Very recently my son started rolling from his back to his stomach..I was there to see it & so was my DH. Well the other day I was in the bedroom with some headphones listening to music not wanting to interfere with the football game going on in the living room next door. Well about 10 minutes later I came out and my DH had the biggest grin on his face telling me "you just missed him roll over for the first time." At first I tried denying it, thinking maybe he was lying to me, but he insisted he wasn't. I crazily became furious asking as to why he didn't call me..he said he did, but i didn't hear him. That made me even angrier asking him why he then didn't proceed to come and get me because if it were me in his position, the MOM would have ran into the room to get him so he could witness it. Then he laughs at me saying "yeah right then I would have missed it." I just..I can't get over this bitterness that i have towards my DH now. It's eating away at me slowly that I missed my sons FIRST roll over. I cook, clean, take care of our son all day long, change his diaper because DH hates to and feed him his cereal because DH is too involved with his Cubs game half the time. I feel very robbed. Here I do all these things and yet he was the one that witnessed such a momentous occasion? I just wish I could get over this feeling and realize it's not such a big deal...but then again it is. Is there any other way to look at it? Like maybe it was better he saw it than some stranger?? I dunno...any advice?

There are many ways to look at it. I get that you are mad that he didn't come get you. That sounds like it may be a bigger issue than whether or not you saw your baby roll over for the first time. The subtext of your message kind of sounds like you are mad that he was watching the game and that maybe that was more important than you guys experiencing this together. Believe me, I have had to pratically write out what is important to me so that my husband gets it. I swear they are a different species.

Have you thought that what your husband saw was in all likelihood NOT the FIRST time that your baby rolled? It is very possible that it happened already when neither or you were there.


There are many more firsts which you will probably see before he does. Talk with him. Tell him that you were mad that he didn't get you and that from now on, yell louder!

-Jen

You know I think that the fact that he didn't come and get me has a HUGE impact on the situation. I feel like he robbed me of that moment because he didn't care to get up from the couch once he saw our son roll to his stomach and then try to roll to his back. It didn't take not even 10 seconds. Our bedroom is right there...I know it's not true and far out there in space, but i feel like i'm a horrible mother for missing his first. I'm the kind of person that I would have rather had him LIE or not even tell me and then let me experience it for myself. So, i guess when he takes his first steps and I'm not there...NO ONE better tell me. I've talked to him, but you know men, it goes in one ear and out the other and then after bringing it up I feel like an idiot for even saying anything. It's like he doesn't care...I cant understand it? They say women are hard to figure out; well I think it's a 2 way street darlin. Anyway, thanks a bunch for the advice, I guess i'll go out buy a megaphone and really lay it on him. haha*

Well, I think the problem is you resenting your DH! And you need to have a serious talk with him about it. Tell him that you need MORE HELP. I don't give a darn that he doesn't like changing diapers, he doesn't get a choice in the matter. Walk in, hand him the diaper and your son and tell him to change the diaper. Tell him he can miss 15 mintues of the game to feed his son. Or he can put on the radio while he feeds him so that he doesn't miss anything. Don't let him get away with not helping now because it will only get worse over time. Make it very clear that this is his kid too and I don't care if he works and you stay home or if you both work or what the situation is...you are working to take care of that baby all day long. You don't get much of a break and neither should he!!! When you are both home the child care should be split 50/50 in my opinion. Most men are usually happy to help, but don't expect them to just do it without any prompting..they need to be told.

As for missing this first...try not to worry so much about it. I think of it this way. You are going to miss a lot of 1sts in his little life. He may do it with a sitter, he may do it later at school, everything they do is going to be a first. The neat thing is this...it will ALWAYS be exciting to you the first time that YOU see it. DS was in daycare starting at 2 months of age. I thought it would break my heart not seeing all of his 1sts...but it was always special the 1st time that I saw it. Plus they were always very good about not telling me everytime he did something new, that way I could be surprised when I saw it.

I agree that your Hubby should have come and gotten you, but he was obviously caught up in the moment and didn't want to leave...I'd cut him a little slack for just being so excited. And if he left you both may have missed it.

Try to calm down. Then have a talk with DH. Then put that baby back on the floor and wait for the next big roll over!!

I didn't get my DS first smile, he saved that for DH. It really hurts because I do everything for DS all day long. DH does change diapers (He got DS first one in the hospital) and he feeds him and does spilt 50/50 with me when he is home. But DH works a 12 hour day and I am home with DS. Also when DH comes home DS gets all excited. He screams and smiles and coos. I don't get that sort of recognition. I did get to see his first smile though, we were in the same room.

I guess I really should look on the bright side right? I mean, after all I was the FIRST one to hold him after I delivered him and the first to change his diaper (besides the nurses and all, but it was me his mama). :D I'm the one that takes tons of pictures of him doing something cute and sending them to all our family and friends and i'll probably be the first one he comes to when he's in a jam. :rolleyes: Yeah, i really need to start thinking more positively rather than letting satan get the best of me and replay all that anger. Thank you all so much! You've been such a blessing with all your advice! :angel:

Hey I missed my DD first roll over also. She was in her crib, I checked on her and walked out only to come back in the house to her crying (went to go get the mail) and when I walked in her room - she had rolled over. (She sleeps on her stomach!)....so I missed it. She did it again the other night - woke up about midnight crying, she had rolled over again - so we both have missed both times - she will do it again and I will get to see it......I have to be patient.....don't be too upset you didn't get to see it, but rather know, the next one will be your first. You may also have more firsts than him too - so hang in there.....they change so fast - it's fun - every day is a new experience......

Haha Sue, the same thing happened to me before his daddy saw him roll over. Woke up about 1 in the morning after a bad dream, checked on our son and I saw that he was on his stomach. First I panicked, but then I realized he was okay and just freaked that he had actually turned over. I had told myself that that didn't count as a roll over...i guess i was in denial. Right now i'm staying home with him and I was selfish into thinking that I SHOULD be the one to see everything first, when his daddy is so hard at work. I think the more i've thought about it, I realize how childish it was and I should be grateful that his father was actually here to see such a momentous ocassion. Instead of it being such a wonderful event and enjoying it together I made my DH feel like dirt. I have since then kissed his feet and begged for forgiveness. He just laughs and says it's no big deal. Thank you though for your post.

Well its not like your son won't ever roll over again. I probably would have just been excited if my dh told me he did and then I would be looking out for the next time he rolled over. Sounds like maybe the problem is you felt he was too involved with the TV to get you and perhaps neglects things that need to be done cause of the game. Sounds like my husband when hes caught up in a game. Knowing my dh he wouldn't even notice if the baby rolled over for the first time when a game is on. I don't know whats so exciting about watching sports on TV. Look on the bright side, many moms who work full time don't get to see A LOT of their child's "firsts".

I was in Hawaii (my sister, whom is also my best friend is stationed there with her hubby) when my son rolled over the first time, not only that but the fact that he got his first 2 teeth. All that happened in a span of 5 days. The reason that I was in Hawaii is because my husband broke my trust and I HAD to get away or I knew that I would never heal. I was upset that I the mother, the life giver,the stay at home mom missed it. But it passed. Look at it this way, he did get the first roll over, but you get EVERYDAY. The smiles, the cuddles, the looks, the LOVE. There are going to be so many more "first" this or that.

I'm sure that you are mad that he simply couldn't walk into the room to get you, but men are known for not being all that smart. But it seems that there are underlying issues. You need to get to the bottom of them, tell him how you feel about all the "motherly" things that you do and how you feel that he needs to step in and help. And about the poop diapers, he better get over it now, it only gets worse.

Thank you ladies, besafe, DAni_girl, and again everyone that responded to my post. I have come to terms with it and I realize how truely lucky I am to stay at home with my son right now and take care of him. It's something his daddy would like to do and has told me that from the beginning. "You're lucky" he would say, of course I never truely paid attention to just what exactly he was getting at, but now I know. I would joke with him and say "hey i pushed him from down there...if you can do that be my guest." But i'm glad, more than glad that his daddy actually got to see him do a 1st. Our son hasn't yet done it since, but I've found myself anticipating it because it will be MY first time to see him do it and I will be more than excited. I guess I'm in a better situation than most women who's husbands are traveling almost 365 days a year and are never there, or like my brother in the military who will probably miss their childs first years. And yes at that time I was angry that he was too involved to get up and get me...somehow men have the capability to keep their eye on sports yet do something else at the same time. Its like his eyes had split, one eyeball looking at the cubs and the other one looking at our son...it's amazing. :eek: Ive actually formed a jealousy over his team! haha* But I do realise how truely selfish and immature I was being. I just went with my first instincts and thought I was a bad mom for missing his first, but you ladies helped me to realise that i'm not and never will be because i'm here with him everyday giving him baths, playing with him, feeding him and showering him with love...so many firsts that I didn't count. I gave him his first bath, changed his first diaper, fed him cereal first...i'm sure i'll have plenty more and so will my DH. I'm completely over it, the only thing I need to come to terms with is how horrible I feel for throwing such a grade school tantrum. DH doesn't seem to think twice about, doens't really care, he's the kind to let things go...here I am dwelling on it about how badly I acted towards him. Never again! I've already made that promise to myself...he will see many firsts and so will I...we are truely blessed and now do I only see it because we got that blessed chance to see some firsts instead of nothing at all. Thanks so much to all of you! I seriously think I'm gonna cry now! haha* :D