You guys wont belive it...but this is seriously messing up my life and I need some help here on how to deal with it becase I dont want to see a psychologist or psychiatrists, whatever. But if you guys think that this is seriously bad then ill just go see him/her, I dont want to be put on medication or anything like that...
Ill try my best to explain what's been going on, im going to leave out ALOT of details because a few days ago I tried posting a message here about this and it was WAAAY too long so I just closed it out as it made me even more depressed so Im back now and im going to try to make it a bit shorter...

First of all I just turned 18 and and I dont know much about my mental health but I do know that I dont think very high of myself, not that im unattractive its just....IM GAY!!! (god I feel awful, and yes I am ashamed of it.) and it might have alot to do with my problem.

Here is the thing, I've fallen in love with my co-worker. I wont go into detail on what happened that made me fall in love with him but it wasnt even anything big at all, Im sure he doesnt care about me (eventhough he is very nice to everyone and is tottaly cool but he doesnt look like the kind of person that he is from the inside.)

A week later after I started falling in love I pretty much got over it. So then came the damn dream, to put it short, in the dream no body has made me feel so loved before, I dont know if any of you had these dreams before, It was the first dream where I guess I felt true love before...After waking up I wanted to pretty much jump off a cliff because I realized that im back to reality, it just felt so real and wonderful and I cant say how dissapointed I was...dreams are way too realistic and it made me feel like I knew him forever.

That day and the days after I was never this depressed, not only was he on my mind 24/7 but I started worrying about things such as what if he acctually likes someone else or by chance falls for some other dude eventhough he's straight, I constantly kept on thinking about it and in my mind I kept on making things up that might make him possibly think about me or to do something that would get me noticed, but you know there is no way, he likes chicks and what can I do to remove this curse, just to get over it completely!?

Is it even normal to easily fall in love? When I go to work and when I see him I start feeling like crap, I dont know why, because its just painful when you're in love that badly and you know that its all pointless. I...keep thinking about things I COULD have done with him or great times that could've happened, and it hurts to know that Im missing out on it and its never going to happen.

Here is the worst part, because of this I cant even talk to my family normaly, im starting to feel hate towards them slightly and seriously want to hurt myself because of that since I have wonderful and caring parents, the best parents ever almost as I've done so many stupid things in my life and they have forgiven me and acted like nothing happened, because of my they have to pay over 10,000 dollars of medical crap and even worse things that I messed up. I dont feel like doing anything anymore, I cant to important things such as studying as it everything reminds me on him nor do I feel like doing it. I dont want to talk to anyone about it, sometimes I try to call someone at night but I dont want to talk to them, I just wish I was happy with him. My main problem is that to me he is the most important person in the world right now and I cant get over it at all.

I had a second dream...In it he diddnt want to talk to me and his was in this huge mansion or something and I cried my *** off begging him to talk to me again but everyone diddnt allow it and said I should go away, that was the dream I had a few days ago, the most recent one and I just dont know what to do anymore.

So what do you guys have to say about this? what would you do or what do you think is going on, am I just serioulsy in love or is this something that will pass eventhough I dont think it ever will....

There is something I forgot to put here, which is that all of my friends say that Im an awesome and caring person and that im a supporter and that im there for anyone who needs a shoulder but thats probably my problem, am I too sensitive or something? My interests reflect a normal person, I love to bike and swim, I like to play video games and I like to be with friends and have a great time. I just dont know who I am anymore, im trying to change too much too and im terrified or changing into someone else and possibly losing my friends...I just dont feel like myself anymore...

Actually the terms "depression" and "obsessive" might both apply here. It has been documented that people who have just newly fallen in love have lower levels of serotonin. As we all know, low serotonin is a direct link to OCD and depression, so it's very possible that you might be feeling a little "down" or "obsessing" about things, or even, as in your case, develop full-blown depression. Keep a watch out for suicidal thoughts, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! Good luck and God bless! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-

Hm...Really.

I dont have any suicidal thoughts but im afraid that I could get them out of nowhere. Thanks for the response, it made me feel somewhat better when I posted here because I diddnt tell anyone about it nor do I plan to...

Im leaving for work in a few hours and I hope its not going to suck...

No problem. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. God bless! :angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-

How do you know this is love and not lust? Do you even know this guy, ever talked to him, know his favorite color or movie or music? Did you say he was straight, if so why get so obcessed over him. I think you need to have a good reality check and stop obcessing over this. It is apparently starting to take control over your emotions. I think it is time for you to say it would be nice "if " and then move on with your life. Life is to short to waste it on a wish that you know is not going to happen. Take care and good luck :wave:

I don't know if the title is true. But I can be sure that having dreams and thoughts as you describe can produce sadness. For me anyway, it brought back strong, near-irrepresible of feelings of inadequacy. The real problem was though - I knew how pointless it all was - how dumb, how random, how stupid. But it stayed, knawing away.

It's like the hope of happiness teases pointlessly. The thought of being liked by the person for me was kind of like a mask put on a desire to be happier. The desire is basic and doesn't go away. The thought is hijacked to express it and the situation becomes frustrating. It's all some sort of funny but cruel joke the mind plays on itself.

I don't know a lot. But I think your situation isnt that bad. There's a few very good things. You care a lot about things, the person, your life. I promise you, that's one of the best positions to start from. I don't know how relevant this may be, but you should consider your sexuality and whether you should express it more. Personally, I'm not sure the real problem has anything to do with this man. I think it's more to do with feelings that thinking of him bring up. I may be 100% wrong with this, but I think if you can work towards and achieve being happy in yourself, valuing your life and your actions then such things would not be problems at all! You'd be able to do as people have suggested - forget about it, put it into context, not dwell. It's amazing how far a little self-belief can go.

Good luck.