angel_bear
09-25-2005, 07:58 PM
Yes, you heard it here first ....
I just rang the NH .. to get a report of MIL over the weekend. Yes, she was combative and agro, refused to shower, but all in all she was 'exactly what we're used to Sally" ...
And then .... they told me BIL and his daughter went to VISIT MIL yesterday (Sunday).
They were specifically TOLD not to visit until MONDAY .. but apparently the rules don't apply to them for some strange reason .. and then ............
BIL started abusing the staff that his mother DOESN'T have Dementia. It got to the point that he has been refused access to the NH home now.
IDIOT !! IDIOT !! IDIOT !!
MIL was "ok" with their visit, and their departure .. which is just a damn good fluke really ...
So it explains why BIL isn't speaking to me (was curt and rude last night to me) but GOOD GRIEF .. the denial he's in is DANGEROUS !!!!
Friday: he demanded to know WHY ACAT hadn't put his mother in a lock down facility to start with.
Sunday: he's saying she hasn't got dementia.
So if she hasn't got dementia, why did he want her in a lock down facility?
I know denial is par for course, BUT FOR HEAVENS SAKE .. !!!!!!!!
UGH UGH UGH
Had to vent .. have to SCREAM !!!!!!!!!
Hugs
Sally
I just rang the NH .. to get a report of MIL over the weekend. Yes, she was combative and agro, refused to shower, but all in all she was 'exactly what we're used to Sally" ...
And then .... they told me BIL and his daughter went to VISIT MIL yesterday (Sunday).
They were specifically TOLD not to visit until MONDAY .. but apparently the rules don't apply to them for some strange reason .. and then ............
BIL started abusing the staff that his mother DOESN'T have Dementia. It got to the point that he has been refused access to the NH home now.
IDIOT !! IDIOT !! IDIOT !!
MIL was "ok" with their visit, and their departure .. which is just a damn good fluke really ...
So it explains why BIL isn't speaking to me (was curt and rude last night to me) but GOOD GRIEF .. the denial he's in is DANGEROUS !!!!
Friday: he demanded to know WHY ACAT hadn't put his mother in a lock down facility to start with.
Sunday: he's saying she hasn't got dementia.
So if she hasn't got dementia, why did he want her in a lock down facility?
I know denial is par for course, BUT FOR HEAVENS SAKE .. !!!!!!!!
UGH UGH UGH
Had to vent .. have to SCREAM !!!!!!!!!
Hugs
Sally
Sponsor
BarbaraH
09-25-2005, 09:23 PM
Sally,
That's beyond good reason - you did nail it right on the head -
BIL is a dangerous, manipulative idiot! :nono:
Unbelievable, but I guess we should expect it by now. How can he live like that? I hope you'll let ACAT and the NH know what he ranted about on Friday just to show his true colors.
Scream as needed!
How many days is it until your holiday? Oh! tomorrow!!!!!! Hang on!
Hugs - Barbara
That's beyond good reason - you did nail it right on the head -
BIL is a dangerous, manipulative idiot! :nono:
Unbelievable, but I guess we should expect it by now. How can he live like that? I hope you'll let ACAT and the NH know what he ranted about on Friday just to show his true colors.
Scream as needed!
How many days is it until your holiday? Oh! tomorrow!!!!!! Hang on!
Hugs - Barbara
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-25-2005, 09:39 PM
I have very sneaky people in my family so I've kind of learned how that kind of stuff works. It's not denial. I'll bet the house BIL spoke with someone (or they spoke to him) about what would happen if MIL were deemed unsafe enough to herself or others to warrant a lockdown facility. Someone probably told him something to the effect that MIL could not legally come back home if that were to happen. Then the $$$$ signs went flying through BIL's head.
Someone in denial would never argue that she needed to be in lockdown. But someone thinking only of the cost may argue that she didn't.
BIL is as rotten as rotten can be. And I can't help but think that something is wrong with HIM mentally.....
Please enjoy your holiday and don't answer your cell phone if it's BIL or FIL. This is YOUR holiday. HAVE FUN!
Love, Barb
Someone in denial would never argue that she needed to be in lockdown. But someone thinking only of the cost may argue that she didn't.
BIL is as rotten as rotten can be. And I can't help but think that something is wrong with HIM mentally.....
Please enjoy your holiday and don't answer your cell phone if it's BIL or FIL. This is YOUR holiday. HAVE FUN!
Love, Barb
angel_bear
09-25-2005, 09:50 PM
Ahhhh !!!! Yesss ... that makes more sense .....
Of course .. ACAT want MIL to go to hospital and await placement after this respite (for her safety) ... yes .. it makes sense !!!!
The NH have the phone number of the Tomato Farm and I begged them to keep me informed .. other than that, I don't want to know what's going on .... I just want to know what I'm going to come home to ...
If I come home at all ...
in 24 hours, we will be closer to our holiday and away from this place.
Hugs
Sally
Of course .. ACAT want MIL to go to hospital and await placement after this respite (for her safety) ... yes .. it makes sense !!!!
The NH have the phone number of the Tomato Farm and I begged them to keep me informed .. other than that, I don't want to know what's going on .... I just want to know what I'm going to come home to ...
If I come home at all ...
in 24 hours, we will be closer to our holiday and away from this place.
Hugs
Sally
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-25-2005, 10:35 PM
Oh yes of course. By all means know what you're coming home to. Just tune out the male in-laws! :)
Love, Barb
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-26-2005, 07:42 AM
sounds like BIL has dementia!!!
angel_bear
09-26-2005, 08:40 AM
I got a phone call from MIL's nursing home this afternoon ...
Could I please buy some Industrial size pads for her please?
Why?
Because she's quite badly incontinent now and as respite only, they don't usually supply the pads or nappies. They don't mind using a few, but with their limited budget .... would I mind?
$25.00 later .. I deliver 20 large industrial strength pads ...
I also left them with the instructions of:
Leave the packaging for BIL. If you need more, RING HIM and advise him the cost, where to get them, and show him the packaging. Remind him that WE bought the first lot and now it's his turn.
They said "not a problem".
MIL hasn't been assessed by ACAT as yet, because her UTI is over, and now the nursing home needs to log 'non infected' behaviour to put against 'infected' behaviour. So she may not be assessed now until early next week.
THEN we will find out if she comes home, or goes to hospital to await a permanent placement.
THEN it will not be a pleasant time for the family.
This is horrible .. but necessary .... prayers please, may this work out for the best for all.
Hugs
Sally
Could I please buy some Industrial size pads for her please?
Why?
Because she's quite badly incontinent now and as respite only, they don't usually supply the pads or nappies. They don't mind using a few, but with their limited budget .... would I mind?
$25.00 later .. I deliver 20 large industrial strength pads ...
I also left them with the instructions of:
Leave the packaging for BIL. If you need more, RING HIM and advise him the cost, where to get them, and show him the packaging. Remind him that WE bought the first lot and now it's his turn.
They said "not a problem".
MIL hasn't been assessed by ACAT as yet, because her UTI is over, and now the nursing home needs to log 'non infected' behaviour to put against 'infected' behaviour. So she may not be assessed now until early next week.
THEN we will find out if she comes home, or goes to hospital to await a permanent placement.
THEN it will not be a pleasant time for the family.
This is horrible .. but necessary .... prayers please, may this work out for the best for all.
Hugs
Sally
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-26-2005, 07:13 PM
You have our prayers. This will work out for the best for MIL. That's the ultimate goal and that's what will happen. BIL is the bump in the road but when ACAT assesses MIL and determines she has to have round the clock care in a skilled care facility, he will have no choice in the matter. And his power trip will be over. There may be hard feelings but it's better than having MIL injure herself or wander off and get hit by a car.
If BIL doesn't get over it, that's his problem. He'll have to deal with it.
In the meantime, enjoy the fresh air and freedom!
Love, Barb
If BIL doesn't get over it, that's his problem. He'll have to deal with it.
In the meantime, enjoy the fresh air and freedom!
Love, Barb
BarbaraH
09-27-2005, 12:14 AM
Hey, Sally,
Are you headed out of town yet?! Have a wonderful time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bye! :wave:
Talk to you when you're back. Hope all the news you get is good for MIL and you!
Cheers! Barbara :D
Are you headed out of town yet?! Have a wonderful time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bye! :wave:
Talk to you when you're back. Hope all the news you get is good for MIL and you!
Cheers! Barbara :D
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-28-2005, 01:43 AM
Hi there Sally,
I know you are gone (hopefully) on your well needed vacation. Just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth! I cannot believe your BIL!!!!! He IS an idiot! Also, stupid, selfish, money hungry, and maybe tons of other things! Maybe he does have dementia as someone else said! It is just so hard to understand the things he does and says?!
I hope you and yours are enjoying your holiday. You really need and deserve this time off! Hopefully, you will have good news when you return. I am sure that ACAT, the NH top people and anyone else that watches MIL and assesses her, will realize how much in need she is (of more care)!
Hope that yall had a happy vacation getaway time. And come home relaxed and determined!!! Take care. Love, Wannabe
I know you are gone (hopefully) on your well needed vacation. Just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth! I cannot believe your BIL!!!!! He IS an idiot! Also, stupid, selfish, money hungry, and maybe tons of other things! Maybe he does have dementia as someone else said! It is just so hard to understand the things he does and says?!
I hope you and yours are enjoying your holiday. You really need and deserve this time off! Hopefully, you will have good news when you return. I am sure that ACAT, the NH top people and anyone else that watches MIL and assesses her, will realize how much in need she is (of more care)!
Hope that yall had a happy vacation getaway time. And come home relaxed and determined!!! Take care. Love, Wannabe
angel_bear
09-29-2005, 02:21 AM
Just peeking in during my holiday away to say G'day !!!
I'm relaxing, getting LOTS of homework done, LOTS of research done (in preparation for next terms classes) .. the kids are having a ball .. all in all .. gee it's nice to be away LOL
Hugs to you all .. We'll be back next Tuesday afternoon.
Would prefer wednesday myself, but Tuesday it will be.
BIG HUGS
Sally
I'm relaxing, getting LOTS of homework done, LOTS of research done (in preparation for next terms classes) .. the kids are having a ball .. all in all .. gee it's nice to be away LOL
Hugs to you all .. We'll be back next Tuesday afternoon.
Would prefer wednesday myself, but Tuesday it will be.
BIG HUGS
Sally
BarbaraH
09-29-2005, 10:34 AM
G'day to you!
Guess you're quite chuffed to be away!! You deserve it! Glad all are having a wonderful, relaxing, and even some productive time. Just glorious! Isn't it amazing what good leaving behind the daily chores and a change of scenery do for you??!
It will be October when you return, so the countdown shortens each time the sun sets! Hold that thought!
Good to hear from you!
Hugs - Barbara :wave:
Guess you're quite chuffed to be away!! You deserve it! Glad all are having a wonderful, relaxing, and even some productive time. Just glorious! Isn't it amazing what good leaving behind the daily chores and a change of scenery do for you??!
It will be October when you return, so the countdown shortens each time the sun sets! Hold that thought!
Good to hear from you!
Hugs - Barbara :wave:
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-29-2005, 07:43 PM
That's right! January is getting closer and closer. Soon you'll be on your way to Queensland. YAY!!!! I know you look forward to that day when you pack up the car and go for good.
I can almost see you (if I knew what you looked like...lol) on a bed with the pillows propped up studying and not worrying about every sound that comes from downstairs!
And I see you taking a breath of fresh spring air. Is it spring there yet? Blonde moment...lol!
Love, Barb
I can almost see you (if I knew what you looked like...lol) on a bed with the pillows propped up studying and not worrying about every sound that comes from downstairs!
And I see you taking a breath of fresh spring air. Is it spring there yet? Blonde moment...lol!
Love, Barb
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-30-2005, 12:37 AM
Hi Sally,
In case you peek in again! Sounds like you are enjoying and using your much needed time off well. (does that make sense?) Are you on holiday from school too? Is this a short summer break or what? At least you get about a week off!!! :>
Are you kids playing farm stuff? Isnt that where yall are staying? Hope that you get some nice country walks in too. Hope you continue to relax and have fun. Dont study too too much!!
Take care. Love, Wannabe
In case you peek in again! Sounds like you are enjoying and using your much needed time off well. (does that make sense?) Are you on holiday from school too? Is this a short summer break or what? At least you get about a week off!!! :>
Are you kids playing farm stuff? Isnt that where yall are staying? Hope that you get some nice country walks in too. Hope you continue to relax and have fun. Dont study too too much!!
Take care. Love, Wannabe
seekingnormal05
10-01-2005, 10:39 AM
Sally:
Amazing.
Every now and then I read a situation that leaves me speechless.
This was it today.
Seeking
Amazing.
Every now and then I read a situation that leaves me speechless.
This was it today.
Seeking
angel_bear
10-04-2005, 07:05 AM
Yeah .. but wait .. there will be more !!
Tomorrow !!!
*sigh*
Hugs
Sally
Tomorrow !!!
*sigh*
Hugs
Sally
BarbaraH
10-04-2005, 09:28 AM
Hi Sally!
Welcome back! We missed you!!!
Wonder what you'll find out from the ACAT eval.?? If MIL has been happy, then that's just the safe, pleasant environment she needs to stay in. Happy? Couldn't ask for better!!!
Hope your re-entry is managable!
Hugs - Barbara :wave:
Welcome back! We missed you!!!
Wonder what you'll find out from the ACAT eval.?? If MIL has been happy, then that's just the safe, pleasant environment she needs to stay in. Happy? Couldn't ask for better!!!
Hope your re-entry is managable!
Hugs - Barbara :wave:
Martha H
10-04-2005, 12:47 PM
Dear Sally,
That is enlightening ..the phone person ALWAYS says 'everything is fine' and gives no details! That could be a world wide phenomenon.
Well I'm glad you're back Sally, and somewhat recovreed from the h*ll of the past 15 months, but you know as well as I that a week off won't restore you back to your old self ..not even a few MONTHS can do that ..
You must insist that MIL never never even considers the possibility of going 'home' to you! Leave no stone unturned to find a solution, so your planned escape becomes a reality. If the incontinence thing is the major argument, don't forget you also do not like being hit, slapped, sputtered at, snooped on, having dirt and yuck smells drifting upstairs to your realm, having to throw out bits of carefully wrapped moldy garbage from her closets and drawers, etc. Not to mention the threat of her yelling at and hitting your children. You have had put up with all the above way too long already.
Good luck!
Love,
Martha
That is enlightening ..the phone person ALWAYS says 'everything is fine' and gives no details! That could be a world wide phenomenon.
Well I'm glad you're back Sally, and somewhat recovreed from the h*ll of the past 15 months, but you know as well as I that a week off won't restore you back to your old self ..not even a few MONTHS can do that ..
You must insist that MIL never never even considers the possibility of going 'home' to you! Leave no stone unturned to find a solution, so your planned escape becomes a reality. If the incontinence thing is the major argument, don't forget you also do not like being hit, slapped, sputtered at, snooped on, having dirt and yuck smells drifting upstairs to your realm, having to throw out bits of carefully wrapped moldy garbage from her closets and drawers, etc. Not to mention the threat of her yelling at and hitting your children. You have had put up with all the above way too long already.
Good luck!
Love,
Martha
BarbaraH
10-04-2005, 01:36 PM
Good morning!
Me again, and I forgot to say it's really kind of your friend to offer the lower part of her house as a first step away if you and your family need it before your big move.
Stick to your guns - no MIL at home forever. PERIOD.
Hugs, friend!! Barbara :)
Me again, and I forgot to say it's really kind of your friend to offer the lower part of her house as a first step away if you and your family need it before your big move.
Stick to your guns - no MIL at home forever. PERIOD.
Hugs, friend!! Barbara :)
ToBeFreeToRoam
10-05-2005, 01:14 AM
Hi Sally,
I did not realize that you guys were home already. Hope it was a relaxing time.
I second everything Barbara and Martha said! I also hope that MIL is happy at the good NH - would they let her stay? If they try to let her go back to your house, go and fast, to your friends house!!! Yall can stand it for a few months! Probably would be a better, relaxing, but crowded atmostphere!
And I hope that ACAT is smart enuf to take into consideration what the NH people say about MIL. That should count a lot!!!
Take care and stand your ground!!! If anyone tries any funny business or tries to stick you with any of the work again - get Hubby to back you up, like he did last time!!!
Love, Wannabe
I did not realize that you guys were home already. Hope it was a relaxing time.
I second everything Barbara and Martha said! I also hope that MIL is happy at the good NH - would they let her stay? If they try to let her go back to your house, go and fast, to your friends house!!! Yall can stand it for a few months! Probably would be a better, relaxing, but crowded atmostphere!
And I hope that ACAT is smart enuf to take into consideration what the NH people say about MIL. That should count a lot!!!
Take care and stand your ground!!! If anyone tries any funny business or tries to stick you with any of the work again - get Hubby to back you up, like he did last time!!!
Love, Wannabe