Hello everyone,
I've been around on these boards for a while, but I am new to this particular one. Sadly, my father passed away from lung cancer almost 4 months ago, this past June. He was in his early 70's, and died in the hospital after a surgery for complications. My mom and i were with him til the end, and we held him and he died in our arms.

I'm only 23 and i guess i just feel like a little kid losing her dad, although im sure its never easy at any age to lose a parent. We had such an amazing relationship and since i was a child he has been my hero. To me, he was the wisest, smartest, kindest man alive, always supportive and affectionate.

I guess i'm just having a really hard time dealing with the grief right now. Because my dad was older than most dads, ive been scared of him dying since i was in grade school. I denied the feelings and the pain for the first couple of months. Now I'm having terrible nightmares night after night, to the point that i'm scared to sleep. I'm wondering if part of it was the shock of actually seeing him die, i dont know. It really frightened me in the hospital, it was sort of violent, and i was physically sick afterwards. However, I am so glad i was there for him, i feel like i "lead him to God" so to speak, he didnt go alone. I'm just wondering if anyone else has some experience with reccurent nightmares, and if anything was helpful for you.

I appreciate you listening to my story,
Thanks so much, and blessings to all

I have experienced the same with my mothers passing. Its hard to go to sleep at night knowing what you are going to dream about. I am sorry you have had this happen. I was told by someone that the nightmares and dreams are a part of the grieving process. I hope things get better for you.

AshleyP

Hi,
I was there when my Dad died, it was so hard, you don't want them to leave your but that is something we just don't have control over, He is up in heaven and he is not sick any more, After my Dad died I had a knot in my stomach for three months, I have four kids and I didn't want them to see be so upset, I tried to be strong for them because when they would see me so sad, it was very upsetting for them. I did have problems with my daughter after he had died, she was screaming in her sleep, she didn't even know it, She was so close to my Dad and it was so hard for her, we did see a physiologist and he said that she is so traumatised with my Father death that it's causing the nightmare's. So we stared to do things in honor of grandpa, like buying a bird feeder, He loved to feed the birds everyday, at Christmas every years we shop around till we can find an ordainment to put on the tree that remind us of grandpa, When we would say our prayers at night, we would tell God to say Hi to grandpa for us, Now I know these things might not work for you but your is such shock of losing your Dad, your mind cannot even rest at night and I'm sure during the day that's about all you think of him, you need to take baby steps forward to focus on other things and maybe do some thing special in your Dad's Honor, it will be good for you. I was a Daddy's girl, WE were two pea's in a pod and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. It so hard, We talk about my Dad and my kids have fond memories of him, he will never be forgotten, I know we are so very lucky to have such great Father's, not everyone can say that.
Karen :angel:

My mom and dad are both done...I was 35 when my mom passed away and I was 39 when my dad passed away. My mom died suddenly and my dad passed away from lung cancer which was very painful for all of us. I have vivid memories of my dad's last moments and they were really bad this week (it has been 6 months). I asked my dad to take away those memories and give me good memories to think about. It has helped and I think my dad is helping me :)

You're not alone. I'm plagued with nightmare from my mom's death. Taking care of her in her final days.... those are images that will not leave me quickly.

Hello everyone, sorry i have not been on in a while, i just want to say thanks so much for sharing your experiences. ive talked to a therapist friend who has said it is indeed part of the grieving process. her advice was to allow ourselves time and also to not be afraid to feel the pain, because it will be more painful if we try to mask it when the pain arises. for those of us with nightmares she suggested relaxing activities before bed, even if just 10minutes of deep breathing or watching a funny show, and if we are spiritual, to ask our loved one for comfort and peaceful dreams, like you mentioned. best of luck to everyone, youre in my prayers :angel:

Hi Alexandra-----I lost my Dad to lung cancer 5 years ago. You and your Dad had a relationship like I had with mine. We were very close and I never knew a stronger, more proud man. He never lost any type of battle in his life, and so it made me incredibly angry AT the cancer because it was the only battle he ever lost. My Mom passed of breast cancer that mastastisized just three months before Dad so it was an incredibly hard time for my siblings and I. You're so right in that no matter what your age (I was 48 when Dad passed) you DO feel all alone---you feel like a little girl who has just lost her very best friend and you feel like an orphan. For the first 6 to 8 months, I was terribly depressed and angry at the World. I began to have dreams of being in my parents' home and there they were...dying all over again. I would say to them, "how is this possible? You already died and now you just have to do it again" ( I was at my Moms bedside with my siblings but didnt make it when my Dad passed)...Sometimes I still have terrible dreams...but if I remember to ask the White Light of the Holy Spirit to surround me during my sleep state, I normally dont have dreams that upset me. Soon after loosing Dad, I talked to a 75 year old woman who had lost her own Dad when she was in her 20's...she told me to this day she still had times when she missed him so badly that she just has a good crying spell. There isnt a day goes by that I dont miss my Dad---so you just hang tough.....the pain and sorrow never goes away, but you DO learn to handle it better with time.

My dad just died three weeks ago. He had pulmonary fibrosis and me and my mom were with him until the end, holding his hand. Luckliy for us, his death was very peaceful and calm but I have started having nightmares about him and him dying again in awful ways like drowning and me not being able to help him. They are awful and scary and I feel like I cry as hard as I did in the hospital but when I wake up I'm not crying. It's really strange. I'm trying to reassure myself that it is all part of the greiving process and that my body is trying to process the stress, shock and loss.
I truly hope that everyone else can find peace in their sleep. I'm glad that this board is here. I don't feel so alone when I read all the other posts.

My father passed away on the 4th of december, just over two weeks ago. He died from colon cancer which had metastasized throughout his body before we even found out he had any kind of cancer.

He degenerated very quickly and to me he didn't look like my dad anymore. I am finding it very hard to sleep because I don't want to turn out the lights. I don't know why but it makes me scared. Maybe its because my memories of my father's last moments are even more vivid when it's totally dark and that is all I have floating through my head. I have only had one nightmare about my father yet. Also I find that at night, particularly before I fall asleep, is the time at which I think about him and his sickness and death the most and if I am alone, or everyone else in the house is asleep, I feel really vulnerable and I don't want to have to face those thoughts or feelings alone and in the dark. I am 26 years old so no, this is not me being afraid of the dark. It's my fear of what the dark brings to my mind I guess.

My thoughts are with you, all of you, who are facing their grief and working through their loss.

-WC

Im sorry about your loss :( I lost my father 5 years ago when I was only 25 to Lung Cancer also. I felt and still feel like a lost little girl. He too was my hero and the greatest man/father ever. There is not a single day that passes when I dont miss him terribly. I still have my emotional break downs on a occasion and talk to him all the time. What helped for me is writing to him. Anytime I feel lost or confused or sad in life I write to him. I write him letters because I feel he sees them. There really is no easy way to cope with it. It does get a little easier over time but its still very very hard. I know it seems so incredibly unfair that he left but he is no longer in pain. Lung Cancer is far beyond nasty and evil. He is in a better place right now and near you all the time :)

Im sorry about your loss :( I lost my father 5 years ago when I was only 25 to Lung Cancer also. I felt and still feel like a lost little girl. He too was my hero and the greatest man/father ever. There is not a single day that passes when I dont miss him terribly. I still have my emotional break downs on a occasion and talk to him all the time. What helped for me is writing to him. Anytime I feel lost or confused or sad in life I write to him. I write him letters because I feel he sees them. There really is no easy way to cope with it. It does get a little easier over time but its still very very hard. I know it seems so incredibly unfair that he left but he is no longer in pain. Lung Cancer is far beyond nasty and evil. He is in a better place right now and near you all the time :)
Hi, Im new to this forum. I have a father who is dying of lung cancer. He hasnt got long now. I have been looking at various different posts on this site and find it comforting. There are so many things I want to say to my father but cannot find the words. Maybe I should write a little note to him while he is still in control of his mind and say all the things ive been wanting to say but have been afraid to. Many thanks for your advice.

Hi, Im new to this forum. I have a father who is dying of lung cancer. He hasnt got long now. I have been looking at various different posts on this site and find it comforting. There are so many things I want to say to my father but cannot find the words. Maybe I should write a little note to him while he is still in control of his mind and say all the things ive been wanting to say but have been afraid to. Many thanks for your advice.

I think you will find this inner strength and courage to say the things you have not been able to. The time the two of you have left is precious and anything you say to your father now he will cherish. If you find it easier, sit and talk to him when he is resting or sleeping to get comfortable with what you want to say and when he is awake, it should be easier to tell him those things. Dont hold back because the last thing you want is to have any regrets of things you did not say to him. During the last days for my dad, I asked him to look over me and be my guardian angel and since he passed, I have felt his presence. :)

:wave:
First off I am so sorry for your loss. And I know how you feel. I was 19 when my father passed away. Hep C took my father from me, he was my hero, my role model, someone if I needed to talk he was there for me. My father was home when he passed away. He got so bad that his last wk he was just in a veggie state. Where his mind was there but his body wasnt allowing it out. He couldnt talk couldnt eat drink move nothing. I took care of him day in and day out. I was there when he passed away and Jan 13 it will be 3 yrs now that he is gone. For the first year I kept having nightmares of the day he passed away. It was so bad I wouldnt sleep at all until I got really tired. The nightmares finally stopped after I accepted his death.

It's nice to hear that the nightmares may stop eventually. My dad passed suddenly a week and a half ago, and I feel like I'm going crazy from the nightmares. They're very vivid and morbid and that makes me sad because I'm starting to feel like a very unsound person. Maybe this gets easier with time, but this is the worst thing I've ever been through. I can't get over the idea that I'm just 1 for 2. I still have my mom to bury some day. I'm only 28. I feel like I got robbed, like I shouldn't be having these thoughts. Anyway, not to rant and rave, but it's nice to know that other people are having the same emotions.
Good luck to all.