Hello everybody. I need advice on how to handle my husbands family. I don't typicaly take Kemp around them because I hear "he is fine" or "just let him be a boy" or "he is just spioled". grrrr! I have my youngest daughters birthday coming up and had to invite them (my husbands fam) and needed advice on what to say or what to do. The party is Sunday so any thing would help. PLEASE!

It is nice to hear that I'm not alone. My in-laws are to clueless about autism! My sister in-law thinks she know, she acts like she knows and she soooo doesn't and can tell by what she says. I am going to try my best to enjoy myself. Hopefully they won't say anything to stupid to me. I just know Kemp isn't going to talk or look at them and that turns in to I let him be rude. Oh-well. Thanks for the time Ausomemom2.

Kris

I feel for you. It isn't easy being a mom let alone a mom to a child with Pdd. If that were my situation and I felt one of my family members were being critical of something they just don't understand, I would try to educate them with print outs off the computer of the diagnostic criteria for PDD.

When they mention rude or spoiled, have a highlighted copy of something in print that they can look at to see how wrong ( uninformed) they are.

It's so hard to bite your tongue when someone that has NO IDEA what it's all about passes judgement.

I hope the Birthday party goes well !!!! Happy B-Day to your daughter

Sorry to hear they are in denial! I taped as many shows about autism as I could find and plan to send it to my husbands family. I hope it will wake them up and see what a tough thing it is to deal with. :)

Sounds like an issue many people have to face. Ignorance is not easy to cure.
I would make my husband deal with this before (or after) the party. They may take this better from him and you are'nt put in an uncomfortable position where they are able to further hurt,anger of even dismiss you. The invisability of Autism makes it too easy for people to dismiss as being rude. I have found in confronting this kind of ignorance you must realize that only good souls are open to truth, and others will never be. I find sometimes I must consult the Serenity Prayer and bite my tongue. Sarcasm can sometimes allow me a small outlet towards these closed individuals. Enjoy the celebration of your child's birth. No one should be allowed to darken this joyous occation.

Good Luck.
MBourne

I can totally relate to your post! Our son, now almost 4, was diagnosed with autism at 29 months. His symptoms have always been somewhat mild and to the uninformed eye "nothing to worry about". Over the last 2 years, family has come a long way, but initially I heard things like " boys talk later", "quit pressuring him", "everyone develops at their own pace", "Uncle Dennis did not talk until he was 4 and he is fine". Uncle Dennis is brilliant, but is socially awkward and lives on a farm with his reclusive wife (I have never even met her!!!!). Always seemed a little spectrum to me! The family could not see the sublties of the disorder. Lining up trains for hours, extreme meltdowns, looking at things from odd angles, sensory issues, grabbing strangers, no separation anxiety AT ALL. You almost have to live with someone with mild autism to get the whole picture. I also think that there is such a large developmental window when kids are little that it is easy for family to justify behavior. As kids age it is just more obvious. Now that John is turning four, there is no one who still denies the issue. You just cannot put John in a room with other four year olds and conclude he is the same. I think part of the families difficulty initially was their own denial and grief process about the autism. Everyone deals in their own time. I took the approach of ... instead of trying to prove the autism was there, just letting them love him as he is and as they are and it will unfold in time. He now has a family of advocates!

Hang in there and remember that you do not have to have family understanding to understand your child or validate the autism. It is helpful but not essential. Hang in there!!!