Hello - I'm new to this board. I joined because some nights I need someone - anyone to talk to - and a whole group of other people that may feel the same is pretty good I think.

I am seeing a therapist and it's helping - however I still have low days and nights. Today I had a huge migraine and had to stay home from work - couldn't be helped. But during the day I felt lousier about myself than ever. I feel unworthy of anyone's love and affection. I have a lover - he's married. My therapist thinks this is not a quality relationship. No probably not - but it's what I want right now. I care very deeply for this man and he cares very deeply for me however because of some promises he made to his step-grandkids he can't leave his current situation - and he won't for other reasons either. I'm more than willing to be his lover forever - living my own life and then seeing him as often as possible. We can only see each other during the day - which makes it difficult.

He's worried I'll be passing up some great men. Well where the heck are they? These are the same men who passed on me because I was heavy. My two ex's gave up on me because of my anxiety issues - I'm finally working on them for ME. I'm 36 years old - I feel I'm getting too old to have children -but I would like some. I would really love to have a house, a few acres, children, dogs etc etc and be a semi-stay at home mom. But I think too many spouses' want "toys" instead of love. I'm a good person who deserves the best - but who I want and think is the best isn't available. I'm at my wits end somedays - I don't know where to turn. I don't want to do online dating - obviously it's time for me to get out of my shell and do new things. But what if someone does come along - and I don't want him - I still want my guy - am I being stupid??

My therapist wants me to try to think about what I want in life - really want and what my goals are etc etc. Is it really a good idea to plan out my whole life? What's the point? It's just going to change anyway.

I'm sorry I'm rambling - I just need to unload some of this stuff.

Thanks

Hi: Just a quick message and that is to welcome to the boards. This is a good place to rant and rave, I do it constantly

take care

Hi there,
Rambling is always welcome here, please do so whenever you feel the need to.
Love can be a real complicated one eh? It happens a lot in life that people fall in love and then find the way to be paved with problems. I think what your Therapist is trying to say is that perhaps the man you are currently seeing will not be able to offer you the things that you want, for example, house, kids, dogs etc... But that doesn't mean that it is a hopeless thing it merely suggests that you might want to consider how much you want those things and if you are prepared to live without them.
If you are satisfied with how things are in your life and your relationship and can also envisage yourself living this way in the future, then noone will force you to make changes - things could carry on like this for quite some time. However you must bear in mind that there is the chance his Wife could find out, you have probably already thought about that one and the consequences, I don't feel I need to say anymore on that.

On the other hand if you feel that what he currently has to offer isn't enough, in the long term you want more for your life then it could well be better for you both to consider calling it a day.

It is your choice. People can advise you but only you know deep down what it is that you want and then you have to act on it. I wish you luck, where Love is concerned I don't think there are right and wrong answers, just try to do the best you can.

all the best