Im not really fat.... im 105 lbs kids are 11, almost 5 and 5 months... Trying to lose weight

Hubby cheats, goes to strippers and loves porn. Im devastated.

I should add ive been bulimic and anorexic since i was 10, had a mild heart attack and i cant beleive im alive

I don't want this to sound mean but AND???
So are you trying to do something about your list?
Im not sure how to try to respond to a post like this. Your list of concerns/problems is very similiar to everyone else here. I can encourage you to start trying to recover if that is what you are searching for. If you are looking for shock value there isn't any really. Everyone one of us has done some ghastly things when it comes to ED. Anyway, in a seriousness- please tell us how we can help or be supportive. Again, I am not trying to be rude or mean, I really want to know...

I feel as thought ive lost my strength in fighting..... Sometimes i feel lost and yes support is something im looking for. Id like to hear some positive stories of people who are recovering. I feel pretty alone, Has anyone recovered after so many years like me?

You need LIVE support, i.e. therapy, and quick, and not only for you eating disorder. You are trapped in a bad marraige and your health is greatly at risk. Your children are also at risk because of your disoder and your disordered relationship. Please seek out a therapist ASAP. In the meantime, we are here to help. However there are so many facets to your story, I can only help with the bulimia..I do believe your bulimia is being fueled by your bad marriage.

Angela
there is hope I am 43, I started with restricting, anorexia, and purging when I was 14 yrs old. Id like to think that in the last year that I have seriously been seeking help for ED that I have improved. Am I cured, no far from it but am I actively involved in trying to get better, HECK YES!! So I believe that you can change if that is what you truly want. I had a husband ( yes operative word here is had) similar to yours only he was extremely violent on top of it all so I do understand that part. It sucks and it is very painful to realize that you cannot "make" him happy and that you will never be enough. So you have to decide what you are willing to do about it, you teach people how to treat you and if you continue to hang around with all that is happening that is your choice. When I divorced I had a 2 yr old, 10, and 11 year old. It was really scary bit you know what I did it. I stayed in that hell hole for 12.5 years trying to "save" something that I now know was NEVER worth saving to begin with. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with in a relationship. As far as the losing weight thing. 105lbs is small even if you are short, I am assuming you are not. It won't matter how thin you get, it will never change him or you it is only a way to exert some contro;, example he can look at all the porn and watch all the strippers he wants, you cannot control that but you can "punish" him by punishing yourself by using ED, if that makes any sense. You can also punish yourself for not being what it is he is looking for. Anyway, enough of all that. I hope that you can make some decisions, seek some help, decide how you want to be treated, what kind of life do you want for your kids, what kind of example do you want them to have....... I wish you the best please keep posting, I know how hard this is believe me....

I agree with what is stated above also. You feel that you hav't to impress your spouse and possibly... fear of the strippers looking better. I'm sure you love him but, I'm not sure that is love. Sin that is. Sin will always destroy a marriage. What is really important is your kids. What I mean is you need to be alive. Them kids will love you forever and will need you very much. If you decide to help yourself in anyway, please just think of them kids and get support immediately. They love you so much... and depend on you. Don't let them down. They want mommy around. Bless you I know not easy on you too.