Yesterday was my day to cut from 14 ultram a day to
13. I blew it, and took 16!! While this is still less
than I was taking, I am upset with myself. :nono:

This has not stopped my determination to stop -
So I am trying to figure out why I did this.

It's probably best not to cut down on a stressful
day. Yesterday, one son was home from school.
It was Halloween, we had a party. I was
supposed to work today, so I was racing around
yestererday,to get everything done (grocery, nails,
car wash, gas, cleaners..).

My boss called after dinner, and asked if I could work
Wed, Thurs instead of Tues, Thurs. I said sure.
If I had known this earlier, I don't think I would
have screwed up. But, it's stuff like that I need
to learn to deal with - without leaning on pills!!

I am going back to 14 today. I will go down to
13 tomorrow. Since I will be working, it is
easier. I bring only the allotted amount with me,
so I can't cheat!

This may go slower than I thought. But, even
if I go down only 1 pill per week, I'll be down to 10
by Thanksgiving. And, to the legally prescribed
amount of 8 per day by mid December. Then I
think I'll hold it right there through Christmas.

Armemom - I just read your post - you must
be a mind reader! You said if I slip, just pick
up, and keep marching! That's just what I
intend to do - thanks!!!

PS - Does anyone here go to online AA or NA
"meetings"? Are there any during the day? I
don't think we are allowed to post web links, but
if you could point me in the right direction!

Thanks a million times over for everyone's
support!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to initiate
a post entitled "I did it!". :)

Shame,

Good luck with you taper, I had a day yesterday and blew my plan right out of the water. I am not doing that good today either but tomarrow is a new day. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, but I like you am determined to win this war. Good luck stay strong.


Dale

Buzz - I just read all of the posts in your "story". Boy -
this stuff is rough going!! As I started your post, I
wondered if you were going too fast. Everyone is different-
some do better CT..How about trying a more sensible taper?
ONly bring the alloted amount to work with you -
is there anyone you can trust to give you your amount
each day - and hold the rest??

Anyway - we are both trying - that is a start!!

FYI - I told my husband at one point - it was NOT
a good thing for me ... I will not ever share any of this
with him again. But, I am still OK, and determined
to end the cycle for my own well being!!

Some day, I will post my whole story - it's a darn
novel!! But, everyone here has a story to tell!!!

Yes everyone does have a story, share when you feel right about it, you just never know who will read it and say wow if she can do this after all that I can do it. You may save someones life, sounds drastic I know but the people that are holding me up on my thread is exactly what they are doing in essence saving my life. Good luck.


Dale

shame
I also tried to tell my husband-not a good idea. So here I am at 30 days clean :) all by myself. This board has meant the world to me. It has been my lifeline. I read all about the people on this board that have told their spouses and I wish I had that support system but whatever I now know that I can count on myself. We do what we have to do.

Yours,
Vickyuser :angel:

Hey Dale, :wave:

Yes there are online meetings day and night. More so at night. Search the net for Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Alchololics Anonymous and *** groups (addiction and recovery). There even more sites with meetings/chat/message boards. All major internet service providers have groups/chat for a huge variety of topics/issues. I can tell you that this is the best message board out there. And I've used many different ones. But now I pretty much only use this message board. The caring and ability to feel at home and tell all that's going on in my life is more comfortable here. Find the sites you like and go from there. I have new friends all over the world from online meetings now. I attended a lot of online meetings when I first got clean and had no transportation to get to fact to face meetings. And even now, on bad days I go to meetings f2f and online. I too find that in meetings, folks tend to pick topics/share exactly what I need to hear. We're all going through the same things and have the same feelings. We laugh about it after the meetings when we all gather outside to smoke. Hope you have a good day and will look for your post soon.