I've been friends with a man for awhile and we tried taking things to the next level at the surprise to both of us about a week ago. Before anything happened, he disclosed that he had herpes and wanted me to think about it and research it before anything intimate happened. Well, I'm an older virgin and it really scared me. I told him a day or so later that I didn't think i would be comfortable and able to enjoy myself. I'm scared of having this for the rest of my life with the first person I sleep with. We kinda decided we should just be friends again because of this...but I don't think I want that. How safe can sex be with someone that has herpes? And is there a chance after hurting someone by saying what I said? Is that bad what I said-I wasn't trying to judge just be honest. Since then, hes mentioned his ex and how easy it was with her and now hes thinking he needs to be back with her. I don't want to be second place but its so weird now. I really feel like I have fallen for my friend and am scared. HELP!

My guess is that it was "easy" with the ex, because she knew already or has it too. It's a huge step to tell someone. Don't feel guilted into it. You could very well contract it. How did you feel about him before he told you? Could he be the "one"? Or was it for fun? Atleast he was upfront too. If you meet up with someone else, they might not know they have it, or just not say. Arm yourself with knowledge, you'll make a better choice for yourself.
Good luck.

[This is a decision that only you can make. That is good that he told you. Not everyone would.There is some risk, if you do decide to become intimate protect yourself, and that greatly reduces the risk, and make sure he doesen't have any outbreaks at the time, that can also help, what ever you do, I hope you will be at peace with your decision.


QUOTE=questions4yall]I've been friends with a man for awhile and we tried taking things to the next level at the surprise to both of us about a week ago. Before anything happened, he disclosed that he had herpes and wanted me to think about it and research it before anything intimate happened. Well, I'm an older virgin and it really scared me. I told him a day or so later that I didn't think i would be comfortable and able to enjoy myself. I'm scared of having this for the rest of my life with the first person I sleep with. We kinda decided we should just be friends again because of this...but I don't think I want that. How safe can sex be with someone that has herpes? And is there a chance after hurting someone by saying what I said? Is that bad what I said-I wasn't trying to judge just be honest. Since then, hes mentioned his ex and how easy it was with her and now hes thinking he needs to be back with her. I don't want to be second place but its so weird now. I really feel like I have fallen for my friend and am scared. HELP![/QUOTE]

There is indeed always a risk of getting h. If you really think the relationship is right for both of you, there are things you can do to help protect yourself--but he must be totally trustworthy. Try reading the "Happy Couples" thread. YOu will probably have to do a search for it (the search window is right at the top of this page.)