feelinglost
10-27-2005, 03:18 PM
Hello all....I haven't posted for awhile because my bpbf and Ihave been really working on getting him stable and on the right meds. He has been seeing his pdoc for about 2 months now and has been taking lamictal. He is up to 200 mg. but it does not seem to be helping his mood swings to much. He is biploar II with radid cycling. He cycles about ever 3 ot 4 days. When he gets in his down moods he pulls away from everyone he cares about, including me, and can't feel the love he has for us during that time. Then when he comes out of him moods he feels absolutely horrible for the way he has treated the people he cares about. He says he hates himself and the things he does to people he cares about. He is so scared that he will never be able to get stable.....last night he was really upset and said he just wanted to be normal. It ablsolutely broke my heart!!! He has also self medicated with alcohol and drugs. He is currently working very hard at quitting his cocaine abuse. He does really good for awhile and then when he gets in a really down mood where he can't feel anything....he gives into his cravings because he knows for the moment it will make him feel better. Of course, after he uses and feels better, he is absolutley appalled with himself for using again. We go to our first tdoc appointment together this coming up Tuesday. He is willing to go every week ~ and he is also willing to have me go with him. I trully do know how much this man loves me and I love him more than anything. I guess my question to this long post is can anyone help me with meds that have worked for them with bpII with rapid cycling?? He also has alot of anxiety and when he is manic he gets on line and looks up porn sites and has chatted on line. When I found out about it, he told me that he was a bad person and that I should let him go because I deserved so much better than him. I told him that when he did those things it was the illness talking not him and that we needed to continue to work hard on getting him stable. I also told him that I was not going to leave hims or abandon him He did have an episode where he cheated on me and was sooo upset about it that I worried that he was going to hurt himself. All he wants is to find a way to feel better and understand how to control his mood swings better......I feel so bad for him because he is really trying and feels like he will never feel better or "normal" as he puts it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!

