Hey guys,

Don't really know what this post is about specifically but i feel i have reached an all time low and need ur help. The thing is, Im purging more than ever, like after pretty much everything i eat. i wont even drink anything exceot water now w/out feeling so guilty. I havnt posted much on here for a while really coz things have been to hectic but basically i wanna ask u lot a couple of things.

Firstly, I have been waking up in the middle of the night most nights with a numb and tingling left arm no matter how i have been lying. I get chest pains too- i mean theyre not severe i guess but they are there... I don't know whether i should go n see my doc again tho because next week i have an appointment with an ED specialist research team at the hospital so i dunno if i should wait til then. On the other hand, i kno my doctor a bit now n havnt been in contact with her since b4 i went home for summer. I guess i also really need someone to talk to who is consistent if u kno what i mean which leads me to my second point...

I feel sooo incredibly lonely right now even tho so many people (everyone who knows whats goin on) have said i can speak to them whenever i need to. However, i don't want people to think that's just me- a person with an ED end of and nothing else. I dont wanna seem miserable and attention seeking... My tutors are gr8 but i kno they are sooo busy at the mo and have more important things to deal with than me- its like im some kid they have to look after! I can't talk to my mum coz shes threatening to make me go home (and that just wud not help at all). My mates are gr8 but the ones who are at uni with me wont b around next yr when i go abroad n i dont want them to remember me at college as bein borin, miserable and selfish so i really dont and CANT offload on them because although they think im quite open with them i cant say half of whats goin through my mind. Then...

there is a girl who has been through the same thing as me in the yr above us and i didnt really get to kno her til i helped on this project thing at the end of the yr when she found out that im bulimic. Shes really nice but a V BUSY person. She said, when we were both slightly/v drunk the other night that i could ring her if i need to talk but shes a finalist and i dont wanna bother her. i dont know her as much as i kno other people who have volunteered to listen and so in some ways i think well she'll just think im a freak or regret sayin she wud talk to me because a) i havnt known her long n she might think thats all i talk about and b) she may feel awkward bout telling me bout her own situation the other night. On the other hand, i think shes a nice person who understands what it is like and therefore will not mind me talking bout it coz she has been there. Maybe she wud understand the most but i just dont wanna p**s her off!

Anyway, ANY HELP would be much appreciated, :confused:

Suzanne
xxx :wave:

Hi,

Well, my heart goes out to you, and I definitely know what you're saying.
I've been anorexic for a very long time, and was bulimic for a long time, too. I've had a relapse (too-low weight) recently, and I won't talk to my friends about it. I don't want to seem attention-seeking or self-pitying and let them think I'm a bore because I talk about this disease.
I did start going to my doctor, to protect myself against what the disease wants to do (kill me, just as your bulimia wants to do that, too). I think going to your doctor before you go to the specialists is a very good idea, and I hope you do it.
Sometimes we just need someone to know. That loneliness is horrible; the disease creates such isolation for us anyway, and then we are completely alone in our symptoms and our fears.
And the numbness in your arm and chest pain should be checked out right away. You may have some heart damage and peripheral neuropathy going on that can be really serious.
I do hope you get to your doc, and thanks for posting. My own shame over having an is so great that at times, I don't even want to be around people because I am so worried about myself, and because I think people are put off by seeing someone so thin.

Peace to you,

Seaturtle

Hey Seaturtle,
Thankyou! Im sorry ur having a bit of a bad time but im glad theres sb who feels like i do bout talkin to people. At least weve all got each other here to let off steam to but sometimes u need to actually say it outloud.

I havnt been to my doc yet. Im gonna wait til after this hospital appointment on tuesday but i emailed that girl and we met for coffe n had a chat and that really really helped to clear my mind a little.

hows things with everyone else??
Sorry i havnt been around much

Suzanne
xxxxxxx