Dark Stranger
09-21-2005, 12:37 AM
I'm 18 years old and less than a week away from college, and like most incoming freshman I'm scared quite significantly. But this is not your average "leaving home" fear...it's much more. For the past week, whenever the thought of college life and work would come into my mind, I would just start crying. Tears would run down my face and I would explode in a fit of sobbing, wishing my life was over and that I want it to end. Why do I say this? I'm terrified beyond what words can say about leaving.
I know for a fact that I'm not smart...despite what anyone tries to tell me. And although my school is an art school and will focus less on academics, I fear I will fail at all my academic classes and end up dropping out. I have always seen myself as a failure, even though I have never in my life failed a class. I worry that I won't be able to do anything correctly that most normal people can do, like doing laundry, keeping my apartment clean, basically living.
I have also never had a job...I've turned in one application my whole life, because I was forced to. It's not because I did not want a job - I would have loved to have a few extra dollars in my pocket, but the thing is that I was too scared to get a job. I feared that, even if the job was something as simple as pressing the buttons on a cash register and I was taught over and over again by fellow workers, I would screw up. And that fear is what kept me from ever working a day since I turned 16. I feared that I would screw up my job, no matter how simple it was, and then I would get fired for not doing my job properly, and that expulsion would forever tarnish my record and any applications I turn in in the future.
I know I'll need to get a job in college because students must buy their own food...I can't go unemployed because I don't want my roommates to rebel against me for not contributing. :eek:
Is there something wrong with me? Should an adult act this immature? And is there any way for me to cope with my fears enough to at least TRY to overcome them? I would sincerely appreciate absolutely any help on this matter; I'm very derperate.
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Dark Stranger - hates herself -.-
I know for a fact that I'm not smart...despite what anyone tries to tell me. And although my school is an art school and will focus less on academics, I fear I will fail at all my academic classes and end up dropping out. I have always seen myself as a failure, even though I have never in my life failed a class. I worry that I won't be able to do anything correctly that most normal people can do, like doing laundry, keeping my apartment clean, basically living.
I have also never had a job...I've turned in one application my whole life, because I was forced to. It's not because I did not want a job - I would have loved to have a few extra dollars in my pocket, but the thing is that I was too scared to get a job. I feared that, even if the job was something as simple as pressing the buttons on a cash register and I was taught over and over again by fellow workers, I would screw up. And that fear is what kept me from ever working a day since I turned 16. I feared that I would screw up my job, no matter how simple it was, and then I would get fired for not doing my job properly, and that expulsion would forever tarnish my record and any applications I turn in in the future.
I know I'll need to get a job in college because students must buy their own food...I can't go unemployed because I don't want my roommates to rebel against me for not contributing. :eek:
Is there something wrong with me? Should an adult act this immature? And is there any way for me to cope with my fears enough to at least TRY to overcome them? I would sincerely appreciate absolutely any help on this matter; I'm very derperate.
.................
Dark Stranger - hates herself -.-
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sweet t
09-21-2005, 12:48 AM
hey, i dont know how your school is, but i am not saying don't go to school, but maybe just taking a little time after high school to stay at home and make some extra money to get the feel of doing things on your own would really help. i know that it may seem scary even getting a job, but i have had many and i remember the first day i started my job, i was so scared, but it got a lot better. just remember dont give up, things usually get better with time and effort. hope this helps. p.s. you are not insane and you shouldn't hate yourself. everyone goes through this at least one point in their life and some people are just more scared than others, but it can be overcome.
GatsbyLuvr1920
09-21-2005, 01:52 AM
Wow! You sound like me, a fellow college freshman with anxiety disorders! Sweet! ;) Believe me, you're not alone. I struggle to get through each day- damn you, OCD! :mad: Like, tonight, for example, I have a chem quiz tomorrow morning, and I've been studying for two days, but I haven't studied today since five, and now it's one in the morning, but it's so hard to study b/c I'm afraid of not understanding the material, that I will fail, that I'll have to re-read the same freakin' sentence over and over again...Trust me- I know what you're going through. Being a college student, or just being a student in general, who has to deal with a mental illness sucks, especially when you have to deal with whiny teenagers who complain about their "problems." Note the sarcasm! Anyway, if you're having a particularly hard time, you can always vent here. I've been having mini-breakdowns for three weeks now, and I've been to the college counseling center six times, on a bi-weekly basis, trying to get through life until I start my CBT next Thursday. Good luck, God bless, and try not to worry so much- easier said than done, I know! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
tinamaragaret
09-21-2005, 09:36 PM
Hi Dark Stranger i am new to this site. I was glancing through and came across your post. I have to say im worried about you. Why oh Why do you feel so negative about yourself. Answer truthfully what has made you feel that your so incapable.
Honey, there is nothing more fearful than fear itself. just try thats all any of us can do. if you try and you fail. well so what. at least you tried. how do you honestly know you cant hold down a job if you have not even had one. i know it sounds obvious but its true. i know feelings are a very strong and powerful thing and that our fear holds us all back in many ways but you have to try at least if you do you can feel proud of yourself.
you come across as a pretty competent person to me. i have a feeling your a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. you dont have to be a rocket scientist to achieve in this world you just need determination find that and your laughing think about it. in the mean time i have you in my thougts and prays. good luck i think you will be just fine. just dont let fear get the better of you. and remember take each new day and new step as it comes. there is no point in trying to have it all worked out in advance. life never works like that. i hope i have helped in some small way if not im sorry. i tried.x
Honey, there is nothing more fearful than fear itself. just try thats all any of us can do. if you try and you fail. well so what. at least you tried. how do you honestly know you cant hold down a job if you have not even had one. i know it sounds obvious but its true. i know feelings are a very strong and powerful thing and that our fear holds us all back in many ways but you have to try at least if you do you can feel proud of yourself.
you come across as a pretty competent person to me. i have a feeling your a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. you dont have to be a rocket scientist to achieve in this world you just need determination find that and your laughing think about it. in the mean time i have you in my thougts and prays. good luck i think you will be just fine. just dont let fear get the better of you. and remember take each new day and new step as it comes. there is no point in trying to have it all worked out in advance. life never works like that. i hope i have helped in some small way if not im sorry. i tried.x
Dark Stranger
09-22-2005, 11:48 PM
hey, i dont know how your school is, but i am not saying don't go to school, but maybe just taking a little time after high school to stay at home and make some extra money to get the feel of doing things on your own would really help.
I may have done that, but I'm leaving for college next Friday...I don't think I have much time to get a job.
Why oh Why do you feel so negative about yourself. Answer truthfully what has made you feel that your so incapable.
I honestly cannot say for sure why I'm so negative about myself...my only guess is it's from my mom telling me my whole life that I have no common sense, so I just assumed she was right (because she's a parent >.<). So, since about the third grade, I figured I was an idiot, incapable of doing anything right; whenever I did the tiniest thing wrong, I was screamed at and told how stupid I was. But when I live a very sheltered life my entire life, I miss out on things that most people my age already know...the main one being independence. With no independence and no common sense, how can I possibly be confident enough to get a job? Trust me when I say this...I shrug off the most intense insults without a second thought, but I chastise people when they compliment me, because I don't feel as if I deserve compliments. I yell at my boyfriend and call him a liar when he tells me I'm pretty...but that's a whole other can of worms I won't open :rolleyes:
*sigh* I kind of wish now I was just a little more social when I was younger, so I'd have some sense of independence and maybe a will to go out and do something. It's coming back to haunt me now as I'm being forced out on my own in college - I have even gone so far as to contemplating suicide as a way to escape life because I fear I won't be competent enough to handle it. Basically, I have wanted to end my life because I was too scared to live it. Sounds childish, I know, but it's just the way I feel.
I may have done that, but I'm leaving for college next Friday...I don't think I have much time to get a job.
Why oh Why do you feel so negative about yourself. Answer truthfully what has made you feel that your so incapable.
I honestly cannot say for sure why I'm so negative about myself...my only guess is it's from my mom telling me my whole life that I have no common sense, so I just assumed she was right (because she's a parent >.<). So, since about the third grade, I figured I was an idiot, incapable of doing anything right; whenever I did the tiniest thing wrong, I was screamed at and told how stupid I was. But when I live a very sheltered life my entire life, I miss out on things that most people my age already know...the main one being independence. With no independence and no common sense, how can I possibly be confident enough to get a job? Trust me when I say this...I shrug off the most intense insults without a second thought, but I chastise people when they compliment me, because I don't feel as if I deserve compliments. I yell at my boyfriend and call him a liar when he tells me I'm pretty...but that's a whole other can of worms I won't open :rolleyes:
*sigh* I kind of wish now I was just a little more social when I was younger, so I'd have some sense of independence and maybe a will to go out and do something. It's coming back to haunt me now as I'm being forced out on my own in college - I have even gone so far as to contemplating suicide as a way to escape life because I fear I won't be competent enough to handle it. Basically, I have wanted to end my life because I was too scared to live it. Sounds childish, I know, but it's just the way I feel.
tinamaragaret
09-23-2005, 03:21 PM
stranger, no nothing that you say sounds silly and believe it or not i do understand how you feel. I am 32 and my mum still puts me down. although now i just dont listen.
I understand that you feel like lifes too hard and i also understand that suicide seems a comforting way out. but its not its just the end. :nono: and one thing i have realised during my life, is that no matter how hard things get tommorrow is another day and that day may just be the greatest day you have ever had. :bouncing:
I realise that you feel your not able to stand on your own two feet but in a way getting out from under your mums is probably a good thing at least then you will only have you judging you.
I dont know your name but i am on your side and here if you need to talk Just take one day at a time and just see whats happens. remember you never know until you try and if you never try then you will never know. as far as not excepting compliments goes just try to think about things logically your boyfriend is your boyfriend which means his with you becasue your worth being with. why not bathe in the sunshine of his adoration. I never used to be able to accept compliments Now i love hearing my Husband tell me he loves me. I have lead a pretty hard life but what i can absolutley promise you is that it is worth it in the end. Independence no matter how frightening is your passport to a better life a life free from torment and emotional abuse. A life that you are in charge of where anything trully is possible The road to a thousand mile journey begins with just one step. get to college first. see how things pan out you never know you might surprise yourself DONT THINK JUST DO IT AND SEE.
Parents are people and people do have negative sides and flaws maybe your mum was brought up the same way. break the chian free your self give life a chance your going to do somthing that you like doing. try to list a few positives to college. freedom, the chance to study a subject you love. new people and new experiences not to mention the partys you will be invited to. and new friends that may turn out to be your life long buddys. :) One very last point is Try having a little faith in your self your life choices and in God., he will take care of you and send you the people you need to help you along the way. he sent me. a person who lives thousands of miles away and who takes time out of her day to wonder how your doing and to care if your ok and there are loads of other people like me on this site absolutley fabulous caring people who are only ever a click away. :angel: tina
I understand that you feel like lifes too hard and i also understand that suicide seems a comforting way out. but its not its just the end. :nono: and one thing i have realised during my life, is that no matter how hard things get tommorrow is another day and that day may just be the greatest day you have ever had. :bouncing:
I realise that you feel your not able to stand on your own two feet but in a way getting out from under your mums is probably a good thing at least then you will only have you judging you.
I dont know your name but i am on your side and here if you need to talk Just take one day at a time and just see whats happens. remember you never know until you try and if you never try then you will never know. as far as not excepting compliments goes just try to think about things logically your boyfriend is your boyfriend which means his with you becasue your worth being with. why not bathe in the sunshine of his adoration. I never used to be able to accept compliments Now i love hearing my Husband tell me he loves me. I have lead a pretty hard life but what i can absolutley promise you is that it is worth it in the end. Independence no matter how frightening is your passport to a better life a life free from torment and emotional abuse. A life that you are in charge of where anything trully is possible The road to a thousand mile journey begins with just one step. get to college first. see how things pan out you never know you might surprise yourself DONT THINK JUST DO IT AND SEE.
Parents are people and people do have negative sides and flaws maybe your mum was brought up the same way. break the chian free your self give life a chance your going to do somthing that you like doing. try to list a few positives to college. freedom, the chance to study a subject you love. new people and new experiences not to mention the partys you will be invited to. and new friends that may turn out to be your life long buddys. :) One very last point is Try having a little faith in your self your life choices and in God., he will take care of you and send you the people you need to help you along the way. he sent me. a person who lives thousands of miles away and who takes time out of her day to wonder how your doing and to care if your ok and there are loads of other people like me on this site absolutley fabulous caring people who are only ever a click away. :angel: tina
Dark Stranger
09-25-2005, 02:49 PM
Thanks for the input, tinamaragaret...hopefully I can learn to apply that enthusiasm to college so I can survive it without too many nervous breakdowns.
And thank you, everyone who has replied. I appreciate everyone's advice.
And thank you, everyone who has replied. I appreciate everyone's advice.
tinamaragaret
09-25-2005, 06:08 PM
:wave: you are more than wellcome. hope ive helped ;) Good luck you go girl :bouncing: