Hi all, I have read alot on here last night and it stopped me from feelings of comming VERY close to doing (very much wanting too) away with myself!!
Today is day 5 ct from ultram and other opiate pain meds in between. Maybe switching back and forth from the two made it a very lil bit easier to endure these physical wd symptoms but I have taken enough long enough to kill a small animal! Very well to kill me!! Anyhow no-one knows I have been taken these all along, my family thinks I have been sober in between and at day 5 I am sooooooooo angry!! I am flipping out over nothing, still have the leg flops, can't sleep but for a few hours, have everyone wanting to drag me everywhere!! I try to say I'm sick but used that excuse too many times. I just want to get rid of the anger, it physicly hurts if you can believe that!! I hate life and everyone around me and don't know how to turn it around. anyone experience this? OK, stupid question right. please help me hold on. Unfortunatily, physical AA/Na meetings are a no go, all my druggy friends go and relapse, go and relapse, and I along with them. I am almost 8 years off heroin and can't afford to "hook up" with anyone with THAT problem and go through that all over again, which I will if I encounter the issue. I'm just not strong enough yet!! Please any words of wisdom, hope, or truth. I would like to hear it is day 5 and will only get better, but only if it's the truth please. God help me!! thank you all, Kim

Hang in there your almost over the worst part.When you abuse opiates for a long time your brain stops producing enough endorphins.This is why you feel the way you do.Try and get as active as you can and eat a well balanced diet.A good diet is very important especially at first when your recovering.Opiates kick the **** out of your body and you don't feel it until your off of them......Your doing great just hang in there a little longer.....Dave :)

Where dose the anger come from? Its so hard to understand. I am a mental case myself....trying to taper the hyrdo off.... :eek: .

Yes, I can understand that the anger physically hurts and makes you cry. I even broke a clothes hamper today... :o . God help us all.

Ultram is difficult and tricky drug, I went off of it a few months ago and it was pure heck. For me it seemed that the headaches and rubber legs, heart palps were the worst thing. The leg thing satyed with me for a long while. Good luck, Kev

Kim
It does get better. I am at 27 days and it really does get better!!!!!!! :) Everyone on these boards have had many, many symptoms while withdrawing. Keep reading and posting as we all care about you. When you get angry just hold on...keep repeating this to yourself-breathe and calm down. Take baths or exercise if you can. Stay strong! Were there for you.

Yours,
Vickyuser :angel:

Hang in there as vicky said, it does get better. It doesn't seem that way from day to day but when you look back a week you can really see the difference., Kev

Hey blurayne< :wave:

I promise you will feel physically better within about two weeks. But the first 5 days usually is the worst of it. The mental stuff is harder and longer. For recovering addicts it's a lifelong job. You will have many, many good days ahead and the bad ones get fewer and further between. If you have beaten heroin addiction in the past and have relapsed with another drug, then you know the mental stuff is what got you back where you are today. I'm sorry you're not strong enough to go to NA meetings. But you know yourself and if you're afraid of hooking up with the wrong folks don't go. There are however, online NA meetings/12 step programs (just search the net). There are meetings online every night. Also addiction and recovery online chat groups. To be successful at recovery we must learn how to deal with life on lifes terms. We have to have a new way of thinking. We can't hold in resentments, anger, guilt.

It doesn't matter how much or what you have taken in regards to telling your family. They don't necessarily need to know and what good would it do if they did. You have to make the decision of what and how much you share with anyone. But I do think that you need to take care of yourself. And if that means telling them you're sick and staying home then so be it. You are sick!! That would't be telling them a lie. If you have read a lot of post then you know to treat your symptoms - Aches/pain - advil, aleve, Nausea - dramamine or phenergan, Sleep issues - Benadryl, Tylenol PM, Melatonin. Lots of hot baths or showers. Drink fluids so not to get hydrated. Eat when you can, even 2-3 bites every few hours will help you not to lose strength. When we are tired it makes fighting this battle even worse. Try sitting or taking a short walk in the warm sunshine, sleeping with a heating pad or blanket. Another thing I have never posted before is pet therapy. My friend that I'm living with has a puppy. I spend time playing and loving it. Animals (especially kittens and puppies around 5-7 months old) give us unconditional love. Think about what helps you emotionally and do it. I spent most waking hours on this message board and other addiction/recovery sites during the beginning of my recovery - just 74 days ago due to the fact I had no transportation to go to meetings, etc.

The anger you are describing. I assume it is at yourself for relapsing. It is a must that you forgive yourself to get rid of this anger. We have all been there and know exactly how angry you are at yourself. We tend to beat ourselves up much worse than anyone else can. Part of the recovery process is to forgive and let go. You can't change the past. But you sure can move in the right direction in the future. Choices - that's what we are faced with everyday. If we focus on anger, guilt and resentments, we will use again.

Hang on tight and we'll be here to support you every step of the way.