Found this on a site.... it really rang true to me! ..... thought i would share The heading was...
You really know when you have an ED when.....


weight loss or gain is the only situation that can get any sort of emotion out of you. every other situation just produces lethargy

-when the number on the scale determines your mood for the day

-when you enjoy watching people eat just so you can imagine what it feels like to have all that food in your mouth

-when lying and acting comes naturally

-when not eating seems more normal than eating

-you cry when faced with a full plate of food

-you nearly collapse just walking around town for a day for lack of energy

-you exercise literally to the point of exhaustion

-you get huge kicks out of feeling hunger

-you haven't had a ***** without laxis in WEEKS

-you purposely leave books in your locker so that you have to go back and get them when you get to class then run all the way back (extra exercise)

you worry about how many calories are in your toothpaste and then realise, with relief, toothpaste isnt swallowed:P

when not eating seems more normal than eating

when food is the thing you want most but is your worst enemy at the same time

you have to buy a new wardrobe and spend all this money every month because things keep getting bigger and bigger on you

when you isolate yourself from friends/significant others because your afraid to have to go out and eat somewhere

when you wear a sweatshirt in July

when you won't lick a stamp or envelope

when you start stealing money for binge food


when the amount of food you throw away because it is out of date is an alarming number

When you eat or drink expired/moldy food in hopes that you will get food poisoning and it will help you lose

When you search websites for hours, about anorexia or bulimia, or anyother ED.

When you go up to the kitchen, to eat, but only end up leaving with the same empty stomach you came in with

when no one (even your boy/girlfriend) has seen you wearing less than a tshirt and jeans in months

when you relish going to a music festival because no one will notice if you don't eat for 4 days

!!!!!!

X hannie X

Hey Hannie,

So much of that is so true to me. Havnt heard much from u in a while. How are things goin? I had my first appointment with the specialists this week, talk about mentally exhausting! They were nice and everythin but there were 2 of em there n it was none stop questions and weighing, questions i really didnt want to answer or couldnt answer but had to. Been feeling really really rubbish ever since but still glad i went- finally doin sth at least!

Anyway, thanks for posting this.

Suzanne
xxxx

Hey hun... its been fairly wierd with me lately! Ive got my 2nd clinic appt on the 4th november, which is a little scary since - well it didnt go so well last time! Im in this stupid cycle where I starve for ages and then eat for ages etc etc. At the moment im in my eating stage and im really depressed. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and I miss him loads. Some times Im glad that we are apart and that I can have time to myself or with my friends. But there are times - like today - when something will remind me of him and ill cry! I brought this new ablum my Tim Hughes (a christian singer) its really good, but it reminded me of the last time we broke up and he went out with another girl who was a really big christian and how I was sooooo upset and how I just couldnt do anything! And then I turn all depressive --- ive started cutting which isnt good, and last night I was thinking so much I cried myself to sleep! I havent been coming on healthboards as much becasue I guess Im scared of recovery - I keep asking do I really want to recover, and I really dont know! *sighs* Plus I weighed myself yesterday and i had gained 3lbs!
Well done for going to that appt! I know they are well scary and half the questions you are like...."I dont understand, I dont know how to answer" But they sit there looking at you for ages waiting!
Well Good Luck Hunni.... I am always thinking of you! I will have to post more often!
You are in my prayers
X hannie X

Hey hannie,

I'm so sorry ur not feeling great at the moment. I can totally empathise witht the bit about not knowing whether i actually want to get better but i think thats sth we all go through...i kno i want to feel better but its the gettin there i cant face and i just cant see it happening and me being happy with my weight...EVER

I feel soooo depressed all the time, have totally stopped wanting to socialise as all i can think about is eating and today my parents are visiting and i had to go for a meal witht them. I think i upset them so i feel really bad but they could tell i couldnt wait to leave- i made it blatantly obvious really! It was a total nightmare and i didnt get a chance to throw up after so now im about to do exercise before i do my work, argh. Im so sick of this and the thing is, people think im lookin better so asume i must be doin better when actually im feeling so desperate now but i cant ge myself to talk to anyone properly w/out ending up jokin about it or changing the subject completely.

Like u, i am also in an eat a lot phase at the mo and its so depressing. Do u ever feel like no matter what u do, how much u talk to professionals or friends or whoever, nobody can understand and nothing helps in the long run?? I feel like im just plodding along every day getting nowhere. Its like iv become immune to support from other people and just want to shut myself off but at the same time i dont, i NEED to get it out. so confusing!!! I think what i really really need actually, as stupid as this may sound, is lots of hugs. Im worn out thinkin about everything and just need someone to hold me so i can escape this horrible lonlieness.

Anyway hun, im really worried about u cutting...u really need to tell somebody. Let them know in the next appointment....plz. I know it was bad last time but im sure they really do want to help they just want to make it clear at the beginning that they wont b taken in by the ed head allowing their patients to deceive them!

Well, im here and feel i understand how u are feeling 100%.

luv Suzanne
xxx

PS the hospital told me i need to stay in oxford over most of christmas too- im gonna b on my own. hmm wonder what that might lead to!!! binging!!