Ok. Laundry list of problems..... Obesity (275 @ 5'3"), Sleep Apnea, PCOS, high BP, general nausea, joint aches, depression, anxiety, headaches.... etc etc etc. I'm so tired of this. Why is it so hard to do anything? I want to lose weight... I really do. But I can't seem to stop eating badly. It's so hard to explain. Its like my brain wants to... but my body won't cooperate. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I know that the weight has contributed to 99% of my health problems... but my health problems also contribute to my weight.... I just want to feel good and look good... I want to be able to go to the store and not feel like I'm being watched or judged... I want to be able to buy clothes and feel like I look okay in them.... not even pretty, just okay. I want to be able to buy bras at Wal-Mart... Or anywhere but online for that matter... most of all I just want to feel better physically. The latest thing is nausea... all the time. I had my gall bladder out 4 years ago... and the closest thing I can compare this feeling to is when I was having the problems w/ the gall bladder. I feel like I'm whining... I hope no one thinks that. I just need someone who understands. I just don't know what to do. I fight everyday to get out of bed. I just want to curl up in a hole and hide... and binge while there.... I'm in therapy. But when the weight issue comes up, I change the subject... b/c I just can't handle talking about it. Typing this is making me cry. I just don't know what to do. If you read this... thank you. I know I probably wouldnt listen to someone complaining like I do. :) I just can't find anyone that understands or believes what I'm talking about. Also, if you have any ideas on what the nausea is from, that would be super. :) Thanks.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Like you, I have sleep apnea, headaches, anxiety and depression. Last night, I was doing some research on the internet and googled "Sleep, Obesity. Weight Loss". There were some interesting articles regarding the connection between sleep and extreme difficulty (if not inability) to lose weight. The pulmonologist I recently went to regarding my sleep apnea told me that I probably would not be able to lose weight with untreated sleep apnea. Also, I hate talking about my weight and needing to lose and having to give up sodas or ice cream to do that. Even though I joined a Weight Watchers at Work group, I don't seem to have the energy to really devote myself to it right now. I can totally relate to what you say about wanting to go to a store and not be watched and judged. Although I know that people are not always judging when they stare at me-I just hate being stared at-'cause I feel like I am being judged. I fight to get out of bed-almost always late for work. As far as the nausea, I have not had my gall bladder out. However, the MD put me on Nexium for bad gastritis, hiatal hernia and GERD. I am suppose to be watching what I eat. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. The Nexium has helped with the stomach problems. I wonder now if my nausea could not be connected with my meds-not only my AD meds, but others as well. I do not know exactly how you feel, because I am not you. Yet, I can relate! :)

Thanks Country. :) It's always good to know you're not alone. :) I forgot to add GERD... have that too. Have taken Protonix for it for about 10 years... that is the first med I was prescribed I think. It helps w/ the acid reflux/heartburn... but the nausea is new. I hate to go to the doctor... b/c I feel like it is my fault that I feel sick. It's weird, but almost like I deserve it.... that sounds awful.. Need to print that and show it to my therapist. :rolleyes: haha I'm glad I came back to this place though... it's always nice to be able to tell your story and read others stories... I have a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea... I can't seem to leave the mask on though. My doc said not to worry about it for now. She said I need to try and focus on the other health problems... mainly depression... b/c it is most pressing right now. She said the apnea is not good, and I shouldn't leave it untreated... but it won't kill me tomorrow. So, when I quit beating myself up for that, I felt a little better. :) So we'll see. Who knows.... the nausea doesn't happen unless I'm at work or out in public (like shopping at the mall yesterda... EEK! ) so I think it's probably stress/anxiety related. But I don't see the stress/anxiety coming... then the nausea just hits me... so then I can't really tell if that is what's causing it. Who knows. But anyways, (sorry, rambled a little there :)) Thanks again for replying. :) Makes me feel better.
xoxox
casey

Hi Casey:

I'd say I'm the exact opposite of you. My body desperately wants me to lose the weight but my brain won't cooperate.

I don't know what it is.

I just can't see to get out of this mode of instant gratification. I wish I could find something else to substitute for food.

I do this stupid "I'll eat everything I want today and then from tomorrow for the rest of my life I'll just be perfect".

Of course, tomorrow never comes.

If I could just shut my brain off I might have a shot and losing and keeping what I have lost off.

Seeking

So today I feel bad again. Yesterday, I felt a little bit better... but, today... it's hit me again. I had to go to the pharmacy this morning b/c 2 of my Rx's are out... and the pharmacist said he had to call my doctor b/c they were out of date. (you know the whole 10 refills before such and such date thing) Well, my old doc prescribed those to me. So I had to call my new doc to let her know so she could contact the pharmacy for me. And for some reason this just sent me in a downward spiral. I hate being this way. I hate having to take so many meds. Everything I read says all my health problems are caused from being overweight. So it's my fault. So why do I deserve to be better? That is what my brain is telling me. I mean, if all this crap is caused from being fat and sedentary... then I asked for it right? But, then at the same time, I'm too self conscious and scared to do anything about it. I have failed every time I've tried. Sure, I should be going for walks.... but when I do, I have heavy anxiety over people watching me or talking about me, what they are thinking. Logically I know none of this matters, but for some reason it still bothers me deep down. My mother always says "if you'd just eat right and exercise". Right. I know this. Why can't I do it? Why does it seem like there is this wall that keeps me from doing it? I can't see the wall, and yet I can't get over it, or around it, or under it, or anything. I just sit here... slowly killing myself with not exercising and being mean to myself. So you would think this would all motivate me but it doesn't. Sorry, I don't mean to whine. This is just the only place that I can't think of where I can vent and might find someone who understands. Thanks for listening... And thanks for this site.

I totally understand what you are going through and I wish I could give you a {{{hug}}}. People that do not suffer with this just have no clue what it is like. Less than 2 years ago I weighed 306 at 5'2" and was 26 years old. I was miserable. I was depressed, had sleep apnea, constant Asthma & acid reflux, fibromyalgia, water retention and swelling, headaches, constant neck and back pain and was just overall miserable. I stopped going out of my house and stopped talking to friends and family. I really just wanted to die. After 2 years of fighting to have weight loss surgery I was approved. On Jan 13, 2004 I went in for a RNY procedure. Today I am 150 pounds, no longer have sleep apnea or acid reflux, my asthma is bunches better, I don't have the pain to teh extent that I did before and more than anything else I love life. Life is not meant to be spent the way that I was spending it. I know that this surgery is a personal decision and it is not an easy one but I can only beleive that it would improve your quality of life. Just based on waht you have said I think that the health problems you have mentioned would probably warrant this operation and would possibly even disappear. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

God Bless,
Amanda

I totally understand what you are going through and I wish I could give you a {{{hug}}}. People that do not suffer with this just have no clue what it is like. Less than 2 years ago I weighed 306 at 5'2" and was 26 years old. I was miserable. I was depressed, had sleep apnea, constant Asthma & acid reflux, fibromyalgia, water retention and swelling, headaches, constant neck and back pain and was just overall miserable. I stopped going out of my house and stopped talking to friends and family. I really just wanted to die. After 2 years of fighting to have weight loss surgery I was approved. On Jan 13, 2004 I went in for a RNY procedure. Today I am 150 pounds, no longer have sleep apnea or acid reflux, my asthma is bunches better, I don't have the pain to teh extent that I did before and more than anything else I love life. Life is not meant to be spent the way that I was spending it. I know that this surgery is a personal decision and it is not an easy one but I can only beleive that it would improve your quality of life. Just based on waht you have said I think that the health problems you have mentioned would probably warrant this operation and would possibly even disappear. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

God Bless,
Amanda
Thank you so much Amanda! It is always sooo good to hear from some one that has had success, but still understands and remembers what its like before you have it. I have often debated GB. My insurance does not cover it. I could fight and fight to get it covered via precert through a doc and all that... but I've not heard any successful attempts with that with people that I work with/carry same insurance. Which, is really annoying, because I work for a HOSPITAL... You'd think they of all people would understand. :rolleyes: I do know that I could find a way to pay for it though. My parents have some money, and I know that if I did decide it would help me, they would be more than willing to help us pay for it. But, I have also thought I would be denied b/c of my depression. I have heard you have to go through lots of screenings including mental health screenings... which I feel that I am in no way mentally stable. Plus, its such a scary and huge surgery. I don't know. It is just a lot to decide. :) But thank you for bringing it up and sharing your story. I'm so happy for you. I think you are very brave for having it done and going through what I'm sure you've gone through since. I should probably just go to my doctor and tell her my troubles about the weight. Maybe she could help in some way.... But, I know what she'll probably say, as all the other doctors have said, you need to eat right and exercise. Which, I know I do. Maybe someday I'll find that magical switch in my brain that will help me to do it. :) I just feel kind of hopeless about it lately. So it is very good to be reminded that there is hope. Thanks again. I hope you have a great day. :)

MW -

You might want to have a talk with your GP about having him/her write a letter to your insurance company. The doctor could stress about all of your problems stemming from being overweight. Have the doc mention that the cost of the surgery, while a lot right now, would eliminate some, if not all, treatment costs for you in the future. Apnea, HBP, heart disease, and possibly diabetes would cost them so much in the future, why not spend some money now.

Also, to be precertified, you'll need documentation on visits to nutritionists, diet plans, etc. to demonstrate your efforts to lose weight that were unsuccessful in the past.

wb

MW -

You might want to have a talk with your GP about having him/her write a letter to your insurance company. The doctor could stress about all of your problems stemming from being overweight. Have the doc mention that the cost of the surgery, while a lot right now, would eliminate some, if not all, treatment costs for you in the future. Apnea, HBP, heart disease, and possibly diabetes would cost them so much in the future, why not spend some money now.

Also, to be precertified, you'll need documentation on visits to nutritionists, diet plans, etc. to demonstrate your efforts to lose weight that were unsuccessful in the past.

wb
thanks wb. :) you always have great info. i've done the research on all that. i've heard that no one has been able to get our insurance to approve the surgery yet, even w/ dr letters, etc... but, i will definitely remember that. more than anything i just want my brain to be better. ( i usually post in depression. go figure) i dont think the surgery will help my brain... it might help my attitude... but that is a risk i'm not sure i want to take just yet. so we'll see. plus, i'm trying desperately to find another job, so my insurance and doctor's will hopefully be changing very very soon. i have an appt w/ my therapist tomorrow morning. i think i will write all this down while i'm feeling really bad, b/c a lot of times by the time i get there the "storm" has passed. so we'll see. but, thanks for the post. :) xoxox

MW-

You might want to see about getting some kind of supplemental insurance. Or perhaps speak with GB surgeons about paying cash for the surgery. I've heard about some places that may deal with a lower cost, rather than having to f*rt around with insurance payments.

wb

I was so touched by what you wrote. I like you am tired of feeling like I am sick all the time. I am overweight and try to lose weight and was doing well on weight watchers lost 25 lbs and then we moved up north and I quit. Now I know I am back up to 290 and I feel awful. I want to be healthly and enjoy living. I went to but jeans the other noght and couldnt fit into any the store had I was so sick. I know what you are going through and I hope we both find a way out of this. I waer a size 26 now and I was down to a 22. I have only been this big about 8 yrs and I hate it. I want my life back to. I hope to get the weight off so I can get off my blood pressure pills. I notice I feel uncomfortable after I eat like I am bloated and breathless, I also have anxiety and back aches. So you are not alone I am glad I read your letter and know I am not the only one who feels like this.
Take care

No words of advice, but my heart goes out to you all. Over the past few years, I've gained over 100 pounds (which is $##@! hard after being very fit), but fortunately, I'm on a downward spiral. As very odd as this sounds, once I'm in the "go" mode, I seem to gain emotional strength when I feel my stomach growl. I'm not starving myself at all -- I'm eating very well! But, for each of us, something just has to "click." I'm absolutely not there yet, and I just know I'll have setbacks, and I'm prepared.

You're not alone, and one way or another, something will click for you, and you'll begin to lose the weight. A big hug to you in the meantime!!