I was involved with a 36 yr old man for 1 1/2 months who was/is suffering from depression since he was young. His father and brother are suffering from depression also. He is taking Wellbutrin and something else, and Viagra.

He is getting his masters and working full time, so I assume that is taking much of his time. I have never been involved with someone that has a mental illness. I don’t know what to do. I care about him, and it seems as if he doesn’t want to see me anymore. He says why am I nice to him, and that what do I want from him, I said nothing. He told me likes me. He use to call me once a week for about a month, then he stopped, I started calling him once a week.

I told him I was going to CA for a few days and that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go until recently, we talked about other things then he tells me he has feeling for someone else recently, that nothing happened between the other person and him. So I told him I don’t want to see him anymore, he wanted me to come over his house that night and have sex. He has a very low sex drive except when he’s taking Viagra. I told him no, I said if he wants to be friends with benefits you should’ve told me before. I told him I’ll call him. A few days later I emailed him and said I like you and enjoy being with you. If you want to continue seeing me please let me know before I go on vacation in 2 weeks. He has read it and has not called.

Does he or can he feel love for someone? I asked him that and he said of course I’m not a robot. It’s like he got offended or something. Can anyone help me? Or what can I do to help him?

Hi daydreamstar,

It is difficult to be involved with someone who has depression. My husband was diagnosed with that about 6 months ago...and i am still trying to figure out where all my strength comes from to deal with it.
To answer your question, people who have depression can still feel love. Like your fridn/boyfriend mentioned...they are not robots, but the medication that he may be taking, and most ADs, level your feelings out, and sometimes it seems like they don't have feelings. They do, its just not as easy for them to show them.
He is probably trying to push you away because of the disease, that is what happens, its a consequence of the disease to want to be by oneself, and to not want anyone else involved, lest they get hurt. You mentioned as well that he is a very busy man, with him taking his masters and such...and that can put alot of stress on anyone. When i was in university, and had to do my thesis for 4rth year, i was amazed that i came out of there with my sanity...a whole lot of stress for that.
Also, because you have only been together for such a short while, he may still be testing the waters. The only thing that you can do right now is to show him that you are there if he needs you and support him in any way that you can. He may not call you when he says he will, or not talk to you for a while, and that is part of the disease as well...but if he knows that you are there to support him, that will make him feel a little less alone.
Again, like i mentioned before, it is very difficult to be in this situation, and if you have to end the "love" relationship with him for a while, and just be a supportive friend until he is ready to come around, then maybe that is what you should do. Don't beat yourself up too much about not knowing what to do. I have been in this for a while, and I am educated on mental illness as well as work with it....and I still sometimes want to throw up my arms in frustration and run away screaming... :p
Finding out all that you can about this disease will help you out as well. There are support groups for that as well, to educate yourself more about it.
Hope this has been somewhat helpful.

Take care,
:bouncing:

I read somewhere that most meds “numbs your emotions”. I mean the meds are suppose to level all your emotions, you can’t fully love or care for someone.
It’s like I can take him or leave him.

Thanks for your input. When I first met him, he was very quiet, shy and not too talkative, it seemed as if he was in a daze. I didn’t mind, I just thought that’s the way he is, the second date, we were sitting in my car, and we were discussing about relationships and he sat up and held his head, I just thought he was getting a headache, the third date that’s when he told me he has a mental illness. We got along fine until he went back to school. He doesn’t have a social life, he mostly stays home and watches sports.


I didn’t mention that, since he didn’t call me for 1 week, I called and left a message saying, I guess you don’t want to see me anymore since you haven’t called, okay, bye, he called 10 mins later. When I told him I was going to CA, that a girl friend of mine wants to hook me up with her guy friend. I think that’s why he said he had feelings for someone else.

Dreamdaystar,

Although the meds may numb the emotions, that does not mean that they cannot feel.
Of course, the decision on whether to pursue a relationship with this man is up to you, i am not going to tell you that you should stick with him, or that you shouldn't...that is a decision only you can make. Try to talk to him again, and if he still doesn't want to talk much about it, or he seems like he is blowing you off, then the best thing for you would be to just move on. Because you have known him for such short while, it is not that difficult to just move on....

take care,
:bouncing:

Depression can steal everything away from you except the ability to love someone.
That is how powerful love is.