Hey,

I've been binging and purging for the past month and a half and it's been so incredibily difficult for me. Before then, I've been severely restricting myself. I'm 5'2 and I got down to 79 pounds before I realized that it wasn't healthy and I began eating again. However, it's gotten so out of control and I eat all the time and all the bad foods I wouldn't ever allow myself to eat before (chocolates, candy, muffins, chips, etc), then I'd purge it all up or even worse, not purge it and keep on eating until I'm absolutely miserable. Now I'm feeling the effects majorly--weight shot straight up, I'm feeling bloated all the time (enema), depressed (I cry so many times each day), my stomach is tender and hurts so much,I have rashes all over my face, and i've gotten to a weight I'm NOT happy with at all. This is only after a month of binging and purging!! I feel so pathetic!

I know that I really really have to stop the compulsive eating habits that I've developed and learn to eat healthier again. I've set up a meal plan for myself and gotten rid of all the bad trigger foods. However, I'm at uni so food is ALWAYS around and sometimes it's so hard to stay away! I've tried to quit so many times and failed each time. This time I've decided that I really need to take control of myself and my life, because eating has become my life and it's become hard for me to concentrate on anything else!!! I wonder if anyones going through the same experiences as me and would like to go through this recovery process together? It's always easier when you have a buddy to lean on for support!

I would love to go through this with you. Im finding it so hard on my own. EDs make u so lonely. I am really gonna start tryin to do sth properly about my bulimia. Im also a uni student so i totally know what u mean. Well i have a tute to go to right now but will post later on, probably when im in the middle of my essay crisis!

How long were u restricting for?

Suzanne
xxx

Hi Suzanne,

I was truly restricting for about 5 months but dieting since January. You're so right that ED makes a person so lonely and miserable! How about you? Do you feel comfortable sharing? I'm so glad that we can try to work through this together! It's so nice to know that you're not alone.

xxx

Hey girls,

i would love to join you two in recovery. ive been suffering with ED for 8 years but didnt start reaching out for help until march of this year. even though ive been through treatment programs and currently am in one, i still feel so alone. i have a few close supporters but no one who truly understands. for they cant because they havent gone through it and dont know the lonliness i feel or the misery that my ED has caused. i too am at college so im constantly surrounded by food with makes my b/p urges worse but sometimes i feel so guilty then my restricting/exercising urges are worse. im completely confused... sorry i rambled so long, just want you to know im in the same boat....


D

I want to join ya'll..I was anorexic for 16 years and became bulimic last year--I'm in a total spiral right now and could really use some support and encouragement. I'm probably older than most of you (I'm 29), but I can relate to what everybody says. I'm 5'0 and am tipping the scale at 100 lbs(I feel gross). I cannot even begin to describe the thoughts that run through my head sometimes.

I'm here for you guys...we'll get through this--together.

mgrace

oh I really screwed up today..again! Going through major stress so ate ALL of my halloween candy....and more...and went out to buy more comfort food..nuts chips bread..and ate all of that..why do I keep doing this to myself??? I'm controlling myself not to throw up though, even though I want to sooo much right now. I'm so ashamed and SO angry at myself!

Oh, sweetie--I'm with you on this. I've done the same thing a thousand times before.
Hey, how about when you feel the urge to binge coming on that you come on the board and post instead? It could help you over that ledge, at least. Don't hold back, express everything that you're feeling. We're here to help and to listen.

mgrace

that would be good because i'm such a mess right now...i want to go throw up so badly and I'm so afraid of gaining all this weight..i'm so ashamed...I'm supposed to be so much stronger than this but all I want to do now is lay on the floor and cry the rest of my life away. I had such good intentions all day and i screwed up so badly...and even now I want to eat because I'm so distressed...why am I such a pig?? I feel so incredibily horrible...and so fat! I weighed myself this morning and I was 97 pounds...I was 87 only a week ago!! Now I'm so afraid to step on the scale tomorrow...i feel so fat and puffy and so incredibily gross

Deep down, I know you must believe you are not in any way fat or puffy. I know there's at least a glimmer of hope, because you came to the board and posted--hold onto that hope. We've all failed, all screwed up. Do you really want to stay down and allow this horrible disease to beat you?

we're all in the same boat here. make the choice to pick yourself up, dust off, and attempt to make better choices (and different thinking) next time.
There used to be a song that went something like this.."Sinners are just saints that fell down but allowed God to pick them up and continued walking in their journey of life".

That's my prayer for you--especially when things get rough and you se no way out. Keep walking anyway.

We're here for you,
mg

Hey guys,

Hows things? Im glad this thread has been started because i have had a horrible day. i have just binged...again and i hope this isnt triggering to anyone n i dont normally post this kinda stuff but this might indicate how bad a day iv had. I have eaten today-

2 raisin bakes
a baked ham and salad plain bagel
a big mac meal
a ginger cake (like a whole big one)
a packet of wafer ham
a piece of caramel shortbread
some raisins
a piece of swiss roll
3 fruit snack bar things
4 slices of malt loaf
an 3 quarters of a quiche
a tub of prawns

and i ate none of this until late afternoon! The thing is i wasnt hungry even then but im not doin any work at the mo because of my ed and depression but that is makin the ed and depression worse again. Then, i had a huge argument with a friend today which il explain later and yesterday found out my grandad has been run over and is in intensive care with internal bleeding around the brain, a fractured skull and a fractured leg...he may not make it, at the v least there will b brain damage. All the rest of the family are home but im here at uni and dunno if i should go back or not really. Im so miserable, so messed up and now feel like iv buggered up weeks of losing weight. Can i have put on a lot from that???plz tell me if u kno. I actually feel like i just wanna not wake up tomorrow. I have thrown up as much as i could and its now nearly one in the mornin n im about to do exercise for a couple of hours. I dont wanna put weight on! Im not under weight at all. I cant afford to put weight on. Ill just b even more depressed and whats worse is that in all honesty this is worrying me more than how everyone at home is getting on and how my grandad is. This is what I ave let bulimia turn me into- a horrible, irritible, selfish and v depressed person.

Suzanne
xxx

Oh dearest...I'm the exact same...I binged myself to a stupor yesterday..told myself I wouldnt' do it again today...and just now had about 30 peices of chocolates!...I think the hardest thing right now is to not purge...it's so hard not to knowing all the calories I've just ingested...I'm so sorry about your grandpa...maybe you can try to focus on him now. You've buggered up for today. It's done. Over with. Tomorrow's a new day. Lets make a pact, you and me..that we both will try our best not to binge tomorrow. We'll report to each other at the end of the day. Maybe this will get us both through these horrible times! And don't weigh yourself tomorrow, no matter what. That won't make you feel better regardless of what it says. We have to just work to get through day by day. How does that sound? xxxx

ps. i even sunk as low as going through my bin 2 salvage stuff to binge on :(
when i had already binged and thrown up an hour earlier :o

hey u!

Thats so gud to get a reply that quick. I really needed it. That definately sounds like a good idea. I will let you know how i get on and also fill u in and explain the friend thing!

xxx

Hey,

How did u all get on? I failed completely! Just found out a couple of hours ago that my grandad died and you know what? I still cant stop thinkin bout how fat i feel today!!! fell asleep on my essay last night so still havnt done it and the deadline was midday today...

Hope u are all having a slightly better day,
Suzanne
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

oh dear..I'm so very sorry for your loss! Maybe the best thing to do now is to go home ...would that help your situation a bit? I know that when something like this happens, I want to be with family..being around people also helps my ED soooo much! Forget about the essay. Tell your professor that it wasn't done because of your granddad....I definitely feel you shouldn't be alone right now!

We're all here for you on this board! xxx