hi everyone! its my first time to post a message.. I've been depressed lately. or shall I say most of the time. I don't know if anyone can call it depression because I am one sad girl on this planet. does'nt have much friends but consider myself very blessed in terms of money, education etc. Lets just say that I am one of those people who can eat 5x a day without working hard.

but you see, my life revolves around the corners of our home. I lived with my sister, a cousin and my 93 year old grandmother. My parents are in the US and most of my relatives. they just visit my grandmother once a year.

I've been nursing my grandmother for 5 years now. After I graduated from university she got sick and needed full medical attention. and that includes a full attention of a loved one. Among all of us, I am the most closest to her. I grew up with her and she is the most wonderful grams I ever had. but somehow because of her sickness her attitude change. sometimes I see a six year old girl trap in an old ladies body though there are times that she is normal most of the times I cannot recognized my grandmother in her anymore. the more I see her, the more my heart breaks and sometimes I just wish that God takes her for her sake and for mine too.

I know I become selfish at times because I just feel tired of taking care of her. I just want everything to end because at 25 I have a life too. I thought of hiring a caregiver but she's overly dependent on me. the last time I ask someone for help she got violent and hurt her caregiver. It pains me more that my relatives does'nt even care as long as they give monetary support. Reason? well they have their own life to think about..

Me, I am just tired of all of this.. I do this only for my grams. If it were'nt for her I'L go someplace away from all of them and just have a life of my own. I wonder when will It be?

You are suffering from "caregiver burnout". It may be time for your gram to live in a nursing home and relieve you of her care so you can enjoy living a life same as your relatives are enjoying. You are young and should not have to shoulder the care by yourself and at the expense of not being able to live your life at this age.

You should be working in the field of your education, if not, then later on you may not be considered the best to hire with no experience.

Talk to your faimily and see if something can be worked out so you too can enjoy your life, this is not being selfish.

Your gram needs loving care from her own children, not just one grandchild.