Hello All.
I am just freaking out and need to vent. I am Bipolar and one of my huge issues is that I have a hard time working. I also have severe anxiety and panic disorder which makes it even worse. Luckily I have a great husband who is supportive and takes care of the bills so that I dont have to work if I am having one of my moments. I just have to get real though. We will never have the things we want or accomplish most of our goals on one small income that barely leaves us money for gas, food, etc. I want to have a baby and that costs so I need to do something. But I don't know how. The holidays are coming up and we plan to move to Denver next fall so we need to save up money for the move. So I just go a job - it's only seasonal which is good and bad. I will need to find another one immediately after for moving money. The thing is...I don't start my job for another week and I am already scared to death. I am convinced I won't be able to handle it. It is 3-12 hour days in a row so I'll get 4 days off to relax and still pull FT pay but I just don't know what's wrong with me. I am currently in a depressed stage now and just waking up is hard enough. I just don't have the energy. When we get to Denver, my plan is to do something from home for additional income. I have alot of college degrees that are in fields that I can do that but I am still doing alot of soul searching to decide what will make me happy. What will make me want to do a job for 20+ years? I need to find my passion but it also has to do something that's on my own with no restrictions and alot of flexibility. I am going to go to this job but I just don't know if I can do it for the duration of the season. Anyone else have similar issues with being bipolar and working?

Hi Gidget, I can understand how you must feel. Just try and be relaxed about starting the job and stayed focussed on achieving your goal. Making $$$$ for your move to Denver. You didn't say what type of work you would be doing, I hope its physical and you can exert your energy out that way. WOW 3 days a week and 4 days off thats FANTASTIC!!! 4 days to recover.
I find that by exercising and eating right helps me with my BP. If you feel good, you look good and hopefully all will be good.

Good Luck
Colby11. :)

Gidget-

I jumped right into the night shift after being diagnosed BP and on Depakote and Zyprexa, I had to work 10pm-6:30am and the Doc told me to "switch my meds" from AM to PM(vice versa, you see). This was the worst thing...The whole thing blew up in my face. In my experience, BP's working overnight/excessive hours-or in your case 3-12 hour shifts is asking for possible trouble(i.e. mania). :eek:

Hello All.
I am just freaking out and need to vent. I am Bipolar and one of my huge issues is that I have a hard time working. I also have severe anxiety and panic disorder which makes it even worse. Luckily I have a great husband who is supportive and takes care of the bills so that I dont have to work if I am having one of my moments. I just have to get real though. We will never have the things we want or accomplish most of our goals on one small income that barely leaves us money for gas, food, etc. I want to have a baby and that costs so I need to do something. But I don't know how. The holidays are coming up and we plan to move to Denver next fall so we need to save up money for the move. So I just go a job - it's only seasonal which is good and bad. I will need to find another one immediately after for moving money. The thing is...I don't start my job for another week and I am already scared to death. I am convinced I won't be able to handle it. It is 3-12 hour days in a row so I'll get 4 days off to relax and still pull FT pay but I just don't know what's wrong with me. I am currently in a depressed stage now and just waking up is hard enough. I just don't have the energy. When we get to Denver, my plan is to do something from home for additional income. I have alot of college degrees that are in fields that I can do that but I am still doing alot of soul searching to decide what will make me happy. What will make me want to do a job for 20+ years? I need to find my passion but it also has to do something that's on my own with no restrictions and alot of flexibility. I am going to go to this job but I just don't know if I can do it for the duration of the season. Anyone else have similar issues with being bipolar and working?I had the same issues and finally had to quit working. I applied for SSDI and finally got it (two years later). I have BP and anxiety. Having no stress from working has really helped me. Good luck to you.

Hi Gidget, I wanted to say welcome here to the boards - I can really relate to what you had to say and maybe we can help each other out.

About finding that passion - well, I discovered that my passion and my job are now two different things. I've found a place here and on a few of the other Boards that I feel like I can really help someone out with. Helping someone is what makes me feel really good about myself and that definitely isn't guaranteed on a job!

I'm a Type I, and I was lucky to respond to lithium very well. I worked for a long time - until I hit menopause. For some reason the hormonal changes just totally whacked me out. I quit my job of over 10 years (lots of heavy anxiety, inabilty to concentrate, couldn't proofread my own work, stared at the computer screen for minutes at a time)

I couldn't even think about working for over 2 years. I could barely get out of the house. I felt much of the anxiety about NOT working that you expressed. I was also afraid that my wonderful husband wouldn't be able to deal with it. ( We don't have children, my decision, because of the medication factor) After 2 years I did find a part-time job, 3 days a week M-W-F with 8 hour days.

It is the STRESS to your system with the particular job you mention that really concerns me. Shifts like that are difficult for normal people, and regular eating, sleeping, working schedules can go along way to helping folks like us stay balanced.

I have a feeling that your instinct may be trying to tell you something.... Does your husband truly understand bipolar disorder? Less pay on a less stressful job would be better for you than higher pay with odd hours.

There are alot of mighta-coulda-shoulda's in the world, and I can guarantee that I've whined about alot of them. Life isn't fair - but if being Bipolar is what has been handed to me then I guess I'm supposed to make the best of what I've been given.

No matter what you decide about this job I hope you continue to come back with other stuff, or to help someone else - you probably have a few stories to tell I would imagine...!!
Ruth
:angel:

Gidget its really up to you what you decide to do. My advice is give it a go. Worse thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out and you quit. Or best thing is it does work out and you get on OK. I am really hoping for you that you give it a go!
I once worked at a job where I worked 7 12 hour day shifts then swapping to 7 12 hour nightshifts. Then I had a week off to recover, I did this for 18 months and it worn me down to burnout. 12 hour shifts are hard to do, thats why i suggest eating right and light excercise to keep yourself well. Please give it a go!!!!!

Colby11. :)

Gidget,

I'm SO glad you brought this topic up. I am BP I and was diagnosed in 1999, when I was 25. Ever since that time, I have had trouble keeping jobs. I don't get fired, mind you, but get depressed and have to come up with more and more outrageous excuses (pneumonia, death in the family, etc.), and then end up quitting 'cause I am too embarrassed to go back after missing so many days. I just changed careers from administrative/marketing , which has been my primary focus for many years, to animal grooming. I DO feel passionate about this job because I love animals, but I think I battle the feeling of being scared and have already postponed my first week because of it. (it also does not help that my mom and brother both died a few years ago, only months apart from eachother).

It is a real struggle getting out of bed and out the door. Does anyone else question the fine line between laziness and bipolar? I feel a lot of guilt for being like this. Does anyone have any mantra or affirmation that they say to motivate themselves in the morning so they can start their day? If not; gidget and everyone else who is interested; I think we should compose one for ourselves to use.

The only thing that works for me at this point is being very strict with myself. I keep in mind that once I build up to a normal schedule, and I gather momentum, I'll find it easier to face each day. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences with work, so everyone please write! :bouncing:

--emily

I know exactly what your talking about. The longest I've evr been able to keep a job is 11 months. I can't even tell you how many diffrent buildings I've been in crying uncontrollably in the ladies room stall. It's very hard for me to function interacting with other people and no get emotional in any way. So here I am $50K in debt, bouncing around from place to place with my son, and there's nothing I can do just keep working.

I wish I had a good way to tell you to get past it, but I don't and I am very sorry you had felt this way too, because I understand.

i have the same problem, i cant hold a job , im always late, feeling weird, panic anxiety disorder, job after job after job, and i am a very intelliegent person, so i decided to go on my own amd be slf employed, i sell on e-bay, it is so simple and you can make tons of money with i make an extra 1200.oo a month selling cowboy boots that i find at thrift shops, i buy them for 2 to 10.00 a pair and turn them around and sell them for 25 to 150.. a pair, you can do it. i am also a dog trrainer so i set all my own hours, impossible for me to work for anyone else, its a constatnt let down to keep looing the jobs, well good luck, kimber

Hi,

Great topic. I had 13 jobs in 15 years. I always came out the victim at every job. I wanted justice for everyone. I wanted a job that was stress free. A realistic job not a job where i came into a stack of work every day. I have difficulty being assertive and at my last job, i just kind of hid out from everyone. I ate lunch in my car. I didn't get to know anyone, because i didn't want to get "involved" in office politics.

I am on disability now. I take abilify for borderline personality disorder and wellbutrin and lamictal for bipolar disorder. Xanax for anxiety disorder. I am doing so much better not working. No mood swings, no mania or anxiety or depression. I feel just right most of the time. I am learning to be more assertive with my family. I don't rage anymore. But we are pretty broke.

Sometimes i think about going back to work, but I also think, "wait a minute, maybe the reason you feel so good is because you don't work." So there ya go. I sure don't know.

Another thing, I am not sure if i will get to stay on disability since i am functioning so well on my meds. My doctor knows i am doing well. So when i have my review, will they terminate my SSDI? I wonder about that sometimes.

as far as passion, i think we all need a purpose. I help newcomers in Alcoholics Anonymous. I go to a nursing home and visit and read to a few of the residents. I am an encourager...so many people need encouragement. As far as a job, I love to organize. I ran a doctor's office and loved it. I delegated all the stacks of paper work, I some work, but i liked to plan and organize and delegate and it worked out well but my boss had to close his office due to malpractice insurance premium increases.

As far as depressed to the point that i can't get out of bed...I haven't had this in a long time. It seemed like it just became ok after awhile and I started getting up. I also had suicidal thoughts then. Just no energy to "fight" anymore. Life was so overwhelming.

I think everyone is nervous when they first start a job. With the 3 12hour shifts, i couldn't do it. I have fibromyalgia too. I too think it would trigger mania unless my meds kept working like they do now.

Hope i helped, I would sure appreciate any information on the disability question. Thanks. Take care and keep the faith,
Donna

i can relate!

hi there,

for the last year and a half, i have had the same problem. I have bipolar I, and after the "honeymoon" stage is over at a job, i lose patience with it and just feel like giving up. I even have a great resume and do get interviews, but i'll either cancel them or go to them and be very anxious. For me, the last time i really focused in a job was when it was challenging and it had variety. Maybe focusing on those things would help me and possibly you?

but also just keep in mind that it IS harder for those of us who are bipolar...for me, i've got to push myself extra hard to do the simplest things sometimes.

hope it helps to know there are others who have the same problem. (btw--i'm 32, F professional)

Hello Everyone! I did go ahead and try the job and ended up leaving after one week. I felt like such a complete failure. I actually cried on the 2nd and 3rd day there right when I got off. My husband was completely supportive and told me to just take my time and look for something else. The thing is...I am tired of going from job to job. I have not ever worked anywhere over 1 year and I have had probably 20+ jobs in the last 9 years. I am also scared of filling out apps or going to interviews because I am worried they will bring up the fact that I have had so many jobs, too many gaps, etc. I think it would be a great idea to all come up with a mantra each morning to encourage ourselves but I would not even know where to start on what to say. I am currently still unemployed and only have 6 months to pay off some debts before I move to Denver. I am thinking about going to school for massage therapy. It sounds like a relaxing environment to work in and also very flexible. It is something that I could easily do on my own and set my own hours. I need to find a job just for some money before I move but am currently going through a hard time and just have no energy.

The wife is on disability currently and will likely stay on it. She has tryed to do some VOL work and can not even seem to do that. She has trouble getting up in the morning, she feels bad, she has a cold, she says she can't do that, she has a headack, she missed a med dose, she is afaird of something, she (Heck, you fill in the blank)_______,
I still love her just the same. She has came a long way and she is now able to at least clean the house some.

I have a college degree. I worked 12 years as a very successful administrative assistant for a medical school. Unfortunately, I am also bipolar. I had to quit the admin asst job in 1997 after ECT treatments wiped out my brain for months/years. I was in a manic and depressed tailspin. Between 1997 and 2002 I had 11 jobs, none of them lasting very long because as soon as I would get instructions on my job duties, I would derail mentally and get totally confused. It might be 2 days, it might be 6 weeks, but they all ended with my feeling totally inept. So in 1997, I lost my house, my husband, my car, and my independence (I moved in with my parents where there is definitely no independence.) Then my precious dog died. All in short order. Then one job after another and on and off a couple dozen medications, none of which worked. Finally Olanzapine helped me stabilize, and I gained 80 lbs and slept at least 16 hrs a day, which I found disgusting, so I refused to take it anymore. I have been hosptialized many, many times and 2 different psychiatrists told my parents to warehouse me somewhere and get on with their lives. I finally decided to totally eliminate stress whenever possible. I got a job sitting and watching TV with an elderly woman for 8 hrs a day for $6.25/hour and was perfectly able to do that with no stress. She died after 8 months. Then I got a job sacking groceries, emptying trash, and cleaning restrooms for a grocery store for $6.15/hr. I was also able to do that about 20 hrs a week. I can't say it is a fulfilling job, because I used to make $18/hr and be able to use my education and my brains. Now I am on Social Security Disability Income and it only took them about 5 months to approve me for that and my bipolar symptoms have stabilized (I am only taking Wellbutrin right now.) I think a big part of being stable is that I am not working and refuse to participate in things that I find distressing/stressful like being around people! But hey -- whatever it takes, right? I was able to be married and be an admin asst for 12 years although terribly depressed and suicidal all the time, but when mania with psychotic features kicked in I couldn't handle either one anymore. There maybe times/years in your life when you are not able to work, and SSDI is an option, and then you may have years when you can work. I find that the right job is very therapeutic...the trouble is finding the right one. I sat down and listed all the non-stressful things I thought might work and tried those jobs. Many didn't work. I thought filing medical records would be easy, but when I started doing it I couldn't remember my alphabet or which paper went on top. I thought counting faxes would be easy, but I kept losing count and trying to fake it. That didn't last long, needless to say. I thought I could work a cash register. Wrong. I couldn't concentrate long enough to be taught how it worked...I think I tried this one about 4 times at different department stores because I thought ANYBODY should be able to do this. Finally I got a job arranging flowers. They taught me how and I loved it. I actually did this for 2 years till my medication stopped working and I completely forgot everything I had been doing for 2 years and my boss asked me to quit or else be fired. Too bad. So you may have to experiment before you find the right job and the right number of hours to work. Or you can apply for SSDI. I get about $1000/month from that and it has been a real blessing and life saver.