Hi everyone

I haven't posted here in a while....I watch with interest and sympathise and find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in my struggle.

I'm recovering little by little.

It's so damned hard, and some days (like today) I just wonder if it's worth it.

I feel like I can't do it. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to be free of it. My dream is to go out to dinner with friends, not feel terrified as soon as I look at the menu, wondering how many calories are in things. Not eating everything on the table.....not carrying on eating when I get home and then throwing up until my throat is sore and my body shakes.

I seem to be able to go really well for about a week or two, following meal plans and all that jazz. But then my mind just ticks over into Bulimia mode again, and I want to eat anything that stops still long enough.

Occaisions throw me - anything remotely out of the ordinary .... weekends & if friends are around; lunches out; holidays etc etc. I dread holidays. Thats an utterly stupid stupid way to be but I know I can't cope with them. I feel absolutely pathertic. When I think of people in this world that are starving through famine and disasters I feel absolutely ashamed.

It's such a waste of my time and energy, the amount of time I spend just thinking about food and what I won't eat and what I will eat and what i'd like to eat. I feel like an absolutely worthless person right now.

JoJoBunny,
I know how you feel about "occasions". Even though I love the weekends, it gets me away from work, school, and the daily routines of the week...I often dread them. On weekends, my husband and I usually make plans with friends or go out to eat. It's incredible the anxiety I feel, knowing that I'll have to make a decision so quickly when the menu arrives...and the thoughts afterward as to how many calories I'll be consuming or what I'll have to sacrifice the next day. That a long with all of the thoughts and worries about not consuming too much, if I'll go home and eat more, etc..

I know this is a struggle, and I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. We all deal with these issues, and relate. I am right there with you-doing fine one week and struggling the next. I am here to talk whenever you feel like posting.
Novblis

Hey JoJoBunny,

Il be ur friend! I too havnt posted on here much recently. I totally know what u mean about occasions but u have to concentrate on making non occasions right first i suppose. Anyway, i jsut wanted to say, im here and i 100% empathise with everything ur saying.

Keep in touch
Suzanne
xxx

Thanks ever so much to both of you, it's just lovely to know that I'm not crazy and on my own and that other people are just like me!

Thanks again

Jo
x x x x