Well, I guess I should have seen this coming. Devin was so happy about going to school, I have never seen him so excited about school. He was getting up before the alarm, getting himself ready, long before I was even getting up. HE was doing his homework with pride, and really enjoying this new school year. Well, yesterday that changed. There is a group of kids at school that have been continually teasing him. calling him a freak, kicking at him, throwing rocks at him. Yesterday it was on the school bus. THe little girl next door told me that Devin was being teased o the bus, and was sure to tell me that he had been minding his own business, and this kid would just not stop. I guess she finally told the kid to leave Devin alone, that he was only teasing Devin because he was jealous that Devin was so much smarter that he was. (Go Frankie,!! That's her name). Well, when I asked Devin about it he said that it was no big deal, and not to worry. Well, today he came home crying, came right into the house into his room, slammed the door behind him, and sat in his closet sobbing. He explained that the kids at school won't stop calling him a freak. He never wants to go again. I called the school to talk to the principal, and she said that she will handle the boys first thing tomorrow. But that doesn't help Devin to feel beter. His intrest in going back is completely gone. He refuses to do his homework, saying that he'll just do badly because he is a freak. My heart is breaking for him. He is trying so hard to make friends, and to do well, and these little monsters are tearing him apart. I'd like to get my hands on them. They have no idea what they are doing to him, nor do they care. I told him that the boys are going to be dealt with , and that they will stop now. But the damage is done, he is convinced that he is a freak, and that he will never have friends, just the little girl next door. Who, actually told me that "even though Devin is not my friend, I really hate bullies, Just because you don't like someone, doesn't give you the right to tease, and hurt their feelings." Well, sence she stood up for him yesterday, he is under the impression that this is his only friend on the planet, and frankly, she isn't all that interested in befriending him. It tears me apart, why do these kids have to be so rotten? Devin has never done anything to them, he is such a sweet kid, and so loving, and smart, but these kids are robbing him of the chance to get any social interaction that is positive. I admit he is strange compared to other kids, but that is what makes him who he is. He is awkward, he is overbearing, he is a "know it all" . But he is also a person with feelings. Who wants nothing more than to have just one friend. ONE is that too much to ask? I'd love to march righ tinto that school, and tell everyone that he is not a freak, he is an indivigual. SOrry I'm ranting, I'm just so upset. What is wrong with these kids, are they being raised with no concience? No feeling for others? Devin is a very sensitive person, (gee wonder where he gets that from?) and I wish I could promise him that tomorrow will be beter, tomorrow will be the day that he will make a friend. But that will just help him to feel better NOW, and when it doesn't happen tomorrow, it will feel worse. I'm so upset that I can't stop crying, my stomach is in knots, and I just want to take him away from all of this, to ptotect him.But unfortunately, if this is the world, he needs to live in it without me someday, so I guess he better get used to it now. Well, I need to pull it together, tkae a deep breath, and go to my baby, maybe make his favorite dinner tonight. But thanks for listening , i can't let this out in fron t of the kids, but I can't let it build like a pressure cooker either. Thanks again for the vent.

Have ever thought about home schooling? I am assuming he is HFA cus he is in "regular" school, is there a school for HFA kids in your area? I am acting like you probably never thought of this. Sorry. It just gets me mad to hear about things like this. I am not diag. autsitic my son is though but my mom thinks that I am she says that autism was not a diag. when I was growing up unless you were LFA But I used to get picked on alot! I would go in to my closet just like your son and refuse to do homework. I would bang my head also to comfort myself I rocked alot but my mom thought along with the Dr.s that it was from the divorse. I stress so much of my son and my mom thinks it is cause I know what it is like and I don't want that for my son. I wish I could give you some advice but I haven't a clue. i know or I think I do what your son is going through. My heart goes out to you! I hope everything works out. I am not looking forward to those situtations. I will pray for you and your son. BEST WISHES!!!!!

i'm so sorry to hear devins having a tough time at school, kids can be b*****ds, i'm sending you a good old british hug ((((hugs)))). keep your chin up.

First of all I wanted to say thank you to all of you for not only your ideas, but also for your support. I really needed it yesterday, I think I was going to pull my hair out! But here's what happened after I posted that. I pulled myself together, and went to talk to Devin. I told him , (because I didn't know what else to say) that these kids have problems. Maybe they have noone at home that loves them enough to teach them how to act, maybe they have never been shown kindness, therefore don't know it. Maybe these kids are angry that THEY have no friends, and just maybe they feel like noone loves them, so they lash out at the world out of anger and frusteration. I told him that when these kids are being mean, that there has to be a reason for it, and the reason is NOT him. THey don't know him, they don't know that he would be a great friend, and maybe, just maybe the next time he is being bullies if he just looked the kid right in the eye and said, "I feel sorry for you, noone has taken the time to teach you compassion, and that's really sad." and just walk away, they will think about it and leave him alone. This new way of looking at things, really seemed to help him. Although, when the hubby got home and heard this story, he agreed with Scott. As i do too, to a point. If words just won't work, (and I think we all know that certian kids you just can't reach through words), That it might be a good idea to get Devin involved in martial arts. Not only to teach him to defend himself if nescessary, but to also help with some self control issues that he has. Don't get me wrong, I am definately a softie, who would never hurt another person, BUT everyone has limits, and I have earned the nickname "Momma bear" for a reason, you just plain don't mess with my babies!! So we decided that he should do both, he should try to approach the situation with compassion, if it is just a case of name calling. BUT if another child places their hands on him with intent to hurt him, he should know how to avoid getting hit, and hurt. Not nescessarily do bodily harm to another, but learn to sort of " dodge" a punch, leaveing the bully defenseless.And if he absolutely HAS to, to keep from getting hurt, he should know how to defend himself.
Well, I think Devin was okay this morning, his attitude went right back to that same sweet little boy who is eager to go to school this morning. HE was up at the crack of dawn, and ready to go, he told me that if these kids are mean he is going to do exactly what I told him to do. He then followed by telling me that " Mom I DO feel sorry for them, I didn't think about it that way before,but, they must not understand how to be nice, and maybe I can show them."
HE wasn't gone on the bus 5 minutes when the school called. It was the principal who told me that bullying is her pet peeve, and she does not take this lightly, that she has gone before the board in the past to put into action the strictest punishments she can com up with for these kids. 3 boys have been suspended, even though only one of them hit Devin, all three were under violation of the school's zero tolerance for bullies "law" . She explained that all three of these kids were in DEEP with their parents, and didn't believe that it would be a problem again. She also added that they have a "wall of shame" and that with the parent's permission, they take pictures of these kids, that look like mug shots, and post them on a bulliten board in the hallway, with a caption, " I didn't follow the school's rule about bullying" All three parents were so angry with their kids, that they agreed. She told me that she learned that showing these kids what humiliation is like puts a stop to this kind of behavior. She explained that she has been "at war" with the school board over this pratice, but it is so effective, that she still does it. BUT only with the permission of the child's parents. I wish I could be there to see the look on Devin's face when he sees that bulliten board! I hope that he has a great day today, wish him luck! Oh, and thanks again for all of your help.

I am so sorry you little guy had to go through such a rough ordeal. I just cried when I read you post. I am very impressed with his principal however. I hope her tough stand makes a difference.

Geez!! I can't stop crying!!! My son just turned 4 and I've been dreading this happening to him since he was 2!!!!! My other son is 5 (typical functioning) and a couple years ago some kids at the playground didn't want to play w/ him and THAT broke my heart!! Chase (pdd-nos) is such a sweet kid...when a bunch of bullies come at him, and I'm sure they will, I will LOSE it!!! Your principal is awesome!!!!!

I believe you handled it beautifully when you told him those kids are to be felt sorry for . Chase has been to a preschool for the second year now that is integrated w/ typically functioning kids. Those kids are around kids that different every day. So when they get up to the "big" school, they'll see someone different and not think it's such a big deal. (Hopefully)

Do you think that if you had some information that explained autism and gave it to the parents of the bullies , that maybe if they knew and told their little monsters what it was that made your son different that it would help??? My friend gave me a little workbook that has pictures to color in, and things like that, geared to teach classmates about autism, and help them understand the differences. Her sons teacher gave each of the kids a workbook and in the end the kids wanted to be his helper. So every day one child was assigned to help him!! It made them feel important and needed ,to help someone and be "in charge". It also has a page for them to draw a picture of themselves and something that makes THEM different.

I'll send you a copy of the book if you're interested. I'm not sure how to go about getting it to you...what the rules are about address, e-mails and phone #'s...but if you want it , I'll get it to you.....

My husbands brother was 5 yrs old when he was being bullied on the bus. He came home crying every day and my mother-in-law told him to walk over to that kids house and kick his little *ss!!!!! And he was never bullied again!

Hang in there momma bear!! Theres not a parent out there that can't relate!!! Keep up the good work!!!!
-Kim W.

Three boys, I have thought about the idea of educating the parents and classmates about aspergers in the past, but I was afraid that it would sort of confirm what these kids are saying about him. I was afraid that it might make him an even easier target, know what I mean? I asked him what he thought about it and he told me that he felt that it was none of their business, and that he didn't want to be singled out. I guess I can understand that . It's a good idea, believe me, I have laid awake at night pondering it, if these kids knew why he is different, it might not seem like a big deal. But on the other hand, it could blow up in my face and make matters worse. HMMMMMMMMMMM.............maybe I'll run it by his teacher and see what she thinks. Your post has got me thinking again. ( did you ever do that? come up with something, then blow it off thinking it was a bad idea, when really you should have tried it? LOL!)

Just wanted to add, thanks to all of you for your posts, It's really really really nice to know that someone (or in this case, someoneS) who understands is listening, and actually cares enough to take the time to sit down and reply, and make a difference. Suddenly I don't feel so alone in this. Thanks again you guys rock!

I just wanted to cry when I read your original post, I am sorry your son had to deal with that. My husband agrees with the other posters about whipping some butt, lol.

I am glad hte principal is tough on bullying. I never dealt with it growing up, but have seen the kids at the local park be mean to my little girl and its heart breaking. Some girls told my daughter she couldn't play with them and to go away, they were about the same age as my daughter. She came over to me crying. The other kids moms were sitting right next to me and acted like they didn't hear it. Morgan said the 'Girls say no play'. I told her its ok, some kids have no manners and do not know how to be nice to others. The other kids moms just glared at me, got their kids and left, lol.

Good for you to tell your son to stand up for himself. I don't want people to make concessions for my childs disability, but there is no excuse for her to be treated poorly and if she is, I need to teach her to stand up for herself. :)

Yeah, D&K's Mom, I know what you mean by singling (spelling?) him out . Maybe something like that works better if they are in kindergarten or 1st grade?????

Still though, let me know!!!!