I don't know where else to turn right now, I just know that I need something more than i am getting right now, SO I thought I would try these boards. A little over two weeks ago, I went to my brothers apartment to check on him, becuase he had been on a drinking binge again, And I wanted to make sure he wasn't too sick. Obviosly he had a drinking problem, and had been on the wagon for about 2 years up untill about june. Then he just couldnt stop. We tried everything. Even moving him here with me, About 4 hours from where he was with my mom. W ewere giving him a fresh new start, new job, new apartment, etc... Anyways when I went to check on him, I found him dead, well what I thoguth was dead, He had commited suicide. He had hung himself, but then it had broke and he was in the shower. IT was the most horrific thing i have ever seen, And I con not get it out of my head! I can't go to sleep, cause that is all I see, and all I dream about. This is the second brother I have lost in 3 years, and I am just so overwhelmed with grief I can't eventhink straight. I feel like I can't reall ytalk to any one about this in my family, cause they don't wan tto hear the gory facts of it, But it was very traumatic.My other brother sdeath was due to cancer and although it was just as sad, it is a different kind of felling all together. I don't know what I am looking for here, I am just hoping I find it. Thnaks- Kelli

I can't imagine what you are experiencing because it is YOUR experience but can part of the way and think, it must be just awful and my thoughts are with you. What about trying a Spiritualist Church or just a spiritualist way to finding some answers? You may very well be quite surprised at the answers you may get! I do wish you peace.

My mom took her life in 2000. She was 58 and had fibromyalgia and could not take the pain anymore. My brother found her. It took him a long time to heal. My dad passed away last April of cancer. My brother and I both watched him die. I still have visions of my dad dying and it kills me. The holidays are coming and it is so hard. My thoughts are with you....

My nephew killed himself a year ago Nov. 1. Suicide is much harder to deal with I think because here are soooooo many unanswered questions, especially when not one person saw it coming, co-workers, family, friends, no one. You also live with knowing how sad and desperate that person must have been towards the end, and you didn't help. You would be a millionare if you had a dime for everytime you asked yourself why. I believe you have to find a way to accept it and stop torturing yourself or you'll end up ruining your health, maybe permanently.

I found my mother dead 8 yrs ago...I was 23 at the time...Her death was not a suicide but it was very unexpected..That was the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru...I still think about it everyday, but it has gotten so much easier over time...I am thankful I was the one that found her as I feel I am the strongest one in the family and it was ment to happen that way..She passed away on my daughters birthday and the same day her father died..I know with time it will get better, just try to find someone to talk about it and please don't keep it inside..I do wish you peace..Ralinda

Thanks, Ralinda. Me and my sister try to talk about him alot, I guess mainly to keep his memory alive. I know it helps, theres not much else you can do except be there for each other. The questions will always be unanswered.

I found my boyfriend in the same position, less the falling, horrific, and even after 3 years its still a freash wound on SOME days. But you know what helped was a practice called EMDR. IF you have a counselor ask them about it because it really helps your brain to remeber the image as an IMAGE and not an EXPERIANCE, so you do not panic everytime you think about it. IF you have a counslor ask "EMDR" and if you do not, then please get a counselor.
peace. And know you are not alone.