I used to Love the holidays...much like many of you I imagine. But, now that I am sick...it has taken a lot of the fun out of that too! I am grateful that we go to my daughters for Thanksgiving...but they want it to be a morning to night affair...and I am not sure how I will do that...and then start to get ready for Christmas at my house too. I have done some things over the last few years to make it easier...but it will likely still all be to much..and I am expecting to feel lousy for weeks afterward.

The things I have done so far...is most of my shopping is already finished, and most of that was done online. I don't decorate EVERYTHING like I used to...I was one that had a tree decorated in every room...a decoration on every flat surface..that was , in part, because I had ALL my family here on Christmas day..and all his here a couple days later. But , now I do a lot less decorating...and I do it all a small bit at a time. I have even tried to put things away afterward so that I can easily find the things I want to bring out. Dh helps a lot with the tree..thank goodness..I could not do all that anymore!!

But, I am overwhelmed thinking about present wrapping...and cookie baking ( although I do less of that too) and food prep...and shopping for it all...and then the travelling we will do...To my daughters Christmas eve..and to my SiL's the day after. I cannot easily pass on either of these events, so I will take my pain meds ..and go....but it is scarey to even think about!

So..I guess I am hoping for some handy hints and insights from those who have been in this boat...What do you do????
Ho Ho Ho!

Hello,

Well, I have just stopped celebrating holidays, but then I have no family, so I don't have the feeling of obligation to other people. I ask my friends to make a donation to an animal shelter or other cause instead of exchanging presents, and I choose to spend a quiet day by myself in reflection and with my furry friend cats and enjoy the lack of traffic and phone calls and busyness of other days.
I can't imagine an all-day event, I could never make it through. Can you just attend for a few hours and then excuse yourself?
And I wonder how many others in your circle are feeling that they have to do these things, rather than really wanting to. You might have more company than you think.
Please try to do what is right for you, and not overtax.

Good luck, I know this is a tough one,

Seaturtle

I almost can't stand any holidays anymore. I hate it, but I miss niece's and nephew's birthdays, used to go 50 miles away to eat out on Thanksgiving with DH's Mom, but not the last 2 years. I haaven't decorated in at least 3 years, it's just us and our 4 legged babies. For Christmas we used to go to his Mom's then to my Mama's and then either to my sisiter's or my brother's house. No, if I could I'd miss the whole thing. I wish my Mama and step Daddy would go with us to DH's Mom's house, then we'd only have 2 other stop. I usually wind up leaving presents for my sister and brother's families in a building at my brother's house and leave then a message on the answering machine.
The shopping I ca do okay, I just try to spread out the buying through out the year.
I used to really love hoildays and decorating the whole house, but, I guess it's just one of those things I have to learn to accept.

i relax, find a balance between what i can do and what i want to do. i enlist the help of others when i have a project bigger than me.
no one expects me to do anything, so what i do is a gift and they are happy. the only for sure, is baking for my grandchildren. i start now and freeze stuff. a bit at a time.
i do not go shopping for presents. i gift my time and that is all. my time will not end up in a landfill some day. memories are timeless.
as for thanksgiving my brother and i are going to go out for dinner. i have never done this so it will be fun. no cooking, no dishes. the only downside is no leftovers to nibble on.
peace,
bluelakelady
ps. one year for christmas i gave my friend money to buy presents for the children in the homeless shelter and gifted my grandchildren with a certificate stating that because of them a homeless child was having christmas. i use each christmas to teach the lessons christ was all about. he was one very smart, caring man, whose essential teachings i want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. we all celebrate in our own way. find the balance between what you believe, what you want, and what you can accomplish and you will do great!

This year since my husband is also ill we are spending THanksgiving and Christmas at home instead of traveling for 7 hours by car. I always love it once we get there since we stay at the beach, however, I have a tremendous sense of relief knowing that I do not have to deal it.

To my surprise, since we were not going, some of my family is coming here. That is no problem, my mom and sister are so easy and loving to be with. They are coming for Thanksgiving, yipee!

I think when it comes to the holidays if it stresses us out, whether we are ill or not, the true meaning is lost. I love all the festivities and seeing relatives but I have approached it differently in the last 15 years.

I try to do something in the area I live in, as little as it might be. This year I am thinking off getting all my old coats, begging some from others and handing them out to the homeless. I will have my hubby drive around to be safe and hopefully make some people warm. This to me is what Jesus is all about. Now, I am not bragging here and probably shouldn't blow my horn. I have never done it so I hope it works out.

I do understand the stress that goes along with the holidays but I refuse to give into it. My mother has taught me that even though she had 7 children and at least 50 relatives descend upon her Christmas Eve. Then Santa would show up, it was so much fun and sometimes I think that the adults enjoyed Santa more than the children. I will miss this and having dinner with the whole family since there is always a lot of love.

My husband has played Santa in parades and such so this year since we are staying home he is going to go around to some of the homes and play Santa. It is hysterical to help dress him. His outfit is so awesome that I would not recognize him. This to me is the holidays.

Sorry to go on but I got excited about the holidays. WHen it comes to presents, my husband and I take a holiday later and this is our gift to each other.

Take care everyone and try not to stress out over the holidays. I know it is not easy. When I asked a therpaist once what are I going to do about the holidays, he looked at me and said "Whatever you want to do that doesn't make you sicker". Very good advice.

Peace and love, Hangin

dear hangin,
what a lovely read. thank you so much for sharing. your idea will be perfect. your intent is pure. winter is hard on our brothers and sisters.
i still have not figured out what my gift will be. my heart is following the idea of planting more trees to create oxygen and balance. i am sure the perfect choice will show itself. maybe this year is for gifting a thank you gift to mother nature. who knows. there is a new tree in the front. a beginning.
peacefilled celebrations,
bluelakelady

First, I am praying that I don't have a bad flare up. Too much standing and going without resting gets to me quickly. Thanksgiving we are going to my mother's house, but I will have to help her a lot. Christmas will be at our house, it will be tought and I will look forward to a rest at the end of the day. I guess I will take an extra pain pill and then rest a lot after they are all over! :)

I love Christmas, and my family knows it. I love the decorations, the pagentry and the advent leading up to Christs birth. All of this has always been very special to me and I have tried to make it special for my family. I think I have passed some of it along so that my children may pass along the tradition.

This year is a little different for us since hubby is not so well. I will get help from my children to get the tree up and put up some of the decorations, but I have put less and less up each year. I have told the family to pick out the store or stores they would like gift certificates from, that will be their main gift. Then I will get out all the things I have bought this year and put away for gifts for them (if I can find them all) and take inventory and make sure each one has the same amount of gifts to open, (I'm fanatical about that, the kids tease me all the time).

Then I will wrap the gifts we will buy for our grandson, we only have one grandchild so it is easier.

Christmas is always at our house and I think I can manage that but since our son and dil have the bigger house now who knows, I try to go along with the family cause it is really about being together and sharing.

Thanksgiving this year will be at our sons house and I will bake the pies and take them since our dil has to work all week.

What a wonderful question, it sure has sent me on a trip down memory lane. I just take it one day at a time and try to enjoy all the activities. We of course usually go to the nursing home and try to spread cheer to my brother in law and some of the others, but hubby can't do that this year. We haven't figured out how to get the point accross to him why his brother can't share the holidays with him this year. I think maybe a picture of hubby with no hair may do the trick.

Glojer

Glojer & BlueLakeLady - you've both got it figured it. It all comes down to finding peace in our own situations. I love the holidays - the Christmas decorations truly make me happy. Everyday walking into my living room and seeing our beautiful tree filled with hand picked ornaments collected since childhood - with it's twinkling lights always makes me happy. (Hubby turns the lights on in the morning's so when I wake up I get to see the lights dance). My family is located far away but, they are always in my heart & prayers. I'm sure this year we'll do less with everything but, at a minimun the tree and ornaments. I'm almost done with shopping - thank goodness for online merchants!

This year for Thanksgiving we do need to make a 5+ hour drive to see some family and I'm a little worried about the drive. I just got out of the hosptial after some Lupus complications and I'm moving very slow these days. But, I really want to see them & it would be so much easier to go there than to try to get my house prepared & have people stay here. I think with the proper pillows, heat & pain meds I can do it. We're just going to make the trip a short one but, at least we're headed towards the warm heat of the Southwest! Everyone's bending over backwards though if I change my mind which truly touches my heart that they'd be willing to drop all & come here instead if I just say the word. Amazing.

This was a great thread to start - it's going to be a great Holiday season & with our board family to help us through it - it will be the best ever. :angel:

Hi there: I plan on buying gift certificates. Since my brother and he wife are having Xmas at their home, I plan to travel with my sister, which takes about 45 mins to their home. I will take my ice packs with me. Spend at most 3 hrs and then head back home. That is the only way I will get through this. Lots of luck and easy on the body holidays

Well, sort of !! It is Saturday morning, and I feel lousy, I am thinking it is that big day that has hit pretty hard today. It isn't going to help that I have to go shovel some snow yet today that we got last night either! I did buy a rotary shovel last year..that I just push along and don't lift up, that helps a lot. And the snow is light..also a huge help.

But, now, dh is up in northern Wisconsin deer hunting for a couple days...and this morning, I am trying to figure out how to get my Christmas things all done by Christmas. Feeling this bad after one day of celebrating...lets me know that the 3 days I have to deal with celebrations for Christmas will likely be even harder. I am having such a struggle with the idea that I could say no...and just take care of me. I feel like I would be letting so many people down. But, I am not sure I can do all that "they" are wanting me to do!

Boy this illness sure does complicate things...My brain always thinks I can do it all..but then my body just crashes...and I regret pushing it so hard. It is so tough to find that balance!

I appreciate all the answers that have been posted. I do think we all struggle with the holidays to some extent...unless we just have no family nearby. I wish you all a great December!

Well, sort of !! It is Saturday morning, and I feel lousy, I am thinking it is that big day that has hit pretty hard today. It isn't going to help that I have to go shovel some snow yet today that we got last night either! I did buy a rotary shovel last year..that I just push along and don't lift up, that helps a lot. And the snow is light..also a huge help.

But, now, dh is up in northern Wisconsin deer hunting for a couple days...and this morning, I am trying to figure out how to get my Christmas things all done by Christmas. Feeling this bad after one day of celebrating...lets me know that the 3 days I have to deal with celebrations for Christmas will likely be even harder. I am having such a struggle with the idea that I could say no...and just take care of me. I feel like I would be letting so many people down. But, I am not sure I can do all that "they" are wanting me to do!

Boy this illness sure does complicate things...My brain always thinks I can do it all..but then my body just crashes...and I regret pushing it so hard. It is so tough to find that balance!

I appreciate all the answers that have been posted. I do think we all struggle with the holidays to some extent...unless we just have no family nearby. I wish you all a great December!

Hi Declady,

I grappeled with saying no for the last 2 years. Finally this year I said that I cannot do anything for Christmas but to take care of myself and hubby.

It is hard but once it is decided what a gift I gave myself. The stress is off my shoulders of traveling and dealing with everything that comes with the holidays. I came home feeling much worse for the wear and not enjoying myself as much as I could. I always felt that even if people say 'take it easy" and "you will not have anything to do" is not how it works. They say these things with good intention but for me I think I jump in more since I am much more aware of the fact that I cannot do as much as I used too. I hope that makes sense. :eek:

So this year we stayed home for Thanksgiving, some family visited, my Mom and sister, they understand and were so helpfull. I did work and now am in bed but this visit was worth it. We have always left our home since some of my family live in a close radius of each other.

We are also staying home for Christmas and looking forward to it. The fact that I do not have to travel has made an incredible difference for me. My husband is also ill so it will help him. He likes to play Santa for some places every year when he can so he is happy that this is giving him the opportunity for doing that. It is also fun to sit on Santa's lap and really tell him what I want for Christmas. ;)

It sounds like you have people come to your home. Can you arrange with one of your family members to have it at their home? I know that after we do things for years we feel as if we always have to do them or people will not always have a good holiday. It is great to do things for your family of course. For me I realized that no one will take care of me better than I can and knowing this my decision was made. Perhaps in the end everyone will be happier since you will be feeling better.

Take care.
Peace and love, Hangin

hey kids,
learning to say no is probably the hardest thing we fibro brats have to learn. and learn it we must or suffer the insanity of a body gone crazy.
hangin, i like the way you put it. a gift to yourself.
how often do we put the needs/wants of others ahead of our ability? sometimes it makes sense, like when a loved one is ill. then there are those other times when we say yes out of guilt. never a good reason to say yes to anything! those guilt yes's will get you in a bucket of reindeer droppings right quick.
give the gift of love this year, to yourself and all around you. these people are your family. they love you and will understand. and if they don't understand, they will get over it.
peace on earth,
bluelakelady

Well said hangin and blue. This year my daughter helped put up the tree (she did most of it) and I put out the decorations and my son and DIL have already said they want Christmas at their house this year. I didn't argue, it is time someone else took over in that regard. I think having hubby sick this year has taught me that I can let go of certain traditions I started and I don't feel guilty like I am pushing the responsiblity off on someone else. My children want Christmas at their house for several reasons and one of them is it is easier with the grandchild and I am all for easier on everyone.

Glojer