Mr.G
10-24-2005, 11:03 PM
I picked up HPV about 11 months ago, well I did not even realize it until this last march. Anyways I was betratyed in my last relationship..lyed to, cheated on and was also given genital warts. I found out this last march and have been dealing with it emotionally since. All the docotors and nurses that I have talked to says that it is incredibly common...somwhere around 80% of the pop in my age group has some form of it. Yet this bears me little comfort because I still do not feel the same. I treated it and have been clear of it for about 2 months now. I have had 3 different opionions to make sure it was gone and so far all have said it is clear. Nurse told me that after 6 months of being clear that the body build immunity to it and most likely is not contagious anymore....but there is a degree of uncertainty I am not comfortable with. Anyways I have abstained from sex for nearly 10 months now and have not been in a realtionship for about 14 months. I feel that I have a lot going for me and I constantly have girls coming after me all the time. Sevearl of my close friends that are girls try to set me up and never understand why I am not with someone...or at least getting some action. I have made out with some girls but I dont let anyone get close to me. I am now emotionally ready for a realtionship knowing that I will have to diclose this info about myself to them. I was wondering if any of you have been through this and how did it go? I just fear the rejection and I dont feel like I desearved this in the first place. I guess in time it things will come together.
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swtgirl2579
10-25-2005, 01:52 AM
Well about three years ago...I was dating this guy who I thought cared about me but really at the end he just cheated and I ended up with HPV...sounds easy right....well anyone who has a STD knows its not/wasnt. I thought it was hard with just the HPV I also got the cancer from it...Yeah I really loved my life at this point...but anyways, I thought and believed that I would never find love again....But I did...So I told him (which is always the hardest part) and he was ok with it...yeah i'm sure he was scared but he cared about me and he know it was apart of me...we got married....Then after a year of marriage he also cheated on me..boy let me tell you I must be the worse gf in the world...lol...ok back to the story...after he cheated on me i went to get retested...lucky me i didnt have anything. Just the HPV...which was still enough. Ok so I left him...and again thought to myself that i wouldnt never find love again....well again i did....my new bf and I are very close. I also told my new bf about HPV and He's ok with it..we are very carefull....yeah i know there is still that % that he will end up with it..and i've very scared of that....trust me. But the reason i'm writing this today is b/c My bf is now getting scared...so he's going to the doc tomorrow...I'm SCARED that i'm going to lose him...I love him so much...yeah if he left I would soon or later get past it..but i dont want that...SO How is the dating world for me...well right now its scary. Till later, Take care,
:wave: bye Jen
:wave: bye Jen
Mr.G
10-25-2005, 07:06 PM
wow I am sorry you have had to go through all of that. Why is it that us good people always seem to get hurt the most? Although my whole experience sucked I have completely changed for the better as a result. I am much more confident, charasmatic and also know what to look out for in relationships. I know it may sound wierd to you but there are a lot of girls out thier that are just like the guys that did things to you. I have always seemed to attract these types. I have been blessed with good looks(been told I resemble Jude Law), which sometimes I feel fortuante for but other times I feel cursed for. I know your probably like what? When I mean cursed is because my looks have let me into a life where I see human behavior in its most barbaric form. It just shocks me at what ppl well do to one another for their own personal gain and pleasure. Luckily I have never been the type to take advantage of my blessings in a way to harm others..sure every now and then I will use it to get a little something, but not in a way to hurt someone. Now when it comes to relationships and having this condition I feel I am at a worse position than a girl with it because I have the more potential to cause harm. As a guy this condition does not cause any kind of health problems other than a minor cosmetic inconveinces. I know most guys would not even consider the potential that they could do to others..once there treated and healed it does almost feel like they are gone. But I know that I still have it and have the potential to give to others which I dont feel comfortable with. But then again I want to have a GF really badly. I attract a lot of girls because I am very charming and charasmatic. The thing is too though I am very picky when it comes to girls. I need a girl that can keep with with me and is very open minded. Well anyways I just felt the need to vent and feel free to comment more.
Mr.G
10-25-2005, 07:19 PM
Oh yeah also to mention I always try to figure out why things went bad in previous relationships. I figured that the last one had nothing to do with me and all to do with this girl's inability to love ande trying to beleive that she was someone she was not. She saw me as a good guy, and I think that by her being with me made her beleive that she was not as bad as she actually was/has been. But through time she got back into old habits because thats what she was used to. Of course I have not been perfect all of my life. I used a girl for sex once. She feel in love me and I had no mutual feelings. I never cheated on her however even though I felt that we were not a couple. I eventually ended it because I did not want to lead her on anymore. Since then I have not done anything like this to a girl.
nightangel73
10-25-2005, 09:06 PM
I have the hpv and it doesn't affect at all my dating life. The two guys i have been with afterwards I have told them before anything intimate happens and it made no difference. Granted it is probably because i don't have the wart type of the HPV, which causes absolutetly nothing to men. If I fall in love with the guy I would accept he has the virus. But I do would like to know before hand. The guy who gave to me had no idea he was carrying the virus so I forgive him. Good luck Mcgunter in finding a gf. I guess the virus for you has been like a wake up call which is good.
Mr.G
10-26-2005, 02:18 AM
I guess the problem is that I believe your opinion is a biased one because you have experienced having it and understand that getting it is quite easily accomplished even through safe sex practices. It has probably opened up your mind and made you more aware of what is out there and also that having an STD does not necessaily say something about one's moral character. I fear that when diclosing this information to someone who has not experienced it or does not have more than a high school sex education is going to run to the hills. Because STD's are so stigmatized in this society due to the nature of the whole idea that only dirty promiscious people acquire them. When someone hears the word STD their mind automatically associates it with some grotesque image of the most obscure and rare forms of one of the diseases that was shown to them as a scare tactic back when recieving sex education. What is taught about STD's is not what they really are and how easily they are acquired. It seems as most assume that they will never get one because they beleive that they would be able to tell if someone had it our not, and a lot of times people make this assumption based on appearance alone. The problem also is many of these disease are silent and most ppl do not know they have them and spread them about. I am not a promiscious person at all. I have actually only been with 4 people sexually and have been safe with all beside the last gf who I assumed was clean because she told me she was. Now I live in fear and regret of what kinds of rejections I will have to face in the future due to my ignorance implemented by a poorly presented subject. I just know that I need to find someone who has an open mind like myself. I do realize that love conquers all and something like this virus would not stand in the way. But being at the age of 23 thier is not a tremendous of pople looking for ultimate love and a lot of them are not available emotionally for that kind of relationship. I am not sure if I am even looking for the one, but I do know that I want a long term relationship. PHEW...just had to get that off my chest I have been working on my midterm paper all day. Thanks for all the replies.
SophiaM
10-26-2005, 02:50 PM
You're right, a lot of people are ignorant and stupid and you will have to avoid them. Truth is, tons of these same ignorant people have various STDs and are not even aware of it. They are not virgins, either, but are quick to judge. My friend got HPV from her first boyfriend. Apparently, he didn't know he had it as it tends to cause no symptoms in men. There's a lot of misconceptions and confusion surrounding this subject and I guess that's when you really find out who your true friends are or who truly cares about you. HPV and herpes can be transmitted even if condoms are used. People get both of these all the time, and most don't even know it. Doctors don't even test routinely for these because tests results are often confusing and very little is known on the subject. Oh well, that's just the world we live in. HPV is not the end of the world. You won't die from it and from what I read, it tends to go away after a while. It resolves itself spontaneously after some time. I guess the virus just gets burned out. I am convinced that if you meet a girl who is truly into you, she will want to be with you regardless. Even people with HIV get married, so this doesn't even come close in comparison. From what I read, there are so many different strains of HPV that most people who have EVER been sexually active have it and it's just dormant in them. You'll just have to find a woman to date who is educated and intelligent, that's all.
Destea
10-26-2005, 03:34 PM
Welp, I'm in a similar place actually, or was. I had a boyfriend who didn't know he had it from his last relationship, and passed it on to me. After we broke up he told me :| Got checked, and yes, positive for HPV. Now, what he's passed to me completely disrupted my life for a good two years. Unfortunately this STD is much more dangerous for females than males, there a so many different strings that all you'll see are an abnormal pap as a warning sign!
I have the string that in ME - doesn't include the warts outwardly, but did attack my cervix. I'm only 24 years old, so I was extremely displeased when I had to have in-office 'surgery' to cut off a few parts on the inside of my cervix with a hot 'loop' technique. Ultimately it put pre-cancerous cells on the lining and they were high-grade and had to be removed. That is a big danger in women because it could disrupt the ability to have children!
Either way, it's been laying dormant now for about a year and a half (thankfully). I always get nervous when that bi-annual exam comes up, an abnormal pap could mean the entire painful process all over again :( You just never know! And none of this was my fault, which equally ticks me off. We were checked and nothing showed on him, we used the protection and I still got infected.
But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been in two long-term relationships since I'd found this out. Neither of those two men have shown any sign of having contracted the STD (on the guy that gave it to me, apparently he DID have warts off and on, we were Long-Distance and only saw eachother once or twice every couple of weeks, so he never said anything). It was very difficult to reveal this to both of these guys, and my current boyfriend really had to think on it for a while, ultimately it was just understood and the risk was known. I've been in the current relationship for almost 2.5 years now...
That high-standard, perfect girl that you're looking for COULD be someone who has it herself! You just never know, all in all it's just extremely important to be honest, and it sounds like you're prepared for that. You might find some people out there who won't accept this about you, but would you really wanna hang with them anyway? :)
I have the string that in ME - doesn't include the warts outwardly, but did attack my cervix. I'm only 24 years old, so I was extremely displeased when I had to have in-office 'surgery' to cut off a few parts on the inside of my cervix with a hot 'loop' technique. Ultimately it put pre-cancerous cells on the lining and they were high-grade and had to be removed. That is a big danger in women because it could disrupt the ability to have children!
Either way, it's been laying dormant now for about a year and a half (thankfully). I always get nervous when that bi-annual exam comes up, an abnormal pap could mean the entire painful process all over again :( You just never know! And none of this was my fault, which equally ticks me off. We were checked and nothing showed on him, we used the protection and I still got infected.
But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been in two long-term relationships since I'd found this out. Neither of those two men have shown any sign of having contracted the STD (on the guy that gave it to me, apparently he DID have warts off and on, we were Long-Distance and only saw eachother once or twice every couple of weeks, so he never said anything). It was very difficult to reveal this to both of these guys, and my current boyfriend really had to think on it for a while, ultimately it was just understood and the risk was known. I've been in the current relationship for almost 2.5 years now...
That high-standard, perfect girl that you're looking for COULD be someone who has it herself! You just never know, all in all it's just extremely important to be honest, and it sounds like you're prepared for that. You might find some people out there who won't accept this about you, but would you really wanna hang with them anyway? :)
SophiaM
10-26-2005, 03:44 PM
I agree, most STDs have a much more dangerous impact on women and can forever hinder or diminish our chance to have children. That's why I think a guy with an STD that can be transmitted even with a condom should not have sex with a woman unless he is sure he wants to marry her. I think that's so unfair to just date someone casually, or even for a couple of years, and give them a possibly life-long STD and then leave them. That's just horrible and devastating to that person who loved you in the first place.
Mr.G
10-26-2005, 06:46 PM
see that is exaclty the problem like sophia said. That is why I am so depressed about it...because I have the potential to harm more. I have lost a lot of motivation in life because of it...and I keep having to miss out on great girls because I got screwed over. I have a hard time sleeping at night a lot of times thinking about this...it has made me so lonley and feeling horrible all the time. I just got back a test for midterms and I nearly failed...my motivation is no where what it used to be. I dont wanna hurt anyone or possible give them something that could cuase them such harm. *sight* some days I just wish I was dead.
Mr.G
10-26-2005, 07:36 PM
sorry bout the last post jsut having a horrible day :(
Mr.G
10-26-2005, 10:01 PM
yeah sorry I had a bad day and can be quite a hypochondrac pessismist from time to time.
Mr.G
10-27-2005, 01:20 AM
That is the thing that bugs me too, I know there are a lot of guys out thier that knowingly spread this around...while I sit here and abstain and sexual frustrate myself. It is very hard passing up sex but I have been doing so for a while now. Last week there was a girl in my bed telling me how badly she wanted me...and I am very sexually attracted to her. I know she is a bad girl though because she makes out with lots and lots of dudes and has a bf. So I guess it is better off? Who knows I will figure things out at some point.
Mr.G
10-27-2005, 01:24 AM
Oh yeah just to mention I got another exam back in my night class and I got a 90 on it. I felt like crap about my other test though got a 68 and I studied hard. It is one of those classes that only has 2 test and the second one is comprehensive. We have a large research paper too and I am quite scared about it all especially since I studied a lot for this last test. Although I was really sick the day I took it and was a bit lathargic.
Ruby13
10-27-2005, 01:38 AM
I'm so sorry to hear you struggling with this. I don't have HPV, but I've had herpes for years now, which I managed to get by not having sex (technically) with someone I'd known for 10 years. Turns out he'd kissed people in the past who get cold sores and yes, you can get herpes from oral sex and yes, you can get it with no symptoms present. My point with that is that when you're sexually active in any way, you always run the risk of getting something. I struggled a lot my first year because of the stigma--no problems with symptoms--and the fear of giving it to somebody. After that, it's gotten to be less and less of an issue. I always disclose early and try to give as much info as possible and answer any questions. No guy has ever rejected me because of it.
I don't know much about HPV, but I do know it's incredibly common. A couple of my girl friends have it and were told by their doctors that some ridiculously high percentage of people have it. I'm not saying it's not a big deal, but if someone rejects you because of that, they have a pretty good chance of running across it again with someone who may not know they have it. I think as you go on, you'll find it easier to deal with. Plus, I don't know how old you are, but I think the older you get the more you find people who've had experience with it either themselves or through their friends and exes.
I don't know much about HPV, but I do know it's incredibly common. A couple of my girl friends have it and were told by their doctors that some ridiculously high percentage of people have it. I'm not saying it's not a big deal, but if someone rejects you because of that, they have a pretty good chance of running across it again with someone who may not know they have it. I think as you go on, you'll find it easier to deal with. Plus, I don't know how old you are, but I think the older you get the more you find people who've had experience with it either themselves or through their friends and exes.
Mr.G
10-27-2005, 01:49 AM
I am 23. Nurse told me about 80% of ppl get some form of it at some point...but only about 5% know about it. My problem is I have such a guilty conscience and have a problem with excessive pride so this has shatterd me. I had actually convinced myself that I had HIV after I found out my last GF had been cheating on me and I lived in agony for 6 months waiting to take the test. Luckily I came up neg for everything and found out a little later I had HPV. What I take about this is the ppl that well reject you for it are the ones that are more likely to have it or get it; because they want to continue screwing whomever whenever they want. For the most part I am stable about this...just some days it gets to me and I have anxiety attacks. I am glad I have a place to vent.
Mr.G
10-27-2005, 01:55 AM
When it comes down to it I think I want to find someone who has been humbled in some way and looks at life in a more appreciative manner. I know that happend to me and I see things a lot different than I once did. There is this girl I know from school last yr who is a single mom. I could tell she was a bit bitter about her whole experience but she was an awesome person none the less. Well at the time I was not ready to get into a realtionship with somone who had a kid because I was just not at that point in my life. I still see her around campus and have yet to talk to her. I might give it another try with her becuase she is super cool and I imagine would be a very understading person.
Ruby13
10-27-2005, 01:56 AM
I completely understand how you're feeling. I definitely had a lot of anxiety about it and anger for all the people who ran around not caring while I was so worried and careful. Now, it's just not an issue for me at all. I wouldn't have believed that a few years ago.
It's good to vent, but don't talk yourself down, okay? :-)
It's good to vent, but don't talk yourself down, okay? :-)
MsInspiration
10-27-2005, 03:08 AM
Hi there,
I just thought I should add my two cents worth! I met a wonderful guy (who after two months of dating told me he had Herpes). That did shock me, but I loved him none the less. We were always careful to never have sex when he was having an outbreak etc. Actually him telling me did not change my opinion of him, if anything it deepened it because I could see how deeply troubled he was because of this. We are not together now (but did end up having a very happy 5 year relationship), I would have married the guy. And lastly, I did not contract Herpes. I would date someone again who did have an STD, but I would have to be "into" the guy to keep seeing him. I think the most important thing to me would be how he manages the STD and how responsible he was with it.
I hope this helps......believe me...if you meet a girl and she falls for you, nothing will stop how she feels for you!
I just thought I should add my two cents worth! I met a wonderful guy (who after two months of dating told me he had Herpes). That did shock me, but I loved him none the less. We were always careful to never have sex when he was having an outbreak etc. Actually him telling me did not change my opinion of him, if anything it deepened it because I could see how deeply troubled he was because of this. We are not together now (but did end up having a very happy 5 year relationship), I would have married the guy. And lastly, I did not contract Herpes. I would date someone again who did have an STD, but I would have to be "into" the guy to keep seeing him. I think the most important thing to me would be how he manages the STD and how responsible he was with it.
I hope this helps......believe me...if you meet a girl and she falls for you, nothing will stop how she feels for you!