Hello dearest family,
Iknow it has been awhile since I have been on. We have been busy moving and trying to get our old place ready for sale. Bud goes for his 4th CT scan this Friday 11/04 at 8:00 CST. If you could, would...please send forward a prayer/blessing for him that despite his increasingly difficult breathing and increasing resignation that his scan will come out with positive feedback. I keep reading the new posts..sometimes with only a few minutes to interact...and keep everyone close at heart....those of you who are currently enduring the treatments, those of you who are the bastion of strenght for those who are in the midst of this battle, and sadly...those of you who are courageously picking up and going on ....(Cam...you are my inspiration..a true warrior)...This web site has been my refuge and at times I need to draw strength and as I am able, I give it.

Take care,
Jan

well, we came back from the onc today, after CT #4. Bud is out of remission already (dang it...only 40 days) ..the carbo and gemzar are no longer working...turning to 2nd line Tarceva. Eight new tiny nodules in bottom left lobe, a second lymph node now enlarged, new mets to the pleura, soft mass in upper left lobe growing again.....BUT...woohoo...no growth in the right lung and abdomen. Neck looks good too, and the man has gained..ahem...20lbs since his last checkup in mid August. I felt it in my bones the news would not be good, but I never expected to hear it this soon. The results during treatment time were so great, encouraging with first line chemo.
And, last weekend, just as we completed our move on Sat 11/06 to our new home...an F3 tornado totally destoyed 1/3 of our mobile home park in Evansville IN killing 19 people. A good friend of mine lost her 2 yr old son, mother in law and grandmother in law. Our home -- one of 100 out of 350 -- was spared catastrophic damage. But, the guilt that comes with that is undeniable. We were spared, but so many families' lives were totally destroyed. Funerals have been taking place for the last two days and for the next couple of days. Then, my wonderful loving hubby got the news he got. I have cried so much in the last several months that I think sometimes I have run dry. But then, when I least expect it. BAM!!!
Please pray for us here in Evansville and please keep us in your prayers. There are so many of you that I keep close to my heart each day and in my prayers. I need to go, sleep has eluded me for some time now and I feel my eyes getting grainy. Take care everyone and keep the faith.

Hugs and love from So Indiana

Jan

Jan, I do not know what to say. I read your post last night but was unable to reply then as it left me with such a heavy heart. I am sorry just doesn't seem to be enough. I have lived through earthquakes and the big fire we had here in Santa Barbara where friends lost homes so I do know the quilt that comes with it. It is tough and knowing so many people in the world are dealing with such horrific natural disasters makes those of us not effected wince. I am glad to hear that you and Bud are safe but so very sad to hear that Bud is out of remission. I can only pray that Bud responds to the Tarceva without alot of side effects as when it works Tarceva can really kick the cancer's butt! I think something people not involved in this horrible journey do not understand is that even during the good times when your loved one is responding well and the cancer is shrinking and they are feeling good that there is always that other shoe over our heads just waiting to drop. We can not forget it is there so the stress of it all never goes away as tomorrow it could all crash down thus we all have crying spells that seem to come out of nowhere. Just know we are all with you and Bud and will be praying that the Tarceva can shrink his new growth down to nothing without being too hard on him. If it is OK give him an extra hug and kiss from me one of his cyberfamily members. My prayers and best wishes to you both and to all your friends and neighbors at the trailer park. Take care , Jan Marie :wave:

Dear Jan Marie, thank you for the wonderful lift and the strong shoulder you offered me. I needed it so. God bless you. Today we had to go out and meet the insurance adjustor. It was such an eerie sensation, just Bud and I sitting in this empty trailer park, in the distance amongst the rubble a proud flag nailed to a 2x4, nailed to another 2x4, flapping undaunted in the cold wind and grey skies You could have heard a pin drop out there, despite the fact we were sitting 100 ft from the Hwy 164. If you have ever watched "The Tommyknockers" by Stephen King when they finally land at the airport and time catches up with them, how the airport went from deathly still to teeming with people, that is what it was like. It went from that oppressive silence, almost like suspended animation-- to incoming crews from the building commissioners, the insurance adjustors, the electric company, a company that was going around giving estimates (they reminded me a whole lot of Larry, Darrell and Darrell) on damages, and neighbors driving in, all within 30-40 minutes. Even with the people milling about, my eyes were still captured by that brave flag flying about and my heart felt heavy, my stomach with a giant lump in it -- kinda like a mule kicked me. How can anyone ever come back to that....and live there again. But people do. They rebuild. But cancer....that's different. It latches on, continuing to dole out the damage. I remember Tarceva being talked about on this site a long time ago...but I cannot seem to find it.
For anyone who is on Tarceva, or knows of someone on it, please reply with your feedback. I am anxious to hear it. In the meantime, we treasure each day as God gives it to us, loving, living (as Cam so aptly put it) and hoping.

Take care and yes, thank you for your prayers and your heartfelt hug that traveled the distance to surround me with warmth and care when my evening seemed so dark.

:wave:

Jan