:) I was just wondering if everyone would write a little about themselves and their experience with anxiety and depression, panic etc. I think this would help me and likely several others. Would love to know how long youve dealt with this, symptoms, if it comes and goes or is a constant, what kinda meds you have tried and what worked and what didnt. Do you fear for your health (like me) or is it financial worries, family worries, etc. I would really appreciate it if we could get this thread up and running and gaining steam. Thanks to all of you guys, I do come here often and always leave feeling much better than when I got here. Peace(of mind)to you all!!!!

hi
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder 12 years ago.I fainted with seizure activity and then loads of physical anxiety symptoms followed for an entire year it was daily.I was tested for all kind of things everything comming out normal,during all this I thought I had a brain tumor and obsessed over this.I was borderline agoraphobic.Finaly I just started taking baby steps without meds or therapy and got through it and felt mostly good for about 5 to 6 years and then it hit me again.The anxiety attacks were comming back and I fainted again 4 more times in a 2 yr period and had loads of physical symptoms again some new some old and of course mental symptoms.
This time I told myself something had to be done I couldnt keep up with my kids and I just wasnt able to do my daily things.I went to my doctor and got meds and got better again.I had to wean off the meds during my last pregnancy and I stayed off up until a month ago the anxiety came back once again this time it was obsessing over heart palpitations I started having when laying in bed so I have had a heart holter monitor and waiting for the results.I suspect it may come back fine. I had one done yrs back because of the fainting along with an ekg,eeg,mri,blood work.........I dont want anyone to worry about fainting though please it is rare to happen from anxiety.I was told from a few doctor it is due to the anxiety and stress.As I said though I dont want to frighten anyone into thinking it will happen to them because chances are it never will.
This has been a ruff road for me ,but I am grateful that it does come and go for me instead of never ending.I have months to years of almost no anxiety at all and thank God for the meds! they help me to pick myself up again also deep breathing sometimes helps.

here is a list of the symptoms I can remember right now:
anxiousness
derealization (feeling in a dream/things not real)
feeling drunk or drugged up
dizziness/lightheadedness
sharp pains that move around (usualy the left side of my body)
chest pain/preassure
palpitations
hot flushy
sweaty
apprehention
shallow breathing
shaking
upset stomach
clenching teeth
nausea sensation in mouth
tensed muscles
moodines
obsessing over my health (searching the net and thinking the worst)never believeing the doctors
constipation/diarhea
ringing in ears
headaches
fainting (very sick after with alot of the other symptoms i listed)
thinking everyone dislikes me or is watching me
weakness/sleepiness


im sure I have missed some symptoms,but these are the ones that stick out in my mind the most.I am now taking Lexapro 10 mg in the am's and Lorazepam (Ativan) 0.5 mg as needed ,which I usualy take one every night before bed or I notice heart palps and hot flushing ,anxiousness and cant sleep.Some of my symptoms are due to stress,but I think anxiety and stress go hand and hand.

positive self talk and therapy,self helps books,keeping busy,exercise,and meds if needed all help.I havent been in therapy because I usualy do not have health insurance.

thanks for making this thread and taking the time to read my post :wave:

good luck to everyone with getting better.........Beth

excellent post! hopefully we can get a few more people to tell us a little bit about themselves as well. I would like for this to be a place where I can go back to when these anxiety attacks strike. they have been cycling lately and im only just recently trying to get a handle on when and how they seem to strike. being able to look back at a "central" location for help, and advice would be very helpful. we all know how much it helps to know someone is going thru or has gone thru the same thing you haved or that someone has experienced the same symptoms as you have so that you know it is "only anxiety" and it is not cancer or a brain tumor or MS or als or any number of other diseases we have been sure that we have. SO please anyone and everyone reply to my silly thread. Thanks again everyone .

come on , please? I could really use some help getting thru this episode

I have been fighting anxiety and depression for about 6 years, i know why i suffer anxiety i just dont know how to convince myself i'm ok now, when i get anxiety i feel hot and sick, then i feel like i need to poo, if i dont i get severe stomache cramps and go dizzy, some times i would get toothache and pass out, but it was never really toothache, just a symptom of my anxiety. I think of all the bad things i have done and think of all the bad that has been done to me, i get sad over what has happened then determined to carry on.
Sometimes, (most nights) i wake throughout the night then feel pants in the morning, i get depressed that somedays i cant even take my daughter to school.
Anxiety is a personal thing and although we all have similar symptoms and experiences we all deal with different things differently.
Make mental notes of when you feel different and when you are having an attack ask yourself why, and find something that will help you through it if you cant get over it!!
So far i have found that nothing helps me in the morning until i walk out my door, it becomes catch 22 when i feel so ill i cant get dressed let alone walk out the door!! Distraction only helps me sometimes, but when it does its great.Anyway wrote far more than i intended.
Good luck :angel:

This post is probably as valuable as paying a counselor $100/hr..to just be able to talk about all that has led us up to where we are today.. ;) I come from a family of 9 children..Father died suddenly of heart attack at age 45, I was oldest at home, tried to save him..TOUGH ! He was my hero..five years later my oldest brother was hit by a car and suffered brain damage, died..(he was coming to visit me)..I always took on the "mother", taking care roll..THEN I got married !!! I started having panic attacks probably about 20 yrs. ago, was in a bad marriage, worked 3 jobs trying to manage for our 2 sons..husband was a farmer but not real motivated..lots of bills, bankruptcy, forclosures, etc. Sons were humiliated, hurt ! Husband even took out loans in oldest sons' name, didn't pay it, sold his cow herd, cashed in their life ins. policies.."tried" to have an affair with my sister, said he did, she said they didn't.. :rolleyes: I adored, loved my husband but began the panic attacks, knew I was having heart attack..he made fun of me and would tell our sons that "mom is doing her thing"..went to Drs., had tests and they told me it was my husband causing all of my problems..after 27 yrs. of this I divorced..he stalked me, scared me to death for 3 yrs..he then married his counselor..BUT he still calls to this day...I have dizziness, chest tightness, poor balance, eyes will get to where they don't focus right..scared to even go out sometimes for fear of something happening..HAVE to work so MAKE myself come to work (thank God for a wonderful boss)..I did get better while taking my prozac and zanex faithfully but quit prozac 2 yrs. ago and just started back on prozac weekly yesterday..back to same old thing !!! Sorry this is so long and know my list of symptoms don't begin to cover all but those are the worst ones..Thanks to all for the love and support..without support and my faith in God I don't know what I'd be today.. :angel:

What a great post! Well my anxiety started almost 9 months ago back in December. My daughter was just about to turn one year old, we had just moved into a new apartment in a new area of town and Christmas was only a few days away. I was doing some last minute shopping with my husband and daughter and out of nowhere things started to go black and I felt hot, had palpitations and shortness of breath. Felt like I was going to pass out and needed to get out of there. I sat down for a second and it went away but I felt very jittery. Made husband go pay for our items while I went to the bathroom and took off my jacket and took deep breaths.

From that moment I was in a constant panic mode for about a month. I went to the ER days later and they found nothing, didn't even mention anxiety and/or panic. Went to see my GP several times and he sent me to a cardiologist, had tests done....everything normal. Went to an ENT, everythig normal there. So this GP kept telling me it was anxiety and all in my head. He threatened numerous times to send me to psych.

I found a new doctor who ordered tests and turns out I had gallstones. Had my gallbladder removed in April and 95% of my chest and back pains went away. The anxiety is still with me and I still deal with it on a daily basis. I try not to let it stop me from doing things. Since December Iv'e gone on a family trip to Disney World, out of town to my parents house at least 5 or 6 times, went to a football game over the weekend and push myself as much as I can. Some days are harder than others.

I still have a hard time driving. In Jan. I was taking my daughter to a peds appt. and I started to have another panic attack - everything went black, palps, chest pain, shortness of breath, ect. Ever since I've been terrified of driving especially with her in the car with me. My therapist is working with me on that though and he's been great.
I go to therapy weekly, have the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and take Xanax twice daily. Xanax has been a lifesaver for me even though I hate taking it. I've tried SSRI's but didn't like them.

I would give anything to have my carefree life back. Its so hard being home alone with my daughter everyday while husband is at work. I always think soemthing will happen to me and she'll be left alone. I've thought I've had heart attacks, stroke, brain tumors, ect. You name it, I think I've had it!

I do have an inner ear problem which was just recently discovered and that could be whats causing the black out episodes (which I never actually pass out) and the anxiety/panic. I hope to get rid of this someday as its a horrible thing to live with but I'm told it does get better.

Sorry for such a long post, just wanted to share my experience! :)
I look forward to reading others....

thanks so far to everyone who has contributed to this post. many more are welcome . I also look forward to read all that you have to say and please dont apologize for long posts, say whats on your mind we can all take something away from each and every word. thanks once again and keep em coming!

i havent given up hope that this thread will contiune to grow even tho its been a few days since the last post. I thought for sure hry33 would come to my rescue like he(she) always does. Come on drop me a line , all are welcome

Hello all..I've suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember.When i was about 12 i started having this little "attacks" as i use to call them, where i would feel sick to my stomach, my heart would race, i would start to sweat and then out of nowhere they would stop just as quickly as they came on. I was scared to bring it up to my parents because i never wanted to go to the doc. So after a few years of having these little "attacks" i figured they were not life threatening since i was still alive and slowly started to forget about them. Then when i started my first year of high school i started having them daily before school and they would usually last for a couple of hours then for the rest of the school day i would be fine. Well to make a long story short they finally went away(except for the occasional attack) until about 2 years ago. My girlfriends dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given only months to live so her and i spent alot of time at the hospital with him up until the very end. Seeing someones body give up on them so quickly and watching him detiorate really put my health anxiety in full swing(and also seeing the pain and suffering he went through really scared the crap out of me because i realized that that could be me someday). After he died my girlfriend was an emotional wreck(as anyone would be) and i tried my best to deal with the emotional rollercoaster she was on the best i could. Our relationship probably hit more highs and lows the months after his death then it has the 4years we've been together. On top of that her brother asked me to quit my job and come work the family business to help them out. I said yes since it was the least i could do. So i left a great job as a waiter at a country club to working for a family business making half of what i was before and some weeks not even being able to collect my paycheck due to financial problems. Thats when my anxiety started up again. I started having attacks in class, at work and just about everywhere else. I suddenly became a 24hour stress case; when i wasnt having an anxiety attack i was worrying about having one and as all of you know what kind vicious cycle that is. After suffering from these attacks for about a year i noticed that i started to feel like crap all the time among other symptoms. I started getting dizzy out of nowhere which then made me afraid to drive or go anywhere because i was afraid of getting dizzy and passing in a public place. So my life was put on hold for about a year; i hardly left the house except to go to school and work(which was extremely difficult) and at the same time managing to keep this a secret from my mom and girlfriend. Well fast forward about 6 months; I went to the doc. to find out what the heck was wrong with me(after 10 years lol) and he confirmed that it was anxiety. He put me on paxil and xanax(neither of which i have taken because i want to try to do this on my own). I refuse to take the paxil because of all the negative things ive heard about it and will eventually take the xanax when i really need it. I've been exercising, eating better and doing yoga which have all helped alot. I'm going out alot more then i was last year at this time, and im trying to gather the courage to fly to idaho to see my dad(which will be a big step). I still have panick attacks, but they are becoming less frequent and less severe then they were before. I'm only 22 and refuse to let this take control of my life. I have so many things i want to do and see and i dont want to let my own mind keep me prisoner from doing those things. Its a long process to actually overcome this but i know one day i will be able to live my life the way i want to be living it. Sorry for the long post, I'm now late for my study group, lol. Thanks for listening!

Hello Everyone,

I have a request.
Since this thread seems to inspire some long posts...which is fine :) ...I'd like to ask that you please try to break your posts up into paragraphs when at all possible.
That makes it much easier for other posters...and me ;)...to read.

Thanks for your understanding.

Ms_Mod

Hello Hello.

I've always been anxious, neurotic, etc... But it was always just a quirk. Three years ago I had my first "real" panic attack and ever since then my life has been consumed with "what-if" scenerios. For a couple months I'll be incredibly obsessive, then that will stop and I'll be afraid to leave my house, then maybe I'll move on to some other fun trigger.

I recently (this past week) finally took the dive and went on medication; zoloft. i had been resisting drugs for over 3 years, but my quality of life has not been getting any better and it's time to try it. I have been doing CBT for over a year and it has helped, but it hasnt really gotten me over the hump.

So here is to continued success. You people (whether you know it or not) have been incredibly helpful and inspirational...

Eric

I agree totally Eric about the posts being so helpful, to me it is like free CBT. I love to check back to this sight and see that someone has replied to a post. It is therapeutic reading the similarities that we have all shared . The hardest part for me since this all started has been determining whether the symptoms I experience on a daily basis are in fact "just anxiety" (as if that werent bad enough) or if it is something "more serious" . Can anyone relate to that. That is my fear. I have had test upon test upon test revealing nothing but still fear the worst. What do you guys think? Hope this wasnt too long Msmod...lol...thanks for listening all

I can totally relate to wondering if this is "just anxiety" or something "more serious". I think of that almost daily. I'm only 24 and have had a very thorough check-up as well and my doctors always tells me the same thing..."you're a very anxious young lady..." lol. He's very nice about it and I'll believe him for a day or two and then go back to thinking that maybe he's missing something. Its very frustrating, and you're definitely not alone!!

JKDR1: Oh yes, can TOTALLY understand what you are saying regarding "is this my anxiety" or is something serious medical thing happening to me..Worry about that alot but also know after so many years of dealing with this, all the tests (ALOT) that I have to believe it is the anxiety or I would live at a hospital/drs. office..Thanks for all the posts, helps me and many going through this so much.... :)

JKDR1,

My panic attacks began on Feb. 4th of this year. I will never forget that date! It is instilled in my brain as one of the worst days of my life. (and there have been many).

I grew up with several tragedies as a child and teenager, getting a little tense just thinking of them. I have dealt with them once I believe and do not want to drudge them back up sorry:)Anyway, I finally met a wonderful man, we are engaged to be married (have had numerous dates due to anxiety and my realtionship with my mother, she isn't the easiet person to get along with and every day I picked she had something else more important, oopps theres those feelings again, any way she just has never wanted anything better for me than she had long story short)

My nephew was 5 years old and looked me strainght in the eyes and told me I was going to die in 2006, this never bothered me until my panic attack, then I began to dwell, and question my motality until the point to were I had to ask him why he said that.

My fiance began having these sezuire like episodes were he would turn white, and pass out, I found him once in the bathroom, he had been using the restroom, passed out and knock his chin on the toliet, had to take him to get stitches, He passed out in front of me at my brothers and this was the first time and my brother would not let me call an ambulance, I was freaked out bad, and looking back this could have been a sign to panic coming soon. I began to fret about his health and our life together.

I went to my doctor to try and quit smoking and because my fiance and others i know had wonderful success with SSRI's. I figured what the heck, I want to try Wellbutrin, I can quit smoking and be totally happy,because I knew I was going to have a lot of stuff coming up, instead of getting married right away I decided to buy a house instead. Mostly had to do this all on my own, mother not supportive and fiance kind of clueless to this kind of stuff.

I had been having problems with my ankle swelling for over a year a noone could figure out what the problem was, been going to orthos, GP's. I could not even were a shoe. I was in a boot for 8 months or so. Pretty miserable. So by this time I have been on Wellbutrin now for about 3 weeks, can't really tell a change in my personality, because I wasn't depressed, just stressed but it gave me mucho energy. So everything was falling into place.

I went to see my Ortho again, the swelling by know is at about 1 and a half years so he wanted me to go to the hospital again and have my second ultrasound to look for blood clots. I was sitting there checking in and all of a sudden the strangest feeling came over me, something was terribly wrong, I thought maybe i DID have a blood clot and it just burst, I could not breathe my heart was racing, It was the worst feeling I have ever felt, The lady checking me in said calmly it is probably just your nerves, she put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me back to the ultrasound area, I asked to call my fiance and the minute I heard his voice I just started balling and told him to come there right away.

I felt like i couldn't sit down, I always say now like a cat on a hot tin roof, don't even know what that means but it helps me descie how I feel.

I got my test, didn't know what was wrong with me, thought maybe I needed some food, so the nurse got me some graham crackers, i will never forget her, she was so nice to me. I tried to eat them but my mouth was like cotton.

She called my GP and he told her to send me to ER. My heart rate was out of control, They asked me all of my history and came back with this is a reaction to the Wellbutrin, which I only continued to take because my fiance wanted me to quit smoking, I had problems with it the first night I took it, restless sleep, vivid dreams, I should have known right there.

The docter gave me a Xanax and sent me home with 15 more.

The last seven months have been well I would like to say h E double hockey sticks but I want to remain positive,

I guess I have my self all worked up thinking something else is terrible wrong woth me like you said before. It is a hard monster to accept.

I almost have to take Xanax everyday. I have always been nervous and a worrier so I guess this was always going to happen. I am not the same care free person I use to be and that is what hurts me the worst. I actually have to watch what I do because of symptoms and such.

It has been a few months since I have had an actual panic attack, but I have anxiety attacks very often almost everyday, I have gotten really good at hidding them.

The first 4 months were pure toture, but I read books, still went to work, I really don't know how, and my work suffered now my boss hates me, but anyway...the days to keep going by and it does get easier, sorry for the long post guess I had more to get out than I realized....Thanks for caring!

I forgot to mention that just a few eeks ago, they did find a blood clot, which I think that has increased my anxiety latley.:)

Great post, Dont apologize for the length, say whats on your mind. That helps alot itself....just getting it off your chest. Its a very tough thing to get thru but we all will, its just a crappy existance as you progress thru anxiety and panic and you have to stay positive and focused that it can and will be beaten. I have dealt with it since last Christmas and actually if I look back I could probably come up with examples of it as far back as 1990 or so. By the way hows your fiance`? and did you ever find out why he kept passing out( I used to do that alot when I was a kid ) And to everyone else thats reading these, tell us about yourself. It will not only help you but many others as well. Thanks guys

Here is my story...
I've always been someone who worries about everything, it's just my nature. I'd never really had a full blown anxiety attack until a few weeks ago when I woke up from sleeping and my heart was racing like mad. I really thought that was it, I was going to die. I've had a couple small attacks since then, but nothing that bad. But since then I just don't feel like the old me. Some days are fine, but then others I wake up with a nervous feeling that lasts hours. Last weekend I went to Walmart and while stadning in line, I was so worried that I was going to have another attack. I know that thinking about it only makes it worse but how can I not? My doctor prescribed me some Lopressor (beta blocker) to help with the racing heart b/c that is probably the worst part about it in my opinion. It is helping a great deal. I am a little bit afraid of trying an antidepressant at this point...but who knows what will happen in the future.

I've been trying to do things to help me relax. I started writing in a journal and that helps tremendously. I go in my bedroom and close the door and just write about my day, how work was, whatever comes to mind. I've also found that doing stuff around the house helps burn off some of my nervous energy--today is Saturday and I'm going to do a lot of cleaning!! It is hard for me b/c I have 2 kids and a husband to take care of and I feel like I can't do it as best as I can. I know it has only been a few weeks since all of this started but looking back I can see how it has built up over the years. And I hope I can find a way to get past this somehow.

I agree with everyone else....reading these posts are very helpful to see that I am not alone, I am not crazy, it is not all in my head. I think people who don't have problems with anxiety and panic don't think it's a real disorder. I am lucky that even though my husband doesn't really understand how I feel, he wants to help me figure out how to make it better.

I am a {REMOVED} and a few years ago my life went down the toilet. It can happen to anyone and it seems that when you are down other things affect you worse. if someone could carry you through that period then life would be easier. Briefly, my shop was robbed and i was bashed and had to have reconstructive surgery on my face, my father got lung cancer and took a year to die and then when he died my mother was diagnosed with dementia and it was down hill for 5 years until she died. We did an autopsy of her brain and she had alzheimers.
i was seeing a psychiatrist to help. he prescribed prozac which made me shake. then i was prescribed tryptanol and that didn't help either. In the end i self medicated with xanax. This helped somewhat. The stress went on for a number of years and was unrelenting. Generally I was unsatisfied with the Drs that I saw. Both the Psychiatrist and the Gp. I even went to another GP for a second opinion to help with the stress. I think that many doctors are unwilling to prescribed drugs such as xanax cause they are frightened of potential negative repercussions of what might be considered over prescribing and the impact it might have on their income potential.
{REMOVED}. Until you have that down period i do not think you can judge what it is like to deal with life day after day when things are not rosy. I probably drank too much too.
My mother has been dead for over 3 years now and this dreadful period of my life is becoming fainter. The xanax helped me and I do take it occasionally as i am flying between Australia, UK and Pakistan where I have {REMOVED}. For the most part i feel like it is not part of my life. I believe these drugs do have a place in our lives and can help us through difficult times. for the record the xanax helped stablise my life enough for me to exercise and that helped dramatically in terms of my weight which improved my self image and also the release of endorphins when exercising.

Mine started two years ago. My mother died suddendly, totally unexpected at a young age, she didn't have enought $ for her funeral so I had to borrow $15k for her funeral (the funeral she wanted), my younger sister who was disabled (had no income, my mom didn't ever ask for SSI) lived with her so I had to bring her to live with me, three weeks later my daughter who had just gotten her license cut some lady and her baby off on the expressway and they flipped upside down on top of a guardrail (miracously they were both ok), my grandma died the next week, the next month I left my job for a former employer who I quit because of the working environment (not thinking clearly when I made that move), my young dog (he's 6) who is like my child, was diagnosed and hospitalized 3 times for diabetes (at one point he looked like he had bit the big one) and that was over $3k, my other grandma died, my next door neighbor of 16 years that I was extremely close with died at 56 due to cancer, husband had a car accident, daughter had another accident which wasn't her fault but she was t-boned in the door, daughter graduated and now in college so I was having to find the $$ for that, just got sister to move out on her own (she gets disability now), geez I'm sure there is more aside from worrying about paying bills, fixing the house, I don't know. I really quit counting, but the Xanax helped me tremendously through those times.

Anyway, I began to have trouble breathing like I was breathing out of a straw. Constant butterflies in my stomach, everytime the phone would ring or a knock at the door I would jump out of my skin, when I would drive, from my knees to my feet, I would shake. Was prescribed Xanax and different medications. My anxiety basically came from getting hit in so many directions in a 24 month period. I am now seeking to come off my Xanax, I never stayed on any of the ad's I was prescribed because they all had adverse reactions that I couldn't tolerate. The Xanax alone worked best for me. I plan on working with a psych. to wean off the Xanax and do some CBT.

I used to be carefree and not afraid of anything until my father died suddenly when I was in college. Then my mother said she couldn't support me and asked me to move out. I had to quit school and go to work at two jobs to support myself. During this time, I was involved in a car accident in which I witnessed a good friend get hit by a minivan and thrown about 100 feet down an icy highway (miraculously it didn't hit me). My friend survived and got better after years of surgeries and physical therapy.

I got married in my late 20's and got in another accident (not my fault again) in which some teenagers were speeding and hit my car head on. Neither my husband or I were seriously hurt (again miraculously), but I started hating to drive after that.

Then my mother-in-law wanted us to go for custody of my step-son, so in our naivete, we went along with her and started a five year custody battle (18 continuances, mostly because my stepson's mother was not reliable). If you've ever been to court, you know how stressful that can be. Police had to be involved in obtaining visitation and there were a lot of arguments. We finally got custody, but I still don't think it was worth all the pain it caused everyone.

Things were going okay until I got pregnant and discovered I had cancer. I had to be treated for cancer and this involved having to deliver my son early by C-section. He was born with Persistent Fetal Circulation, which required him to be intubated and treated in NICU for almost a month, with a 50% chance he might not survive. While he was in the NICU, I had to have another surgery for my cancer, involving a bone biopsy in my right forearm, thus leaving me with a broken arm until after I received my radiation therapy. While I was recovering from surgery, the NICU called to say my son was better and I could take him home. My husband was working two jobs to take care of us, so I was left to care for my infant with one arm in a cast. Later I received a bone graft surgery and after a year was well enough to go back to work. Leaving my baby in day care was very hard for me emotionally.

I seemed to be doing fine for awhile, until my son was about three years old. One day I took him to visit my sister and got lost when I took the wrong freeway. I was so upset by this and couldn't find a payphone for the longest time (before days of cellphones). I finally made it to my sister's house and had a nice visit, but when I went to drive home the next day, I had my first full-blown panic attack. My home was an hour and a half away and it took me four hours to get home. I kept having to get off the freeway and later I was able to get directions to get home the rest of the way on side streets, where I didn't have to go over 45 mph. Ever since then, whenever I've tried to drive on the freeway, I have a panic attack. I haven't driven comfortably on a freeway in about 12 or 13 years.

About 9 years ago, my panic disorder got out of hand when my job at the time became unbearably stressful. I had to work full time. My stepson had to be a latchkey kid and my son had to go to day care after school. I also had to still take care of my home and kids and then go to work and be treated poorly by a nasty woman supervisor. I felt trapped in that job because our family needed my health insurance, but I didn't even make close to the money I should have. I came down with the flu and missed three days of work. When I went back, the supervisor demanded a doctor's note (I couldn't afford even the $10 copay and hadn't gone to the doctor). That was my breaking point. I sat there for a few minutes and then quietly got up and left the building never to return. I was fired the next day, even though I had gone to the doctor afterward and turned in a note excusing me from work for two weeks. I haven't worked since and worry that if I want to, I will not be a good employee...I just can't take any guff from anyone anymore.

We started a new business and moved to a different state. Hated it and moved back here where we are doing much better financially and I don't worry as much about money. My stepson is grown now (23), but his teenage years (16-19) were terrible. He finally moved out and things calmed down. Then my mother died from cancer after a long illness. Later, my two sisters had horrible divorces after long marriages, that put a strain on our family as we attempted to help them put their lives back together. My most recent setback with panic attacks came after my little sister had to live with us for awhile. She is mentally unstable and I allowed myself to worry too much about her.

I have tried many antidepressants over the years, all of which made my anxiety worse and came with intolerable side effects. Now I am taking Xanax, as needed..only about .25 mg. to .5 mg. once or twice a week if I feel panic coming on or I am obsessively worrying. I am perimenopausal now and my hormone fluctuations make my anxiety worse at certain times of the month. I am dealing with everything, able to cope with medication. I wish I could drive on the freeway, but I'm grateful I can still get around town and that my anxiety doesn't usually bother me too much anywhere else. I think I will always have this problem, but that I can manage it. I pray that my son will not ever have this problem because I know it runs in families. This website has really been helpful to me. I didn't realize how common this problem is. I hope for all our sakes that there will be a real cure someday and we won't have to be stigmatized or limited in what we are able to do.

Sorry for the length...I'm older so I guess there's more water under the bridge :)

Glad to see the ball is still rolling keep em coming. I appreciate everyones candor. It is nice to see and hear of others struggles with this condition to compare and see how well people get thru stuff aven though in the thick of it , it doesnt seem like getting thru it is even an option

JKDR1,

Thank you for the kind words, I think you are right this has helped me, I had a nice weekend with minimal anxiety and I believe it is because I was able to tell my story.

About my fiance he had a condition call cardiogenisous syncope. It is a condition to were his heart drops dramatically in the 30's or 40's and it causes him to pass out.
He can't drink caffeine, has to drink at least 64 ounces of water, eat more salt things like that.

It took awhile for him to be diagnosed, he is on a beta blocker(which makes no sense to me) and hasn't had an episode for almost 9 months now. Although he is off the wagon as far as drinking his water and he is drinking caffeine again, which drives me crazy and probably fuels my anxiety, for the longest time I ws scared and sometimes still am scared to drive in a car with him when he isn't doing what he is suppose to. It just looks awful when he has one and I hate to see it when the episodes happen to him.

Anyway the docter said the condition will only hurt him if he falls down the stairs or passes out and hits his head on something, so that was a relief.

We have a wedding date set finally! I am feeling stronger by the day, I have set backs but I can handle them.

thats excellent news all the way around. Im glad to hear it and congrats on the date! good luck in the future!!!