Hi,

My name is Lynn and I've been in 6 hospitals for my ED. I'm 29 yrs old and i've had an ED since I was 12 and I can snowball the best of them. Well, I've tried to get better, I HONESTLY have...and I'm getting married next year and I'm scared. I'm being bad right now....I have pneumonia...and I can't get any other tests to see what damage I've done to my body...I know I can't have kids, and that's okay with us. There's a lot of kids who need homes.......however, I have been binging and purging a LOT lately since I've been home on STD with pneumonia and I fear it's taking over. I'vw gone on the 'somethingfishy' website and I can't get in now because I have an *** acct. I need support and help and I can't seem to find it. I refuse to go into another hospital. I'm 29 and a stable weight so everyone doubts me anyways, yeah, that makes me feel better. Shall I go on??? Ok, I'm 5'3", i'm 29 yrs old and I weigh 130lbs....well, that was before getting sick with pneumonia...and the nuber isn't a problem for me, it's the mirror....and my own head. I've been dealing with this for a long long time and i'm thinking that after all this time, that's just me, and my head. can anyone with the 'long term' have anything to offer me????
thanks so much for reading and hearing me rant. i appreciate you!!!!

= Lynn :)

Dear Lynn,
Hi! :bouncing:
I'm misti, and while all of us can relate to your situation, when I read your story, I felt as if I was looking into a mirrow.
You see, I've been anorexix since I was 12. It's been 17 years. Last year, I started the whole bulimia thing and I've had some medical problems. It's almost as if I refuse to get help because I don't think I'm "that bad off"--yet. I'm 5'0 and weigh right at 100lbs, and while the number is a huge thing for me, you're right--it is such a mind thing.
Like you, I was doing so well for awhile and then all of a sudden, a few months ago, this thing is back in full-force. Last night was bad--I binged BIG time, but wasn't able to purge much. My body is like "Why are you doing this to me?" I swear today after work I'm going to the gym and never leaving.

I don't want to disappoint any of my mentors or friends that disclosed this secret (the ED) to, so I tell them I'm fine when I know I'm not.

What kind of help are you looking for? If it's for encouragement (on the good days) or support (during the attacks), then I , and the rest of us on this board, back you 100%.

Thanks for posting--hope to hear from you again soon!

MG

P.S. Girl, you're definitely in my prayers over the whole pneumonia thing--that's serious and you need to treat it and build up your immune syatem. Otherwise, it could get worse. I know all of us like to play with fire with our ED's by seeing just how far we can go with them and not get too ill (and I'm not saying that's what you did in this case but we all know if you have an ED, other illnesses arise way too easily), but
pneumonia is bad. Please take care of yourself.

As a nine year bulimic, I can say that my bulimia has never gone away..but it stays dormant sometimes. I was bulimia-free for one and a half years. I have gone months without doing it, and weeks, and days. I have to try and not obsess over my bulimia anymore, because that just makes it worse. (Which is hard, because I am now thinking that I will die everytime I throw up...) Monitor your health carefully. Any changes, and get to a doctor. But don't let bulimia rule your life, even if you are throwing up. Try and remember how you felt when you were recovered vs. how you feel when you are actively bulimic. WHY were you able to stop before?? WHY did you start again?? Most of the time there are so many unconscious feelings we have that trigger the bulimia. Things we don't/can't deal with without bulimia, our coping mechanism.
We are here to help/listen!! I also need help because I am actively bulimic right now. Can stop for up to 5 days at this point, then I start again.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't throw up while you have pneumonia! You could get deadly ill. I had a serious case of mono once and tried to throw up during that period and was so ill after than I couldn't get out of bed.