Picali
09-11-2005, 01:03 PM
Just after some advice on how to handle things. My son is 3 and a half - he hasn't been officially diagnosed yet; he's being 'monitored', but I think he's on the scale, although probably at the milder end. I just wondered if anyone knows what makes it difficult for some kids to make eye contact? He's a lot better than he used to be unless I ask him to look at me, in which case he will do anything but. If I push it he gets really upset so I tend not to, but his speech therapist says it's important that he learns how to do it? I have to say I have little faith in 'the system' or any of the people that we see; there seems to be no consistency and they can't even agree on how delayed his speech is (one says a year and a half, the other says he's age appropriate - it's a big difference!).
I'm also never sure how to deal with his 'behaviours'. Some days he's really good, others he can be really hard to handle. I know all kids need to have boundaries, but I never know whether he's doing something on purpose or he doesn't understand. Sometimes I get so frustrated I yell at him - I know it's awful, but I feel like I have to be Mother Theresa and I don't think people realise how it can wear you down sometimes (most times I'm really calm but I have off days, as I think we all do). He gets really upset if I yell (which is awful, and it doesn't happen often) but then afterwards he seems to get really 'happy' and becomes much calmer - does this happen with anyone else? The other thing that worries me is he's getting more and more 'different' to the other kids - it's getting more apparent as he gets older and a lot of kids don't like playing with him because he's 'funny and he doesn't talk'.
I'd really appreciate any advice/benefit of experience you can give - I feel like I'm the only one sometimes (although obviously I know that's not the case!)
Thanks for reading - sorry it's so long
Picali
I'm also never sure how to deal with his 'behaviours'. Some days he's really good, others he can be really hard to handle. I know all kids need to have boundaries, but I never know whether he's doing something on purpose or he doesn't understand. Sometimes I get so frustrated I yell at him - I know it's awful, but I feel like I have to be Mother Theresa and I don't think people realise how it can wear you down sometimes (most times I'm really calm but I have off days, as I think we all do). He gets really upset if I yell (which is awful, and it doesn't happen often) but then afterwards he seems to get really 'happy' and becomes much calmer - does this happen with anyone else? The other thing that worries me is he's getting more and more 'different' to the other kids - it's getting more apparent as he gets older and a lot of kids don't like playing with him because he's 'funny and he doesn't talk'.
I'd really appreciate any advice/benefit of experience you can give - I feel like I'm the only one sometimes (although obviously I know that's not the case!)
Thanks for reading - sorry it's so long
Picali
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jeffreys mom
09-11-2005, 01:50 PM
I can speak for myself, but I'm sure there are many others here that feel the same way. I have days most days that I'm patient, understanding and love him to pieces. Then there are days that I feel sad and guilty and blame myself for inflicting him with PDD. Then there are days that I get down right mad at him for the difficult behaviors ( which brings me back to the guilty then to the patient). It's a complete cycle and it's a part of the coping process. Don't be too hard on yourself, The only important thing is that you are being the best mom you can be and the rest is just the nature of being mom and human.
Have you tried the GF/CF diet? I have found it helpful.
Have you tried the GF/CF diet? I have found it helpful.
Picali
09-11-2005, 02:19 PM
Hi Jeffreys Mom
Thanks for that, I do appreciate the support. What is the GF/CF diet that you mention? It is very difficult to get him to eat anything at all, or to get him to take supplements (a lot of people have recommended fish oil). I've tried to get him to take fruit in smoothies, but it's a struggle!! I have taken him off dairy and switched to rice milk and I am saving to get him tested for allergys, toxins and deficiencies as I've read that all of those can cause problems - unfortunately I can't get him tested on the NHS so I have to get the money together myself - shouldn't be too much longer! But if you could point me in the direction of more info re the diet I would be very grateful.
Thanks very much for your reply, I really appreciate it.
All the best
Janine
Thanks for that, I do appreciate the support. What is the GF/CF diet that you mention? It is very difficult to get him to eat anything at all, or to get him to take supplements (a lot of people have recommended fish oil). I've tried to get him to take fruit in smoothies, but it's a struggle!! I have taken him off dairy and switched to rice milk and I am saving to get him tested for allergys, toxins and deficiencies as I've read that all of those can cause problems - unfortunately I can't get him tested on the NHS so I have to get the money together myself - shouldn't be too much longer! But if you could point me in the direction of more info re the diet I would be very grateful.
Thanks very much for your reply, I really appreciate it.
All the best
Janine
connersmom1
09-11-2005, 03:31 PM
Hi Picali,
I had a couple of thoughts about the eye contact issue. One method used in ABA with this is to reward the behavior immediately. Say your child's name, and when he turns and looks at you verbally affirm the behavior and give him a small treat (a candy is good). As he becomes able to do this, force him to hold the contact longer before you reward him (start with 1 second, then 3, then 5).
Another idea to use in conjunction is to use a method called Social Stories. You could write a simple story about looking at people when they say your name, when you say hi, when you want them understand your point, and when saying bye. Make it with a character who is like your child (same age, boy, etc.) End the story with something like, "Looking at people is important and it lets them know that I am listening. I will try to look at people when I am talking or when they are talking to me."
As for the yelling and frustration, I completely understand. My best advice is when you feel it building walk away. If you lose it, tell your child sorry. Take it easy on yourself, you are walking down a hard road...
Conner's Mom
I had a couple of thoughts about the eye contact issue. One method used in ABA with this is to reward the behavior immediately. Say your child's name, and when he turns and looks at you verbally affirm the behavior and give him a small treat (a candy is good). As he becomes able to do this, force him to hold the contact longer before you reward him (start with 1 second, then 3, then 5).
Another idea to use in conjunction is to use a method called Social Stories. You could write a simple story about looking at people when they say your name, when you say hi, when you want them understand your point, and when saying bye. Make it with a character who is like your child (same age, boy, etc.) End the story with something like, "Looking at people is important and it lets them know that I am listening. I will try to look at people when I am talking or when they are talking to me."
As for the yelling and frustration, I completely understand. My best advice is when you feel it building walk away. If you lose it, tell your child sorry. Take it easy on yourself, you are walking down a hard road...
Conner's Mom
Picali
09-13-2005, 03:29 PM
Hi Brandy and Conner's Mom
Just wanted to say thanks for the advice. I have tried a couple of the things you suggested re eye contact and he is already doing better - it's amazing how well things can progress with an idea that is fairly simple. I also find it easier to cope when I know I'm doing the 'right' thing. Thanks for the support about the feelings - that's made me feel better, too, just knowing I'm not a bad mum (my mum seems to think I should be able to take all of this in my stride because he's so sweet - she also thinks his lack of speech makes him easier to look after because he's not constantly asking questions and pestering me??????????????!!). He is sweet (all our kids are, aren't they) but I would love for him to be bugging me day and night rather than worrying about how he is all the time, you know? Anyway, just wanted to say thanks - it's much appreciated.
Janine
Just wanted to say thanks for the advice. I have tried a couple of the things you suggested re eye contact and he is already doing better - it's amazing how well things can progress with an idea that is fairly simple. I also find it easier to cope when I know I'm doing the 'right' thing. Thanks for the support about the feelings - that's made me feel better, too, just knowing I'm not a bad mum (my mum seems to think I should be able to take all of this in my stride because he's so sweet - she also thinks his lack of speech makes him easier to look after because he's not constantly asking questions and pestering me??????????????!!). He is sweet (all our kids are, aren't they) but I would love for him to be bugging me day and night rather than worrying about how he is all the time, you know? Anyway, just wanted to say thanks - it's much appreciated.
Janine
Picali
09-14-2005, 03:21 AM
Hi Brandy
Just replied to your other post before I read this one! It is a massive help to be able to get some advice from people who really know (rather than those who read about it in books) and it's nice to be able to give a bit back too. Thankyou!!
x
Just replied to your other post before I read this one! It is a massive help to be able to get some advice from people who really know (rather than those who read about it in books) and it's nice to be able to give a bit back too. Thankyou!!
x
Ingridchicago
09-14-2005, 09:04 AM
Hello,
Yes, as a parent of a child with Autism, many times we have to be Mother Theresa and and become a SUPER WOMAN. However, we have the right to feel angry, and loose our patience at times, since we are not GOD and we are not perfect. I read a book about a mother, with a disabled child and wrote that, if we complain at times, DOES NOT make us a bad mother. It's hard to realize that at times. I know how you feel.
As for no formal diagnosis, yet, as I had the same experience. I knew in my heart that there was something wrong. I was relieved that the neurologist, gave me the formal ASD diagnosis. Most times, other professionals, such as speech therapist are not licensed, nor feel they have the right to diagnose and tell you that your child may be austistic. They cannot make that judgement. I know also about not having faith in the professionals.
Yes, as a parent of a child with Autism, many times we have to be Mother Theresa and and become a SUPER WOMAN. However, we have the right to feel angry, and loose our patience at times, since we are not GOD and we are not perfect. I read a book about a mother, with a disabled child and wrote that, if we complain at times, DOES NOT make us a bad mother. It's hard to realize that at times. I know how you feel.
As for no formal diagnosis, yet, as I had the same experience. I knew in my heart that there was something wrong. I was relieved that the neurologist, gave me the formal ASD diagnosis. Most times, other professionals, such as speech therapist are not licensed, nor feel they have the right to diagnose and tell you that your child may be austistic. They cannot make that judgement. I know also about not having faith in the professionals.