Thanks again for all of of you guys............I would try abd name you, but you know who you are and I am still a bit in a cloud...Tomorrow will be 1 week for me opiate free and 15 days for my Fiance...we chose to go the Methadone way and despite the warnings, pros and cons, it is what works right now for us........we had a 900mg a day OC habit...yes 900mg and we were able to titrate down to about 50mg a day, so we felt every withfrawls syptoms known....I detoxed myself about 1 year ago, cold tirkey with the use of NA and stayed clean one year and decided to go back out with a bang...and really outdid myself this time.......everything they tell you is correct, however being the good addict I am I try everything out myself and went out stronger and they were right it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO very hard to get clean again, I know a lot of people dont consider being on Methadone clean, however we all have to do what we have to do to get our life back and at this time I did not have the time to take a month off from life and found that I could not get clean but this way.........my way..which is the only way each one of us can get clean, we have to do what is best for us, we are on a very low dose and plane to stay there, trust me being in the medical field I know there is a high enough dose you can take of the Sub and the Meth and you will feel high for the day, but we are staying on a low dose, and get on the Sub ASAP, this is no walk in the park,the cravings are licking oit butt about everyother day, but lets face it, anytime you detox the right way there will be pain, mental and physical, these boards have been a lot of piece of mind for us, I have learned more on here then I have from any medical person, and not sure how I am going to make it back to work without this board strapped to my hip....you guys are awsome and please keep posting, good or bad.....anything anyone has to say about getting .....ANYWAY is welcome on my thread.....again thanks to all......HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Congrats TChris and to your fiance. Your past the really hard part. Keep posting and let everyone know how you are doing. Normal is good. Clean and opiate free is great!

Yours,
Vickyuser :angel:

Thanks for the kind words....any suggestion or comments keep us going another day.......we really enjoy posting one here and getting post back from everyone......we were just talking about how many doors open when you get clean or try and get clean......so much changes.....my fiance is still in college and I am in the middle of re thinking a job change...am getting and reading a lot on addiction specialist, I am in the medical field all ready and the money may not compare, but how awsome would it be to go to work everydaqy and help someone stay clean or be reminded where i came from....my fiance is a Crim Major and is looking into something to do with recovery work also....its a stinks that we can only know each other on the boards thru a screen name, but isnt it awsome that no matter what we used or how much we used we all come somewhere and pull together and know just by one post understand each other...........lease keep posting all positive or negative expreinces with Sub OR Meth......and any advice staying clean......one day at a time all.....and dont use no matter what....Happy Halloween

TChris

Sounds like you don't need any suggestions. You already have some plans in the making. Think about that you have a fiance and are starting a life together. Life is a challenge but it is easier when you can share it with someone. I have been married 30 years(last Wed) and have 2 children who I adore. This is the first time in a long time that I can speak to them(and remember all of the conversation) with a clear mind. Look for the beauty in the world and you will find it. Keep posting as we are all in this together.

Yours,
Vickyuser :angel:
27 proud days clean

Christine! Congrats to you both! Wonderful will power and determination has brought you far in a very short time. And thanks to you as well for always being around to talk when I need it too! Here's to the start of a wonderful week of "normalness" for you. Who would have ever thought that feeling normal would feel so great huh? - Tina

VUSER AND TINA......tthanks for all replys, who would have thought one can gain so mucj from a board of people you know only as a screen name and a simple thread, but yet we all know each other like we have been friends our whole life.............this board and all you guys really complete my day, however corny that sounds.............I am starting week 2 on the Methadone clinic and he is on week 3, so far so good and and for what we were usingthe nures say that we are on a very LOW dose, which is where we both want to stay and it looks like we will be able to, as we seem to be able to tolerate the small withdrawls and cravings we have, after all you dont not get a get on of addiction free card or pill, I do wish I was able to go coldturkey again with the help of NA like I did 2 years ago, but this time out really kicked my butt, I did titrate down almost 800mg of a daily OC habit and get down to only 50mg, but I could not suffer anymore, what they say is true, each time you go ut it is harder to get clean and very true that you will pick up right where you left off and it your addiction will increase at a rapid pace, i went from vikes/perks to straight up OC...............and I was not swallowing them, nor shooting them, so that let me just onew other way........it was no way to live..........I have not tild my parents that i went back out, they were so hurt the last time and thought it was something they did, only my fiance and you guys know and that is how i will leave it for now, as usual i am trying to clean up the wreckage i left this time and everyday get a little bit easier, tahnks again so much for your time......please feel free to post anything on my threads, I am on here alot as i am not working right now, i am in the medical field and i feel i am not strong enough to jump back in the free for all i have at my job...............so please let me know amything good bad or otherwise about recovery, methadone, sub, whatever, just keep posting you guys keep me clean...............one day at a time, i am off to see my sisters twins go trick or treat,and i poseted instead of counting my pills for the night, what a awsome feeling, no more counting pills or days on the calander........HAPPY HALLOWEEN..................CHRISTINE

Happy Halloween Christine! Wow.... I realized just how much this board means to me today! I got to work this morning and our internet was down! AND I couldn't get it fixed!!! Ugh. The computer guy comes tomorrow morning and hopefully will get it working again. I was only able to log on here for a quick minute around lunchtime to make sure everyone was okay, etc... And boy was I going thru healthboards withdrawel! Without the internet my days at work just draaaaag by. Thank goodness I am home now. Haven't had the best couple of days though. I posted a long and babbling post about it in the "new here...question on meds" thread just a few minutes ago. Too much to retype here so check it out if you get a chance and are interested Christine!

I am so happy for and proud of you and your fiancee Christine! You guys are making such great progress! And I know what you mean about this board really keeping you going. I have only been posting for about a week today (or maybe it is tomorrow...but close) and already I have such good friends here. I have never talked to ANYone I didn't know on the internet before and never would have imagined meeting such wonderful and caring people that I would be so comfortable with right away. I am so grateful to have this opportunity. I always felt so alone before. Now no matter what, I know there is someone who understands... someone who truly GETS what I am going thru and will not judge or feel guilty, etc... So once again... A big ole sappy THANK YOU to everyone!!! - Tina

Hi Everyone,

My first Halloween clean. We all went to my sons house. It was so much fun. Glad everyone is doing good tonight. TChris you go girl. I am also greatful for this board. Without the endless support of caring strangers I would have never gotten this far. No one else seems to understand what we have been through. This board is like a family to me. One that doesn't judge just endless understanding. Thank you everyone.

Yours,
Vickyuser :angel:

Hey Christine, TJ and all, :wave:

Hope everyone had a great and happy halloween. Hang in there guys. We are like an extended family. Isn't it great. We're here for each other in the good days and the bad. Have a good night all!!!

Just want to check in and say hey, I feel like I need to write on here at least once a day, not to take place of my journaling but i love to keep intouch with you guys and see what everyone is up to,i have a dentist appt tomorrow and have a lot of dental work to be done and am now trying to put if off for obvious reasons, the dentist used to be my best friend and noe i need to stay as fas away as i can,as my luck would have it, I have been diagnosed with a bad case of TMJ and one of things i need to hel it is pan meds and i am NOT strong enough to have them now................or ever for that matter, i have proably been in alot of pain for months but since i like to self medicate who would have known..its going tp be a long embarssing road as i have to report all meds i take to the meth clnic and they have the right to call my drs and so on and so forth and i really dont need to dentist knowing all pmy personal stuff, i would like to go another route if i can, so if anyone knows how meds, and the methadone clinic work please let me know, this is just another problem with being in the medical prof and getting involved with all this, the damn wreckage of our past will be around forever to keep cleaning up, one day at a time i guess....please keep posting and wish me luck at t he dentist tomorrow..........CHRISTINE

Hey Christine, :wave:

I think as time passes by, we will have cleaned up the wreckage of our past. Not to say that it can't/won't come back to haunt us from time to time. But with more days, weeks, months and years behind us, hopefully it will diminish to a faint memory. I don't know alot about TMJ, but I do know there is pain involved. Remember this, you're an addict. That does not mean that you deserve to endure intolerable pain. If you try to do that, it might cause you to say f... it and relapse. You and I know the double edged sword of addiction and true pain issues. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I'm totally out today. :D Just know that I will keep you in my prayers and be there with you every step of the way.

Thanks.......I can always count on a post from you, it sounds like things are looking up in the job area for you,congrats, me and tj just came into some money we were supposed to get lastmonth, but amn very glad it came this month, which allows me to pull my head out of my a.. a while longer before i face the good ol drug addicted pt, I have thought long and hard about a job change , but they tell you no big changes first year so it is just something i am putting out there.It does figure the one peosn that wants to give them urine is the oersons paperwork they loose....TJ is doing real good, keeping up with school, I have fallen into some late night routine,it is 3am where I am and i am awake, i get in bed at like 11 and i sleep about 30 min and then i am up.............wide awake, eating down the house,fall asleep for about 15 min, wake up,get on the pc.............i am up and down,mostly up.....I dont know what i am going to do about this late night eating, it has got to stop..............well...........at least i have the boards to talk to ;) ...happy thursday,,,,,,,,wish me luck i have a psych eval in 4 hours ansd a dental appt after that, i hope they arent gonna waste my time and tell me i am nuts, cause i could have told them that......amybe they well tell me i have a drug problem.................. :p .....at least there is something i can do about that..bye guys................keep posting...........CHRISTINE

Hey Christine, :wave:

I gave up the fight of the late night thing a long time ago. I figure, it's better being up eating and on computer then not sleeping for 5-7 days at a time. You know with my drug of choice, we will be up for sometimes 5-7 days or longer. Pure insanity. And food.... what's food, who needs it, didn't eat for days either when using. Thank God I was really over weight when I started my doc and only lost 27 lbs during that 7 month period. I could stand to lose more. I'm still about 22 lbs over my optimum weight for my height. Don't stress the little stuff. I figure when I get a job, I'll finally get my days and nights straightend out. I know what they say about major changes during the first year, but my life is nothing but one big life change right now. I would seriously consider a job change and not be tempted by having drugs easily available like in the hospital. I haven't worked in the hospital setting much in the last 10-12 years, so that's no big deal for me. I do think you have to take into consideration how tempting that would be and if it's something you need to do to make your life easier then I personally think that would be a good thing. They tell us to stay away from old using places and friends. I think that also include place where you could be tempted to get the drugs. Don't risk yur license over it. As you say, you have some time and you will make the right choice for you, I know. Hope you have a good afternoon. Let me know if the docs told you anything you didn't already know. :D

Hey Christine - Hope your appointments went okay today. Let us know! It might be the methadone screwing with you sleep schedule. I am on methadone too, as you know, and it really has messed with my sleep. Big time. I have to get up every morning at 7am. My normal bedtime was between 10-12 before I started the methadone. Now I am lucky to be in bed by 2am!!! It's really weird. I've heard some other people say the same though. I am always so tired at work because I don't get any sleep. And I've noticed my sleep meds don't help that much now that I am on the methadone as well! The only time I get good sleep is after 2 or 3 days going on 4-5 hours and then I will come home and pass out cold. That is what happened last night. I didn't even take any of my methadone. I had no pain and was just so blissfully tired. Slept from about 6:30-8:30 on the couch, got up, ate dinner, watched tv, layed back on the couch and slept from 10-3am and then moved into bed and passed back out til 7! Wow. I could have kept sleeping too... If you can't seem to get the schedule back on track you might want to bring it up with your doc. Maybe they can give you something to help?

TChris
How did the dentist appt go?


Vicky :angel:

Hey Christine. I have TMJ...look into having a night guard made. It's helped alot. If you can't afford it right now..you can buy one at most pharmacies or department stores much cheaper. The custom made ones from your dentist can be expensive. Be careful of the treatment they want to give you for it. The way they started out treating mine was musle relaxers and opiate pain meds. (Go figure) Obviously, can't do that any more so I've found other ways to live with it and beat the headaches and neck/jaw stiffness.
Let us know how it went.

K guys,................whats going on..thanks for looking out, you guys must have really gotten a laugh from my last thread and thought i was real high and didnt even bring it to my attention,when in the middle of the thread i just busted out with something about lost paper work and urine..........you guys got to do better then that and keep me on my toes.....no more typing for me at 4 in the morning, i guess i was talking to tj and typing and did not pay attention to what i was typing and started typing what i was talkingabout...but anyways, wanted to put this out there and get some feedback, long story.......better yet i am going to start a new thread and i wll call it....well............not sure what i will call it yet but please look for it and reply, it had my fiance freaked out and pissed.......thanks again to all who have helper,love to hear from all of you, armemom, tina, blue and beginagain, hope you all are doing good, i still cant eat and tj just lays by me every night and sleeps away...........and i just eat down the house and smoke, it has got to stop, i am happy with my weight even though it was not good how i lost it and this smoking on the methadone is out of control......beginagin my TMJ is from a bad accident that involved me and falling ceiling fan and wall meets face and knocked my tooth out, the front one to be exact, so i walked around like hillbilly sue for a day, but what did i care i was high and had pills and on my way to the dentist so at the time i did not see it as a problem, so the story goes, i have been diagnosed with bi lateral tramatic TMJ AND went to the oral suregon and he told me he would go the medical treatment first and do a plint, whatever that is and he is also sending me to PT, na dthe best part is.......he does not give out pain meds straonger then T3............a month ago I would have been pissed, yesterday i was delteed, and told him advil was just fine, so things are pretty good so far, I have a very large lawsuit going on with the place that this happened and i also need 2 implants and have told my lawyer that i need to hold off on the sx for now..........you guys know why, but i told him because i needed to plqan a wedding and i needed all my natrual teeth for pictures so that bought me some time to get right with myself and not have to deal with the temptation evne though the place i go to get dosed has to hold all of my meds and call and verify, i just dont trust myself right now, i never know with myself, i know how shady i can be and i really want to stay clean this time around........i did last time too, but life happens....thanks again......CHRISTINE

Hey Christine - Good for you holding out and going with the advil! That would have been hard for me. I have just decided the other day to go cold turkey on my methadone. I have been taking it for pain but have been taking more than I need to. This happened to me before with vicodin about a year ago and I went cold turkey off of it for about 2-3 weeks to get my head on straight. Had to deal with my pain the old fashioned way, see how much that sucked, and then realized that I had to take my meds as prescribed so I would never have to do that again. Well I did great up until I started the methadone three weeks ago. Now I am having the same trouble. So I have set a goal to go ct for 2 weeks, longer if my head isn't on right yet, I need ht meds for pain. But have tried to stay at as low as dose as possible because of my addictive tendencies. When I start straying from that... it scares me to death. So here I am. 41 hours since my last dose of methadone. Actually feel okay physically. My mind is the trouble. Trying to stay occupied etc...

I had a bout with TMJ, it was stress related. I was lucky and mine went away on it's own after about 4 months. But boy, it was AWFUL when it was going strong! Just hated that. I hope that you can get it all fixed eventually. After your "wedding" of course. That was a great story for the dentist for why you wanted to wait. Makes perfect sense! I never would have come up with that so suddenly right on the spot. But that's good. We all have our things we have to keep personal. It's none of their business and would probably just create more problems... Hope you are having a good day! - Tina

As addicts we tend to be able to think quick on oyr feet, espically when it comes to the DR, he is a new dentist.oral surgeon, so i just looked at it as a new start,as not starting my WAYS with him, and kinda tell on myself from the begining by not asking for pain meds and telling him, i dont like the way they make me feel..........which isnt a lie......so if i ever get the nerve to ask him about it he will call me out on m y own ****,and say..........i thought you didnt like the pain meds..........i have found in recovery that if you tell on yourself when you have some strength, people are bound to look at you crazy and call you out, when you are not having such a strong day and start to give in to the addiction. Tina, i think that you are on the right path to quitting, just keep in mind as i am sure everyone has told you, METHADONE has a looooooooonnnnggggggg half life and people who come off of vikes, perks,oc etc start to detox within 24-48 hours, however with the meth, your detox could take longer then that, so hold on...but you can do whatever you put your mind too, when talking to my counselor at the meth clinic, he gave me my taper plan for when i come off and if you are interested in i will give you the theroy behind it and you can plan your accordingly, so keep post to me on thi sthread and i will let you know what he says and he has been working with Methadone detoxing for 20years and he started in the prison system........so needless to say he has seen it all.......stay strong, stick with these boards even if you double up on your meds.......i dont care, just the desire to quit is enough for me to want to help someone, i dont care what you use or how you want to get clean, you can do this i am on round 2 and i will battle this my whole life, me and ,y fiance are doing great this time and he doig all this and finishing up his criminology degree,stay strong and do whatever you need not to use...........thanks to all who continue to read these long threads of mine..........you guys rock............CHRISTINE

Right now I am at 63 hours since my last dose. I was hoping I was doing okay without them... I feel fine physically. Just a little antsy mentally. I was hoping since I was just 3 weeks on the methadone, that I would be okay for the most part. That the w/d wouldn't be too bad? Now I am getting a little worried...