Hello I'm new to this site,

So this is a little bit about me and my situations... I had a hysterectomy in April of 2000 and I still regret the making the choice to go through with the surgery.. Reason for the surgery is I had Endometriosis pretty bad and they had done quite a few surgeries and put me on tons of different medications.. When it was done I was 19 yo and now i'm i'm 24. When they did it it was just a partial hyst. they took my tubes and uterus but still have my Ovaries.
It has been really hard for me the last few months because everytime I turn around someone new is preganant and honestly it's bugging me pretty bad. I just spent a week with my boyfriend's brothers baby and well that really has me turned upside down.. Everyone kept asking when we were going to be having kids and what my intentions were.. Mind you we haven't told my boyfriends dad or brother that I can't have kids just because we don't feel it's any of their business. I'm to the point I just don't know what to do.. I know deep down my boyfriend wants a child but with out having the money to say we can get my eggs and implant them into a seragant I just don't see that happening..
I seem to be really emotional about this and most of the time don't know what i'm thinking about.. Please help with advice on how I should handle this and any encouragement for me.

Thx :confused:

I'm so sorry for you having to go through that at such a young age. You're right, it's none of anyone's business what, when, or if you have a baby....that's between you and your boyfriend.

The only thing I can think of that might help you is to think that maybe there's a baby in your future through adoption. Perhaps a child will be just for you that otherwise wouldn't have a home and you will be meant to be the mother to that child.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Hi Kdac81:

I don't have anything solid to offer you... just know that I have felt your pain. Although I have one daughter, 9 years old, I had to go through surgery in order to get pregnant with her, and I spent the entire 9 years of her life trying to have another one. It never happened. It is very very painful. I know that some people will say "well, at least you have one", and believe me, i am grateful for her. BUT I longed and ached for so many years to have another. It's hard to describe the feelings to someone who doesn't get it, isn't it? I just had my hysterectomy on the 13th of this month...and yes, I still would have liked to have more childre, but at some point I had to accept that it just wasn't in the plans for me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to come to terms with. I was suffering month after month with physical pain, and on top of that I was suffering from emotional pain with the disappointment that came with every period. Every month I would cry and become depressed. I realized that as long as I had 'all the parts', I was going to feel this way. So that played largely in my decision to have my surgery. I know that it will still be hard to see others pregnant. {removed}

Because you have already had your hysterectomy, there is little you can do as far as outcome goes. You won't give birth to a child. BUT you CAN adopt (and there are thousands of needy babies waiting for good homes), and the surrogate thing as you mentioned. Those things take money, I know. And you will still long to know what its like to be pregnant. I wish I knew why some of us are cursed with such a burden to carry. It seems unfair that we should be deprived of the an experience that is just so very....FEMALE. Trust me, I have spent YEARS trying to 'talk God into giving me what i want'...and as I said, I just had to accept it and let it go. I don't know what that will take for you. For me, it just took time. But you know? To this day, everytime a friend gets pregnant I automatically start looking for a new pet! It's a pattern I didn't pick up on until my husband pointed it out. :eek: So, that is how I fill my void of mothering an infant i guess! Sounds silly huh?

I wish I could help you more. I feel your pain. Try to focus on the good....like how much pain relief you were given from the surgery, which in turn adds to your quality of life. The chances are very high that even if you hadn't had the surgery you would not have been able to get pregnant. I know that doesn't help you feel better about the longing, but it might help you stop regretting the surgery. {removed}

I hope you feel better soon...you're not alone.

:angel:
Lil'Pea

Sunnydaze1

Thank you so much for telling me and reminding me of this.. I just find that I have days here and there where I just want to break down because this person and 4 others are preganant and I can honestly say i'm Jealous of them. they will be able to fill something wonderful that I will not and it makes me jealous even though it shouldn't.. I just try to remind myself that one day it'll happen when it's suppose to but i/we would love for it to be sooner than later.

lil'pea

Thank you also.. {removed} . That doesn't affect me near as bad as hearing people say they are preganant I don't know why that is but it hits me harder. It's like I havn't done anything wrong to not deserve this chance that is how i felt for along time.. I am better now but every 3-4 months it just hits me and it's like why did I make that decision, why didn't my parents say just wait alittle longer. I ask myself that alot.
{removed}
I make myself so upset when I get this emotional there is nothing i can do to change the decision expect accept that i'm healthly i'm not in pain I don't have to worry about cycling everyday of every month. So in this i'm happy for that but I don't think it will ever be something i'll forget about or that miss..
I'm just trying to be patient until the day i can not only make myself a mother but also my husband father. The time will come I know...

I hope things are getting better for you and I honestly hope that you don't go through the emotions i've gone through I wouldn't wish it on anyone.. If you find peace finding infant pets let it be a good thing enjoy that like you do.

I wish you and everyone else that reads my posts the best.

Kellee

I can so feel your pain, believe me I do. Same goes for you Lil'Pea. I had a horrible time getting pregnant and I'd ended up in tears when, yes, seems like everyone and their sister is pregnant except you! And I'm sure that you having a hysterectomy really intensifies things.

People that have babies according to schedule, or like buying a house, have absolutely no idea what it's like to go the infertile route. I've heard it all..."when are you going to have a baby? Don't wait too long! Are you trying? Do you think it's you or him?"

I tell you, I've never met such insensitive people as the ones who get pregnant at the drop of a hat. My all time favorite irritation is this one, "Oh, I'd be pregnant all the time if I didn't use birth control!" Ha Ha Ha! ARGH! Have women no idea what we endure when you cannot have a baby?

Anyone that is childless that I know, I do not even ask about why...I know..they either don't want them or can't have them and it's really none of my business anyways. Why people are so, so, nosy...I'll never know.

I am blessed with two fine boys, now young men...but it sure wasn't easy, believe me. Even as I look at having a hysterectomy at my age, it's still a weird feeling knowing that the womb that held my babies is being removed. I tell myself that it isn't needed anymore and that my quality of life has deteriorated the past few years because of the adenomyosis. Still, it's tugs at my heart knowing that this will be the final stage of my reproductive years.

My advice if anyone asks something so personal as to when you are having a baby is to ask in reply, "Why do you want to know?" That will leave them with their eyes popping out and if they dare reply why, then you can very eloquently say, "I really don't care to discuss something that personal." That should shut them up.

It took me to age 50 to get the b**ls to stick up for myself when someone said something out of line to me. I guess being older has given me a little more self confidence in a way. I really don't care what anyone thinks if I don't cowtow to their questions.