I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.

I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.


"I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way."

Did you get married at a young age? Would you give up your husband and child to be out partying with the girls? (Who are out looking for a man.)

"I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight."

Yep, that's how it is when you have responsibilties...you need your sleep. You're blessed with a husband and child that want to be with you. Weekends don't have to be boring, initiate some family fun. Make memories you child will remember. If you don't know how just watch your child...they innocently find joy in life. Try taking care of yourself by dressing so you feel better, get a different hair style,put on a little makeup and watch what you eat and excerise to lose weight. I'm sure there are some of those out having fun jealous of you.

When I turned 23, that's when I started feeling old. (I was single, no kids). 'til about 25 I felt like an old lady and felt like I was going through a 20-something crisis. That passed and I started liking my age. Once your child grows, you'll have more time for you. I'm 29 and feel young and great. I sure wish I could find someone & get married though, count your blessings! Enjoy your family and make time for yourself. You ARE young. Enjoy your youth. :wave:

I am 35 and often feel like I'm still 14.

I married at 20, to the girl of my dreams, for five years, good, enjoyable relationship.

I can tell you now that it's good to be with someone ( one person ). You don't realize how much of yourself you share with someone unless you become no longer with them.

All my best memories are with her.

If you are with that one person, you have the rest of your life to reminisce together, and also create new memories.


The party scene is 'of the moment'. While it can be enjoyable, it can also be very empty and lonely. It's not worth spending a lot of energy 'pursuing' it.

Sounds like you need a little 'me time.' You ought to try to have a few hours away from family to do fun stuff; go to the gym, take a dance class, go indoor rock climbing, join a book club, have lunch with a friend etc. Just do something away from your family where you're a person and not just mom and wife.

Just coz you're a mom doesn't mean you're no longer a human with a need for a little fun, laughter and excitement. Also devoting yourself solely to your family will leave you lacking latter in life. My mom was a type of mother who never went out, never had a life or kept up with friends and now - at 55 years old - she has no friends, no life, and no hobbies and feels very alone. She also never worked out and is severly obese and has no self-confidence.

Having a lovely husband and kid is wonderful, but it can't be the ONLY thing in your life.

Fallon:

I think Veggie Girl has some good advice.

Would it be possible to try and find something for you?

I agree with what everyone said. Having your husband and child is a major blessing and should be cherished. But that doesn't mean Fallon can't be number one for a couple of hours every week.

And it doesn't have to be partying or something cool. Just find something that's just for you.

And I hate to tell you this but these phases come and go in life. I hit one in my 20's, 30's and a real big freakin' wall in my 40's. But they pass. There are just ways to make it more bearable. And if it gets really bad, talk to your doctor.

Good luck.

Right on Veggie !
I too am a 30 something mom w/2 kids and a "dear husband".You MUST make time for yourself at least once in a while or you lose yourself.If you aren't happy w/you how can you be happy w/others.Kids can be trying and so can hubby's (and all us females are the easiest to get along w/ :rolleyes: )But that's the way life goes.You have to be grateful for what you have and ya know what try to get someone to take the child and you and hubby go out and "whoop" it up.Or if you are able try to find a little something just for you once a week ,month or when ever you can.I've started to do this over the years and boy what a difference it makes,To know that I DO still have a life and I'm not "just" a mom/wife.Life is what you make it.....

I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.

Hey there thought I would drop a line and give you some words of "inspiration" :D . I am a 23 year old male...just graduated from college and I know the feeling your talking about. However, here is how I look at it. There are many people out there our age who are still partying it up, "living the carefree lifestyle", druging, being sexual active with a bunch of others. But to me these people HAVEN'T really matured much yet. They are 23,24,25 and they are still acting like they were when they were 18! When you reach our age you should be focusing more on what you want to do with your life..and finding that steady person you want to be with (which, it sounds like you have :) ) I have many friends who are in their twenties and still act like college freshman...some of them haven't had a steady gf/bf yet and others haven't held but one or two menial jobs....Where are they going to go with their life??? I mean you definately have to go out and have fun but at the same time you need to be thinking about where you will be in 20 years.

My advice to you would be too take a vacation from your family and job. Go on a cruise with some friends of yours and just go nuts for a couple of weeks. You know do the whole girl's night out type deal :jester: You should feel alot better.

Like I said I KNOW what you mean about the whole mid-life crisis feeling. But dont worry...there are MANY of us in our twenties who are struggling with those exact feelings. In fact just last weekend me and a few friends were at a bar discussing these exact things. Your not alone :)

Hi,
Dear Veggie Girl,
You said that you are overweight, so perhaps your diet is the cause of your lack of zest. Are you vegetarian? and do you get complete protein by combining your vegetables. There are natural ways to get complete protein with a vegetarian diet and get the hormones going to burn those calories and give you energy to live. I have several suggestions. Are you interested?
Carole

Actually, its my mom that is obese - I'm a hot chick myself!! haha :D

Alexandra Robbins wrote several books about what she calls the "Quarterlife Crisis"... maybe you could look them up.

Hey everyone. Just wanted to add my two cents on all of this. I am a 21 year old female, and around the age of 20 (realized, OH NO I'm no longer a teenager!) I started feeling "old." I have a steady boyfriend of nearly two years, and we pretty much act like a little married couple (Both go to school/work, I cook dinners and clean house, and we rarely go out together...haven't been to a party in over a year!!) Anyways, at first I thought it was fun playing housewife, but then I hit this wall where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I am only 20, I need to be out whooping it up!!"

That summer I went home (I live away at college during the school year) and went to a party with my old highschool friends for the first time in ages. I was really excited. It felt like old times, and I felt young again.

Well, get to the party, and although everyone around me was having a blast, all I could think about was GETTING OUT OF THERE. I remember looking around and thinking, "wow, THIS is what I thought I was missing out on? NO THANKS!!" I couldn't believe that this was the type of atmosphere I used to enjoy so much back in my "younger years." After that, I have always felt really content with where I am in my life. Remember, at this age (early twenties) most single people are desperately searching for what YOU already have!! I know that all my single friends, although they would never outright admit it, are very jealous of the comfortable and steady relationship that I have. Like someone said in a previous post, I am sure there are people out there that are jealous of what you have also!

Keep in touch with old friends though, and I agree with everyone else that you need to make time for youself once in a while. You can still go out with friends without partying necessarily - meet up at a coffee shop, go out to dinner and have a few cocktails, attend a professional sporting event, etc. Also, I find that exercising always makes me feel like I have more purpose for some reason, I don't know why. But you could try that also, take a walk around a park, go jogging on a crisp fall day - it'll make you feel great about yourself :)

Good luck, and sorry for the long post but I felt I could relate to how you felt.

-Cassie-

Wow I can really relate to your post. I am almost 23 and have a baby. He is 19 months old. Man I always tell my husband I feel sooo old. At night I am so tired and ready for bed by 10 pm. We don't do anything except for hang out with other couple in their 20's with kids which can get boring since theres always kids to worry about. We can't do anything without getting a sitter. When I was about age 17-20 all I did was party it up go to clubs ect.. Then all the sudden it got really old. Clubs got dumb and boring and getting wasted was suddenly really unappealing to me. I guess I thought I wouldn't miss that life but lately I find myself dreaming about going back to those days. All my friends from highschool and college ae partying all the time, bar hopping, clubbing ect.. They seem so "free". Now I feel like I have thrown away my youth :eek: . All I have are responsibilites and I feel deprived. My husband always tells me I will be better off in the long run than many of my friends. Which will be true if my husband finishes dental school and goes on to oral surgery. Most of my friends didn't finish school and those that have are just acting like they are in highschool still. Even where we live there are students in dental school that drink like crazy, go to school hungover, drive drunk, and do a bunch of insane partying. And these people are in graduate school! So is that what life is all about? Am I missing something? Suddenly I feel really abnormal like thats what I should be doing.

I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.I'm thinking it has something to do with being married at such a young age and having a child. I've seen many young married women with children and they all look and feel much older then their ages. I'm 37 not married and no child, I live with my boyfriend who is 7 years younger then me. Most of the time I feel more like I'm in my early 20's. I love going out to bars/clubs to dance and have a few drinks with my friends. The only thing that makes me feel my age and older at times is my back problem and recovering from surgery. Other then that I feel young.

Please don't take this the wrong way but from what I see in the young married women with children is they really seem to look aged. I think children can be very draining on a person. Don't get me wrong I love children, but I really do feel sorry for some of the young mothers these days.

Please don't take this the wrong way but from what I see in the young married women with children is they really seem to look aged. I think children can be very draining on a person. Don't get me wrong I love children, but I really do feel sorry for some of the young mothers these days.[/QUOTE]

I wish that was a little more of my problem. I have always looked super young for my age. It is kind of annoying to get carded for an R movie when I am almost 23. I know everyone thought I was probably a teenager when I was pregnant. I think I look like I am 18 or 19. Having a baby doesn't seem to have aged me much I guess. But when I look at pictures from when I was 20 I do look older. But thats natural right? But I do know what you mean. There are some young moms that just look older. I still dress the same mainly cuz I shed all the baby weight fast. I still weigh the same as when I started college. It is hard though cuz I can gain weight pretty easy if I let myself go. I would probably dress older too if I was overweight.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words!!

Fallon :)

How old is your child? How much adult contact do you get? When my daughter was 2, a trip to the supermarket was a treat, because I could talk to another adult, even if it was only the check-out girl! I remember asking my children to call me by my first name for a day, because I had not heard my name in weeks! You sound as though you might be clinically depressed. It is time to do something about it.

I know how hard it is when you have a child and husband to take care of and there is always more work than hours in a day. And you cannot force yourself off the couch to do any of it! Deciding to brush your teeth is a major chore. Getting dressed seems like a waste of time and energy. So what to do? TURN OFF THE TV! Get dressed. Get the kid dressed. Feed you both something you love. Heck, go buy your favorite fast food treat!

What did you like to do before you were married? Is there a skill you used to have or want to learn? A craft or hobby you want to try? Do you like to garden, sew, write,read,paint,knit, do needlework, woodworking, crafts, memory albums/scrapbooks, decorate, sing, etc? What are you good at? (Don't say nothing).

Get up in the morning and put on your favorite music. Turn it up loud and take your child and dance around the room. Sing! Do you have a pet (dog, cat, bird, goldfish)? Go somewhere cheap (garage sale, thrift store) and buy some little thing that gives you pleasure. Set a $3.00 limit if money is a problem. Cut up a favorite old piece of clothing you can't wear anymore and make a pillow or just a pillowcase from it. Plant something, even if it is only a few beans, an avocado seed, carrot top, or sweetpotato in a tin can or jar of water! Let your child help you do this. Get out of the house, even if you can only walk down the street! Show your baby all the things you see...a flower, a butterfly, a weed growing up through the sidewalk, a pretty pebble.

Go to the library and pick up some story books and read them with your child. Check out anything by Erma Bombeck or the Sidetracked Sisters, (look them up on Google). I promise they will make you laugh. Start a diary of "good things" and enlist your child to help you find one thing that gives you joy each day. Look for them. A hummingbird at your window? A neighbor's cat rolling on the driveway in the sun? Kids coming home from school laughing and yelling? Sunlight on a flower? Sunlight on a sparkling glass of water in your kitchen....look for beauty around you.

Walk! Take your child and force yourself out of the house. If you live where the weather is bad as I do; (hot, humid, Houston), go to a big home store where they sell all kinds of stuff and walk all over it,looking at everything. Dream! Plan the house you would build if you won the lottery! The walking will help you feel better and lose weight. Go to a college campus, craft store, building center, library, and find out what you would have to do to take a class.

Make a list of everything you want to accomplish around the house and do 3 things each day, even if it is just to wipe off the kitchen counters or organize the sock drawer! Post the list and pretend you are instructing someone from the past...an ancester of say 150 years ago, on how we do things today. Imagine how she would marvel at electric lights, microwaves and cars!

I am 62 and over the years have realized that the ups and downs come and go. Don't be afraid of getting old! It gets better and better. I'd love to have the energy and body I had at 30, but I would not trade the self confidence and knowledge I have today for anything! A woman doesn't even begin to come into her own until she is 50!What you lose in looks, you gain in self-confidence and just plain joy. I love having my life to myself. I don't have to worry about what people think if I throw on a T-shirt and shorts and run to the library! I don't bother to wear my breast prosthesis and I don't worry about my 200 pounds in shorts. I don't have to wear make-up. I can do what I want, when I want and feel great about myself. I certainly wasn't able to feel that way at 23 or 43! Sure, I'd like to lose weight, and look better, but I've realized it truely doesn't matter!

Hang in there. Take charge of your happiness. Stop waiting for something or someone to come along and make it better. You are the only person in the world who can make you happy. Find what you like to do and find a way to do it. There was an old saying that went around in the 1970's about "someday my Prince will come and I'll come too" (pun intended). It meant that women had to take charge of their own happiness and achievements and not blame or wait on someone else to do it for them.

"My husband won't let me" or "I could NEVER do that", or "I can't afford it", are only some of the ways we stop ourselves from doing the things we need or want to do. Change is frightening and growing up means taking responsibility for your SELF. So, life isn't like the movies, sex isn't always wild and wonderful, kids are often a pain, the house is a constant battle against the dirt and clutter, families are not at all supportive when you most need them to be, and everyone else looks happy and prosperous and you wonder what happened to YOU! Nothing. You just discovered we have all been sold a myth by Hollywood and the manufacturors (sp?)of everything. Have you EVER seen a beautiful group of young people as joyously, deliriously HAPPY as they are in the commercials? Neither has anyone else, but we still tend to think they must be out there somewhere! :jester:

See your doctor and make sure there is nothing physical going on. Check with your local college for student therapists if you can't afford therapy. Find a support group or start one of other young mothers. Swap house cleaning, errands, chores, babysitting, cooking, or get together and go from house to house and help each other. Put an ad in your local paper, supermarket bulletin board or church bulletin to find other mothers in the same fix.

Good luck! You can do this! And don't worry about getting older, I swear it gets better with every decade!

I'm 23 years old, I'm married and I have a child. For some reason I'm having a very hard time every birthday that passes and everyday that I wake up I just feel so old. I see girls my age and they are young and carefree, I just wish I could be that way. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm young but I sure as heck don't feel like it. I almost feel like I'm going through my middle age crisis at 23 years of age!!!! I go to bed early and do nothing on the weekend but be home with my husband and child, I feel like I dress like an older lady and I'm over weight. I don't want to feel like this but I just don't know how to feel better or how to feel my age.

Hey.. you should relax more often.. every day.. and don't give up.. you are a successful person - the way I see it..

One point not mentioned so far. How long ago is it since you had your child? Have you had your hormone levels checked lately? Chidbirth can really mess up hormone levels.

My son is 2 & 1/2 years old so I really don't feel like it's my hormones but who knows... :confused: I kinda feel like I was too young to get married and have a child but it happened and I really shouldn't complain because I have a wonderful husband and a fantastic child so I should just count my blessings because I have a lot at such a young age.

Thanks again everyone for your advise and wisdom. :)

I went through what you are feeling when I was 29-30. I had the house, the 2 children, the wonderful husband who FINALLY had his Ph.D; so why wasn't I happy?

Well it took some therapy and a few years of hard work to turn things around, but it basically boiled down to all of that was not enough. I wanted something else. In my case I went back to college and got my degree and eventually a master's and a license.

Imagine what you would be doing if you didn't have to think about anyone but yourself. What do you want to do with your life? What kind of work would you do? Your son will be in school in a few short years. That gives you much of the day freed up if you are not already working. What kind of work gives you pleasure? Don't restrict yourself to what is "possible". What would you be doing if there were no practical considerations such as money, time, education, etc?

Hi :wave: ,
The grass is greener on the other side. I know its an old saying, but I think it rings true. Maybe if you were single doing clubs, you might be depressed because you have no boyfriend or no life. I don't think there is ever a time in life were there are no worries or life is carefree. If your single then there is the need to find someone. Being in school is stressful etc.
It is normal to worry or feel old sometimes, and wonderinging what else is out there is normal too. If you feel depressed like you made a mistake, then it maybe possible. Marriage isn't everyone. But I would suggest doing something now other than waiting 30 years and really feel old and trapped. But to me you don't sound like you made a mistake getting married and having a baby. You don't sound like you have a hormone issue either.
Older people saying younger mothers look old, sound jealous to me. I know many young mothers with and with out kids, and how old you look has nothing to do with having kids. It is in how well you take care of yourself and genetics. And how you feel about yourself. Actually drinking/smoking and clubbing everyone night, will age you fast. Have you ever seen an old bar fly? Now that looks old :eek: !

I totally agree with Veggie I got involved with my ex-hubby when I was 15 I am now 35 divorced with 3 kids I did the stay at home mom thing and the divoted wife thing that cooked and cleaned but...I had a abusive husband who didn't want me to have a outside life or hobbies . trust me now that I am no longer with him I feel free so my situation is different but same in some ways don't let your life slip by you like I did live it to the fullest and if you have a supporting hubby well have fun and live a little get a hobby ride a bike it is relaxing and it gets you away from the kids and you get exercise that is what I did good luck ...Anna

Fallon
Sounds like you need some ME time. Your life has revolved around your child and your husband, giving you no time to revolve around you. Everyone needs time to be carefree and thinking only of themselves. I had feelings like you at one time and felt the same way. It is frustrating and upsetting. Give yourself time for just you!! Find a hobby you like to do with a friend, join an exercise groups, or just grab a cd with headphones and go for a walk around the block by yourself. It is hard when you are so young and feel like an old lady trapped in your body.

Mickie

Fallon, How are you doing? Let us hear! I agree with mickiek...you need something for yourself. :jester:

Hi everyone!

I've read each and every post that y'all have posted. Well I've sincerely taken your advises and used them and thought about them. I really can't help feeling pretty much that same but I do try to have more time to myself and try to reflect on the person that I am. I've been working on loving myself and excepting the mother and wife that I am. By no means did I want to make y'all think that I'm not happy being a mother and wife because I love my son and in my opinion I have the perfect husband, I just want to feel like I'm 23 and not 40! Maybe I'm asking for too much but I don't want my life to run away from me and by the time I know it, I'm really going to be 40. I've recently gotten on a diet and hope to loose this baby fat that I gained while pregnant with my son that I haven't been able to take off. And just maybe after that I can dress a little more my age and not like an older woman!! LOL Thank you all for your advise and wisdom, it means sooooo much to me!, it has really help me think a little clearly.

Take care all and God Bless! :angel:

Fallon, What do you mean when you say you want to feel like you are 23 instead of 40? I loved being 40 and was full of energy and had lots to do whereas at 23 I was still struggling to "find myself" with a new baby and husband to take care of. Do you mean you are feeling "frumpy and dumpy" and you are associating that with getting old before your time?

At every age there will be times when we have to haul ourselves up by the seat of our pants and scruf of our necks and give ourselves a good shake and just get moving, no matter how we feel. Sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other.

I can't help but feel that something is missing. What do you imagine your life should be like right now? What is missing that would make it feel "right"? I think you are on the right track with the diet and exercise program so you don't feel so buriied in old lady clothes. In the meanwhile, would a new hair style/cut/color help lift your spirits?

You are going to make it...truely! Keep a journal, it helps. Set yourself some goal for each day, even if it is nothing more than getting dressed in clothes you are willing to wear outside the house and putting on some make-up. Do one small thing to organize your life each day...go to the dollar store and buy some cheap plastic containers and begin sorting drawers, cupboards, closets etc. You may still be depressed, but, by golly you will be the most organized depressed person in town! Good luck!

I feel the same way, very old because I'm about to turn 25

It's called "quarter life crisis", and pretty common, if that's any help...

It's a chance to reconsider your life decisions and possibly make some changes if you realize you need to... You get another such chance at midlife but this one is obviously a better chance (more opportunity to change now!)