDROBE, cutlery in the bedside table .. we cleaned up the mess .. as usual. And it sure smells better for the moment too! All the windows and doors are open.

ACAT caught us just before we left, and they REALLY want MIL to have some respite to be assessed. I told them they will have trouble with BIL allowing that to happen. They are going to tread carefully with their approach. This is a new lady, and MIL is famous ..LOL

I've also sworn ACAT to secrecy about me calling them ... BIL was WILD that they knew before he did ... and was demanding to know who contacted them ..... everybody just played dumb .. thank heavens.

So .. what's happening? Who knows. When we left, MIL had her golden boy by her side with his pretty girlfriend being 'helpful'.

Pity they only do it when necessary and not as required.

I am SO tired .... can't sleep however ...

Hugs
Sal

Hi Sally,

What a day and nite you have had - and you DH. If MIL comes home, you will have to try to do the Depends. I am sure the hospital, ACAT, and perhaps (hope, hope, hope!) the NH will insist on adult diapers!

I do hope for yalls and MILs sakes, that ACAT does their job this time and just ignores or works around and above BIL!!! I think that MIL is not a happy camper because: she has no alcohol, she is not at her own home, and she cannot do just exactly what she wants! I bet she could spit nails!!!

Are they giving her any meds? Just her regular ones? I imagine, tomorrow, they will start tests, if they have not already. I hope they do lots and lots of tests. Psch, geratric dr., neurologist and family dr., type tests!

I do hope she is not in any pain and that they keep her that way! Of course, with you around, you will see that they do everything right for MIL!

Take care. Try and rest, too. Wannabe


HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS - HUGS

*SIGH*

She came home

*SIGH*

Sally -

I'm agast. I read this earlier and was so angry at BIL, ACAT, and the hospital staff that I couldn't even write you. I don't know how it works in your part of the world, but MIL's release from hospital is at the very least reckless endangerment, if not cruelty and malpractice. If BIL had her discharged, then take her to his house and leave her there. He's the nurse and she needs medical care until her BP is under control.

Outrageous!!! Can Alan overrule BIL? Now is the time, and old deference and awe of an older brother must be overcome. Can a lawyer help? Can MIL's doctor overrule BIL?

Honey, I wish you well as I have every time BIL has made a medically unsound declaration. Glad you had the day off from school since you got so little sleep. Today just follow your schedule and the falling chips will be on BIL's head. Sad that he cares more for money than for his mother.

By the way, don't give FIL a penny, farthing, or whatever your money is!! He saved his money just for this time of life and it's his responsibility to pay his way and MIL's way. The utter nerve! Wonder if BIL put him up to it?

Queensland never looked so good! You are a saint. That's a fact.

Blessings and hugs - Barbara

Hey Sally,

We know you will post when you feel like it and have the time! I am so sorry for you and your MIL!! What just happened should be against the law. Doesnt anyone in an upper position (of power) have any gumption or sense or eyes and ears?!

I can imagine that you are busy and depressed. Try to do like Barbara said and keep to your schedule and reach for your family goal!!! You can do it and try not to be sad. We are here for you whenever you need us.

Take the most care of you and then your family. Wannabe

TONS OF BIG SQUEEZY HUGS ARE COMING YOUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!!

UNREAL! That's all I can think to say of your situation. I second everything these ladies have said. And I said long ago that BIL needed to have MIL at his house. He would then be the one calling ACAT (faster than you could holler YEE-HAH!) and MIL would get accepted.

Does it take her dying of a serious fall for BIL to get it??? What an @$$!

God love ya, Sally. You're in my prayers.

Love, Barb

Ok .. sorry for being AWOL ...

Tonight is Sunday Night. Here in Australia, it's been Fathers Day. Tamea made DH a lovely present of poems, pictures and sayings, Brianna gave him the big Toblerone chocolate I bought (for just such an emergency, and Alan said he would share it with me ... LOL), and Cameron made him breakfast at the computer table (not bed) of Bacon, Eggs and Toast.

Then I took the kids to Sunday School, and he took MIL to church .. bruised face and all. But he discovered, 1/2 way there, she didn't actually WANT to go to Church today .. he couldn't figure out WHERE she actually WANTED to go, so he MADE her go to church! LOL (insert little German Guy saying "Ve, hav, vays of making you do deez tings")

Then I got the kids back from Sunday school (after two loads of washing) and he went and got FIL (A day at home) and MIL (from church). FIL spent an uneventful day at his computer, paying bills, stuffing around ... getting me to check his skin tears, we bought him and MIL a meat pie for lunch, then we went out and left them to their own defences (with Cameron left at home as backup). When we got home, MIL looked ready to go out (where?) and FIL got me to play secretary for a little while, and nurse (found another hole in him !!) .. Around 4.15pm, DH got FIL organised to take him to the club for a couple of beers before heading him back to the nursing home, I started organising a dinner for FIL to have at the nursing home and something soft for MIL, because her poor little face is black and blue and the split lip is swollen .. and she even managed to indicate pain to me and I gave her a tablet around the same time. They all went to the club, I stayed at home and did HOMEWORK, and be a Mum, and a Chef (Oh for the paypacket!!) and carried on (as only I can do LOL LOL LOL)

As they headed off, however, MIL leapt into the car!! She was going again too! (Remember last week?? hmmmmm) FIL rang me and asked if I was going, but I declined .. I have too much to do (like get his dinner, her dinner and then OUR dinner and homework, and kids, and ... and ... and ...) so off they went.

Phew .. put on another load of washing ~~ Got the dinners moving along .. all went swimmingly. Got dinner to FIL at the nursing home when DH took him back there (and it stayed hot .. this is a good thing) and I gave MIL some 'space' to have a wine and settle into a chair and watch TV, then I sent Cameron down to give her her dinner.

He came back up again (without dinner) and said .......

"Nanna's in bed, she's refusing cutlery!!

Ummmmm............. it's 6.35pm .. bit early

So I trotted downstairs a few moments later and found her "doing that to herself" (get my drift?) and food IN the bed and ON the bed, the plate on the floor .... OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank GOD Cameron didn't see that (or if he did, he didn't know what she was doing) .. I managed to get her long necklace off her (strangulation) and there is dinner all throughout her bed, (yes, it's food, not poo) and all on the bed, and she wouldn't get OUT of bed, so I shut downstairs down and came upstairs .....

I know ALL this behaviour is dementia induced ..... but it's such a SHOCK seeing it first hand !!! I have READ they do these things, but never thought, in my wildest dreams she would get like this ....... ** Talk about an eye opener ** .... I know she's been sexual over the last 12 months, and watching her at the club the other week with FIL we were even joking he would need a double bed at his nursing home (until she got cross with him at a seconds notice .. then his chanced were blown LOL) .. but GEEEEZ ....

And DH said she only had 3 small wines at the club .. she usually drinks MUCH more than that (1/2 a bottle last night!!)

Yeah .. I'm in shock. And I have to go to school tomorrow and have a big clinical day ........ I hope BIL and helpful "L" actually do pull their fingers out and actually DO something.

Oh .. and to top it all off .. FIL has announced that since his bathroom is being re-done at the nursing home the week after next, he would like to come home for those 2 days (and 1 night I think) ..........

And knowing my luck, MIL will be on her bestest behaviour ............ and we'll still be told we're imagining or exaggerating our stories........

26 days until I make my announcement we're moving ...... giving them 3 months to figure something out.

Give me strength to carry it through.

Hugs
Sally

Hi Sally,

I don't know how you keep your nose above water. This is just too, too, too much to have to deal with. Wish I could pop over to help and also clobber BIL. Any chance that a place for FIL in a better facility is available???

Cheers that the end is in sight - real numbers to count down from!!! You and your lot will be otta there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the best in school today. Hope you can leave the chaos at home and find peace in the organization of the medical world.

Busy helping DH today so much get back to it.

Many hugs - Barbara :wave:

Sally, I told you Barbara would go for hopping on a plane and going after BIL! LOL!!! :D

If I could, I'd tag along and wrap my hands around his neck while Barbara was doing the clobbering! And I think Martha might....ahem....ensure that he and L never reproduce? :) What a great humanitarian gesture, Martha! LOL! LOL! LOL!

I'm sure there are more ladies here willing to join in. Anybody????

Love, Barb

...although you gave me the hardsest job af all, I am willing to do it for the sake of our dear pal, St. Sally ...

(in our dreams, ladies!)

Meanwhile, just hang in there and count the days, Sally ..not much longer now.

love,

Martha

Hi Sally,

You know, I have heard of alzheimers patients doing "THAT", but I do not think my dad will, because of prostate cancer and such. I bet that was a shock! Did you say anything?! And who is going to clean up the mess in the bed? I know, call BIL and tell him to come and clean it up. HA HA HE HE That was a laugh. Or L?! & where would FIL sleep? With MIL?! Hope you tell all that are not concerned, about what happened last night. Probably will not help, but might help you to get it off your chest!

Hurrah!!! 26 or is is 25 more days til announcement time!! Dont some of them sort of know it or have been told about the move before? They probably do not believe "Good Ol' Sal" and DH will do it, they just think you are threatening to move! Keep your resolve! You can do it. You are a very strong person - when it comes to moving, you just need to point your resolve in that direction!

Ok, ladies, I will go with you to do the BIL job. But, someone will have to pay my airfare and yall will have to give me a very good job to do on him!!!

Yall take care. Wannabe

Now now ... we don't condone physical violence .. however the thought is, I admit sweet LOL

The family aren't aware, as far as I know, of our intentions. It's going to be interesting to see the reaction. Its bad enough when we want to go on holidays, let alone leave the state!!

Oh well ... I have had enough. I am not prepared to do these things anymore. It's getting harder and harder, and with little help, I am really RESENTING everybody who DOESN'T live here .... and that's dangerous, because resentment is harsher than frustration.

Anyway, BIL took MIL to the doctor today. I don't know what's happened. I haven't heard anything, but I've only been home 50 minutes and been cooking dinner since we rocked in. DH has just taken some beers to FIL, so we'll see if BIL turns up and shares any information.

I am not even BEGINNING to look at her bedroom tonight .. I have study for my anatomy exam tomorrow ... I have enough on my plate.

GOOD NEWS: I can officially check blood pressures (the old fashioned way!!), I can do Oxygen therapy (yeah ... well, I've been doing it for a while now eh?) I can do DBCE (Deep Breathing & coughing exercises) -- actually, I've done the physio but I wasn't allowed to show them that .. LOL ... and we played with BGLs (Blood Glucose Levels) and I got my finger pricked and it took an hour to stop bleeding, so nobody is pricking my fingers again !!

So ... are we prepared for another exciting installment of Upstairs Downstairs?? LOL

Hugs
Sally

Hi Sally,

Congratulations on your successes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will be an asset to any facility where you choose to work - skills, humor, and a good heart!

Sad that there isn't honest communication with and from BIL. That's so unhelpful and even detremental to MIL. How can you help her follow the doctor's instructions if you are never told? What a stupid and dangerous way for BIL to behave for power and money. Okay, no clobbering, but he so deserves it.

Since Alan also legally has oversight with BIL, he can call the doctor's office and get the same information about MIL if you need it.

How did your lot decide on Queensland for you new home? Is there something about the area that you love or is it just away? Just curious!

Wishing you a good week, continued success at school, and the patience of Job without any extra trials!

(((((((hugs))))))) and blessings - Barbara :)

First things first:

We did hear about MIL's visit to the doctor. He froze a scar on her hand. Didn't have to look at her eye (its miraculously healed itself ~~ amazing what Sally's wet washer does) and that was all we heard. The doctor (is also our doctor) goes to the same church, I'll pin him another time.


Secondly: Barbara ...
That's where the dart landed ... LOL ....... oh we did a little research, and my friend Sue travels alot, and I threw a few places names at her and since we've known each other since we were 12 she knows me pretty good. Bundaberg was the come that came up aces every time.

Ok .. I'm going to be telling "the familiy" that I've been offered employment up there in Bundy and I am to start after I have finished my course.

I haven't , but I'm not telling anybody that. That is the way to escape. And yes, we have to escape a long, long way away, otherwise we'll be hailed in to continue helping .. we have to get FAR away so that we are not available. If it doesn't work out for us up there, then it doesn't work out, we can always come back, but things should have settled by then.

Ok .... nerves hitting with anatomy exam today .. plus I have to do a verbal presentation of my cultural diversity stuff ........

I was doing so well until this morning LOL

Hugs
Sally

Dear Sally,

I wish you the very best in your escape plans. Remember what I learned: It is a GROUP effort.!! Alzheimer Care is not 'delegated' to one of the victim's children or in-laws, but is to be equally carried by all. One runner does not run the whole relay race alone.

I learned all this in the months I agonized over the rightness of my decision to hand over Mom's care to Bill and Anna, and I can't tell you how good I feel. I am 670 miles, 11 hours by road, from them, and I am free as a bird, safe, (remember when we discussed hiding knives?) and living in a clean house. (I am not sure how much Mom's toilet problems affect them; right now their 13 year old Siberian Husky is also suffering from incontinence ... and I don't think there are any Depends for dogs,) but every day I wake up to clean air and rejoice.

Since I am not working, I have volunteered to help in the church nursery on some Sundays, and also to mind the kids of a young mothers' club called MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) so they can have some free time and I can still enjoy being with small children; plus one day a week of grandkids sitting. I have a wonderful fulfilled life - for a 66 year old - at your age I too would want a career.

Maybe once I am entirely cured from the burnout syndrome I will consider a part time job (paid) which would help with the bills.

I spoke to my granddaughter in Germany today and had to explain to her and her Mom that I'm not coming to see them in October as planned ..I felt a pang of guilt that I am NOT earning money and thus NOT taking overseas trips ... but ..but .. I wouldn't be able to come anyway if I were teaching full time during a non vacation week ....

After 'escaping' from full time AD care I gradually regained my normal blood pressure, my acid reflux had greatly reduced, no more insomnia, no more pressure headaches, hardly any joint pain (is even THAT psychosomatic??) and just experiencing the joy of having TIME. Time to sleep , time to walk, time to relax, swim, exercise, go to the library. In NY I lived near a public library but between Mom and my teaching job I never got a book read .... too many interruptions, being asked the same question over and over.

Meanwhile Mom is happy with them .. on the phone she recently told me she misses me (when I lived with her she hated me!) and worries about how skinny I am and advises me to gain weight. Suffice it to say that the last time I was skinny was around age 25 ...

Love

Martha

Hi all,

Well Sally, I am glad you have learned how to do all those new things. (Do you take a lot of aspirin - that makes you bleed a lot?!) I know you will ace the test!

Queensland is a state? How many states do yall have? How far away is the "Bundy" town/city that yall are going to move to? How many miles? And how big of a place is it? I am sure that you and your DH will both find jobs there or close around! Maybe BIL saw MILs room/bed when he picked her up for her dr. appt.?! I do hope she is much better.

Barbara, I forget that you used to work in a day care/preschool. So it is good that you are around the little ones a lot. They must agree with you and I am sure they love you! I also love the library. You can read books, check out books, read magazines and newspapers and use their computer and resource books and check out videos and DVDs. I know, you could do the weekly story hour at your library! (They have it here for preschool kids and younger.)

It has been said and probably proven that lots of good sleep, helps you feel better and makes you more well. It for sure does for arthritis and anxiety and stomach problems! Plus you do not have the pressure of taking care of and watching after your mom, all the time - by yourself! That is wonderful that your "afterlife" is turning out so well and that you are really enjoying yourself.

We appreciate you coming back here and helping all of us with your alzheimers knowledge! Keep having a nice, peaceful life.

Yall all take care and lets all try to get sleep like Barbara!!! Just teasing.

Wannabe