angel_bear
09-16-2005, 07:02 AM
OK everybody .. here is the scenario:
MIL is going to respite on Wednesday.
The same place I volunteer on (on Wednesday)
How do I get her there and KEEP her there?
(other than drugging her, which the chemist said I shouldn't do because it masks her behaviour and it's not really the done thing to bring a dopey client in on day 1 --yes, I asked LOL).
BIL isn't here. We won't even go near asking "L" .. we know we'll just be let down. DH is at College, FIL is at the other nursing home .. it's all boiling down to ME.
Surprise surprise.
Anyway :
Monday morning, I am going to ring ACAT and ask if they can pick her up and take her.
OR
Send her off to daycare and ask them to drop her off at the Centre
OR
Take her myself and risk life and limb
Any other ideas?
Input greatly appreciated.
Hugs
Sally
MIL is going to respite on Wednesday.
The same place I volunteer on (on Wednesday)
How do I get her there and KEEP her there?
(other than drugging her, which the chemist said I shouldn't do because it masks her behaviour and it's not really the done thing to bring a dopey client in on day 1 --yes, I asked LOL).
BIL isn't here. We won't even go near asking "L" .. we know we'll just be let down. DH is at College, FIL is at the other nursing home .. it's all boiling down to ME.
Surprise surprise.
Anyway :
Monday morning, I am going to ring ACAT and ask if they can pick her up and take her.
OR
Send her off to daycare and ask them to drop her off at the Centre
OR
Take her myself and risk life and limb
Any other ideas?
Input greatly appreciated.
Hugs
Sally
Sponsor
Martha H
09-16-2005, 09:12 AM
I like the Daycare option .. you can bring her suitcase later (or earlier) ...
BarbaraH
09-16-2005, 09:19 AM
Hi Sally,
I vote for the daycare bus to drop her off and some non-uniformed smiling person (or a policeman!!!) escort MIL into the building. She's a happy camper on the bus and may be happy to see the interesting new place. Have her belongings there already and you be nowhere near that part of town so you cannot appear to be the way home.
When I took Mom the the locked unit, I was asked to tiptoe away and not come back for a week to give her time to become used to the new surroundings. I could call and ask about her but not see her.
I'll keep thinking about it!
Hope FIL can be moved to another NH so he'll tolerate it better. I agree with Wannabee that FIL must pay his way and MIL's way, too.
I'd live to see your new hair color! It sounds lovely. Was Alan surprised?!
Off to breakfast ...
Hugs - Barbara :)
I vote for the daycare bus to drop her off and some non-uniformed smiling person (or a policeman!!!) escort MIL into the building. She's a happy camper on the bus and may be happy to see the interesting new place. Have her belongings there already and you be nowhere near that part of town so you cannot appear to be the way home.
When I took Mom the the locked unit, I was asked to tiptoe away and not come back for a week to give her time to become used to the new surroundings. I could call and ask about her but not see her.
I'll keep thinking about it!
Hope FIL can be moved to another NH so he'll tolerate it better. I agree with Wannabee that FIL must pay his way and MIL's way, too.
I'd live to see your new hair color! It sounds lovely. Was Alan surprised?!
Off to breakfast ...
Hugs - Barbara :)
Martha H
09-16-2005, 10:53 AM
Or could you call a taxi? Call the Facility and make sure one of their personnel is at the door waiting for her? Make sure the taxi driver knows that he is supposed to take her directly there and NOT to the bank or anywhere else ???
M
M
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-16-2005, 11:07 PM
I vote for the day care bus. I think any other way may not turn out well. MIL likes the bus. If she goes to the NH on the bus, you can tell her you're not allowed to take her in the car so therefore, you cannot take her home.
Hey, you can tell her you're painting the inside of the house and the fumes are horrible so it's best for her to stay there "a few days". It might buy you some time until you think of something else should you need to.
Love, Barb
Hey, you can tell her you're painting the inside of the house and the fumes are horrible so it's best for her to stay there "a few days". It might buy you some time until you think of something else should you need to.
Love, Barb
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-17-2005, 01:10 AM
Hi Sally,
I do not know about the Day Care bus?! How would you get her inside? And will she see you during the day on Wednesdays? That is going to be "touchy" no matter what way you go! I know she likes that bus, but... What if they do not keep her forever and always? Then she might not want to ride the Day Care bus anymore.
I vote for the ACAT people to take her somewhere and then end up there, with some ruse to go inside. Much safer for you. And you say she puts on a "front" for them. So, she probably would not want to disappoint them by not going!
Last or tied with the Day Care Bus, is you. If you took her, when she realized that she had to stay there, she would blame you. Of course, it may not matter as much, if they do keep her there for the rest of her life?! You are really smart and can think of good "white lies", so she might just go in with you, for whatever reason you think up!
Only other thing that I can think of: Isnt there an Aunt or Sister of either MIL or FIL? She came and helped you once or twice, didnt she? How about if either she took her, or both of yall took MIL to the NH?! She might not be as likely to hit the other relative, as she would you.
How did I miss that? You died your hair? What color did it used to be and what color is it now? I wish I could make my hair blond again. But, my hair is so thin, it would probably fall out, if I did anything to it.
We shall sleep on this and maybe one of us will come up with a bang-up idea in the morning (for us)!!! Take care of you. Love, Wannabe
I do not know about the Day Care bus?! How would you get her inside? And will she see you during the day on Wednesdays? That is going to be "touchy" no matter what way you go! I know she likes that bus, but... What if they do not keep her forever and always? Then she might not want to ride the Day Care bus anymore.
I vote for the ACAT people to take her somewhere and then end up there, with some ruse to go inside. Much safer for you. And you say she puts on a "front" for them. So, she probably would not want to disappoint them by not going!
Last or tied with the Day Care Bus, is you. If you took her, when she realized that she had to stay there, she would blame you. Of course, it may not matter as much, if they do keep her there for the rest of her life?! You are really smart and can think of good "white lies", so she might just go in with you, for whatever reason you think up!
Only other thing that I can think of: Isnt there an Aunt or Sister of either MIL or FIL? She came and helped you once or twice, didnt she? How about if either she took her, or both of yall took MIL to the NH?! She might not be as likely to hit the other relative, as she would you.
How did I miss that? You died your hair? What color did it used to be and what color is it now? I wish I could make my hair blond again. But, my hair is so thin, it would probably fall out, if I did anything to it.
We shall sleep on this and maybe one of us will come up with a bang-up idea in the morning (for us)!!! Take care of you. Love, Wannabe
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-17-2005, 04:10 PM
Good thinking, Wannabe! If ACAT would do it, that may be best.
If MIL took the day care bus and didn't like the NH, MIL might not be so willing to go on the day care bus again if she remembered she had a bad experience.
Sally, the one thing I feel very strongly about is that you should NOT be the one to take MIL to the NH. She might beat the living tar right out of you (an old southern US expression my mother with her southern accent used on us when we were kids). Of course she never really didi it. :)
Love, Barb
If MIL took the day care bus and didn't like the NH, MIL might not be so willing to go on the day care bus again if she remembered she had a bad experience.
Sally, the one thing I feel very strongly about is that you should NOT be the one to take MIL to the NH. She might beat the living tar right out of you (an old southern US expression my mother with her southern accent used on us when we were kids). Of course she never really didi it. :)
Love, Barb
BarbaraH
09-17-2005, 04:41 PM
Hi all -
Barb - Your "beat the living tar out of you" made me smile. At my Southern home, it was "spank the daylights out of you". I said that to my sons, too. One day when DH was keeping 4 year old Zack, DH told Zack that he'd better stop misbehaving or he'd have to spank the fire out of him. Zack told his dad that he didn't have fire, he had daylights!!!!!!!!!! Too funny lo these 21 years later.
Sally - I hadn't thought about MIL remembering to dislike or mistrust the daycare bus after being left at respitecare, so that may be a bad idea. I am certain that your taking MIL is a really bad idea (or as Mrs.Slocum on Are You Being Served says, "I am unanamous in this"). Sally, you are NOT to be the chauffer under any circumstances.
Everybody, what's this with having to sign in again? We've been chattering quite nicely for ages and now this all changes? Is it only me or is everyone running into this? Odd!
Happy Saturday or Sunday, depending on where you are in the world!
Cheers! Barbara :)
Barb - Your "beat the living tar out of you" made me smile. At my Southern home, it was "spank the daylights out of you". I said that to my sons, too. One day when DH was keeping 4 year old Zack, DH told Zack that he'd better stop misbehaving or he'd have to spank the fire out of him. Zack told his dad that he didn't have fire, he had daylights!!!!!!!!!! Too funny lo these 21 years later.
Sally - I hadn't thought about MIL remembering to dislike or mistrust the daycare bus after being left at respitecare, so that may be a bad idea. I am certain that your taking MIL is a really bad idea (or as Mrs.Slocum on Are You Being Served says, "I am unanamous in this"). Sally, you are NOT to be the chauffer under any circumstances.
Everybody, what's this with having to sign in again? We've been chattering quite nicely for ages and now this all changes? Is it only me or is everyone running into this? Odd!
Happy Saturday or Sunday, depending on where you are in the world!
Cheers! Barbara :)
angel_bear
09-17-2005, 06:35 PM
Just quickly ... FIL's sister (the nice aunty) Lives in Sydney and not long had knee surgery ..
There is, quite literally nobody to take her, unless I can get onto ACAT and work something out.
I was only thinking last night (as I started reading the new Harry Potter book!!) isn't it TYPICAL that I end up with this job?
I'll be ringing ACAT tomorrow morning and leaving a desperate plea to call me back .. fingers crossed!!
And no, I haven't had to sign in for ages here ... your cache might have been reset Barb on your computer (does it during automatic clean ups)
This is really great the way we all brainstorm .. THIS is what it's all about!!!!
Big hugs
Sally
(who used to be a mouse-brown colour, but is now mahogany red with copper highlights)
There is, quite literally nobody to take her, unless I can get onto ACAT and work something out.
I was only thinking last night (as I started reading the new Harry Potter book!!) isn't it TYPICAL that I end up with this job?
I'll be ringing ACAT tomorrow morning and leaving a desperate plea to call me back .. fingers crossed!!
And no, I haven't had to sign in for ages here ... your cache might have been reset Barb on your computer (does it during automatic clean ups)
This is really great the way we all brainstorm .. THIS is what it's all about!!!!
Big hugs
Sally
(who used to be a mouse-brown colour, but is now mahogany red with copper highlights)
Martha H
09-17-2005, 07:35 PM
A FLAMING beauty,. I would say!!
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-18-2005, 01:32 AM
Hi Sally,
Well, my nights sleep did not help my mind much! :> Okay, so not Aunty. What to do, what to do?! How about her minister or preacher (if she has one)? Or someone else with the church - that she knows and would go with - taking her out for a drive?
If you have to end up taking her, could you tell her, that yall were going to see FIL at his new NH? You would just have to high tail it out of there, really fast! Or, if you have to volunteer that day, just request to be worked in another part of the building for the day. Is there not someone else that you guys know, they she knows too, that yall could get to take her there (with an outright lie!) and then if she got mad, it would not be at you?!
Maybe we will think of some more semi good ideas in our early am? Put your mind to it Sally, you have been known to think up some really good things. How about if you ask your class at school for any spur of the moment ideas? Can you do that after you call ACAT and before they call you back?
I would love to see your new hair. I bet that it makes you feel better. Not as depressed or driven almost insane by the MIL and FIL doings! :>
Take care of you some more! Love, Wannabe
Well, my nights sleep did not help my mind much! :> Okay, so not Aunty. What to do, what to do?! How about her minister or preacher (if she has one)? Or someone else with the church - that she knows and would go with - taking her out for a drive?
If you have to end up taking her, could you tell her, that yall were going to see FIL at his new NH? You would just have to high tail it out of there, really fast! Or, if you have to volunteer that day, just request to be worked in another part of the building for the day. Is there not someone else that you guys know, they she knows too, that yall could get to take her there (with an outright lie!) and then if she got mad, it would not be at you?!
Maybe we will think of some more semi good ideas in our early am? Put your mind to it Sally, you have been known to think up some really good things. How about if you ask your class at school for any spur of the moment ideas? Can you do that after you call ACAT and before they call you back?
I would love to see your new hair. I bet that it makes you feel better. Not as depressed or driven almost insane by the MIL and FIL doings! :>
Take care of you some more! Love, Wannabe
angel_bear
09-18-2005, 03:13 AM
Yeah Wannabe .. it's a bit of a quandry isn't it? Frustrating to say the least.
Most people are saying I should try and get ACAT to pick her up and take her, perhaps at the end of Day Care (so she's had a pleasant day and is in a good'ish mood), but it depends on how flat out and busy they are of course, they may not have TIME themselves, otherwise, I will have to just put her in the car and dump and run.
With a bit of luck, I'll be able to warn the Nursing Home that I'll be back after I've left her.
Who knows.
I can see my hair turning many shades during stress LOL
Hugs
Sally
Most people are saying I should try and get ACAT to pick her up and take her, perhaps at the end of Day Care (so she's had a pleasant day and is in a good'ish mood), but it depends on how flat out and busy they are of course, they may not have TIME themselves, otherwise, I will have to just put her in the car and dump and run.
With a bit of luck, I'll be able to warn the Nursing Home that I'll be back after I've left her.
Who knows.
I can see my hair turning many shades during stress LOL
Hugs
Sally
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-18-2005, 03:02 PM
I'm almost afraid to ask but I will anyway. What about L? Now that I think about it, maybe it was a stupid question. Does MIL have any friends left who may be willing to give you a hand? I have this sinking feeling that you'll regret it if you take her. If she winds up staying there and you volunteer in her area, that may make for some tough days for you. You being the one who brought her there may make it worse for as long as she remembers.
See what ACAT says and then go from there. But I still vote for someone else being the taxi driver on that trip.
Love, Barb
See what ACAT says and then go from there. But I still vote for someone else being the taxi driver on that trip.
Love, Barb
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-18-2005, 03:13 PM
Barbara, sometimes I have to log in. Sometimes I don't. :confused:
Fire and daylights. I heard both of those too. :) My grandma used to tell my brothers "Boy, go cut me a switch" which meant you were to cut a young bendable tree branch. That was used for "whoopin's". I never got that. I was born on grandma's birthday so I got special treatment. I wasn't spoiled, I was special! :D
Love, Barb
Fire and daylights. I heard both of those too. :) My grandma used to tell my brothers "Boy, go cut me a switch" which meant you were to cut a young bendable tree branch. That was used for "whoopin's". I never got that. I was born on grandma's birthday so I got special treatment. I wasn't spoiled, I was special! :D
Love, Barb
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-18-2005, 05:37 PM
Hi Sally,
We will cross our finger and toes, that ACAT will be able to move their appointments around for 1 person for a few hours. Lets think positive, maybe that will help! :>
That does sound like the best idea so far! The last one you said. Try not to stress too much in the next few days!! Yeah, right!!! That is like telling a horse not to go to water. Or, that is like trying to keep my husband from watching certain football games!
Take care. Let us know what ACAT says. Good Luck! Love, Wannabe
We will cross our finger and toes, that ACAT will be able to move their appointments around for 1 person for a few hours. Lets think positive, maybe that will help! :>
That does sound like the best idea so far! The last one you said. Try not to stress too much in the next few days!! Yeah, right!!! That is like telling a horse not to go to water. Or, that is like trying to keep my husband from watching certain football games!
Take care. Let us know what ACAT says. Good Luck! Love, Wannabe
CARAT414
09-19-2005, 12:18 AM
Sally, if you do end up being the escape goat again, you can try telling MIL that you are looking into new places for FIL and would like her help in seeing which one might be best or he is coming home to stay with her again. Or some sort of variance on that.
I know when mom thought she was doing something to help someone she would just perk up until she forgot why.
I am thinking of you and sending calming thoughts across the ocean for you.
I know when mom thought she was doing something to help someone she would just perk up until she forgot why.
I am thinking of you and sending calming thoughts across the ocean for you.
angel_bear
09-19-2005, 02:20 AM
BREAKTHROUGH:
I contacted ACAT this morning, left a message. They rang me back.
YES .. they will pick MIL up from Day Care in the morning sometime, and take her out to the nursing home. Before she get's there, I will duck in with her suitcase, medicines, and other relevant paperwork .. and hopefully .. FINGERS CROSSED .. they'll keep her there.
If there is a phone call to say "come and get her, she's too much" I will refuse. I have to. This woman MUST be assessed properly.
And knowing my luck, she'll be as good as gold and beautifully behaved ... LOL .. but somehow I dont think so.
Right now, she's back from her extra day of Day-Care, and has spent 20 minutes, opening and closing the windows downstairs .. SLAM ... slide .. SLAM .. slide .. SLAM .. slide ...
So .. will she be behaved? Dunno
Hugs .. at least THIS worked out so far
Sally
I contacted ACAT this morning, left a message. They rang me back.
YES .. they will pick MIL up from Day Care in the morning sometime, and take her out to the nursing home. Before she get's there, I will duck in with her suitcase, medicines, and other relevant paperwork .. and hopefully .. FINGERS CROSSED .. they'll keep her there.
If there is a phone call to say "come and get her, she's too much" I will refuse. I have to. This woman MUST be assessed properly.
And knowing my luck, she'll be as good as gold and beautifully behaved ... LOL .. but somehow I dont think so.
Right now, she's back from her extra day of Day-Care, and has spent 20 minutes, opening and closing the windows downstairs .. SLAM ... slide .. SLAM .. slide .. SLAM .. slide ...
So .. will she be behaved? Dunno
Hugs .. at least THIS worked out so far
Sally
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-19-2005, 12:10 PM
Hi Sally!!!
YEA!!! YEA!!! YEA!!!
I am so excited for you! That is wonderful news and we are so relieved that ACAT is going to help you that way!! How are you going to pack her stuff? Will she be gone to Adult Day Care so that you can do it then?
Good for you. Do not accept her back. Tell them that you are all worn out, or ill health, or that you are afraid she might hurt you!!! You would think of something if that happened. I do hope that at least part of the time, that she drops her "good behavior" and shows the NH people how she really is in need of full time help!!
Got to go mow the lawn. WIll take 2 - 3 hrs. Lots of yard!!!
Take care and keep us informed. That news really made my day! I am excited, so no telling how you feel! Love, Wannabe
YEA!!! YEA!!! YEA!!!
I am so excited for you! That is wonderful news and we are so relieved that ACAT is going to help you that way!! How are you going to pack her stuff? Will she be gone to Adult Day Care so that you can do it then?
Good for you. Do not accept her back. Tell them that you are all worn out, or ill health, or that you are afraid she might hurt you!!! You would think of something if that happened. I do hope that at least part of the time, that she drops her "good behavior" and shows the NH people how she really is in need of full time help!!
Got to go mow the lawn. WIll take 2 - 3 hrs. Lots of yard!!!
Take care and keep us informed. That news really made my day! I am excited, so no telling how you feel! Love, Wannabe
BarbaraH
09-19-2005, 12:58 PM
WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessing on the sensible, caring head of the person at ACAT who's going to be angel of mercy and chauffer!!
Sally, "lose" your phone!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so right that MIL must be evaluated by professional since her son the professional is acting anything by professional in regards to her.
Fingers crossed and holding my breath!
Cheering - Barbara :)
Blessing on the sensible, caring head of the person at ACAT who's going to be angel of mercy and chauffer!!
Sally, "lose" your phone!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so right that MIL must be evaluated by professional since her son the professional is acting anything by professional in regards to her.
Fingers crossed and holding my breath!
Cheering - Barbara :)
angel_bear
09-19-2005, 06:48 PM
And of course, with every message of good news, there's a negative:
Last night, FIL rang me, and I asked him (nicely) for a check for MIL's respite and told him ACAT was going to take MIL there for me.
He said "I don't have the money at the moment and I don't think that's a good idea"
And I said "Well, it has to be paid on Wednesday when she goes there, and I do think it's a good idea, that way, nobody in the family is the bad guy if she hates it"
And he said "I don't like the idea, and as for the money tough, they'll have to wait"
And I said "It doesn't work that way, they can only accept MIL with payment"
and he said : "Then she'll just have to stay at home won't she?"
I got cross then, and said NO, she won't, she's booked in, and regardless whether she goes now or not, it still has to be paid ..
We hung up with him saying "We'll see what eventuates tomorrow won't we?" and I got off the phone and SCREAMED ..... and SCREAMED ..... and Alan came running and I explained what had happened, and I was crying (In anger and depression) and so he rang his father and said "Mum goes on Wednesday with a cheque, or your not getting any beer" (blackmail) and FIL hung up on him.
So .. the family is at war because I wanted a holiday. Great.
Sally
Last night, FIL rang me, and I asked him (nicely) for a check for MIL's respite and told him ACAT was going to take MIL there for me.
He said "I don't have the money at the moment and I don't think that's a good idea"
And I said "Well, it has to be paid on Wednesday when she goes there, and I do think it's a good idea, that way, nobody in the family is the bad guy if she hates it"
And he said "I don't like the idea, and as for the money tough, they'll have to wait"
And I said "It doesn't work that way, they can only accept MIL with payment"
and he said : "Then she'll just have to stay at home won't she?"
I got cross then, and said NO, she won't, she's booked in, and regardless whether she goes now or not, it still has to be paid ..
We hung up with him saying "We'll see what eventuates tomorrow won't we?" and I got off the phone and SCREAMED ..... and SCREAMED ..... and Alan came running and I explained what had happened, and I was crying (In anger and depression) and so he rang his father and said "Mum goes on Wednesday with a cheque, or your not getting any beer" (blackmail) and FIL hung up on him.
So .. the family is at war because I wanted a holiday. Great.
Sally
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-19-2005, 07:58 PM
No, Sally. The family is not at war because you wanted a holiday. The family is at war because FIL and BIL want to control everything and are pi$$ed because they can't.
The family is at war because they (FIL and BIL) are self centered!
The family is at war because you're their last resort and you're tired of being dumped on, dragged out and beaten up. Now they know it's a home or it's their turn. That's why they're at war. Because they KNOW they can't handle doing what you've been doing.
Sally, you tell your dear hubby I am SOOO very proud of him! If FIL won't pay for MIL to go into respite, then you all simply will not have the time to bring him beer, the newspaper or whatever else he rings for 20 times a day. You're too busy caring for MIL, your family, the house, classes and all the other everyday happenings. Oh and forget FIL leaving the nh for a ride because there's just not any time. If he is not willing to give you time, you don't have time to give him. Period.
I know it's awkward when the family is arguing. But you and Alan have been extremely patient.
I was in a bad situation a few years ago. I made a quick decision. I packed up whatever I could in 15 minutes. I took my son, my dog and the guinea pig along with some clothes and other essentials. I got in the car and left not knowing where I was going or anything. I didn't know I had it in me. I was worried about my son but that move was one of the best things that could have happened to him. I couldn't stay in that situation any longer. It was killing me.
I tell you this because I know you're worried about your kids. What will happen to them if you all leave or if you all stay? Kids are resilient. I was. My son was.
And IMHO, staying in a bad situation like that can be worse than fleeing. But that's just my opinion. Take it or leave it as you wish.
Love, Barb
The family is at war because they (FIL and BIL) are self centered!
The family is at war because you're their last resort and you're tired of being dumped on, dragged out and beaten up. Now they know it's a home or it's their turn. That's why they're at war. Because they KNOW they can't handle doing what you've been doing.
Sally, you tell your dear hubby I am SOOO very proud of him! If FIL won't pay for MIL to go into respite, then you all simply will not have the time to bring him beer, the newspaper or whatever else he rings for 20 times a day. You're too busy caring for MIL, your family, the house, classes and all the other everyday happenings. Oh and forget FIL leaving the nh for a ride because there's just not any time. If he is not willing to give you time, you don't have time to give him. Period.
I know it's awkward when the family is arguing. But you and Alan have been extremely patient.
I was in a bad situation a few years ago. I made a quick decision. I packed up whatever I could in 15 minutes. I took my son, my dog and the guinea pig along with some clothes and other essentials. I got in the car and left not knowing where I was going or anything. I didn't know I had it in me. I was worried about my son but that move was one of the best things that could have happened to him. I couldn't stay in that situation any longer. It was killing me.
I tell you this because I know you're worried about your kids. What will happen to them if you all leave or if you all stay? Kids are resilient. I was. My son was.
And IMHO, staying in a bad situation like that can be worse than fleeing. But that's just my opinion. Take it or leave it as you wish.
Love, Barb
BarbaraH
09-20-2005, 12:43 AM
Hi Sally -
Ditto all Barb said about FIL and BIL! There is no other explanation to fits their cruel behavior.
Maybe you can just tell FIL he's on his own to be cruel and take whatever consequences come his was in this life or the next. You're out of the loop. I wish you could say that and he'd be stuck by a thunderbolt of understanding and abject apologies and an open checkbook - or just the thunderbolt and God would be the one to sort him out! :blob_fire
Wish I could help! Beat up your pillow a few times each night!
Mighty hugs - Barbara :)
Ditto all Barb said about FIL and BIL! There is no other explanation to fits their cruel behavior.
Maybe you can just tell FIL he's on his own to be cruel and take whatever consequences come his was in this life or the next. You're out of the loop. I wish you could say that and he'd be stuck by a thunderbolt of understanding and abject apologies and an open checkbook - or just the thunderbolt and God would be the one to sort him out! :blob_fire
Wish I could help! Beat up your pillow a few times each night!
Mighty hugs - Barbara :)
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-20-2005, 02:21 AM
Hi Sally,
I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and for staying with what you believe in!!! And your husband was your knight in shinning armour. :> Now, it sounds like you guys have the upper hand?! Where is BIL and when will he come back? Is FIL in touch with him?
I also believe everything that Barb said is true. FIL is old, frail, and in a NH. So, this is one of the few ways that he has of showing he is still in control!! But, he needs to do it another way. He IS being mean and cruel to you and to your family!
You NEED your RESPITE TIME!!!!! Keep putting your foot down and keep telling and giving FIL "What For" !!! Do not let FIL and/or BIL drive you crazy. I pray that what is supposed to happen on Wed., DOES HAPPEN!!!!!
Take care of you. Love, Wannabe
I am proud of you for sticking to your guns and for staying with what you believe in!!! And your husband was your knight in shinning armour. :> Now, it sounds like you guys have the upper hand?! Where is BIL and when will he come back? Is FIL in touch with him?
I also believe everything that Barb said is true. FIL is old, frail, and in a NH. So, this is one of the few ways that he has of showing he is still in control!! But, he needs to do it another way. He IS being mean and cruel to you and to your family!
You NEED your RESPITE TIME!!!!! Keep putting your foot down and keep telling and giving FIL "What For" !!! Do not let FIL and/or BIL drive you crazy. I pray that what is supposed to happen on Wed., DOES HAPPEN!!!!!
Take care of you. Love, Wannabe
angel_bear
09-20-2005, 02:40 AM
Well .. isn't it AMAZING what happens when you threaten to take beer away from a person .........
FIL rang me this afternoon (1 minute after College had finished!! He respected my education today!!!!) and said:
I have some money for you for tomorrow. $400. Is that enough? Well, it's a bit more than that, but I DON'T CARE ... he's paying !! He's paying!! He's got CASH !!!!!!
He made 'L' take him .. !!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, L !!!!!!!!! (get off the floor, you all just fell off your chairs now didn't you)
So Alan will go to his father tonight, WITH BEER, and get the MONEY off him and TOMORROW ACAT will pick MIL up from Day Care .. in that time frame, I'll get her bags, photo's and bits and pieces out to the nursing home .. and THEN .. THEN we will have 2 weeks of a break from her.
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...... !!!!!!!!!!! Putting ones foot down WORKED !!!!
So now .......... so far ......... so good ........... 19 hours to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINGERS CROSSED NO MORE DRAMAS!!
Hugs and thanks for all your support .. I've been really down today .. but am somewhat happier now!
Sally
FIL rang me this afternoon (1 minute after College had finished!! He respected my education today!!!!) and said:
I have some money for you for tomorrow. $400. Is that enough? Well, it's a bit more than that, but I DON'T CARE ... he's paying !! He's paying!! He's got CASH !!!!!!
He made 'L' take him .. !!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, L !!!!!!!!! (get off the floor, you all just fell off your chairs now didn't you)
So Alan will go to his father tonight, WITH BEER, and get the MONEY off him and TOMORROW ACAT will pick MIL up from Day Care .. in that time frame, I'll get her bags, photo's and bits and pieces out to the nursing home .. and THEN .. THEN we will have 2 weeks of a break from her.
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...... !!!!!!!!!!! Putting ones foot down WORKED !!!!
So now .......... so far ......... so good ........... 19 hours to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINGERS CROSSED NO MORE DRAMAS!!
Hugs and thanks for all your support .. I've been really down today .. but am somewhat happier now!
Sally
angel_bear
09-20-2005, 09:07 AM
Just a post-script to this ongoing saga .. (I should sell the script to Day's of our Lives) ...........
It's 10.05pm here .. MIL is watching TV. I ducked downstairs to turn her bed down, and make sure she's ok .. and found her bed SOAKED. I can't change it (no more sheets for the moment) the bed STINKS and she's refusing to use the Depends Pull Ups I got (samples... bless 'em) .. so .. unfortunately, she shall have to sleep in a wet bed .. I have no choices left for now .......
and tomorrow
IS RESPITE !!!!!!!!!!! THEY can put up with her icky beds .. they have the sheet supply!!
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait .. am I too excited??
Hugs
Sally
It's 10.05pm here .. MIL is watching TV. I ducked downstairs to turn her bed down, and make sure she's ok .. and found her bed SOAKED. I can't change it (no more sheets for the moment) the bed STINKS and she's refusing to use the Depends Pull Ups I got (samples... bless 'em) .. so .. unfortunately, she shall have to sleep in a wet bed .. I have no choices left for now .......
and tomorrow
IS RESPITE !!!!!!!!!!! THEY can put up with her icky beds .. they have the sheet supply!!
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait .. am I too excited??
Hugs
Sally
Martha H
09-20-2005, 09:50 AM
Sally ..GOOD LUCK! I hope this proves to be a longer term solution than just 2 weeks.
The price FIL is so reluctant to pay is actually very cheap by US standards ...
Love,
Martha
The price FIL is so reluctant to pay is actually very cheap by US standards ...
Love,
Martha
BarbaraH
09-20-2005, 10:19 AM
Sally,
Okay, back in my chair now.... L actually was useful? It's a miracle!! Just goes to show, too, that FIL has the money, just not at the NH, so he was playing with words - "I don't have it (here, it's at the bank)". How silly he appears.
I'll add my hopes that MIL will be there permanently, but I imagine these first 2 weeks will be the sweetest for you!! May everything Wednesday go as easy as a hot knife through butter!!
Hope you can give the soggy bed a thorough cleaning before your holiday departure or it will really be ripe when your family returns home. Yikes!! :eek:
Waiting on the edge of my seat to hear all about it!!
Hugs a'plenty! Barbara :wave:
Okay, back in my chair now.... L actually was useful? It's a miracle!! Just goes to show, too, that FIL has the money, just not at the NH, so he was playing with words - "I don't have it (here, it's at the bank)". How silly he appears.
I'll add my hopes that MIL will be there permanently, but I imagine these first 2 weeks will be the sweetest for you!! May everything Wednesday go as easy as a hot knife through butter!!
Hope you can give the soggy bed a thorough cleaning before your holiday departure or it will really be ripe when your family returns home. Yikes!! :eek:
Waiting on the edge of my seat to hear all about it!!
Hugs a'plenty! Barbara :wave:
angel_bear
09-20-2005, 05:56 PM
Oh FIL has the money .. he has money stashed away .. it's never a problem, trouble is he doesn't want to SPEND a cent of it .. he would rather other people pay, or get it free, or manipulate the system .........
But this time, he couldn't and THIS time he realises he pushed us too far.
Alan came home last night with the $$ and said "It's Dad's birthday on Friday, and he's not asking to come home for dinner - I might take him out somewhere for lunch" that's unusual for FIL .. he is usually quite insistent on his plans .. he's gone very mellow for the moment.
It's nice to have the upper hand for a short while LOL
Hugs
SAlly
But this time, he couldn't and THIS time he realises he pushed us too far.
Alan came home last night with the $$ and said "It's Dad's birthday on Friday, and he's not asking to come home for dinner - I might take him out somewhere for lunch" that's unusual for FIL .. he is usually quite insistent on his plans .. he's gone very mellow for the moment.
It's nice to have the upper hand for a short while LOL
Hugs
SAlly
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-20-2005, 07:47 PM
Off the chair?? I nearly fell over with a heart attack! Jeeez, take it easy on me, will ya? I'm a year older today and I can't handle too many shocks! :D :)
FIL was trying to manipulate you and Alan and when he realized it wasn't going to work, he backed down. GOOD!!! Now he can have his beer. Good idea Alan had using FIL's favorite drink to "persuade" him! LOL!!! That is TOO FUNNY!!! I'll bet FIL was wide eyed with mouth wide open when Alan told him that! LOL!!! Oh to be a fly on the wall.....lol!
Love, Barb
FIL was trying to manipulate you and Alan and when he realized it wasn't going to work, he backed down. GOOD!!! Now he can have his beer. Good idea Alan had using FIL's favorite drink to "persuade" him! LOL!!! That is TOO FUNNY!!! I'll bet FIL was wide eyed with mouth wide open when Alan told him that! LOL!!! Oh to be a fly on the wall.....lol!
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-20-2005, 08:08 PM
Happy Birthday Barb! Hope the year to come is a good one for you.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha
BarbaraH
09-20-2005, 09:11 PM
Hi Sally!
You are much in my thoughts on this long-awaited glorious day! Here's to the upper hand - enjoy it!
Barb - Happy Birthday to you!!
Hugs all around - Barbara :wave:
You are much in my thoughts on this long-awaited glorious day! Here's to the upper hand - enjoy it!
Barb - Happy Birthday to you!!
Hugs all around - Barbara :wave:
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-20-2005, 10:12 PM
Thank you! :)
No word from dad or my sister as usual. Oh well.
Dad will be coming home in about 3 weeks so my nice long respite will soon be over. I really didn't think dad would last four months down there.
My sister says his memory and his hygiene are getting worse. I figured it was since she FINALLY admitted there's a problem and it's not just me.
I had my birthday dinner with my husband and son last Saturday. I had grilled salmon marinated in sweet burbon. Yum yum! BTW, Saturday was our 17th wedding anniversary. We celebrated it all at once.
The waiters at the restaurant all came out and sang happy birthday and anniversary to me. It was really sweet. And I ate FAR TOO MUCH! :eek:
And I was told I looked far too young to be 43. And then I was told I looked like I was in my early 30's. That made my day! :D
Love, Barb
No word from dad or my sister as usual. Oh well.
Dad will be coming home in about 3 weeks so my nice long respite will soon be over. I really didn't think dad would last four months down there.
My sister says his memory and his hygiene are getting worse. I figured it was since she FINALLY admitted there's a problem and it's not just me.
I had my birthday dinner with my husband and son last Saturday. I had grilled salmon marinated in sweet burbon. Yum yum! BTW, Saturday was our 17th wedding anniversary. We celebrated it all at once.
The waiters at the restaurant all came out and sang happy birthday and anniversary to me. It was really sweet. And I ate FAR TOO MUCH! :eek:
And I was told I looked far too young to be 43. And then I was told I looked like I was in my early 30's. That made my day! :D
Love, Barb
BarbaraH
09-20-2005, 10:41 PM
Hi Barb!
What a wonderful celebration!! Yum, indeed!!!! Happy anniversary, too! We're headed for 33 1/2 years, but who is counting?!
Can't wait to hear from Sally!
Cheers! Barbara :)
What a wonderful celebration!! Yum, indeed!!!! Happy anniversary, too! We're headed for 33 1/2 years, but who is counting?!
Can't wait to hear from Sally!
Cheers! Barbara :)
Martha H
09-20-2005, 11:27 PM
Barb ..congratulations on your anniversary too! And good luck with your dad as he returuns. I remember how hard it was for you to get your sister to take him for awhile and I thought she might only stay a week before she dumped him back on you. Has it been 4 months already?
Wow ..I have been living here now for over 3 months. I just came back from a library book discussion group, very interesting and I live so close that I can walk home (only 4 blocks) and avoid night driving.
The next meeting is in 2 weeks.
For a small town, Middlebury has a lot of advantages. I also met 2 other women who are relatively new here ... one from Texas and one from Illinois.
Nothing further from Bill and I assume Mom's recovery continues ..did I tell you she got up and was helped to walk 4 steps to a chair?? That was amajor achievement!!
Love,
Martha
Wow ..I have been living here now for over 3 months. I just came back from a library book discussion group, very interesting and I live so close that I can walk home (only 4 blocks) and avoid night driving.
The next meeting is in 2 weeks.
For a small town, Middlebury has a lot of advantages. I also met 2 other women who are relatively new here ... one from Texas and one from Illinois.
Nothing further from Bill and I assume Mom's recovery continues ..did I tell you she got up and was helped to walk 4 steps to a chair?? That was amajor achievement!!
Love,
Martha
Martha H
09-20-2005, 11:29 PM
Deb, my birthday is in March - it's Barb's birthday! Thanks anyway!
M
M
angel_bear
09-20-2005, 11:50 PM
I'm just turning into a nervous wreck here ...
It's 12.45pm and ACAT haven't taken MIL to the nursing home as yet.
I rang ACAT, and the lady who is doing 'the deed' has just stepped out, so hopefully it's to get MIL ..........
The other lady who answered the phone for ACAT said I sounded upset .. I said "I'm frantic .. if Doris comes home this afternoon, I won't cope, I can't deal with it" and she said "it's ok dear .. I'll find out what's happening and ring you back. Stay calm, it will work out, we won't let you down"
God I hope so ..
I had a good talk to the staff of the wing MIL is going to today .. dropped off her clothes and photo's and bits and pieces. I have to go out there again with the paperwork, but later. I can't risk being seen by MIL. The Nursing home know that MIL has been incontinent every single night .. and the UTI is supposed to have gone (!!) .. they said They will deal with it. They were looking forward to having a conversation with her, I then broke the news that no .. they won't because she can't talk words as we recognise them, they said "how do we communicate?" and I said "Welcome to my world" .. they said: SHE SHOULD BE HIGH CARE and I said 'I KNOW I KNOW" and then everybody gave everybody a knowing 'wink' .. they all twigged that this is the plan.
I'm still a nervous wreck ..... shaking ... teary .... silly really ...
Hugs
Sally
(Happy Anniversary & Birthday Barb)
It's 12.45pm and ACAT haven't taken MIL to the nursing home as yet.
I rang ACAT, and the lady who is doing 'the deed' has just stepped out, so hopefully it's to get MIL ..........
The other lady who answered the phone for ACAT said I sounded upset .. I said "I'm frantic .. if Doris comes home this afternoon, I won't cope, I can't deal with it" and she said "it's ok dear .. I'll find out what's happening and ring you back. Stay calm, it will work out, we won't let you down"
God I hope so ..
I had a good talk to the staff of the wing MIL is going to today .. dropped off her clothes and photo's and bits and pieces. I have to go out there again with the paperwork, but later. I can't risk being seen by MIL. The Nursing home know that MIL has been incontinent every single night .. and the UTI is supposed to have gone (!!) .. they said They will deal with it. They were looking forward to having a conversation with her, I then broke the news that no .. they won't because she can't talk words as we recognise them, they said "how do we communicate?" and I said "Welcome to my world" .. they said: SHE SHOULD BE HIGH CARE and I said 'I KNOW I KNOW" and then everybody gave everybody a knowing 'wink' .. they all twigged that this is the plan.
I'm still a nervous wreck ..... shaking ... teary .... silly really ...
Hugs
Sally
(Happy Anniversary & Birthday Barb)
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-21-2005, 02:52 AM
Hi everyone,
Happy Birthday and Aniversary!!! It does sound like you had a really good time!!
Sally, I know ACAT will do what they said. I hope it has happened by the time I write this! And with any luck your ladies at the NH will see that MIL keeps getting the care she needs.
Take care of you and I hope you have some things planned to do - during respite time!
Love, Wannabe
Happy Birthday and Aniversary!!! It does sound like you had a really good time!!
Sally, I know ACAT will do what they said. I hope it has happened by the time I write this! And with any luck your ladies at the NH will see that MIL keeps getting the care she needs.
Take care of you and I hope you have some things planned to do - during respite time!
Love, Wannabe