marneyvette
09-05-2005, 02:02 AM
I'm feeling so depressed right now. I finally found someone that I really like. He and I have been dating for about a month and tonight, I was so overwhelmed with stress about having divulge the "herpes" secret, that I decided to tell him.
It's the first time I've ever had to do this and it was so difficult. His reaction was an understandable one -- he'd like to do some research. He left not long after and I can't help but feel incredibly insecure.
I've had friends tell me that if he doesn't want to deal with it, then the relationship isn't meant to be --but i have to say it's very little consolation.
Anyone go through this?
It's the first time I've ever had to do this and it was so difficult. His reaction was an understandable one -- he'd like to do some research. He left not long after and I can't help but feel incredibly insecure.
I've had friends tell me that if he doesn't want to deal with it, then the relationship isn't meant to be --but i have to say it's very little consolation.
Anyone go through this?
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Sunflower11
09-05-2005, 11:50 AM
YES! I commend you for being straightforward. As we all here do. The first potential man I told flipped out. I was very matter of fact about it, and still he freaked. I didn't hear from him for 3 days after and cried every day. I had never felt so bad in all my life. I believe I contracted via ex husband of 15 years, but who can really say. Anyways, on the 4th day of not hearing from him after I tried calling a few times, he came to see me, told me he loved me and "everything will be alright." And it has been.
Take care, and good luck. We are here for you. :wave:
Take care, and good luck. We are here for you. :wave:
marneyvette
09-08-2005, 10:47 PM
Thank you so much for your response. He did say it would be okay -- but I'm still afraid to have sex with him. I would feel terrible if I gave it to him. How in the heck do I relax with this constantly on my mind?
good2Bme
09-10-2005, 11:19 PM
hi marneyvette,
well, you took the first step to an open honest relationship, and it was not easy (i know!).
as for how to relax... some things just take practice. the best thing you can do is stay in tune with your body & refrain from sex if you think you may be coming down with something.
i contracted herpes over a decade ago, and of the partners i told in my life, i only had sex with 1 the same day i disclosed the info. when you are both ready, you will know. you were honest with him, and if he decides to be with you, he has accepted you.... all of you, so relax.
wishing you love, luck, health & happiness!
well, you took the first step to an open honest relationship, and it was not easy (i know!).
as for how to relax... some things just take practice. the best thing you can do is stay in tune with your body & refrain from sex if you think you may be coming down with something.
i contracted herpes over a decade ago, and of the partners i told in my life, i only had sex with 1 the same day i disclosed the info. when you are both ready, you will know. you were honest with him, and if he decides to be with you, he has accepted you.... all of you, so relax.
wishing you love, luck, health & happiness!
petal28
09-19-2005, 02:16 PM
Recently I met a guy who I am quite fond of and he is the first guy I have been interested in since I found out i contracted herpes a year ago. Already I am anxious about the having to tell him if things develop and I fear that this alone will spoil things between us, because it's on my mind all the time when I'm with him, and therefore, I'm not being myself. I realise that everyone's situation will be different, but I'd greatly appreciate some insight on how other people have handled the situation of explaining about herpes to a partner. I am fairly pessimistic about it and just feel that I'm gonna be rejected. Any thoughts would be great and would help a lot!!
Thanks :(
Thanks :(
good2Bme
09-19-2005, 11:22 PM
Hi Petal,
I have told different people in different ways, but let me make a suggestion to you. First of all, in the beginning, put herpes out of your mind... be yourself, have fun! After the first handful of dates, maybe ask him if he has ever had a cold sore on his lip, and if he says no, just say... oh lucky you, would it bother you if I told you I get them once in a while?? (something like that)
What are the odds that he has never been with someone who gets a cold sore?? It is so common!
See how his reaction is with that first. Even if you don't get them on your lip, its a way to get an initial reaction from him... then later down the road, when you are a little more comfortable with him, tell him if your relationship is going to be taken to the next level, you need to talk to him about a few things... but when the time comes. He will be wondering what this something is, and maybe he will even figure it out somewhat... this was what I have done in the past.
Obviously if you are going to take my suggestion, you will put it in your own words, but it is a way to get an initial reaction from him..... I actually remember when I was dating my boyfriend in the very begining, we were having a conversation & somehow STD's came up, and he goes " I would never have sex again if I got an STD " and I just laughed and said "yes you would!"
When I eventually told him, he was a little more prepared because there were little hints, he actually said he had an idea something was up. He loves me anyway! Thank God (and knock on wood) I have not passed it on to him or any other partner, but we would still have sex even if I did.
Good luck... and just be yourself~ write back and let me know how it goes... and if you need anything else I'm always here!
~Good2Bme
I have told different people in different ways, but let me make a suggestion to you. First of all, in the beginning, put herpes out of your mind... be yourself, have fun! After the first handful of dates, maybe ask him if he has ever had a cold sore on his lip, and if he says no, just say... oh lucky you, would it bother you if I told you I get them once in a while?? (something like that)
What are the odds that he has never been with someone who gets a cold sore?? It is so common!
See how his reaction is with that first. Even if you don't get them on your lip, its a way to get an initial reaction from him... then later down the road, when you are a little more comfortable with him, tell him if your relationship is going to be taken to the next level, you need to talk to him about a few things... but when the time comes. He will be wondering what this something is, and maybe he will even figure it out somewhat... this was what I have done in the past.
Obviously if you are going to take my suggestion, you will put it in your own words, but it is a way to get an initial reaction from him..... I actually remember when I was dating my boyfriend in the very begining, we were having a conversation & somehow STD's came up, and he goes " I would never have sex again if I got an STD " and I just laughed and said "yes you would!"
When I eventually told him, he was a little more prepared because there were little hints, he actually said he had an idea something was up. He loves me anyway! Thank God (and knock on wood) I have not passed it on to him or any other partner, but we would still have sex even if I did.
Good luck... and just be yourself~ write back and let me know how it goes... and if you need anything else I'm always here!
~Good2Bme
petal28
09-20-2005, 02:41 AM
Thanks very much for your reply. I was talking to one of my friends about it and they said exactly the same as you about putting it out of my mind and being myself. I know I will find it hard, but I'll just have to try even harder!!! I just hope that if and when I do decide to tell this person, that they will be understanding...because i think rejection, especially the first time I choose to tell someone, would set me back a lot. It's really helpful to hear how other people have tackled the situation and I appreciate you getting back to me!!
Will let you know how it goes!
Petal :)
Will let you know how it goes!
Petal :)