Hi everyone,

I hate to complain and try to always look on the bright side of things. Right now, I can't.

I have been hit with a flare that has brought me to my knees. Last night it was so bad that it hurt to breathe, I couldn't straighten up my body I was in such pain. My fingertips felt like they were going to keep swelling and explode. The botttoms of my feet hurt that my husband carried me to bed. I felt as if I could feel every bone in my body and the muscles around them. I have never been unable to not move like that. I could not get my body straight. I have disc problems in neck and back which were terribly swollen. I really cannot explain how bad it was. I am sure many of you have been there. I was so frightened. I usually can deal, last night I broke down.

I just cry when I think about the look on my husbands face. He has lupus and I try so hard to hide any of my pain from him. He has been very sick the last few days and it broke my heart to see his face when he looked at me last night and didn't know what to do. He was so loving when he put me to bed. Later I could hear him crying in the other room.

He wanted to take me to the hospital but I felt it would be more stressful to explain to doctors who do not know me what was going on. I know they would not do anything for me since I have had past experience with me and my husband that turned out to be nightmares. I also knew I would not die from the pain and fear.

I know this all sounds so melodramatic but life can be that way. I am unable to turn to anyone who understands, except my beautiful friends on this board. No one else really gets it when I say I am in that much pain and sick. I do not blame them. I know they try.

The only place I was safe and free of fear was by praying. I try not to preach my beliefs since it is a very personal thing, but God got me through such a frightening time.

Today I am a little better since I slept 4 hours. My sweet husband had to work and he looked so sick even though he said he was fine.

Even though I have bandages on my fingers I had to come on this board and share and vent.

Thank you everyone for being there for me. I know I can always come here, day or night and put down in words how I am feeling mentally and phsyically and get back love and support.

Take care everyone. Thank you all.

Peace and love, Hangin

Dear Hangin, only a person with the severe pain of fibromyalgia or other
diseases that cause such pain could understand what you are saying. There
are times when our prayers are just deep groanings because words seem so
inadequate. As I type this, I am praying for you and your husband. You are
blessed to have a loving husband and a faith that can call on a Higher Power
in times of need. Your friend from Alabama.
Bilij

Hangin I am so glad you had your faith to turn to. That will always be your anchor, but we will always be here for you to come and tell us how you feel. We don't judge we just try to help. Remember to always breathe deep and slow when you are in so much pain. I know that is hard, but you have to try to make a conscious effort to relax a little to let the pain flow free out of your body. Try to use visualization to see the pain flowing from your body out into space. I know when you are in pain that is all hard to do.

I wish I could be of more help, I will wrap you and hubby in my warm soothing orange blanket from golden and send healing powers to you both. Take care of yourself and hubby and check in soon and let us know how you are doing.

Glojer

Hangin,

Yes we do support you and care about you. Keep the faith. Be very gentle with yourself and do the things you know to do when you flare. I hope you feel better real soon. You and your hubby are in my prayers.

Donna

Oh hanging, I am so sorry you are in such a flare, must be flare time of the year because I am in pain also.

I am so glad you have a husband that cares and understands, mine is the same way, he often says if I could take your pain on myself I would.

Feel better real soon, gentle hugs, Linda

Hangin - take it easy, rest & know that you're faith will see you through this. You are blessed with a wonderful husband who obviously loves you dearly. May God help you both to feel better - pray & keep the faith. It can do miracles. Hugs & Prayers to you. :angel:

Dear Hangin,
Wow, I am sorry to hear about your pain... I can relate.
Sometimes nothing helps and sleep would be wonderful if for no other reason but that the hours would pass. If only sleep would come.

This may sound awful, but I'm in pain right now because I spent all day Sunday at Disneyland. My family had been planning it for months and we haven't been in years. I didn't do many rides, won't do most because they make me hurt and the little bit of fun is not worth the trade in pain. I hurt from walking and being on my feet most of the 13 hour day. I've taken little naps, a half hour or hour over the past two days and the time change didn't help in that I'm waking earlier than ever.

The best way I know to get through when nothing will help the pain is to be in bed with the feet up and watching tv or being on the web or reading. Anything to occupy my mind and distract me from the pain. I've been knitting lately, but when your hands hurt that won't help. When I'm like that, I just can't get warm and even have worn gloves to bed. You need warm covers but light covers because too much weight hurts more. It's a no-win situation, isn't it?

Does massage help? My son has been rubbing my feet for me and even though it hurt like crazy when he did it yesterday, today they feel better, just sore and the massage actually felt soothing. I figure it will be anywhere from a week to 10 days before I feel like I did the day BEFORE going to Disneyland.

I wish you and your husband well. It is obvious you are madly in love with each other and are there for each other. Kind of what marriage is all about, isn't it.

Gosh, I'm so sorry you felt this way. I'm glad you felt a little better after sleeping. I'm sorry your husband is so sad about you being ill but it is so wonderful to hear that you have such a loving relationship with him. It is SO important that you have supportive people in your life. My boyfriend tries to be so supportive too. He constantly asks if there is anything he can do and says "I'm sorry you feel this way"...sometimes it is annoying because I just want to yell that there is nothing anyone can do, I just have to suffer but I know he means well. :)

Take care,
Amanda

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It helps so much as you all know to connect with people who understand.

It amazes me how I can just go down with the pain and literally not able to function. Then it trys to take over my mind and spirit, sometimes it sneeks in there, but I put up a fight.

I am doing a little better, not much. I am able to post a little which right now is a big part of my day. After that I am unable to do much of anything. The one thing I hate is that I love to read but when I flare so bad my eyesight suffers. Today it is better so I am thinking positive about getting to read my new book.

We are getting some rainy weather here. Even though I love the rain I know my body doesn't.

Take care my friends, I know we all share the same problems and joys in life. What a great place this board is.

Peace and love, Hangin

Hey Hangin, Faith And Hope Is What Keeps Us Going Sometimes. To Have A Compasionate And Caring Spouse Like Your Husband Is And Always A Blessing From God. Keep The Faith And Hope Is Always There.

Hi Hubby how are you and how is your wife? Haven't heard from you in a while, hope all is well.

Glojer

hi hangin,
how are you two doing now? this bizarre illness can drop us to our knees. it amazes me how it can be bigger than a mountain one day and a little rolling knoll the next. bless the days when we see out the window. protect us on the days we cannot even find the window.
tears are healthy. they cleanse and purify.
peace and three hugs,
bluelakelady