Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Sorry I have not been on lately I go grounded again by my dad because of the counseling appointment. What could I do the counseler asked me for the truth about what my dad says to me and I told the truth. On other news after my dad cooled off, we all made up and all the fighting has stoped :D . I told my doctor about my suicidal thoughts but me thinks I am joking around for some reason. I am glad that the stuff with my parents is over with but my depression is not getting any better (I don't want to go back to the hospital again). I still can't sleep, I lost intrest in eating, the thoughts are coming more often, and I can feel myself trying to pull away from everything. What should I do now without worrying my parents again? well I have talked enough for now.

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

Hi Kiba :wave:
It's not your job to protect your parents. Keep telling them, until they believe you. You need to tell them so you can stay safe. Somethings not right if your sleep, eating habits, suicidal thoughts and withdrawing are all effecting you. Tell your doctor how severe everything is and if you feel that you can't trust yourself then you may have to call 911.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam :angel:

Hi Kiba,

I'm so glad to hear from you. Was beginning to worry. I'm glad to hear the fighting has stopped. Sounds like your dad took a big step forward.

I don't know your whole life story Kiba. So it's hard for me to know where your depression, suicidal ideation comes from. But I can tell you that I have suffered from depression my entire life. I've been on anti-depressants for over 20 years. There have been times in my life where the things happening to me or around me caused me to sink into a deeper depresssion. And then there were other times when everything around me was great, but yet I was still depressed. I'm sure you've heard that some of us just have a chemical imbalance in our head. That's how our meds help us, they correct or help that imbalance.

I'm going to ask some questions, not for you to answer here on the message board. But to answer to yourself and see if there is something that you need to address with your doctor. Here goes... Are you on any anti-depressants? If yes, are you taking them correctly? If not, they won't work. Is something going on that you aren't telling anyone about (ie taking illegal drugs, someone sexually abused or ongoing abusing you). I vaguely remember you made reference to something about wanting plastic surgery at one point. It was when I first came on the board and I didn't know what you were talking about. And if you don't want to tell me that's ok. None of the stuff I've just said or asked matters to me. Because true friends don't care about all that stuff. A true friend loves you no matter what. I have two true friends in my life who are there for me in the good and bad times. Even though I've screwed up my life badly at times. They are there to stand beside me especially in the bad times. And I'm there for them in their bad times too. I wish for you all the happiness that life has to offer. But you have to want the happiness and only you can work to be happy. Happiness doesn't always come easy. Sometimes you have to work hard to achieve it.

I try to find one thing to be happy about or to just smile about each day. It may be just going outside and looking around on a sunny warm day. Feel the warmth of the sun on my face. I smile to myself and say this is what makes me happy today. I hope you have a good Saturday and hope to hear from you soon.

Your friend always, Tee

Hi Kiba, :wave:

I see you been to my song thread. :D I just wanted to stop by and say hi. :wave: Hey little brother. I am glad you parents stopped fighting for now. That’s great news!!! :bouncing:

I would have asked the doc why he thought I was joking or something if I seen him instead of my doc. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say??? :confused: He is getting paid to treat you and he is supposed to listen and take anything you say seriously. You know what I mean?

Hope to see you back at the song thread some more. :bouncing:

Best wishes and prayers :angel:
Your Big Brother
Johnny

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Sorry if I worryed anyone. Wow, I didn't think of it in that way that I am trying to protect my parents but I guess it is true. It is more along the line that I don't want anyone to worry about me especially my parents because we are all a hole family now that the fighting has stoped. I know that it's just me but I am scared to tell anyone because I don't want to be looked at as a nut case (especially now that I am in school). All I wanted from life is to be normal without having medical problems but stuff happens. I still have not told them about the suicidal thoughts this round yet but I have told my doctor but he thinks I am joking or somthing. All I can say is that I hate my doctor now because it was hard enough to tell him but now I have to tell someone else so I can get help. Any Ideas :confused: ???

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

Tee (mom): I am on anti-depressants and I take them like they were give to me but I do hate the effexor that I am on but I still take it anyways or I kiss life good bye :eek: .

Hi Kiba (son), :wave:

Hope your day went well. I've worked on building a website all day. It will really be cool when I'm finished. I know kids can really be cruel when you're in school. I saw it way back when I was in high school and I hear from my daughter that things haven't changed much. Keep taking your meds and talk to your therapist again about your thoughts. Point blank ask him - Why do you think I'm kidding. And if you're serious, make him believe you. Smile for me as you read this and know as I was typing I was smiling too. :)

Hope you have a good Sunday. I'm hanging out with my daughter and some of our friends.

Good Night :angel:
Tee (mom)

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

All I can say is that I hate my doctor now because it was hard enough to tell him but now I have to tell someone else so I can get help. Any Ideas :confused: ???

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

Tee (mom): I am on anti-depressants and I take them like they were give to me but I do hate the effexor that I am on but I still take it anyways or I kiss life good bye :eek: .



Hi Kiba, :wave:

I know it may be difficult right now but you might have to let someone know you need to try another doctor. I have had many over some time. I need to feel comfortable and like them no matter what my illness. Different doctors are just like us. Everyone makes good points and helps us see different things.

I hope this helps.

God Bless you and thanks for being my friend. :angel: :bouncing: :angel:

Your Big Brother
Johnny

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!

This is sad, it's another down day for me. No matter what I try I can not get the suicidal thoughts under control today. Other than that I went out to a great dinner with my parents for the first time in a month :D . I talked to my teacher today online and she is going to take time out of her day so I can tell her what is going on in my head so she can help me get help tommorow. Sorry to say she is the only person that I see that I can open up to without much problems. Atleast I am willing to tell her what is going on so I think that counts as a good start to getting help but I refuse to see my old doctor. Hey just asking but I am having the weirdest things going on sence I started effexor. Ever sence I started I have had a dry mouth, weird dreams (when I can get to sleep), altered taste, sweating, and a upset stomach. Is it me or the med and if so what should I do :confused: ? Well I will talk to you all tommorow.

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love u all!!!

If its that bad and hard to tell him write him a letter and give it to him in person, that way u dont screw ur words up when talking to him.

tryed that and I passed out in front of them

Hey Kiba (son) :wave:

I'm so glad you are going to talk to your teacher. Hopefully she can help you go in the right direction. As far as your symptoms, they are probably all related to the med. And after you're on the med for 2-4 weeks, they should decrease. But you may want to just let your doc know. I'm not sure about the upset stomach part. Are you going to find a new doc to see? Hope you have a good day.

Love ya
Tee (mom)

Just to tell you I have been on the med for 3 months now and the symptoms have not change plus I have had the upset stomach every day sence I started the med.

Hi Kiba :wave:
It sounds like a good idea talking to your teacher. Just make sure you stay safe. You know you can always call 911 if you need to.

It could be side effects from the meds but you need to talk to a doctor about your meds and your suicidal thoughts.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam :angel:

Hi Kibba (son), :wave:

Sounds like your doc needs to change your med. The side effects are too bad if they are still there after this long. Also, it doesn't seem to be helping with your depression. Are you bi-polar? That is also harder to control than just plain depression. Hope your day went well. Did you get to talk to your teacher?

Love ya
Tee (mom)

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Well, I talked to my teacher and at first she freaked out over what I told her but she said that she would help me tell my parents what is going on in my head. I think I am on the right track to getting better again. I also told her about the side effects I am having with my med and she is also going to help me tell that to my parents. She called the school nurse and asked her about the side effects of effexor and all my current problems are side effects of effexor. I still really dislike the fact that my parents have to know but I know that it is for my saftey. When I tell my parents what is going on I also plane on telling them the truth of what I think about my doctor. I hate him for what he did. I will try to stay strong and if it gets out of control again I promise that I will call 911 and go to the hospital for help. Talk to you all latter!

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love u all :D !!!

(((((KIBA)))))!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wave:

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU LITTLE BROTHER!!!!!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

I am also glad you’re getting rid of that doctor soon. He doesn’t deserve to be your friend. :nono: There are good doctors out there and I pray you will finally get one now!!!!!!!!!! :)

Love you too little brother. :angel:

Sincerely
John

Hey Kiba (son)

Glad to hear your teacher is going to try to help you. Sounds like a good friend to have. Hopefully your parents will listen to her and help you find another doctor, do somthing about your meds and be willing to be there for you when you do feel suicidal. It sounded like a pretty good day. What do you think? Pretty Good Day??? I'm going to try to sleep now. It's late or early how ever you want to look at it. I'm finally tired. Sleep well and have a good day at school.

Love Ya
Tee (mom)

Hi Kiba, :wave:

Just stopped by to let you know I was thinking of you today. :) Hope you’re having a great day!!! :D

Sincerely
Your big brother
John

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Well what can I say, I made it through another bad day. I am still trying to pull out of the depression/suicidal thoughts but it is still not working. I am still talking to my teacher so that we can set up a plane of action on how we are going to tell my parents. I would have already told my parents but I am still frightened to tell them. I feel so bad right now because of this. I feel so alone, invisible to others, stepped on, kicked around by other, and plus I am kicking myself. If there was a negative number for self-esteem I would be there. I am also so scarred right now because it is like every day I am sinking deeper plus every day I feel like I am losing a part of me and the depression/suicidal thoughts are filling that empty spot. I will try to stay strong and if it gets out of control again I promise that I will call 911 and go to the hospital for help. Talk to you all latter!

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

Hey big brother John have you herd from Sam?

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love u all

Hi Kiba :wave:
I am here!!! Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. So good of your teacher helping you. I am glad to hear that you *will* be safe!!!

Don't worry about your parent's! It's like I said before, it's their job to worry about you. You will get plenty of time to worry about adult responsibilities. Hang in there, sweetie! Don't forget if you need to, day or night, you can always call 911 if you need help to stay safe.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam :angel:

Hey Kiba (my internet son) :wave:

I'm so glad you are still talking and making a plan with your teacher to talk to your parents. And definitely call 911 if needed. It would break your parents hearts and ours if anything bad were to happen to you. You are a part of our lives now. I think about you every morning when I get up, through out the day and before bed. You are very important to me. I pray everyday for all of my friends and family and others in pain throughout the world. We all deserve to live happy lives. Everyday won't be happy, some will be better than others. That's just a fact of life. But I wish for you all the happiness your heart desires. Be strong, Kiba. You do have it within yourself to do whatever you want to do. Just reach down deep and dig in for the fight. Fight for your happiness. I hope you have a good day tomorrow. I look forward to reading your post everyday... Goodnight my adopted son. Hugs and Kisses Arememom :angel: :angel:

Hi Kiba, :wave:

Please always remember those important words and things you speak. You’re very smart!!! :) So are our dear sweet friends who you adopted. ;) Sam and Arememom are true SPECIAL treasures and loved to adopt you too!!! :bouncing: We all support you and want to BE there for you in anyway possible. Remember that too O.K? I believe your SPECIAL too. Thank you for honoring me by considering me a big brother. It makes me feel soooo good!!! :D I’m praying for you always and hope you have a better day everyday!!! :angel:

Hugs, love and prayers to you my little brother!

John

God bless your dear teacher too!!! :bouncing:

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

I am so very sorry :( ! Today I lost control over myself and cause self-injury to myself. Don't worry to much, it will heal. I don't know what came over me but one minute I was doing somthing and the next I was bleeding. I am still trying to stay strong but it is so hard when it feels like the world is against you. If it gets out of control again or if I lose control again I promise that I will call 911 and go to the hospital for help. Other than what happened my day went better than yesturday but it still could be a lot better. Well I will talk to everyone latter!

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your friend/adopted son
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love u all

Hey Kiba (son) :wave:

Sorry to hear you're not doing well. Honey you have got to get some help now. I don't know what to tell you to do other than you must tell your parents and get into some serious therapy. As much as you hate to hear this and I hate to say it. If you have done something to hurt yourself today, then you need to be inpatient. I know you don't want to do that but I truely feel you need more than what you're getting on an outpatient basis. But you are the one who must make that choice to tell your parents.

Kiba, I haven't told anyone until tonight on another board but I'm a RN. I've been a nurse for 23 years. I worked in the Emergency Dept for five years. As a RN, I know what I'm talking about. This is very serious.

Now as your adopted mom who loves you, i must also tell you exactly the same thing. I don't want anything to happen to any of my children. I can't image what it would do to me if one of my kids died before me. I think the pain would be unbearable, especially if he committed suicide.

Please take care of yourself sweetie. I will keep you in my prayers. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Love ya bunches
Arememom

Hi Kiba :wave:
You know Arememom is right. You have to tell someone. It sounds like the Effexor is not helping. You don't need to suffer needlessly. Sweetie, when I was on the wrong meds, I felt the same way. The depression has a way of making self injury and suicide seem to be the only way out. DON'T LISTEN!!!!
There are ALWAYS other options. We love you and want you to feel better. Tell your mom and dad or call 911, it's nothing to play around with. It only takes a split second to do harm that can't be undone.

I continue to pray for you as always.

You are a part of our family now and please get help!!!!

I love you!
Sam :angel:

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

I am still very very very sorry for what I did :( ! You are all so right and even with my dislike of telling my parents I will have them come in to school tommorow so me and my teacher can tell them what is going on so I can get some serious help before it is to late. It is so true that I need to be a inpatient again untill I can contol and trust myself again. Well I will talk to everyone latter unless they put me back into the hospital.

I love you all and I hope what I did does not change our family.
Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your adopted son
Kiba

PS. Tee(mom) wow you are a RN, cool. Don't worry just because you are a nurse it does not change anything because I still love you for who you are.

Hi Kiba :wave:
Sweetie, just because you are sick and hurting does not mean it will change our family here. You are loved no matter what. I have 3 boys in real life and I love them too, (no matter what). You are going through a very difficult time right now. Don't beat yourself over it. I have seen you grow so much since I frist started talking to you. Don't worry, we are here for you.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sam :angel:

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Well, I am glad to tell you that with the help of my teacher I told my parents so now they know. After I told them I passed out so I did not get a chance to tell you all that I told them. They are not upset but they are really worried and as for me I still don't feel any better. My doctors are taking about putting me back into the hospital again so if you don't hear from me them you know why. So I will try to talk to you latter.

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!!!
Your adopted son
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love you all very much!

Hi Kiba :wave:
I am so glad to hear that your parents know. It's scary to tell them these things. It does help for them to know so they can get you the help you need. It may be a good idea for you to be back in the hospital so they can monitor you while they are changing the meds.

Love, hugs and prayers to you, too!!!
Sam :angel:

Hi little brother!!!! :wave:

I know that must have been rough letting mom and dad know. I'm so glad they handled it well.

I'm so with our sweet and smart Sam on this one. They and some better and new docs might see you now and fix that med problem too. :)

We all send our love hugs and prayers to you too!!! :bouncing:

Brother John :angel:

Kiba,

I posted a new thread to you. Hope you are having a good day.

Love ya
tee

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

I am happy to hear that everyone is happy that I took the proper steps this time on getting help before it was to late. I still feel pretty bad and it is still getting worse so my parents are looking into put me in the hospital for my saftey. I still am sick from telling my parents about what is going on and I can't even look at them face to face but atleast they understand why. I wish that all of this was easyer but life never is so I will do my best to fight this. I will never forget any of you if I have to go to the hospital because you all are with me all the time in my heart.

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!
Your adopted Son :D
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love you all very much!

((((((((((Kiba)))))))

Hi sweetie!!!! :wave:

I am very proud of you for having so much courage to tell your teacher and your parents. It's a huge step!!!! You are in my heart and prayers!!!!

Don't ever feel bad about your depression. Some don't understand because they haven't ever experienced it, but it takes a whole lot of courage to hang in there and fight the depression beast.

Love, hugs and special prayers,
Sam :angel:

Hi Arememom, JohnDiV, Sam, and everyone else :wave: !!!!!

Sorry that I have not been in touch lately but I have been working alot to keep my mind of hurting myself but no luck with that. My doctor has started me on sleeping pills so I can sleep but I am only getting 3 hours of sleep but that is better than nothing. Just to give you a heads up my doctor says if nothing inproves than at the end of the month I do to the hospital. So far it has only gotten worse plus my doctor refuses to take me off effexor and he has uped the dose so the symptoms have increased badly. Well, I will talk to you all latter.

Best of Luck to ALL :angel: !!!
Your adopted Son
Kiba

PS. to Sam(mom), Tee(mom), John(big brother)
Heart filled hugs and I love you all very much!

Hi Kiba :wave:
If your symptoms have increased, you really need to tell your doctor. There's no sense in waiting until the end of the month if your symptoms are worsening. Please stay safe!!!!

Love,
Sam :angel: