Thanks for feedback

Hi,
I think the way we age is entirely up to genetics. Do your parents look younger than they actually are?

Also, I see nothing wrong with dating someone several years younger or older than you are, I would suggest that you be honest and tell her the truth as soon as possible.

Why would you lie about your age, are you insecure? :rolleyes:

Be thankful you look young for your age!!

Abby :wave:

Thanks Abby for your encouraging reply, I don't feel insecure the only reason I am worried is about the girls parents/friends. She knows that I am 30+. It took a while for me to go out with someone after my terrible painful heartbreak.
I will tell her my age and please advice me if I am missing something.

Tony, I think this girl is way too young for you. It's not so much the age difference between you two, it's her age. She's only 22. This girl has a lot of maturing to do. She hasn't had a chance to develop. Her perspective on life, values, principles, likes/dislikes need time to develop.
I've heard the arguement that, "but she's so mature for her age". That may be true, but she still has a lot to learn about herself. I thought I had the maturity of an adult when I was 12...little did I know. People learn a lot about themselves while their in their 20's.
It's not a matter of how young you look. Even if you looked 22...the important issue is internal.
Also, ask yourself this..."Would you want a 42 year old man dating your 22 year old daughter?
You may love her, but I think she's too young Tony. You seem like a good guy. Your concern makes me think you really care for this girl and want to do the right thing.

You've been lying about your age. You can rationalize it all you want (she thinks I'm 30+) but you've been misleading her. You know HER exact age, there is no reason she shouldn't know yours. I don't know why you're asking us--- tell her your real age today and let HER decide if she wants to date a 42 year old!

Thanks for your advice "thebluedog", :angel: last night I had chat with the girl and infact she already knew it from the friend who introduced me to her. From begining I never thought from my end, I was always thinking from her side and just to let you know, it was she who made first move by texting.

"mauvais" thanks for your comments, people like you are needed.

Thanks again...

:wave: Tony

I'm a 34 year old woman who has been with a 48 year old man for 6 years now. We have lived together for the past 4 1/2 years. We've been together since I was 28, he was 42. He's wonderful. I adore and love this man. But I will admit to you, at times, more so recently, I think of my future. We are in different seasons of our lives right now. There are things I want to do, places to go, people to see, etc... that he has "grown out of" in the past few years. He'll be retired, enjoying life and I'll be working many more years. My retirement will be spent caring for an elderly spouse. Am I ready/willing to spend my golden years doing that? Who will care for me when he is gone? It's almost as though my life now is being lived his way (he's already lived the season I am in... I am "forced" into his season now). I will live my future (retirement) for him, too. Then I'll be left to fend for myself right when I need somebody the most. What about children? Does she want children? Fortunately I have a child to a previous relationship. I love my partner with all my heart. And right now, I plan to spend my life with him. But I'm not so naive that I don't realize the issues that have come into my mind. I do not know what the future holds. Love is not everything. At one time, I believed it was! Just remember, she may ask herself those same questions a few years down the road, no matter how much she loves you.

Livn,

Well said! I like the way you explained things in regards to "seasons" of your life.
At 22, this girl may not have the maturity to see beyond the present. She may later question your relationship in later years and worse, after you're married.
Just be careful with this relationship. I think you would be better off putting your energy and time in a relationship with a woman who is in the same "season" as yours.

you'd better come clean with her as soon as possible. She may be upset at first and reject you but if she really want to be with you she'll come back. Are you really interested in the same things she is or are you just forcing yourself because she's so young? I can't imagine anyone wanting to do the same things at 42 that they wanted to do at 22. Maybe you just like her because she makes you feel young. You may be going through a midlife crisis. There's plenty of women your age who would like to get to know you.

Best be up front now, she will in time think that if you lied to her about your age, what else will you lie to her about. If she were me, I may not go out with you again strictly on the fact you lied about your age. The longer you go on with the lie the harder it will be to keep her interested in you and trust you again. Besides, lots of relationships with big age differences work out fine so just own up to the little white lie and start over again.

my spouse is just 8 or 9 years older than me and it is too much of an age gap. I have to go everywhere I want to go by myself because my spouse is in the waning years mode while I am still young and still wanting to go places and do things. I don't look forward to having to take care of my spouse in the waning years either. As early as five or six years ago this wasn't an issue.

It is easy to say what the heck and marry her and have a few kids and try to spend the best part of your remaining years with her, but the bottom line is you'll be stuck by yourself if she has any of the feelings I am currently feeling about my spouse, because I have to say, if the age gap between myself and my spouse were any broader it would be a divorce issue. If that same scenario takes place in your personal life, you'll be trying to find a life mate during a period when you don't have much life left as far a time goes. That may sound very improbable to you now at 42, but at 45/50 you'll start to think on middle and old age and it'll come to you exactly what I mean. There is a big difference in how a person feels at 42 as compared to 50, and it's too easy to delude yourself into thinking that there won't be that big of a difference in your own personal feelings between now and then.

Some people like a younger spouse because it makes them feel younger. In my personal life, I wish my spouse were as young as me, that my spouse's hair hadn't changed color and was still it's natural color like mine. I wish my spouse still had a youthful face and figure because I still do. I look at myself in the mirror and see a young person's reflection while I look at my spouse and see an old person. A couple years ago my spouse looked much better and younger, but as a person ages the changes of old age take place faster and faster.

It doesn't make me dislike my spouse for being older than me and the first to enter the waning years of life, instead it simply makes me sad, because aging is irreversible and there is no amount of wishing I can do to turn back the clock for the other person and I have it is a constant reminder to me of what I'll be facing myself in a few years.

Or you could be like a couple I know, she is 45 he is 60, when they got together she was 21 and he was 36. SHE has a hard time keeping up with him!! I think there is a young person in every one and it takes the right person to bring them out. If you are not compatable in your interests from the get go it will be a hard row in the later years. Hey I'm 58, look in my 40's workout Monday through Friday, play soccer with the grandkids and my hubby is 60 doing the same. I have friends younger than me who don't leave their couch from morning to night, that's not the life for us. If you have always been active you will continue into your older years since you have taken care of yourself from the start.

Come clean with her.

Age is just a number.... what matters is what's in our heads and hearts. Starting a relationship (sounds like you want a long term one w/ this girl) with a lie is no relationship at all.

Good luck!

Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, need I say more. Too bad it doesn't work in reverse for women; not being able to share having children with a man is a real handicap for women over 40....certainly not fair at all. But you can give her all of that so I doubt the relationship won't work out for you, just don't start letting yourself go or maybe the younger men might start to appeal to her more. Otherwise, I'm sure it will work out.

I'm sorry, but I think the age difference is too great.

It's not so much the age difference between you two, it's her age. She's only 22. This girl has a lot of maturing to do. She hasn't had a chance to develop. Her perspective on life, values, principles, likes/dislikes need time to develop.

I could not agree more. During our 20s is when we really discover who we are. I remember that frustrating feeling of "not knowing," even though I was considered mature for my age. We grow and change a lot in our 20s, perhaps women more than men.

The big difference is simply life experiences. At 22, she probably just barely has an undergrad degree. She does not have years of experience of earning her own paycheck and learning how to spend her money.

Her childhood will be quite a bit different than yours. When you're with friends your age and someone makes a reference (let's say to 33 rpm records), she may be totally clueless! That's a silly example, but there will be many more important o nes.

Again, it isn't the age difference but rather the age of 22. I wouldn't recommend two 22-year-olds getting married to one another! Another way to put it is that only three years ago, she was a teenager. It's been 23 years since you were a teenager.